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Wanting to learnmore about what makes a Dominant/Master - 5/13/2008 10:05:20 PM

mypain56

Posts: 84
Joined: 11/5/2007
Status: offline

I was wandering if I could get some data on Dominants and Masters, I would love too study more about the dynamic of them, if they are born Dominant or if has been implemented into there lives, what makes them tick,there mind set. Alot of submissives go on through the lifestyle not really knowing about what is in there heart and soul. Why they love to control and Dominant. This topic is very important to me because it will help me grow within my submission, learn and gain knowledge. And someday I would love too beable to write a book on my life and the love I have for my Master. Any replys would be appreciated ....... Thank you for your time....

mypain56
srln: 654-049-049

Post #: 1

RE: Wanting to learnmore about what makes a Dominant/Ma... - 5/13/2008 10:16:01 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mypain56
I was wandering if I could get some data on Dominants and Masters, I would love too study more about the dynamic of them, if they are born Dominant or if has been implemented into there lives, what makes them tick,there mind set. Alot of submissives go on through the lifestyle not really knowing about what is in there heart and soul. Why they love to control and Dominant. This topic is very important to me because it will help me grow within my submission, learn and gain knowledge. And someday I would love too beable to write a book on my life and the love I have for my Master. Any replys would be appreciated ....... Thank you for your time....

mypain56
srln: 654-049-049

That is like asking why are heterosexuals heterosexual and what makes them tick.

Dominants are oriented in personal intimate relationships to be the ones who hold the authority.

Otherwise, they are just regular people, as varied as you can imagine and more.

As for nature/nurture, it is my opinion that the orientation is innate, but the expression of orientation is learned.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_744252/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#744266
Do you think you were "born this way"?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_691960/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#691984
naturally Ds?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_499963/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#499979
Nature or nurture?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_307130/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#307130
Do you feel being a dom/me is innate or can be learned?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_461558/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#461558
hard-wired, why why why!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_143698/mpage_1/key_born%252Craised/tm.htm#143698
nature versus nurture

http://www.collarchat.com/m_760860/mpage_2/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#761518
born to serve?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_468650/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#468650
nature vs nurture

http://www.collarchat.com/m_35901/mpage_1/key_learned%252Cborn/tm.htm#35901
born or learned, how we become dom?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mypain56)

Post #: 2

RE: Wanting to learnmore about what makes a Dominant/Ma... - 5/14/2008 5:08:35 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Observe a child. You learn Dominance. Parents lack of structure contributes to a persons Dominance.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: Wanting to learnmore about what makes a Dominant/Ma... - 5/14/2008 5:11:26 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I read an interesting set of postings on another site about the difference between a Dominant and a Master. What I thought was a bit humorous is that everyone had a different idea about it. Different relationships have different dynamics, and it is up to them to define their own criteria for Dominant/sub or Master/slave.

Some Dominants feel that way all of the time, others will want a break where they can explore an inner submissive need. Some enjoy sadism, others prefer service, some a mix. If you truly want to write a book about it, you could interview Doms, see what title they apply to themselves and why, ask them what showed them in their life that this was their role, etc. I am sure it would make for interesting reading.

_____________________________

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: Wanting to learnmore about what makes a Dominant/Ma... - 5/14/2008 5:54:05 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

There are numerous reasons. For me, I love being given things. This could be sexual service, it could be accepting pain for me, or it could be getting me a drink from the refrigerator.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to mypain56)

Post #: 5

RE: Wanting to learnmore about what makes a Dominant/Ma... - 5/14/2008 5:58:47 AM

mypain56

Posts: 84
Joined: 11/5/2007
Status: offline

Thank you very much for all your answers, they are welcomed and appreciated. I will study the links that has been provided and run with it.

Be well
my pain56
srln:654-049-049

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 6

RE: Wanting to learnmore about what makes a Dominant/Ma... - 5/14/2008 7:03:54 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Dominants are oriented in personal intimate relationships to be the ones who hold the authority.

