RE: Experienced or Inexperienced

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dragon2760 -> RE: Experienced or Inexperienced (5/11/2008 2:57:27 PM)
richard, i may not be as experienced as you are but one of the first things a Mistress did teach me was about my use of capitalizations, when referring to Her and/or other Dominants and myself.

richard1982 -> RE: Experienced or Inexperienced (5/11/2008 3:21:25 PM)
Smiles~ I do use Upper case for Dominants and lower case for submissives dragon, when I type, however thank you, I did forget 1 upper case letter in all the messages so far. ~ Smiles ~ I never claimed to be flawless dragon, at times I make mistakes I know better in just like the rest of us. However, I am thankful you brought my mistake to my attention. and to rectify my mistake, please accept my apologies MLadyHathor.

MisPandora -> RE: Experienced or Inexperienced (5/11/2008 3:33:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: richard1982 it seems a lot of Mistresses are intimidated by a slave with much more experience in the lifestyle snorts Where did that impression come from? quote: Do you feel a slave with much more experience adds to much pressure or would be hard for you to control, or perhaps intimidated you are not doing an aspect correctly, or any other reasons you personally may have, perhaps the fact the slave has been trained to another Mistresses tastes or requirements could there be fear of comparison. I'm not intimidated by someone who has experience. In fact, I require a submissive to have experience. The first 12 years of my journey in the leather lifestyle was one that I spent learning and growing, and bettering myself as a dominant and as a woman. I am grateful to have had more experienced submissives at my feet, voluntarily sharing themselves and their knowledge with me, helping me become a better dominant. I expect that for what I am seeking, my potential male subject will have at least applied himself towards a similar outcome, exploring what it is that he seeks, learning as much as possible and gaining experiences to know what he truly desires rather than sitting at home and fantasizing about it. I liken working with newbies and their frenzy to an amusement park. I don't care to be the carnival ride to 101 newbies who get off and say, "That was fun, let's go try the Log Flume!" Yuck. Now, if they intend to work with me and find themselves at my feet (and NOT with the point of my boot aimed at their ass), they'll yield to my direction and control. I am open to learning, even if it comes from my submissive, as they are a treasured asset of mine that happens to possess a wealth of knowledge and experience. It might take a bit of time for them to learn my preferences, or a few slips of the tongue to stop making comparisons, but I am confident that I am more than capable of continuing someone's training while being an exceptional partner with them. I'm left a little puzzled with the rest of what you'd written and therefore, have no further response. I'm really curious as to how you came to believe that women don't want submissives to have experience. You really must have come across someone who had a bad experience or who felt threatened by someone who might figure her out to know less than what she was proclaiming to know.

MisPandora -> RE: Experienced or Inexperienced (5/11/2008 3:41:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dragon2760 richard, i may not be as experienced as you are but one of the first things a Mistress did teach me was about my use of capitalizations, when referring to Her and/or other Dominants and myself. This exactly highlights what Richard was speaking of. Not every domina will want things like your previous dominas have. Not all of us subscribe to this capitalization "thing". Personally, I find it abusive to the english language to put capitals where they don't belong or fail to cap things that should be capped. YMMV

BitaTruble -> RE: Experienced or Inexperienced (5/11/2008 3:42:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dragon2760 richard, i may not be as experienced as you are but one of the first things a Mistress did teach me was about my use of capitalizations, when referring to Her and/or other Dominants and myself. It's much more common among those who are strictly online, although not entirely unheard of for those who are offline as well. Your best bet, of course, is to write in the manner which is most pleasing to your dominant. If you don't have a dominant, then the choice is yours. If you like to write that way because it makes you feel smaller, more submissive or more vulnerable etc., then go for it, but don't think it's something you are obligated to do because some screenname somewhere told you it was a rule or something. It's not. Celeste

richard1982 -> RE: Experienced or Inexperienced (5/11/2008 3:44:21 PM)
Smiles~ Thank you for your view MisPandora. However it is not one specific person who has said it to me, I have had more than a few say it, past and present. Also I did not say all Dominant Females did not want a experienced submissive, I simply said I had been told it by a some, and decided to get a view from multiple Dommes, to see how it faired with the vast majority. With regard to the quote you have taken MisPandora, I was simply putting possible reasons out in the open, some I have heard others was just thoughts as to why they felt intimadated, and as I said to get a view from the Dommes here in general. Sorry you got confused, was not my intention to confuse. Again, Thank you for your responce and I wish you well MisPandora

