Termyn8or
Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005 Status: offline
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MH, agreed. That is exactly what I want to find out. Who she is now. I don't want the past, I could've had the past and I didn't want it then. To explain, her and her brothers were among the most popular people I have ever met. The way I wanted it was to take her and move her away from all this. I mean several states away, I saw it as the only way. She always had plenty of guys after her, but she rarely "put out". I wanted to keep it that way. I mean they were REALLY popular. They didn't even consider having a party without three kegs of beer and a garbage can full of punch spiked with 190 grain alcohol. There would be like fifteen Harleys parked in the front yard. And please whoever's weed this is, get it off the pool table so we can shoot. In retrospect I see that is what scared me, I could be replaced too easily. She could just about have any guy she wanted. And I was no saint either. (to say the least) I was a nut. Bucking authority was my theme, because I have been doing whatever I want whenever I want since I was twelve. I saw the potential for disaster, and hurt in a way that is not good, again to say the least. Even now, though I am not sure, I think in this case it is better to have not loved and lost. But this time around is different. I have to figure out the right time and place, I will go see her. If she doesn't want me now fine. I think I can handle it. Someone mentioned kids, I think we probably agree that it is too late. But, I have a job that is very flexible, and so does she. She got herself into a union that is very hard to get into, I know the people in it. I know how hard it is. But the thing is, now that we might be ready, if I knocked her up today, I would be 48 when the kid is born. I would be 58 when he turns 10. (yes I am sure she would give me a son). I would be 65 when the kid learns to drive. It's not fair. Of all the words of mouth or pen, the saddest of these is 'it might have been'. But that does not change the here and now. I must go see her, it is just a matter of where and when. T
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