This I disagree with, for it does not go far enough. Dominance is also oriented in normal soicial relationships at home, socially and at work where the people with a Dominant personality will rise to the surfact and lead when leadership is required.

A dominant has the dominnatant personality from early childhood and home/school and even later in work and other social activities like sports will oft encourage and teach the dominant (albeit budding) personality to become assertive. Not so unlike a pack of dogs or other pack animals where the young males learn their craft from the alpha male.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

< Message edited by IronBear -- 5/14/2008 7:04:48 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: Wanting to learnmore about what makes a Dominant/Ma... - 5/14/2008 9:34:39 AM

SingleRarity

Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

This I disagree with, for it does not go far enough. Dominance is also oriented in normal soicial relationships at home, socially and at work where the people with a Dominant personality will rise to the surfact and lead when leadership is required.

A dominant has the dominnatant personality from early childhood and home/school and even later in work and other social activities like sports will oft encourage and teach the dominant (albeit budding) personality to become assertive. Not so unlike a pack of dogs or other pack animals where the young males learn their craft from the alpha male.

I'm curious, for the above statement would imply that submissives would be submissive in all situations, accepting and seeking lesser or lower postions in their workplace simply because of their submission within a relationship. Did I totally read that wrong? Probably.

< Message edited by SingleRarity -- 5/14/2008 9:35:17 AM >

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 8

RE: Wanting to learnmore about what makes a Dominant/Ma... - 5/14/2008 10:57:59 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

No I was simply refering to a Dominant through their stages of development. They are more likely to seek some form of leadership role even if they aren't suited for it. It is the smart often educated Dominant you see as being sucessfull in the business world at what ever level they are happy with. Those Dominants who aren't too smart and lack ability in most thinds but still have the Dominant Personality usually gravitate to the coffee shop (middle class ones) or the pub on the corner and develope the beligerant attitude of a school yard bully as they swill beer sand blain everyone but themselves for their lack of fortune.

On an employment situation, I know many submissives who have leading possitioins which requoire a dominant persona and certainly assertive abilities. However like most theing in hiuman endevor, there is the Work mask, the Social mask, the Sports mask and at home one would hope the masks are laid aside and the real person comes out be they submissive or Dominant.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

(in reply to SingleRarity)

Post #: 9

RE: Wanting to learnmore about what makes a Dominant/Ma... - 5/14/2008 11:11:13 AM

Arrrchibald

Posts: 350
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline

Can't speak for everyone else, but what I consider "dominant" is the confidence to do and say what you want.

Having control over a lot of people doesn't really matter one way or another. Some do it with confidence, some don't.

Plenty of petty insecure people have vast power over other people, and love to use it. It's not dominance, just the desire for dominance.

(in reply to mypain56)

Post #: 10

RE: Wanting to learnmore about what makes a Dominant/Ma... - 5/14/2008 5:49:38 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
A dominant has the dominnatant personality from early childhood and home/school and even later in work and other social activities like sports will oft encourage and teach the dominant (albeit budding) personality to become assertive. Not so unlike a pack of dogs or other pack animals where the young males learn their craft from the alpha male.

Nice theory but I really don't think it's anywhere near the truth at all. Many dominants do not have the stereotypical dominant personality, or, more often, they have a mix of stereotypically submissive and dominant personality traits.

And many submissives and slaves are quite assertive.

Being a dominant does not necessarily entail desiring to be a dominant to everyone or in generally all situations. It's guys who think like that who end up showing what dumbasses they are by always trying to prove how domly they are.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 11

RE: Wanting to learnmore about what makes a Dominant/Ma... - 5/14/2008 6:30:36 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I don't know if a submissive ever can really understand why a dominant wants to do all those things that seem so burdensome to the submissive. Any more than a dominant can feel the same way a sub does. What it comes down to is acceptance of the fact that when they tell you they enjoy it, you believe it.

But I think most subs do go through a phase of wanting to know why. At least I did and I know others have.

