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Romancing the slave. - 5/14/2008 6:26:40 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
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By now, several have heard the story of my relationship, but for those who haven't, I will attempt to sum up. We were married, I discovered thanks to the internet that I wasn't a monster/freak of nature, just kinky, and came out to him. He (shockingly) did not run away...but only just. There followed many years of very, very delicate negotiations and hard work as we worked through all the various socializations that held him back...all while I carefully made sure this was ENTIRELY of his choice. (Always keeping the "just vanilla" option open, etc.) So we had a very unconventional relationship, and are only now finally able to delve more deeply into the romantic side of kink.
Now, we're poly, and I've wooed before, but those were new relationships that started off from a D/s/S/M footing. The thing is, a lot of the sorts of things you say and do in that situation are just silly or awkward in a relationship that's 13 years old.
I can (and do) romance him in more vanilla ways...I wrote him a love-letter that made him all gooey just recently, for example. But I'm having trouble figuring out how to romance him in a specifically D/s way that makes sense considering our relationship.
So, especially those of you in long-term relationships, especially the male submissives, but all of you are more than welcome...what are some things that make you all gooey inside that might be appropriate to a relationship like mine? If you (*waves at the dominants*) were in my place, what are some things you might try? Do you even have a concept of "specifically D/s romance" or do you see it as essentially the same as vanilla romance? I feel, too, like I'm better at romancing women, so I'm hoping for a lot of male input here.
I particularly want to show him the romantic side of D/s...something that has kind of slipped by the wayside while working on all the other stuff...but I can't go back to the beginning, and yet can't act like we've been building/maintaining that kind of romance all along, so it's something of a quandary...

Post #: 1

RE: Romancing the slave. - 5/14/2008 7:14:14 AM

MadameXTC

Posts: 96
Joined: 9/30/2004
Status: offline

Humm.. there are a few things you can do to creatively keep it interesting. Do you guys have children? Cause if you didnt have children at home you could leave little notecards all over the house giving directions and working him up to something big. I think I have seen that in a few movies. Like leave the first note on the door when he gets home from work or whatever and let that lead to the next note. Like here

((front door))- welcome home slut- please remove all of your clothes and enter the kitchen look on the counter for your next command
((kitchen counter)) - very good you can follow a simple command- crawl on hands and knees to the bedroom and get *whatever his fav toy is* and tell him to put it in his mouth to hold it and crawl back to the living room and wait

you can leave however many notes to lead him on a wild goose chase but you get the idea.. just make it something easy to follow and depending on what he can and cant do make it work for you. *i know some people have knee problems or whatever*

anyways fun games make life interesting as do nice romantic vacations if you can afford to do that. My Dominant and I just enjoyed going out for a night to stay in a hotel room away from the kids and relax in a hot tub with no desturbances it was wonderfull. Also maybe here and there wrap up a new toy as a reward for doing something you enjoyed

_____________________________

"Dominance is best viewed through a submissive's actions"

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 2

RE: Romancing the slave. - 5/14/2008 7:18:32 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

We do have kids...one about to turn 3 and another on the way. Probably should have mentioned that! Thanks.
I've actually done that sort of thing before, and it WAS a hit, but, as you say, not so practical these days.
I've never wrapped up a new toy for him. These days, our toy collection is pretty complete, but I'll keep an eye out for something that might excite him. Thank you.

(in reply to MadameXTC)

Post #: 3

RE: Romancing the slave. - 5/14/2008 7:27:42 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

www.kinkycards.com

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 4

RE: Romancing the slave. - 5/14/2008 7:28:36 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Candle light dinner, feeding him since his hands are bound, and of course, having the candle in a holder that you can easily tip the wax onto him while you dine.

Most of my romancing with Fox is very vanilla. We are a fairly typical couple, if you ignore the fact that I am the male role and he is the female. Sometimes, I will spice up fairly vanilla romance with little things, like having him wear panties when we go out to dinner or shopping. Or while we were dancing at my friends wedding, putting my hand around his throat briefly.

