RE: Vagueness-- a vent (Full Version)

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stella41b -> RE: Vagueness-- a vent (5/13/2008 5:48:50 AM)

Well you know it's kind of erm.. um.. well.. you know. It stands to reason, doesn't it? I mean, what would it be like if erm, er, you know, everybody else was kind of erm.. that way.. and erm.. um.. you know.. were just trying to.. erm, sort of, maybe.. probably, erm.. um, point it out?

Oh don't get me wrong, there's a lot of people here who are.. um, er, .. um, well, maybe, um.. not to put too fine a point on it.. erm, er, how can I put this?

You see when people are um.. er.. hmmm, er.. (cough) having problems.. um, er.. not big problems mind you, but erm.. er.. um having delicate problems with um, er.. you know... thinking... and .., um.. erm.. sort of, erm, hmm, communicating it might well mean that.. erm.. er..

Picnics, yes, picnics. But not normal picnics, erm, er, you know, the other sort of picnics, like erm.. you know.. there ones where there's maybe not enough sandwiches to go round, and these people.. erm.. um.. you know, the people I've been writing about here.. could possibly be.. erm, er.. slightly .. erm.. one sandwich short.

Look I'm not trying to offend anybody here.. but erm.. well, you know.. some people... not everybody, because it's important not to make any sort of generalizations, but also, you never know, ... erm, er.. it might be raining... and um.. er.. it's too early to say... but it just might be for example... that.. erm.. some people.. have well, erm.. er..

... gone to lunch. You know what I mean.. the lights are erm.. well.. they're slightly on... but there's nobody home.

They might be idiots.. not that I'm calling anyone here an idiot.. please.. don't get me wrong.. and let's face it.. idiots can be intelligent too... erm.. especially when.. they.. erm, er.. put their minds to it.. and when you erm.. er.. sort of start calling people idiots these idiots.. well.. erm.. get offended.. and upset... because..

I mean what's wrong with you? Why can't you... erm.. er.. work it out?

I give up. Pointless anyway... After all you just take it the wrong way... The whole damn lot of you.



StormsSlave -> RE: Vagueness-- a vent (5/13/2008 6:25:24 AM)

I've been a chat whore for years, and one of my pet peeves is that gents will open the window, say hello, I say hello back, they ask my asl, I reply and ask theirs, and then they sit for 20 minutes waiting for me to say something.  Then they disapear, or say, I guess you are busy...

My opinion is, you sent the email, or opened the window (or for that matter, bought me the drink).   You started this conversation, now get the ball rolling.  I am more than happy to participate, but if you haven't got the brains to rub two ideas together and make a spark, we have a problem.  Once you have things moving, I am a happy participant, but don't open the conversation then expect me to lead it.

Is this what you mean, Omega?



OmegaG -> RE: Vagueness-- a vent (5/13/2008 6:39:09 AM)

oh, that is another peeve of mine.  IMO conversation should flow, it shouldn't be about 20 questions, it should require one person racking their brain to stimulate the conversation it should just be there.

It helps when someone reads a profile here (and fills there own out) those are tools.  In a bar you don't have those tools but there is always the band, the pool tables, the sporting event on the TV.... something to segue into.  Or hell, even asking me what I do, (I am the admin asst to the HR dirctor and business manager for housing at a major university)== that usually sparks some kind of conversation.

I also hate, hate, hate, guys who will ask questions and then expect me to repeat the question back to them to get their answer.  For pete's sake why?  If you say I'm a _________, what do you do?  You have actually segued into a good 30 minutes of conversation.

But for me conversation can be foreplay, especially intellectual conversation, so I may be a bit of a bitch and want to see what someone has to offer because if they can't turn me on with their tongue then there really isn't any point of continuing.

But for what I'm talking about here, as I've clearly stated on my profile that I'm not up for grabs, is that I get a sense that these guys are playing a game to see just how deep I can get sucked in so that they can hit on me and feel justified that I gave them the opening.  Maybe it's because we are supposed to shoot them down with assumptions rather then be civil until we know what they are intending.  Maybe I'm just supposed to treat every guy who talks to me like he wants to get in my pants, but that doesn't sit well with me.  I like to be civil.



Missokyst -> RE: Vagueness-- a vent (5/13/2008 9:32:22 AM)

That is the thing though.. if the guy IMs her, shouldn't he have a purpose in mind?  If I IM someone (which is rare) generally I have a reason for being interested.  If she didn't seek him out for chat, why should she give him reason to continue?  Over the years I have chatted up a number of guys, who start up on some topic and we run with it.  Once I let them know the limits of the type of chat I allow, many guys are great conversationalists.  But it wasn't my job to provide them a topic beyond saying what the topic will not be.  If I did have some interest in them, I might have messaged them first.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

Him: Where are you moving
Me: (Name of town)
Him: That's not too far from me
Me: no, I guess it isn't
Him: well, if you don't want to talk, that's fine
Me: (rant about giving me no segue to converse nor letting me know that he'd read my profile and knew my relationship status)


First impression of this conversation is that by saying 'no, i guess it isn't' you kind of cut the conversation off. You gave him nothing to really come back with there.
Second impression of the convo is his 'well if you dont want to talk, thats fine' seems a little harsh. He could have replied with something like 'you are quite difficult to talk with' which could have opened you up to saying something about not being sure of his motives etc.
 