I also disagree with Dnomyar, my parents did not have a heavily structured home and I'm not dominant.
As far as the man goes, he wasn't obviouosly dominant as a youth. He dates it to getting his first car and having the dealer try to pull something on him, and suddenly his inner pit bull which he had never before known, came out in spades. And from then on it came out at work and then in social situations leading up to a fulltime d/s relationship.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 12

RE: Wanting to learnmore about what makes a Dominant/Ma... - 5/14/2008 6:44:56 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
A dominant has the dominnatant personality from early childhood and home/school and even later in work and other social activities like sports will oft encourage and teach the dominant (albeit budding) personality to become assertive. Not so unlike a pack of dogs or other pack animals where the young males learn their craft from the alpha male.

Nice theory but I really don't think it's anywhere near the truth at all. Many dominants do not have the stereotypical dominant personality, or, more often, they have a mix of stereotypically submissive and dominant personality traits.

And many submissives and slaves are quite assertive.

Being a dominant does not necessarily entail desiring to be a dominant to everyone or in generally all situations. It's guys who think like that who end up showing what dumbasses they are by always trying to prove how domly they are.

Ahh well lass this is the beauty of us living many miles apart isn't it. It isn't theory but rather the result of over 40 years of observation and having many Dominant people as friends and acquaintences and many who were enemies of the state when they were alive. Of course I am awayr of the mixes which are there in society, how could I not when there is so much written in Psychological journals on such things. However generally I prefer to talk and write from personal experience which is ewhy we must agree to disagree wouldn't you say?

I should say though in all fairness, I mentally have been discounting those people which i refer to as "Part Time Dominants" who are Dominant at play time and switch it off when play has ended. I feel you may probablke have been including those too.. I refer to the Dominant male or female who is naturally Dominant. I have no disregard to the others I just prefer and am in my comfort zone when mixing with people are what they say they are and not acting a part..

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

< Message edited by IronBear -- 5/14/2008 6:52:23 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 13

RE: Wanting to learnmore about what makes a Dominant/Ma... - 5/14/2008 6:50:06 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
Ahh well lass this is the beauty of us living many miles apart isn't it. It isn't theory but rather the result of over 40 years of observation and having many Dominant people as friends and acquaintences and many who were enemies of the state when they were alive. Of course I am awayr of the mixes which are there in society, how could I not when there is so much written in Psychological journals on such things. However generally I prefer to talk and write from personal experience which is ewhy we must agree to disagree wouldn't you say?

So the difference is that I'm 28 and you're much older and I actually formally studied psychology as well as all the other stuff.

What did you think I was talking and writing from? I surely know that you aren't ignorant enough to believe I lack in any of the areas you claim to have experience with kinky people.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 14

RE: Wanting to learnmore about what makes a Dominant/Ma... - 5/14/2008 6:59:55 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

hell no lass I was refering to the area where I speak from and the time period it is only relivent on a personal basis and not reflecti ng on anyone else. I immaging like you, I have friends younger who have much more experience in a number of things. I'm the first to admit my experience in BDSM per se is limited. My experience in a M/s dynamic with no BDSM is exptensive. WE could probably debate psychological aspects then which may be fun but it is not the issue we are simple two people who see things differently and have different experiences. I think Psychology at times only because I am a Psychologist nothing more. Our experiences, and upbringing have been worlds apart which is why we so often disagree. All good and healthy though.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

< Message edited by IronBear -- 5/14/2008 7:00:53 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

RE: Wanting to learnmore about what makes a Dominant/Ma... - 5/14/2008 7:03:21 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Ironbear, your post was incredibly condescending, I am surprised.

"Dominant" and "domineering" are not the same. Bullies are domineering. The loudmouth who tries to sidetrack every meeting and seminar is domineering. That personality may or may not have any confidence to speak of, and certainly may not have any tendency to want to lead anyone, just to suppress everyone around them to feel more important.

