Full Submission

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hsspode -> Full Submission (5/9/2008 5:29:38 AM)
I admit it, I am not a full-time submissive as neither my job nor my personality will let me do this 100% of the time. I find that many Dommes seem to be put off by this fact that I cannot submit to them on the level that they are looking for. While I can see why it would be special for a Domme to have a 24/7 submissive, I can also see the allure of having someone who is extremely dominant in their vanilla life submit to you when together. So Dommes, is it more of a turn on to have a 24/7 slave at your service to do with as you please, or is it more of a turn on to have the challenge of a slave who is not a submissive personality by nature?

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Full Submission (5/9/2008 5:36:08 AM)
I dont find it particularly interesting to have a submissive who is going to make me fight for control. I enjoy my boys to give themselves to me becasue they cant be without me. I do not want to have to break someone. Having someone who is not submissive, but likes to play that way on occasion works for some women. Some do not wish to have permanent partners, just playthings. Others are just bedroom dominants. But personally, I want full submission, not just by your whim. DV

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Full Submission (5/9/2008 5:39:54 AM)
It's power exchange, not power struggle. I really don't have to prove anything by being a dominant, it's up to the other person to submit to me, or not.

VelvetMaam -> RE: Full Submission (5/9/2008 5:49:39 AM)
I actually don't think there's a long line of Dommes out there wanting their subs to be 24/7 in the house, not working, not having outside interests. In fact, every Domme I know prefers subs who are educated and have a career (it's about the internal drive, not the $$$), and be able to find balance with their submission and their career-life responsibilities. Being submissive does not mean being a doormat in every aspect of your life. It's not about me "turning" him into a slave as if it's some sort of challenge. It's about him making a conscious choice to put my wants and desires above his own, and be able to make decisions based on that. This goes hand in hand with the "slut" concept - I don't want a man with a slut mentality who will rut with anyone who crooks a finger. Now, that boy who is as selective as I am and is a total slut FOR ME....yeah, that's hot. I wouldn't a sub who is defeated by life and has no drive, who is submissive because he just wants to be told what to do and abdicate all responsibility in his life - rather, I want a boy who is capable of taking care of himself and his life 100%, and makes the choice to turn himself over to me. Fortunately, there are many wonderful men who fit this profile.

Madame4a -> RE: Full Submission (5/9/2008 5:55:03 AM)
I'm definitely not interested in someone who says they are submissive or that they are A submissive. That's me. I tend to be interested in someone who doesn't identify that way but is willing to give it up to me -- but willing is the key. Like others. I'm not going to fight for it, you submit to me, or you don't. Your choice, not mine until you give it up to me. In terms of 24/7, I'm not 100% certain of what you mean, there are plenty of 24/7 relationships where the submissive partner works out of the house... if you're meaning the fantasy sub who stays home with dominant goes out and brings home the bacon.. well, its fantasy. Few people these days have the means for that. 24/7 is a lot of work for the dominant partner and for me, it would have to be a very unusual person that I'd want in a D/s space 24/7. I'm very fond of what I have now, with some changes on the horizon.

ShaktiSama -> RE: Full Submission (5/9/2008 8:06:41 AM)
I'm with VelvetMa'am on this one. There are two very different lines of questioning in the OP. A man who is submissive only to the dominant woman in his life still has "a submissive nature". It's just not in his nature to submit to everyone equally. I certainly don't see a full time D/S relationship as being somehow impossible to reconcile with a vanilla job and obligations that require you to assert yourself. As long as my boykin is always submissive to me, I don't particularly mind if he pummels the rest of the world. In fact, I find it kinda hot. If "24/7 submissive nature" is supposed to mean "having no life other than being caged in the basement or chained to a wall 24/7", then...no. I see very, very few women who are looking for that sort of thing. The ones who are, have probably already found a toothsome young hitchhiker and drugged his milkshake.