For me conversation is a two way street and from that snippet neither of you were given much. Both were being vague, Id say in my opinion it was a 50/50 case of unspoken intention.





SteelofUtah -> RE: Vagueness-- a vent (5/13/2008 9:35:16 AM)

Actually in that case is seems to me to be two people who have nothing to talk about and one person who is expecting the other to do the foot work.

Look Saying HI! isn't always enough to start a conversation.

I look for CONTEXT ..... WHY are you saying Hi?

Just me who knows.

Steel



PanthersMom -> RE: Vagueness-- a vent (5/13/2008 11:57:04 AM)

well if you mean PM moment as in "pretty miffed", sure, i get ticked off, well, exhasperated mostly.  i come here looking for a break from stupidity, not to have it invade my inbox.   i just wonder if these yahoos are going for a "most members of CM emailed" record.

PM



missturbation -> RE: Vagueness-- a vent (5/13/2008 12:39:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

That is the thing though.. if the guy IMs her, shouldn't he have a purpose in mind?  If I IM someone (which is rare) generally I have a reason for being interested.  If she didn't seek him out for chat, why should she give him reason to continue?  Over the years I have chatted up a number of guys, who start up on some topic and we run with it.  Once I let them know the limits of the type of chat I allow, many guys are great conversationalists.  But it wasn't my job to provide them a topic beyond saying what the topic will not be.  If I did have some interest in them, I might have messaged them first.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

Him: Where are you moving
Me: (Name of town)
Him: That's not too far from me
Me: no, I guess it isn't
Him: well, if you don't want to talk, that's fine
Me: (rant about giving me no segue to converse nor letting me know that he'd read my profile and knew my relationship status)


First impression of this conversation is that by saying 'no, i guess it isn't' you kind of cut the conversation off. You gave him nothing to really come back with there.
Second impression of the convo is his 'well if you dont want to talk, thats fine' seems a little harsh. He could have replied with something like 'you are quite difficult to talk with' which could have opened you up to saying something about not being sure of his motives etc.
 
For me conversation is a two way street and from that snippet neither of you were given much. Both were being vague, Id say in my opinion it was a 50/50 case of unspoken intention.





Omega dead ended the convo in my opinion. There was nowhere to go from 'no i guess it isn't'. I can personally see where the guy was coming from. Ok, he mailed her first but does that mean the onus is on him to keep conversation flowing when she CHOSE to talk to him?
If you are going to open the channels of converstaion it has to be a two way street and im surprised some would jump on this guys case when all he has done is make simple polite convo.
Not everyone is an exceptional conversationist, it doesnt flow easy for some. It doesnt mean they are stupid, looking for wank fodder or a bad person.

Edited to add - Maybe his purpose was nothing more than to chat to someone who he thought looked interesting, nice, insert words of your choice here. Maybe his purpose was to get wank fodder. Maybe his purpose was to lure her away from her present master. We don't know the convo between them never seems to have got that far.



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Vagueness-- a vent (5/13/2008 9:10:53 PM)

IMO, the onus is on the initiator...OMega may have dead ended that particular area of conversation...but he could of come up with another venue..if he has nothing more to say, or is unable to come up with even something about the weather or the high price of gas or whatever, then he needs to brush up on some kind of conversational skills...example:..and true story...I met this Dominant a year or so ago, we met for dinner..we had only exchanged a few e-mails and one rushed conversation..so hence not much was said..so we meet..and this person was about as conversational as the wall in front of me at this moment.I struggled,valiantly I might add ,to find some way to have him respond to some kind of conversation, I touched on every subject known to man..he would just nod, or stare off into space..occasional yes and no's were what I received (otherwise I was tempted to put a mirror under his nose to see if he was still breathing)finally, I spoke up after 1/2 hour and said obviously we have not much to talk about and you seem to be uninterested in any kind of dialog, so I think I will excuse myself and wish you a good night..he stops me and says..lets try it a little while longer...I agree ...and try once more...and I actually got a couple of sentences from him..but that was the extent to his contribution..I ended that night with a sigh of relief and the knowledge that the strong silent type was not my type..so after this long boring story I feel that the one who initiated the contact should at least give as much, if not more...Tempting



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