RE: Advice asked (Full Version)

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Sin07 -> RE: Advice asked (10/19/2005 11:30:17 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD
In the mono world Your desires are ground for divorce and loss of
a marraige and the Honor and integrity that You brought to
it in the beginning having choosen to be a part of a mono
relationship or did You both discover the rhelm of D/s
and BDSM AFTER Marraige because this does make a differeance.


Mistres Dread,
I agree this does make a diference; I discovered it years AFTER I was married.
Greetings,



Phoenxx -> RE: Advice asked (10/20/2005 12:28:21 AM)

I would say open and honest communication is the best thing here. I know a couple where they did not define their own boundaries honestly and they have started the divorce procedures.
As others have said, if she sees what you are looking for as a hard limit, you may have to drop it.
Or you can ask her to attended a fetish event in your area with you. Sometimes it is societies training that some activates are just wrong that influence us. Almost all of us know at least one person who’s mother gave them the “you must tolerate your husband’s needs” speech… Seeing others playing may turn her on... or make her run screaming for the door...
Also, speaking as a married Dom, not all marriages end the D/s, BDSM, Power Exchange or what ever you wish to call it aspects of all relationships. A personal peeve of mine is people who say if A happens the B always does. Yes, my wife/sub and I have give and take in our relationship. On both sides. However, I as still her Top. To say that our marriage has made everything equal means you do not know us. Hell, in Manitoba is you live together more then 6 months your legally married as common law. So, you better never move in with anyone for more then 5 months or else your BDSM lifestyle is over?
I would say that depends on you. Not on being married.
Tony



SirSix72 -> RE: Advice asked (10/22/2005 6:07:41 PM)

Would seem that the script has been flipped on you..........whom is in control of the relationship.....if you show fear of losing her then you have alerady lost the battle of whom is controlling whom in my opinion..........if my kajira even thought of this tatic I would do as I have doen to her in the past....ent her home to her mothers for a little reflection in about a weeks time to think if she truly gave herself to me completley.....worked well she came home having though over her commitment to me and honoring her word to me as giving herself totally to me.....this is a power exchange dynamic that dosent swing both ways here......it is my way for I know best....emotional boundries I have already over come and I expect her to do the same as well with my guidence............think it over and make a decision and stick with it.....if you bend once you are defeated in other matters...then again if she is a sub then she by all rights has a voice and limits.......

Master Six



TexasMaam -> RE: Advice asked (10/22/2005 6:46:59 PM)

Involving a third or fourth party invites serious psychological and emotional devastation if all parties are not interested. In some cases where both parties profess to want third and fourth party involvement, sometimes after the fact it STILL invites serious psychological and emotional devastation.

If you're waiting for her to 'talk about' these needs of yours, ask yourself this: "In a worse case scenario, where all goes wrong and she is hurt and I am clueless, is it WORTH LOSING HER?"

If the answer is 'no', steer clear of your daydreams and keep them as fantasies only.

TexasMaam



swtnsparkling -> RE: Advice asked (10/23/2005 6:28:40 AM)

Ok, where did i say there was some thing wrong with playing with others and there being sex? no where. i was just pointing out that there can be just as much fun and grand new experiences involving others and sex does not have to be a part of it, especialy if one of the concrens of the wife/sub might of been that.
<shaking head>



TexasMaam -> RE: Advice asked (10/23/2005 10:00:10 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

Ok, where did i say there was some thing wrong with playing with others and there being sex? no where. i was just pointing out that there can be just as much fun and grand new experiences involving others and sex does not have to be a part of it, especialy if one of the concrens of the wife/sub might of been that.
<shaking head>


Sex doesn't have to be involved for the partner to feel violated and wronged. It's the intimacy, and the sharing, and the bond that gets broken, whether sex is involved or not. If you choose to explore harder limits with a new partner, and leave your spouse behind to do so, be certain that losing your mate is worth the short term rush. You cannot guarantee the outcome.

It would be great to step outside your marriage to go play hard core with other partners and be able to come home and snuggle back up to your spouse. That scenario might not happen. You have to choose what your priorities are.

TexasMaam



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