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Experienced or Inexperienced - 5/11/2008 3:47:03 AM

richard1982

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/2/2008
From: Scotland
Status: offline

Good Morning to A/all Mistresses or otherwise.

My question if I may ask is this; it seems a lot of Mistresses are intimidated by a slave with much more experience in the lifestyle, as all my experience has been in a one to one situation, however it makes more sense to ask a large majority of Mistresses, of course it will be personal preference, but with multiple answers it builds up a average view point.

Do you feel a slave with much more experience adds to much pressure or would be hard for you to control, or perhaps intimidated you are not doing an aspect correctly, or any other reasons you personally may have, perhaps the fact the slave has been trained to another Mistresses tastes or requirements could there be fear of comparison.

Also, it could be you wish to learn it with a slave, grow and share the first or first few experiences together.

I have been told from a few Dominant Females it is a mixture of both, or each individual part, maybe you feel none of thing thoughts I had on it, perhaps your personal view is different, I would however be grateful for any responses that you may have.

~Smiles~ personally I feel the connection between the Mistress and slave is far more important, the communication, teasing each other with respect of course, certainly knowledge of the lifestyle is very important, however I feel you can know the lifestyle without having to have 20 years active experience, certainly they do go hand in hand to a degree, “no disrespect to any Dominant, but anyone can swing a whip and claim to be a Dominant, however that does not make it so“

Anyways enough of my ramblings.

Thank you very much to Everyone for taken the time to respond.
Respectfully richard.

Post #: 1

RE: Experienced or Inexperienced - 5/11/2008 4:53:43 AM

MsLilac

Posts: 151
Joined: 5/31/2007
Status: offline

When I first started out in my last search, I actively sought a slave who was experienced. My main motivation for this was because I didn’t want to be some persons rites of passage. I sought someone who was experienced enough to know what they did and did not want. To a certain extent, I think you can only know what you truly like and dislike through experience. To me, ‘experience’ (which can be subjective) also sorted the wheat from the chaff in the sense of -- the ones that do, and the ones that talk about it. It showed a certain amount of consistency. Whilst experience doesn’t necessarily mean the above, I felt it was a good indicator.

My slave has more years in the lifestyle than myself; it doesn’t intimidate me in the slightest. He was wise enough to understand that each lady has her own style, and how he was trained in his last position means nothing in his next. Me and my sub ‘learned’, and grew into it together.

I wouldn’t of been interested in a man if he was ‘hard to control’, due to previous experience. There is no “correct” way to do things; no set protocol; no right or wrong -- only personal preference. If someone was disobedient/hard to control, because he believed their way was the ‘correct’ way (see, his personal preference), or he believed there was some universal protocol, I would have had no interest, and would not have been a good match.

I do know a lot of mistresses prefer a blank canvas, and I can see the appeal of that. But a sub wise enough to understand each mistress is different, and will train to her desires shouldn’t have a problem.

_____________________________

I’m sorry, I don’t do autographs

(in reply to richard1982)

Post #: 2

RE: Experienced or Inexperienced - 5/11/2008 7:01:40 AM

richard1982

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/2/2008
From: Scotland
Status: offline

~Smiles~ Thank you for sharing your views on the subject MsLilac.

You make some very good points, and I do agree with your points you have made, that no way is necessarily correct, and very much so every Lady is different, and trains accordingly, and YES very much one of the points I hoped to see made, ( that Me and my sub ‘learned’, and grew into it together ) even with your sub being more experienced, I am also glad you were not intimidated by the difference in experience, however I do feel that you can’t write of experience with a previous Mistress completely as some aspects will be the same to a degree, and the slave adjusts to the parts that are different “gets tailored to suit his new Mistress”.

Personally one Mistress I was with in the past had zero experience at all, that lasted over a year, and both were very satisfied, the experience difference did intimidate her in the start however she soon relaxed, but I messed that up, being to closed of when I got overly stressed or worried, but sometimes knowing something you still need to learn the hard way, however my point in that was I agree fully with growing together when one is more experienced, that was very much how it worked.

