Re: Wannabe doms (Full Version)

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unphat -> Re: Wannabe doms (5/12/2008 1:44:12 AM)

OK,

A friend of mine wants to know :p

So the classic catch22 situation.. U want to, but U only gets to play once U've been playing for a while, but that's just it- U haven't.

If you know a person has dominant tendencies but lacks overall experience, would you still consider playing with them or are they strictly out of the picture? How much experience is enough for you ppl out there (I know every1's different).



pinkwind -> RE: Re: Wannabe doms (5/12/2008 2:06:03 AM)

i have done, and that Dom became my best friend, someone who released his hold on me and helped me find my Master. People have to gain experience somewhere, and it is all down to the attitudes of the people involved as to whether there can be an ongoing D/s or even M/s relationship comes out of it.

It was having the knowledge over time that this man was earnest in what he was looking for, that he and i had compatible and complimentary characteristics and that i felt that even though he had little hands on experience i was able to submit to him because of the innate Dominance he already had.

So i was his learning aid, where he honed his skills, he wanted to cause a deal of pain, and i am a masochist. Call it topping from the bottom if you like, although i can say that he had done his research, learned enough on his own to need very little help from me!

Some people will always be wannabes because of their attitude and demeanour, some people will find others as we did because there was a real person with real Dominance and a real wish to know how to exercise that Dominance in the right way.






abcbsex -> RE: Re: Wannabe doms (5/12/2008 8:27:51 AM)

It helps that Alpha and I stumbled onto bdsm together, so we were both newbies at the same time. The inexperienced dominant person just has to be open to others opinions and thoughts. If they go into it with the attitude "I AM DOM HEAR ME ROAR" people will see them for the joke they are. Humility goes a long way for someone trying to learn.



pettingdragons -> RE: Re: Wannabe doms (5/12/2008 9:04:33 AM)

are "u" experienced? then "you" can always teach the Domiant....:)





Dnomyar -> RE: Re: Wannabe doms (5/12/2008 9:18:04 AM)

unphat are you learning from your experiences or are you just doing this to play around?.



subsfaith -> RE: Re: Wannabe doms (5/12/2008 9:36:27 AM)

Sometimes you have to suck it and see if you like it.

This goes for both dominants and submissives.  None of us were both with knowledge of this.  Would you be asking the question if it was a vanilla friend?  Of course not.  Common sense prevails.

Faith
:: smiles ::



littleone35 -> RE: Re: Wannabe doms (5/12/2008 9:39:17 AM)

For me presonally i always wanted an experienced Dom.  I guess it is fun for some to learn together  but i don't want to spend the time we have togethr tryint to teach him things that i know.

Matt's littleone



Lynnxz -> RE: Re: Wannabe doms (5/12/2008 9:42:25 AM)

I'm a sub. I teach new doms the basics several times a week, and I enjoy it. Actually, I find that newbies aren't as prone to be accident prone as a dom who's experienced in all the wrong ways.



akisha -> RE: Re: Wannabe doms (5/12/2008 9:56:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: unphat

OK,

A friend of mine wants to know :p

So the classic catch22 situation.. U want to, but U only gets to play once U've been playing for a while, but that's just it- U haven't.

If you know a person has dominant tendencies but lacks overall experience, would you still consider playing with them or are they strictly out of the picture? How much experience is enough for you ppl out there (I know every1's different).



Why not?? If I like them and trust them. Everyone has to learn sometime and some how. Best way to learn is by doing.

Now do I let a complete newbie that never held a any kind of impliment, tied me up and take a cane or single tail to my body? Not a chance in hell.

My current and my former Partner had very limited experience, but i had and have no issues at all letting them learn on me. They go slow, watch for reaction and response and I give as much feed back as possible letting them know what the hell is going on on my end.

Even in not in a position to ask other more experience Dominants, a clue about basic anatomy helps, or you can get books that have detailed instructions of where to hit and where NEVER to hit, regarding the type of impliment you are hitting with.



OsideGirl -> RE: Re: Wannabe doms (5/12/2008 7:44:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: unphat


If you know a person has dominant tendencies but lacks overall experience, would you still consider playing with them or are they strictly out of the picture?
That would depend on the type of play. Would I allow him to hit me with anything other than his hand on my bottom? Nope. Whip play? Nope. Strict bondage? Nope.

Begging, pleading? Yup. A spanking? Yup. Forceful sex? yup.