If either of you are into it, you could also (on a kid-free day) arrange for a sexy photo session. Digital,if you have it, and just have fun with the poses. Make sure you hav a good few of him in submissive positions, and it can definately be romantic, sexy as hel and a lot of fun.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 5

RE: Romancing the slave. - 5/14/2008 7:47:30 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

Thanks! I had that link once upon a time but lost it. :) Unfortunately, he gets most of his email/online time at work, though.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 6

RE: Romancing the slave. - 5/14/2008 7:51:18 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

Candle light dinner, feeding him since his hands are bound, and of course, having the candle in a holder that you can easily tip the wax onto him while you dine.

Most of my romancing with Fox is very vanilla. We are a fairly typical couple, if you ignore the fact that I am the male role and he is the female. Sometimes, I will spice up fairly vanilla romance with little things, like having him wear panties when we go out to dinner or shopping. Or while we were dancing at my friends wedding, putting my hand around his throat briefly.

If either of you are into it, you could also (on a kid-free day) arrange for a sexy photo session. Digital,if you have it, and just have fun with the poses. Make sure you hav a good few of him in submissive positions, and it can definately be romantic, sexy as hel and a lot of fun.

DV

I like the dinner idea...he actually mentioned recently that he likes bondage more than I realized. Maybe some night after the monkey is asleep...

I'm trying to figure out how to work little things like that in without making him nervous...he's very paranoid about being outed. I suppose we just need to work on him getting over that a bit, really.

Mmm. Did that once and I still enjoy looking at the pics. :)

Thanks!

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 7

RE: Romancing the slave. - 5/14/2008 8:49:28 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Go on line get some simple bondage pics together. Sit down with him and ask him to go thru them show you how he would like to be tied. Take it from there.

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 8

RE: Romancing the slave. - 5/14/2008 10:43:07 AM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

Candle light dinner, feeding him since his hands are bound, and of course, having the candle in a holder that you can easily tip the wax onto him while you dine.

Sometimes, I will spice up fairly vanilla romance with little things, like having him wear panties when we go out to dinner or shopping. Or while we were dancing at my friends wedding, putting my hand around his throat briefly.

~growling approval~ Verrrrrrryyyyyyyy sexy, extremely personal, and horrendously romantic there, DV. ~smiling~ Makes me want to trade places with him for a day.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 9

RE: Romancing the slave. - 5/14/2008 11:51:25 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

Candle light dinner, feeding him since his hands are bound, and of course, having the candle in a holder that you can easily tip the wax onto him while you dine.

Sometimes, I will spice up fairly vanilla romance with little things, like having him wear panties when we go out to dinner or shopping. Or while we were dancing at my friends wedding, putting my hand around his throat briefly.

~growling approval~ Verrrrrrryyyyyyyy sexy, extremely personal, and horrendously romantic there, DV. ~smiling~ Makes me want to trade places with him for a day.

Oh yes. I think I will have to ask Valyraen if he wants to take a look at this thread. Only to make suggestions of course...

For the OP though, I don't know how much this would work with male subs but ignore traditional gender stereotypes: Have you thought about binding him, have some fun (at some point blindfold him), and then at the end and before you remove the blindfold, drop flowers or flower petals all over his body? I think the sensation would be really interesting, particularly on skin that is already tingling and I know that I would find the gesture incredibly romantic. You could even do wax play on top of the flowers.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 10

RE: Romancing the slave. - 5/14/2008 4:58:30 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

STOP IT! JUST STOP IT!!!! I AM SINGLE AND YOU ARE KILLING ME!!!!!!

~faint~

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 11

RE: Romancing the slave. - 5/14/2008 5:13:00 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Darn it... so you don't want to hear about the "Ooops, a tail fell off the flogger. I must have been hitting too hard - oh wait. This isn't a tail, it's a bracelet. Hmmm... now who around here could use a pretty bracelet?" idea.

What we do can be so damn romantic.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 12

RE: Romancing the slave. - 5/14/2008 5:18:33 PM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
For the OP though, I don't know how much this would work with male subs but ignore traditional gender stereotypes: Have you thought about binding him, have some fun (at some point blindfold him), and then at the end and before you remove the blindfold, drop flowers or flower petals all over his body? I think the sensation would be really interesting, particularly on skin that is already tingling and I know that I would find the gesture incredibly romantic. You could even do wax play on top of the flowers.

Hrm. I'm sensing a lot of people find wax play romantic...unfortunately, it doesn't generally do much for us. Oh, well!
But I love the flowers idea...could totally combine that with DV's dinner idea, too.

