|
Noah -> RE: my first scene... (5/12/2008 8:14:47 PM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: BiteMeSweetly
Ok. So I had my first scene last weekend. Now I feel like this total freak of nature, like I am on fire. I have been researching extensively online, seeking knowledge and guidance. Soaking up and absorbing every bit of information I can get. I bought all these books.... and new corsets and toys and gear... I feel as though my brain has been reprogrammed. I am completely distracted at work. Is this normal? Why had I not come to these realizations sooner?
Hey. Do whatever you want. It's fine with me. I notice, though, that your response seems ever so externally directed. Buy stuff, buy books, read, research, seek knowledge, seek guidance, and so forth.
I wonder how it would go for you if you were to take a week or a month and stop buying, stop asking, stop looking, stop analyzing and just be with this thing. Just spend the time being who you are now, after the momentous fact. Maybe you could get better acquainted with these new feelings if you did it quietly-- just you and your shadow--rather than filling your head with other peoples theories, terms and preconceptions. Maybe you could get better acquainted with the person having those feelings if you spent the time directly and intimately with her (him? of course I mean you) rather than looking at yourself and your experience through all of these filters and devices you're accumulating.
Sounds like you'll eventually spend a lot of years being an old hand at your new endeavor. But you only get one chance to be new at it, to live in the head of someone having these experiences for the first time.
That's pretty special.
I'm saying drop the Field Guide and just look at the amazing birds. Look at, how they soar and sink and sing and sleep. These newly discovered exotic birds flying around in your psyche.
You can always learn the names later.
Congratulations.
|
|
|
|