Pyrrsefanie -> RE: Experienced or Inexperienced (5/11/2008 4:22:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MisPandora Not all of us subscribe to this capitalization "thing". Personally, I find it abusive to the english language to put capitals where they don't belong or fail to cap things that should be capped. YMMV Seconding this. What drives me even more nuts is when people call themselves a real twue submissive as opposed to others who don't bastardize the English language. Not terribly submissive behavior in my opinion.

MsIncontrol -> RE: Experienced or Inexperienced (5/11/2008 4:52:43 PM)
I've been hitting reply several times to this topic all day. I guess I don't really have a preference for experienced or inexperienced. I think there are benefits to both, different but good just the same. With an experienced submissive I often enjoy learning new things, relaxing from not having to show him every single little thing, comfort in knowing he is relaxed in his role and not just "testing the waters". On the other hand, I often find the more experience they have, the less likely they are open to learning new things. For example, one said to me he hate wax play and it was a limit. Well, his former Mistress gave him second degree burns and it was a very unpleasant experience. Much different than what I would do. However he is steadfast in this hatred. Also, I do find myself needing to untrain and re-train in things that suit my needs. With an inexperienced submissive you have the joy of teaching him exactly how to pleasure you without the pre-concieved notions or previous training. He will learn how to please you, not recall how his previous Mistress liked it. Watching the wide eyed wonderment and look the first time they set into a real dungeon or experience anything for the first time is priceless. Of course, with that you get the ones who decide this isn't really for them, they had a fantasy in mind and this wasn't it. Mundane and routine daily training of simple tasks that anyone should be able to do and also...those who are full of limits and scared to death of half of my edgy enjoyments....like needles, knives, fire and full encasement. So, while I have neither a preference for experienced or inexperienced submissive. I will say I want a GOOD MAN. Training someone to be a good submissive is MUCH easier than finding a good submissive who needs general man training.

dragon2760 -> RE: Experienced or Inexperienced (5/11/2008 5:06:22 PM)
Oops!! i left off all the smilies. i was just joking. Although it is easier for me to go ahead and continue to type this way rather than forget when communicating with Mistress and thus suffering the consequences. [;)]

abqowner -> RE: Experienced or Inexperienced (5/11/2008 6:13:45 PM)
Excellent question! Of course, first and last and middle, there has to be a working connection between the two. So personality counts above all. That being said, one of the first questions I always ask is level of experience. Right now I'm looking for someone to fill a 24/7 TPE position. I wouldn't disqualify a beginner, but someone with little to no experience (especially if they've never served 24/7 before) may not have enough information to decide this is the best choice for them. On the other side, "experience" often translates to "I really think I know what I'm doing because my former owner taught me so well!" Honestly, all that means is "I know how to please my former owner". They have NO idea how to please me. The first several months of training an "experienced" slave is spent breaking them of the idea that they have a clue what they're doing. It's SO much harder than starting from scratch! If I ever find a well informed, self confident, lifestyle obsessed beginner I'll collar them on the spot! :)

MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: Experienced or Inexperienced (5/11/2008 9:43:49 PM)
Call me greedy, but I like both experienced and inexperienced male subs The wide eyed enthusiasm of the brand new boys can be delightful. You can do just about anything to them and they are thrilled to bits. You get to re-live the excitement of discovering BDSM all over again through their eyes. I learn a lot watching them on the start of their journey; still naive, idealistic and eager. But the wise old-timers are easier and they teach me so much. It is easier to know what pushes their buttons (just ask!). There's no blind groping about for answers by trial and error. They know the difference between their fantasies and BDSM reality. They also tend to be a bit set in their ways because they know what works for them and what does not. But every now and then I can surprise a so-called experienced submissive with a brand new experience [;)] Downside of experienced submissives is that they have former Mistresses and in a small scene such as our city, you tend to know all the guy's ex-D/s partners and pro-dommes. Many of the other Mistresses are friends or acquaintances. That calls for extra discretion. Which would I prefer in a D/s relationship? Level of experience is irrelevant. I look for someone who could be a life partner so his values (and looks - yes I am shallow) matter much more than what they have done or not done so far with his kinky sex life. PS: I have a male sub who is my life partner. He actively served other Mistresses off and on for 10 years and saw pro-dommes for the 10 years before that before he finally found a single Mistress who could also be a life partner (moi!!!!). richard, finding The One is a long search so most subs end up experienced whether they wanted to or not!!!

