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GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Realizations (5/14/2008 2:24:44 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Smith117
I'm up late and bored....why not.
I've had many realizations over the years. The biggest, recently, was that I just may not be cut out for a 'relationship.'
Interesting topic. And I admit I have not read beyond post 15, since this is My feeling also. I will go back and read the other 4 pages though, when I get through with this.
I has been said that all should have 3 major relationships in life. The first would be the young time, when you are free, and in love, and do things you love to do. Then it ends. You grow up. The second is the mature relationship wherein you do grow up, have children, and get through that phase of your life. The final is supposed to be the relationship that carries you through the needed companionship and happiness of old age. *shrug* Maybe true...maybe not. But it seems to make a certaa amount of sense, and there are those fortunate enough to grow at the same rate and move into these phases together, hence the lifetime relationship everybody seems to seek.
My first marriage was pretty much as foretold in this theory. I grew up and he didn't. I was ready to move on and have children. He wasn't. I moved on. I admit it kind of pissed Meoff when he remarried a divorced woman who already had one UM, and then she managed to have a couple of Whoopsies and they had two more. That's the way it goes, I s'pose.
My second marriage was the all totally grown up, having family thing. I did absolutely love him and was in love when we married. I needed to have a family, and I did. But I think I moved on too fast. I was trying to fit Myself into this mold and it didn't last long enough. I never was meant to be in that mold of barefoot and pregnant, baking bread, working and coming home to the traditional family style of life. I admit I was the one who moved on, and he was not ready to. He was happy. I was not. I needed more. I got more alright. I was a single mom. Yet, I was happier in that time then ever before. I was in charge and made the decisions. I raised them and got involved in the things I loved. It all turned out just fine. I just needed more and different than what I was living.
By more or different, I guess I mean that I am the kind of person who says "I am who I am, and you should not have expectations of Me that I am not ready to fulfill". And there are always those expectations, no matter how you cut it. So I have pretty much cut Myself off from many opportunities. But I knew those opportunities would not make Me happy in the long run. I reached the realization that I may not be cut out for a relationship, or at least not the traditional relationship that most people seek, many years ago. I am very capable of getting for Myself anything I need. I am happy with My own company, and I have a busy social life and many friends, both vanilla and non. I turn away from these opportunities because I know that there will be burdens placed upon Me to act in a certain way, be a certain kind of person, and I am not that person. I have tried and tried, and it just doesn't work for Me.
Will I find that long lasting, for the rest of My life relationship? I have no idea. I need to be in charge. Or I need to just have a friendship with a male who is also naturally submissive to Me. That is what I am doing at this time. It is enough for now. Maybe it will be enough for the rest of My time. Maybe it won't. I firmly feel that I will never have a starry eyed "madly in love" situation again. Frankly, I have no desire for it and haven't for years. It is too damn much trouble. I am okay with that. It's all the men (and women) who contact Me that are not! [;)]
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