Lashra -> RE: Full Submission (5/9/2008 8:20:38 PM)
I won't fight for control, either he is submissive to me or he isn't. If he isn't he can go find someone else. Yes I like my subs to be spirited and communicative in a respectful manner, but to have someone who is just submissive when he feels like it isn't the submissive for me. I know some subs are only that way in the bedroom in those cases there are bedroom Dommes who would like to meet them. ~Lashra

khem -> RE: Full Submission (5/9/2008 8:28:07 PM)
I think this is a confusion on either side as to the nature of what 24/7 might include. I think if you take the time to inquire what 24/7 actually means to a Top you are interested in, you might find a wide variety of expectations. [:D]

Pyrrsefanie -> RE: Full Submission (5/9/2008 8:34:12 PM)
There's a fine line between having a submissive with a bit of spirit to him, and having one who's just hopelessly disobedient and not worth the trouble. I prefer just a touch of the former, as it makes things so much more fun. It's no good if you've got The Perfect Twue Submissive(tm) who never misbehaves, because then you don't get to find all those creative ways to punish them. And Hell, sometimes I appreciate the giggle I get out of it. I suppose that technically my boy and I have a 24/7 relationship, as I am his Domme not only during scenes but also in our everyday life. The catch here is that even I need a break from it to enjoy some time with him just as a couple -- he's not only the love of my life and my submissive, but also my best friend, and there are some things that I feel are just better to do with a friend. Prime example: co-piloting videogames. I suppose I could tell him "Now listen, slut, you're going to tell me the strategy to beat Helen Grady in the female isolation ward of the Sanitarium and if you give the wrong one and I die, I'm going to beat you." But it just doesn't really fit in my opinion. I'd rather say "OH GOD I'M AT THE BOSS. What do I do?!" and then roll around and giggle with him when I totally fuck it up and have to hit Continue. (Also, ten points to whoever can tell me what game I was referencing.) So maybe it's not 24/7 as much as 24/6. Even still I find that much more alluring than just having a slave in the bedroom. Domination isn't primarily sexual for me. It's about a power exchange and I certainly don't need to be naked for that -- not to mention that having him come to me whenever he feels like being submissive kind of turns me into a service top rather than an actual Domme. What it boils down to is that I expect his submission to be on my schedule and terms, not his (within reason, if he's injured or ill or in a bad place mentally/emotionally I will respect that and adjust accordingly), as I think most Dominants expect of their subs.

khem -> RE: Full Submission (5/9/2008 8:37:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Pyrrsefanie (Also, ten points to whoever can tell me what game I was referencing.) Silent Hill.

Pyrrsefanie -> RE: Full Submission (5/9/2008 8:44:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: khem quote: ORIGINAL: Pyrrsefanie (Also, ten points to whoever can tell me what game I was referencing.) Silent Hill. You get five for the series, but the other five gets held back because you didn't mention which installment it was. [:D] For shame, Khem!

khem -> RE: Full Submission (5/9/2008 8:45:07 PM)
oppps origins!

Pyrrsefanie -> RE: Full Submission (5/9/2008 8:46:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: khem oppps origins! The other five have been awarded. We now return to your regularly schedule thread, sorry for the hijacking. Well, okay, maybe I'm not. But still.

Fischen -> RE: Full Submission (5/9/2008 8:53:59 PM)
Not a Domme, but ... My submissive is my submissive 24/7 ... Just because we are not in each others presence does not lessen my Domination over her, it only lessens the amount of interaction we are having at that particular moment. You said, "I admit it, I am not a full-time submissive as neither my job nor my personality will let me do this 100% of the time." Let's remove your job from the equation. Why does your Domme need to be present in order for you to be her submissive. Do you do your job well? Are all your duties performed in an acceptable manner so that you continue to keep your position and pay rate and advance the possibility of promotion? If so, why not take a few seconds of your day to think about your Domme, and to consider that she is proud of you and your accomplishments, and dedicate that time to her. Tell her about it so that she knows that she was on your mind that day, and that the thought of her made you feel good. Is this not an act of submission, are these not all acts of submission? So that leaves your personality. What is it about your personality that lessens your submission to her in your eyes? Are you aggressive? Lazy? Self-centered? What exactly? Are these personality traits present when you are with your Domme, or only when you are away from her? If they are around when you are with her, maybe they need to be addressed with her. If they are only present while she is away, are they present because such traits are desirable to have while at your job, and if so, doesn't having these traits benefit you at the job, and therefore benefit her? Explain this further, perhaps your thoughts are just a bit askew and in reality you are doing well. Maybe you just need a bit of tweaking (or a thumbscrew). Fischen