The desire to control or be controlled in a D/s sense comes from many sources, and there are many variations on the theme. Many, many vanilla-life leaders are not what we would consider Dominants, and would be amazed at the idea of TPE. I believe that automatically thinking that the captain of the football team would also be a D/s Dominant is a mistake, and serves to minimalize the complexity of human personality.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: Wanting to learnmore about what makes a Dominant/Ma... - 5/14/2008 7:16:51 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I fail to see anything condescending in whatg I wrote. I refered to thoise who are born with a dominant personality and that they usually rtise to what ever level their avility allows them too. When I wrote about the beder swilling slobs who spend all day in a pub and try to dominate others with either their sixe or loud mouth ans useless threats I was speaking the truth which I have seen far to many times and is one reason I detest pubs and avoid mixing with heavy drinkers. I find a lot of people both dominants and submissives find the level they are comfy with. I do find that all my dominant friends have no desire to dominate people but they do tend to tak charge if there is disorder and if another dominant is present they co-opperate. Also I was refering to a far wider selection of people than just D/s.

if od course you refer to my mode of writing, my appologies, I simpluy write in the style, manner and language which I use every day and as I was brought up to use.. It is part of me. I am sure it annoys the hell out of some people, hoiwever I see no reason to modify or alter my manner of speach/.writing, to do so would be allowing others to dictate how I address others. Not on y'know.
Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

< Message edited by IronBear -- 5/14/2008 7:18:14 PM >

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 17

RE: Wanting to learnmore about what makes a Dominant/Ma... - 5/14/2008 9:58:23 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Because they can, and actually DO.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to mypain56)

Post #: 18

RE: Wanting to learnmore about what makes a Dominant/Ma... - 5/14/2008 10:55:53 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
A dominant has the dominnatant personality from early childhood and home/school and even later in work and other social activities like sports will oft encourage and teach the dominant (albeit budding) personality to become assertive. Not so unlike a pack of dogs or other pack animals where the young males learn their craft from the alpha male.

Nice theory but I really don't think it's anywhere near the truth at all. Many dominants do not have the stereotypical dominant personality, or, more often, they have a mix of stereotypically submissive and dominant personality traits.

And many submissives and slaves are quite assertive.

Being a dominant does not necessarily entail desiring to be a dominant to everyone or in generally all situations. It's guys who think like that who end up showing what dumbasses they are by always trying to prove how domly they are.

I tend to agree with L.A. and think it is pretty inaccurate to associate the "Alpha Perosonality" with a desire for authority and control in interpersonal lives.

In fact, I have put a lot of effort in distancing myself from a lot of the typical "Alpha male" behaviors and attitudes, because such behaviors are usually detrimental to maintaining a relationship.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 19

RE: Wanting to learnmore about what makes a Dominant/Ma... - 5/14/2008 11:05:03 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

No I was simply refering to a Dominant through their stages of development. They are more likely to seek some form of leadership role even if they aren't suited for it. It is the smart often educated Dominant you see as being sucessfull in the business world at what ever level they are happy with. Those Dominants who aren't too smart and lack ability in most thinds but still have the Dominant Personality usually gravitate to the coffee shop (middle class ones) or the pub on the corner and develope the beligerant attitude of a school yard bully as they swill beer sand blain everyone but themselves for their lack of fortune.

On an employment situation, I know many submissives who have leading possitioins which requoire a dominant persona and certainly assertive abilities. However like most theing in hiuman endevor, there is the Work mask, the Social mask, the Sports mask and at home one would hope the masks are laid aside and the real person comes out be they submissive or Dominant.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

These two statements are sort of in opposition.

Your dealing with a dichotomy here where each side is in dymetric opposition to the other.

If the conclusion of your thesis and experiences is that someone with a natural desire to control and have authority will gravitate to positions of leadership in all areas of their life, then someone who has a natural desire to give up control and not have authority should gravitate to positions of little control and little authority.

But your conclusion is that someone who has a natural desire to submit will not always gravitate towards such a position and in many cases will not.

If that's the case, then since both parties gravitate towards positions of leadership in the work place, then won't the logical conclusion be that positions of leadership in normal life have aren't dependant upon orientation in a relationship?

If I can provide a large number of incidents where both heterosexuals and homosexuals have drank orange juice, won't it be safe to say that preference of orange juice as a drink isn't something linked to either being homosexual or heterosexual?

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 5/14/2008 11:09:25 PM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 20

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