Once again, Thank you for your views MsLilac, and very well wishes to yourself and your sub.

Respectfully richard

(in reply to MsLilac)

Post #: 3

RE: Experienced or Inexperienced - 5/11/2008 7:07:17 AM

LadyJeelys

Posts: 99
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline

Doesn't matter to me one way or the other....I'm looking for a person I like, not a just a form of play I like :)

(in reply to richard1982)

Post #: 4

RE: Experienced or Inexperienced - 5/11/2008 7:09:09 AM

MladyHathor

Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

I don't have an issue with experience as long as it matches where I am and where I want to go--however, the first time I get.."well if you knew anything, you'd do it THIS way"..or " well I DO know more than you"--he gets the boot and butt. My boot up his butt as he hits the door.

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to richard1982)

Post #: 5

RE: Experienced or Inexperienced - 5/11/2008 7:14:14 AM

richard1982

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/2/2008
From: Scotland
Status: offline

~smiles~ Thank you very much for your view LadyJeelys, it is nice to see you are happy either way, and I wish you well in your search. well wishes LadyJeelys

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 6

RE: Experienced or Inexperienced - 5/11/2008 7:17:31 AM

richard1982

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/2/2008
From: Scotland
Status: offline

Thank you for your view also MladyHathor.

lol however not sure any slave would be silly enough to try to comment like that :P but hey I have been wrong in the past :)

I would also like to wish you well and good luck on your search MladyHathor

(in reply to richard1982)

Post #: 7

RE: Experienced or Inexperienced - 5/11/2008 10:11:56 AM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

When I was a child, they did not give me a wild young colt to ride. They gave me a horse twice my age, who had known many riders and was long accustomed to saddle, bridle and crop.

Why? Because even when I did not know what I was doing--he did! Often to a hilarious degree, as when he would teach me humorous "lessons" about not letting him hold his breath while I was cinching the saddle...or not letting him pick his own path up the hillside, when that path might potentially involve a low-hanging tree limb.

Was he "difficult to control"? In the scheme of things, not at all--for the most part he was a well-broken mount, who obeyed me because he understood and accepted his role, and because he enjoyed the rewards associated with it--grooming, grain and treats. He had simply maintained a bit of spirit and an equine sense of humor. In the end he was far less dangerous to me than an unbroken horse would have been, the sort of beast who simply has no idea what is going on and will lash out with hooves, teeth, etc. out of fear and ignorance and stubbornness, trying to "win" a battle of wills.

Was he "intimidating", because my shortcomings as a rider were occasionally revealed by his hijinx? Not at all. He had no serious intent to hurt me, and if he occasionally challenged my authority or questioned my omnipotence, it was probably with reason. And I was more than compensated by the way he served me for the majority of the time: willingly, gracefully and powerfully.

So, short answer: no, I do not think a submissive with more experience should be intimidating to a dominant, so long as it's the right kind of experience. But I can see why a dominant would veer away from a submissive who was taught bad habits or overtrained in one specific area--especially if that area was not of interest. If you're not interested in assplay at all, I can see why you wouldn't want an "over-trained" sub who wasn't happy without a double fisting. Etc.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to richard1982)

Post #: 8

RE: Experienced or Inexperienced - 5/11/2008 10:31:53 AM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

I'm with LadyJeelys on this one... experience doesn't really matter to me, as long as they are willing to learn and adapt to my way of doing things.

It does give me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside, though, to think that I have finally given my boy a "first" by being the only Domme he's had in the lifestyle, just like I think it makes him happy that he is my first, only, and last submissive.

_____________________________

Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
Ти синтетична до болю

Read my series, Taking Jessica, on http://www.akashaweb.com !

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 9

RE: Experienced or Inexperienced - 5/11/2008 10:34:23 AM

khem

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

I'll just quote from my profile...