In inexeperienced hands, some of our toys can do serious damage. You can learn without play however, and I have respect for those that actually take the time to teach themselves rather than whining about how if you're inexperienced, you don't get no play.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Re: Wannabe doms (5/12/2008 7:56:41 PM)

I've learned 99% of everything I know from female submissives.  If you demonstrate you are in control of yourself, the rest is "just" technique.  I think the biggest problem is thinking you are better at something than you really are.  And, believe me, people pick up on that.

I met the owner of an electric company when I lived in Oakland.  He told me that he had an interview question for electricians applying for jobs.  He asked, "Are you afraid of electricity?"  The ones who were macho and said, "Hell no," did not get the job.  He only wanted people with respect for a power so strong it could kill them.



lusciouslips19 -> RE: Re: Wannabe Dom's (5/12/2008 8:05:56 PM)

RedMagic,
You really hit the nail on the head with your post. My Sir had only a little experience but quite a bit of knowledge. He educated himself through books and on line and such. Developed a taste for Shibari and had read books on it, knots from his military days.It takes a disciplined and responsible man to be in the military for 11 years.  He educated himself on the proper way to hit/strike, the signs to look for.How to not cause damage. He also played it safe learning me before he went hog wild on me. Most importantly he had mastered himself and displayed much self control



MasterDragon1963 -> RE: Re: Wannabe doms (5/13/2008 9:59:33 AM)

There are Doms and subs willing to help new Doms learn. I have been asked several times by new and older doms to teach edge play after a scene, which I am happy to do after a discussion on safety. And some subs are willing to let a new Doms "practice" on them, provideing they have "talked" and a DM or experienced Dom is watching closely to assist or guide if needed. A play party or dungeon is a great place to watch and learn, and also to help and teach others, once egos are put aside and minds are opened, many discover this fact.

Master Dragon



unphat -> RE: Re: Wannabe doms (5/18/2008 5:49:54 AM)

Wow, so many great responses.

Where to start....

There are many things I agree with (glad to know I'm not alone... :D ); the biggest danger is people being OVER CONFIDENT, that LEVEL of PLAY involving dangerous objects should be TAUGHT first, then perfected beforehand, and that self intitiative to learn should be COMMON SENSE.

It's reassuring to know that newbies are welcomed (as they should be) by the more experienced, regardless of their tendencies.

SAFE, FUN, CONSENSUAL playing to you all,
U.



DesFIP -> RE: Re: Wannabe doms (5/19/2008 8:00:12 PM)

This is my first relationship kink or d/s wise. He's had lots of bondage partners in the past but I'm the first sub for him. It wasn't a problem for us. But even if we'd had dozens of power relationships before, we both would have started out new with each other. We both would have had to learn what worked best with this partner. From a power point of view, it wasn't a problem for us.

Now from a technical point of view, I needed to know that he knew what he was doing, that I wasn't going to lose an important body part because he was clueless. But most of that can be learned via research and the rest from taking classes and workshops. I wouldn't have had any real problems if this had been his first bondage relationship as long as he had shown me that he had learned what to do safely.



Aanakaris -> RE: Re: Wannabe doms (5/20/2008 7:04:24 AM)

Experience is relative. Any Dom or Master who tells you they know everything is flat out lying. I do not care if you have been involved in BDSM since man first met woman, there are still some things to be learned. Havning the confidence to admit ignorance and willingness to learn is the sign of a healthy Dominant.

Submissives who expect their Dom to know everything are living in a pipe dream and setting themselves up for dissapointment.

Howard



KatyLied -> RE: Re: Wannabe doms (5/20/2008 8:50:43 AM)

Dominance and control inherent in a personality is more important to me than length of time doing kink.



Corvidae -> RE: Re: Wannabe doms (5/20/2008 12:56:28 PM)

For me general compatability and personality are as important as experience. I am probably going to start playing with someone who is just as new to BDSM as I am (a few months). I see it as a great opportunity for both of us to learn a lot, and have some fun. We've both played with a few other people, and have read and seen enough to know the basic safety info.  I think that so long as we take things slowly and use our brains we should be OK. We're not going to start out with anything risky or that takes much expertice. If we do end up moving on to something more complicated with each other, then we are lucky enough to have access to a large BDSM community with many very experienced individuals who can help us learn new things.



Missokyst -> RE: Re: Wannabe doms (5/20/2008 1:17:33 PM)

I have no problem with inexperienced partners.  I stumbled into this stuff with an equally inexperienced (and younger!) male.  We had a lot of fun in those years.
But, for me most limits are things I have for my partner.  What I will allow depends on my mate at the time.  If I thought he couldn't handle a knife, my body isn't going to be his carving board.  People who are newer will start somewhere, and I dont mind being the body, but I believe in wading into the water, not diving in at the deep end.
At least when I am with someone who is still learning, this is true.
Kyst



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