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Full Submission (5/9/2008 10:06:05 PM)
I feel there are several misconceptions out there. 1) A submissive cannot have a dominant personality or a dominant role in every day life, such as their job. 2) You must be submissive to be a bottom or vice versa. 3) Everyone expects a lifestyle arrangement that includes ownership. If you're not finding a partner who honors you and your needs, then you're looking at the wrong people. Analyze what traits you're pursuing and then change your tactics. Master Fire

MissEnchanted -> RE: Full Submission (5/9/2008 10:19:56 PM)
Both are hot at different times depending on my mood.

petdave -> RE: Full Submission (5/9/2008 10:26:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hsspode I admit it, I am not a full-time submissive as neither my job nor my personality will let me do this 100% of the time. I find that many Dommes seem to be put off by this fact that I cannot submit to them on the level that they are looking for. Really? Who are you talking to? i've been hanging around this lifestyle for more than a dozen years now, and i've never stumbled into that part of the world...

steffie -> RE: Full Submission (5/10/2008 12:53:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hsspode I admit it, I am not a full-time submissive as neither my job nor my personality will let me do this 100% of the time. I find that many Dommes seem to be put off by this fact that I cannot submit to them on the level that they are looking for. While I can see why it would be special for a Domme to have a 24/7 submissive, I can also see the allure of having someone who is extremely dominant in their vanilla life submit to you when together. So Dommes, is it more of a turn on to have a 24/7 slave at your service to do with as you please, or is it more of a turn on to have the challenge of a slave who is not a submissive personality by nature? In any D/s relationship i've been in, there is usually the underlying understanding that the Domme has the right to make the final decision in all matters. That's just the way it works. They have the ultimate say in the relationship. In old fashioned, male-dominated relationships, where the husband was "king of the castle," it worked similarly. The man had the final say-so when it came to deciding anything. Not just sexual, intimate things. But everything, from what movie you went to see, to what you ate for dinner that night, to where the family goes on vacation. In the Female-led relationship the power exchange is just reversed. It's not just about having a "24/7 slave at your service to do as you please," it runs a lot deeper than that. You said many Dommes are "put off by your inability to submit to them on the level they are looking for." Maybe it's a matter that they sense you are not able to commit to giving up power completely - so they don't want to get involved with you. Or maybe they sense you look at D/s as purely a sexual fantasy, that you only want to submit in the bedroom. That you don't "get" the basic dynamic of the relationship. That all said, i've been involved with some extremely Dominant women, who on occasion, out of love, would defer to me on on certain matters simply because they knew i had more knowledge on the subject - and because it takes an incredible amount of energy to make all the decisions all the time. I doubt any Woman really wants a "24/7 slave." It would take too much work. It would be like asking her to do all of your thinking for you - and what person wants to be bothered doing that?

LadyJeelys -> RE: Full Submission (5/10/2008 5:41:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hsspode . So Dommes, is it more of a turn on to have a 24/7 slave at your service to do with as you please, or is it more of a turn on to have the challenge of a slave who is not a submissive personality by nature? I want a 24/7 slave...but that doesn't mean I want someone to stay in my cage and do nothing all day except wait for me to get home. Sure, secondary and I have discussed career choices for him that would allow him to work from home/cage and that may well end up being a possibility. However, that would not change the fact that he is intelligent, independent and an all around great guy--in need of a little discipline, but hey, I can work with that. When we finally find another man to join us, he's going to be 24/7 slave....and have a job and be (hopefully) be an intelligent, independent and all around great guy. Also, having a "submissive personality" that emerges in a relationship does not mean the submissive is some nuerotic mess who has to yield to everyone and everything. Yielding self is different from being weak. So I do want a "submissive personanlity", that person may be a brat, but I don't want to be caught in a power struggle. To that end, a man with a high powered job, with an assertative personality who wants to be in MY cage, is far better than a man who "submits" because he wants to hide in a cage all day........Of course, a man with a high powered job, high income (hey, I can dream), large endowments (again, we're talking my fantasy here), who can work while suspended from the ceiling in my cage all day would be the best....well, ok, while suspended from the ceiling beside the cages of all my other slaves all day would be the best.

MistressMiracle -> RE: Full Submission (5/10/2008 6:07:00 AM)
Velvet, very well put! I agree wholeheartedly!

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