(I'm not looking for someone "looking to explore their
submissive side." I know we all have to start somewhere, but not with
me. I want someone who is without a doubt a pervert and submissive.
Leather-clad, boot-licking, pain-liking all out pervs. Not a guy who
is "curious." )

I feel like people who are inexperienced lack the ability to assess their ability to commit to a high level of D/s. I wouldn't mind talking with or helping someone who is new (or maybe showing them my toy bag in a show and tell sort of way), but they are not potentials. Many newcomers either have a very unrealistic view of the lifestyle gathered from online sources (Ie, they think they will spend their whole existence in a cage under my house) or want a traditional vanilla relationship with all of the male-centered trappings with the occasional BDSM (and usually very much on their terms). I do not think either of these stereotypes, once in place, are easily overcome without some experience. And people who have experience and still want the latter advertise and present themselves very differently.

By my way of thinking experience is:
-Making RT contact with other people in the lifestyle and in D/s relationships
-Attending munches, public dungeons, and demos (you're allowed to be jaded and hate everyone *after* you've given them a chance)
-Having RL experiences with serving, playing, etc. I think there's no shortage of BDSM couples who will (if you're nice and polite) let you come and clean their houses and maybe teach you some things. Sure, it's not your ideal situation or your One, but it's a way to get out there and build your resume.
-The whole enchilada of having had a D/s relationship before.

Even if someone only has 1 or two of those items, I would consider them to be far ahead of the person still scared and hiding behind a computer.

Many female tops prefer newcomers because they feel like they are a blank slate. I think maybe I'm lazy in that regard. I also think that the likelihood of a sudden internal conflict is lower with someone who has been around a while and worked through some of that. I'm coming only from the viewpoint of wanting a higher level D/s relationship though - not a casual play partner.

< Message edited by khem -- 5/11/2008 10:38:11 AM >

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 10

RE: Experienced or Inexperienced - 5/11/2008 11:28:44 AM

richard1982

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/2/2008
From: Scotland
Status: offline

~ Smiles ~ Thank you very much ShakatiSama, for taken the time to reply to this slaves question in such detail.

If may go to your point Ma'am on being over trained in a area not of interest to personally, does that matter that much Ma'am, a slave may have alot of knowledge in one area that you personally do not "due to the fact you are not interested in it" but the slave I should think can happly serve even knowning that very realisticly that will not be a service you require from him or her.

I know personally aspects of my experience to date I can go without aspects I have either been trained or partly trained in, as my main goal is to please my Mistress.

Please accept my well wishes ShaktiSama

(in reply to khem)

Post #: 11

RE: Experienced or Inexperienced - 5/11/2008 11:37:18 AM

richard1982

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/2/2008
From: Scotland
Status: offline

Thank you very much for your view Pyrrsefanie.

~Smiles~ I have to agree to your point also with regards to experience, as to being willing to adapt to your way of doing things, surely any slave is very happy to do that, after all do we not seek to follow our Mistresses commands, and surrender our will to them fully?

I know as a slave, my feeling is we must trust our Owner fully, and know She will take the required action, with the severity She deems needed? after all is the structure our Mistress provides not a large part of our life?

~smiles~ just a thought Ma'am

and may I also offer you my well wishes and again thanks for taken the time to respond to my post.

(in reply to richard1982)

Post #: 12

RE: Experienced or Inexperienced - 5/11/2008 11:51:47 AM

richard1982

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/2/2008
From: Scotland
Status: offline

~Smiles~ May I also that you Khem for taken the time to put such detail into your response also, and again you make point I can't help but agree with, I do think many who have not actully lived the lifestyle, especally on a submissives point of view have a distorted picture in there mind as to what really happens, of course everyone lives the lifestyle diffrently, but i can honestly say dureing my time as a 24/7 live in slave "5+ years" I did not spend every waking moment in a cage lol, would be kinna useless slave then, as for waiting casual BDSM on there terms, my responce to that would need to be taken from my responce to Pyrrsefanie, if you surrender your will fully to youe Owner, and trust in the actions and judments, I by no means mean be mindless, hell no, or saying not to disagree with your Owner, respectfully of course, however should they still decide the task, action, what have you is still to be done, it gets done, otherwise how can you be trusting your Mistress as she should be.

