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TysGalilah -> RE: Dominant pride (5/12/2008 6:53:20 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
quote:
ORIGINAL: mzbehavin
Prin, in the beginning, the energy feels somewhat the same. Pride, Strength, Self Assurance, even Arrogance etc.
It's not just when I started out that ANY form of dominance seemed ok.
I get blinded by the light early on at the beginning of a relationship and then as the weeks/months pass the light fades and I am able to see more clearly. This is what always happens and I haven't really, in all truth, found anyone (yet) whom I consider bigger than the shadow cast by there prideful bullshit.
Maybe it's me that cannot be humbled or brought to my knees sufficiently.
I'm working on it.
Prin
I've been thinking alot about what has been said in this thread..and your words ..
this post above ...and your words "prideful bullshit" struck a chord in me.
I'm not sure I have this in completed thoughts but>
I was thinking about my father. A man who most who knew him considered him a gentle giant. He was in actuality only 6'1 but his presence in a room made him seem taller than most around him. He had a calm assertive nature...never raised his voice, ever. But no one messed with him. He was a dominant, altho not in a lifestyle per'se just his demeanor and his natural role in our family. His word was gold. His words were chosen, he was never braggadocious yet you knew he was confident and ohhhhh so proud. Proud of his heritage, what he had accomplished in his life, how he took care of his family.
and then
I was thinking of this medium. It is such a strange medium. Where words must convey all we want another person to know about us, our feelings, our reactions, our thoughts, our personality. words.
How we see ourselves even, has to rely on the terms we use.
How does a domly-type convey self-control, sincerity, know-how, experience, trustworthyness, his self-confidence and desire? and yet come across as humble but not weak, approachable but not overly anxious, strong but not aggressive,
desire but not desperation. no body language, no eyes, no voice sometimes at first. AND rely on us (the reader) to interpret his words and meanings exactly as he intended them to be read and received.
It is tricky.
must be tricky.
I think my father would have had difficulty coming across as himself here. Yet, he was someone who fits your desired description. You most likely would have looked past him....
It might seem odd that I use my father in this scenario
, but it works because he was a man who used few words...and certainly not written words, to convey his character. He would have been hard pressed to write a letter to you describing himself in any kind of dominant way. He was not flamboyant, but this charisma was apparent when you were in his presence. These things were told by his actions, the way he cared for another person, the way he carried himself and treated others. Those things are hard to convey in an email or IM screen.....not at first anyway.
takes time to see/know that through a persons emails and Ims..
(if ever, without the addition of phone contact and face to face meeting).
And then when you take it to the next level and meet:
You speak of dissappointment. That "their" words of pride and ability never seem to match up to what and who they finally reveal themselves to be to you. How much of that is expectations on your part? How much of it is their over-enthusiastic attempts to convey to you what you need to hear in order to continue to be interested in them? It's a strange medium. Its a strange way to get to know another person ( altho in some respects has its positives ). A strange dance of sorts. Words can be misconstrued, and are so subject to perspective by the reader of them. It happens all the the time, innocently.
Even what you consider " bullshit" is subject to personal perspective.
Expectations have gotten me in trouble more than several times in my life. My Expectations vs realtiy. tricky stuff. this medium makes it even more tricky imo.
Sometimes patience and going slow is hard to find within ourselves. But in hindsight is usually what will be our best course of action in finding the truth and sincerity ( or lack there of ) about someone else.
Proceeding without expectations, and abandoning the steryotypes of what we think what we are looking for "should" ( theres that word again wink ) look like, act like, react like and make us feel like.
My expectations, will ultimately read> I am the one in control.
There is a difference in making sure our needs for compatibility are met or can realistically be met in another person...and in having expectations.
"brought to your knees sufficently" .....
which comes first? the chicken or the egg???
I read that as> what can you do for me? vs what can I do for you ?
You project that from the get go...and yet critisize someone for being too full of themselves to win you ?? to bring you sufficiently to your proverbial knees ? you cannot have it both ways..right ? : )
As I feared, I don't have a conclusion to these thoughts LOL so I guess just consider them random.. [&:]
I know this was long, and you might not have even made it all the way through, but if you did..thanks for reading it. I hope somehow it made a little sense to you in a helpful way.
(* note: in this I used the gender "his or him" but obviously could have read female or male in a d-type role )
Cyndi
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