richard1982 -> RE: Experienced or Inexperienced (5/12/2008 4:13:13 AM)
Thank you for sharing your views on this matter MsIncontrol. ~Smiles~ a excellent point I over looked, I can understand why yoursubmissive is a little slow to jump into that kind of play if he was hurt, but most of us, hurt or not will do it again in a little time, and if not, it is understandable . very nice view MsIncontrol, aye have to agree, "I will say I want a GOOD MAN" seems a wise main request, Please accept my well wish MsIncontrol, and again thank you very much for sharing your views Respectfully richard

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Experienced or Inexperienced (5/12/2008 4:28:22 AM)
My girl has 20+ years of experience. I have 7. Not a problem. I'd have different expectations about a more experienced slave than I would from a relatively new one...but, the level doesn't bother me. As long as they aren't looking to use it as a ploy in a power struggle (which will simply get them ignored), I have no problems. Master Fire

richard1982 -> RE: Experienced or Inexperienced (5/12/2008 4:30:31 AM)
~Smiles~ Thank you for sharing your view with us also Abqowner. A very good point you make Abqowner, yes the mental picture you have from your desire to live 24/7, is not always how it is in practice. As for a experienced slave making the mistake of thinking he knows how to please you right from the go, aye thats not the case, as every indavidul Mistress likes things done diffrently, of course as you said " it often translates" to that view point, I'm sure it's not always the case, however I can't speak for another slaves actions or view points, it is nice to hear just how the reality effects some Mistresses. ~Smiles~ in the end we all are unique Mistress and slave. Thank you very much for your view Abqowner, and may I also wish you well. Respectfully richard..

richard1982 -> RE: Experienced or Inexperienced (5/12/2008 4:48:07 AM)
~ Teases ~ Tut Tut a greedy Mistress. Thank you for your view MsCfromMelbourne, and also a very fin points that you make, especially the point on running across the slaves previous owner, ~Smiles~ however be it lifestyle or not, do we not run across old partners regarrdless. Heh, very true MsCFromMelbourne, we dont all tend to get lucky enough to find the right Owner our very first time, but it not finding someone suited to us, or more realistic, at the start we may know what we want, but you can get exactly what you asked for, and it turns out you are not happy with it as you have yet to truly know yourself, ~smiles~ no reason for you to settle unless you find what you are truly looking for MsCFromMelbourne, be it Dominant, submissive, or vanilla, and congratulations on finding your correct match! Thank you for sharing your time and views with us MsCFromMelbourne, very well wishes to you and your partner. Respectfully richard.

richard1982 -> RE: Experienced or Inexperienced (5/12/2008 5:05:33 AM)
~Smiles~ Thank you for sharing your personal view with us also MasterFireMaam. A very fair view MasterFireMaam, an experienced slave should have a little more expected from them, of course they still need to learn how you personaly like things. ~Just a personal thought~ but a power struggle shouldnt happen anyway, our main limits should be respected, other than that, is it not at our owners discretion, as I said previously, we need to trust our owners judgment, structure and know they will do what is right, required and to the degree that is correct in the situation, while of course looking after the slaves well being, and it works both ways, we look after ou owners needs and welfair, with the proper respect shown to both Dominant and slave. Very well wishes to you MasterFireMaam, and thank you for taken the time to let us share your views. Respectfully richard

abqowner -> RE: Experienced or Inexperienced (5/12/2008 1:08:16 PM)
quote: richard, finding The One is a long search so most subs end up experienced whether they wanted to or not!!! quote: ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne Outstanding observation!

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