~smiles~ again just a my personally view point, and I am certinlly happy to hear any points, that disagree with it.

please accept my well wishes Khem Ma'am, and my thanks once again for such a detailed responce

Respectfully richard

(in reply to richard1982)

Post #: 13

RE: Experienced or Inexperienced - 5/11/2008 11:56:20 AM

richard1982

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/2/2008
From: Scotland
Status: offline

I must admit this little slave did not expect as many responces as I have had, let alone in such a short space of time, it really is a honer to get all your views on the matter.

So once again, Thank you to Everyones responces, and I look forward to hearing more, or should you disagree with any points I make or have made be it in my opening post or any of my responces, I also welcome your views with regard to that also.

Respectfully richard.

(in reply to richard1982)

Post #: 14

RE: Experienced or Inexperienced - 5/11/2008 12:30:25 PM

MladyHathor

Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: richard1982

Thank you for your view also MladyHathor.

lol however not sure any slave would be silly enough to try to comment like that :P but hey I have been wrong in the past :)

I would also like to wish you well and good luck on your search MladyHathor

One did, he found himself on the train back to whence he came--and thank you for your wishes.

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to richard1982)

Post #: 15

RE: Experienced or Inexperienced - 5/11/2008 12:33:22 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I do prefer experienced submissives, because I have lost the desire to personally start out newbies. I have done a lot of things, and at this point in life, I know what I like, what I don't like, and what I will do sometimes because the other person likes it though it doesn't turn me on much. I don't think it's fair to a newbie who wants to explore a range of activities that they start their journey working with Me.

I can't imagine being intimidated by someone who has more experience than I do, but I don't intimidate easily, in any situation. I was lucky to have many excellent teachers when I was starting out, and I have friends with skills that they are glad to share. It's when the more experienced person makes critical comments that are unhelpful ("my other Mistress did it THIS way...") or tries to run the game that problems arise.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to richard1982)

Post #: 16

RE: Experienced or Inexperienced - 5/11/2008 12:39:10 PM

richard1982

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/2/2008
From: Scotland
Status: offline

LOL MladyHathor, and once again I stand corrected, ack he was male, we are not always the brightest of creatures, but thankfully aslong as we are not to dumb you put up with us :P

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 17

RE: Experienced or Inexperienced - 5/11/2008 12:54:59 PM

richard1982

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/2/2008
From: Scotland
Status: offline

~smiles~ Thank you for sharing your views on this matter with me LadyHibiscus.

Aye, to have experienced people help you at the start is very helpful, and of course at any point, as I am sure you still learn new things with the lifestyle, even if it is just a more effective, efficent way to do something.

Never hurts to be open minded to other peoples suggestions, they may not suit you, or you may feel your way is better in your specfic case, but even peoples views you disagree with, at times you find bits you like to steal and edit to suit yourself.

With regard to your personal prefference being a more experienced slave, as you said you know what you like and what you do not like, and if you feel you do not wish to train a slave from scratch it much be the better choice for you.

once again, it is very much for taken the time out to respond LadyHibiscus, and may I also wish you well.

Respectfully richard..

(in reply to richard1982)

Post #: 18

RE: Experienced or Inexperienced - 5/11/2008 1:50:12 PM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

Everyone has to learn sometime. No one is born knowing everything. I have no desire to go back to two ignorant teens fumbling around in the dark. I want an experianced sub to show me things that I have not tried as I can guide inexperianced ones in the paths that I know. Shared experiance brings greater enjoyment to all.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to richard1982)

Post #: 19

RE: Experienced or Inexperienced - 5/11/2008 2:11:59 PM

richard1982

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/2/2008
From: Scotland
Status: offline

Thank you for sharing your view MsStarlett.

~ Smiles ~ yes, that we do, all need to learn sometime, there does not seem to be a shortage of Dommes more than willing to accept a submissive new/newer to the lifestyle, and your point is also a very fair one, to embrace the knowledge each has surly must only bring as you say greater enjoyment.

however thats another Domme's vote for a experienced submissive, interesting, just what will the final result be!!

Thank you once again for your insight MsStarlett, and please accept my well wishes.

Respectfully richard.

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 20

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