For anyone else who is thinking about gender stuff, he's a modern guy, not at all feminine, but secure in his masculinity, sensitive, loving, etc. (Yes, I DID win the spouse lottery, thankyouverymuch. ;P)

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 13

RE: Romancing the slave. - 5/14/2008 5:22:19 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Can't say I find it particularly romantic. Just doing wax play over flower petals while I get to watch seems very cozy and fun. Wax play itself I just find sexy.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 14

RE: Romancing the slave. - 5/14/2008 5:34:24 PM

mstrj69

Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline

How hard would it be to get a sitter for your 3 year old? If you can, a couple of possibilities, depending on finances, might be getting a room at a motel for the two of you for that night ir maybe go camping where there is a lake or river near by in which he or both of you could go swimming (preferably without swim suits). Anything vanilla, with a little work can be turned so there is a sligth flair of the D/s to it and that can start with dressing for an occassion or before. Maybe having him bathe you.

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 15

RE: Romancing the slave. - 5/14/2008 9:19:52 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I do have my romantic streak, when I am put to the test. What I described is actually plans for my anniversary dinner with Fox.

Bathing is definately a romantic option as well. Have him run you a bath , let him kneel naked next to the tub while he washes you. If you trust him, you can let him shave your legs, or elsewhere *wiggles eyebrows*. After, let him dry you, and brush your hair. Relaxing and romantic, for both of you.
Warm oil massages do nicely, too. Fox learned to give back masages as a surprise for me for our first month anniversary. If you want to be a little more fun, risque type romance, get a pair of oversized dice, and make your own lovers dice game. On one, the action, and on the other the part of the body. Make them a little more lifestyle oriented and even give them dual meanings for some, like if you roll "tie hands" you tie his same as if he rolls it, or lick chest, you can do it to him or he to you... have fun with it.

For me, I'd settle for a nice nap on the couch together right about now. Thats one thing I have done with both boys, and enjoy quite a bit. Little differences, though, it isnt romantic with Angel, just VERY comforting.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to mstrj69)

Post #: 16

RE: Romancing the slave. - 5/15/2008 5:54:44 AM

lizcgirl

Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline

I have 2 small children that I have full custody of so I understand the difficulty with having romance while there are small ones running around screaming about cartoons and toys under your feet. Daddy and I are planning a weekend away, just the two of us, which was His idea and the most romantic and sweetest thing any one has ever thought of. We're going to one of those cabins for the weekend that has a hot tub, totally secluded and private. I'm not allowed to bring my cell phone or a computer, I'm allowed to call and check on my kids at certain times but that's it-- the rest of the weekend is strictly Him and me. Now what goes on durring that time can vary depending on the mood, but just the attention and lack of stress for me is very romantic! I know it isn't always financially possible to do something like that, but maybe something as simple as getting a sitter, disconnecting the computer, TV, house phone etc, and just spending time together where you're the only one with a phone and for emergencies only would work-- god knows we all have too many distractions on a day to day basis.

_____________________________

Never make some one a priority when all you are to them is an option.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 17

RE: Romancing the slave. - 5/15/2008 6:14:55 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrj69

How hard would it be to get a sitter for your 3 year old? If you can, a couple of possibilities, depending on finances, might be getting a room at a motel for the two of you for that night ir maybe go camping where there is a lake or river near by in which he or both of you could go swimming (preferably without swim suits). Anything vanilla, with a little work can be turned so there is a sligth flair of the D/s to it and that can start with dressing for an occassion or before. Maybe having him bathe you.

It's VERY hard for us to get a babysitter; we don't have the money to pay or anyone I really trust anyway other than my mother, and she can't handle him very often.
Back pre-kid, we used to shower together often. Not so practical these days, unfortunately.

(in reply to mstrj69)

Post #: 18

RE: Romancing the slave. - 5/15/2008 6:17:54 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

We actually fairly recently had my mother watch him for the weekend so we could have one last "us time" fest before the baby comes. Tainted a bit when she called too early on Sunday 'cause she was out of gas, but it was good. I need more of the little, everyday kind of stuff to do, stuff I can fit in without a babysitter.

(in reply to lizcgirl)

Post #: 19

RE: Romancing the slave. - 5/15/2008 9:21:04 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

This might seem silly but have you tried looking around on parenting sites for tips on keep the romance alive with children in the house? They won't be aimed at d/s, but can probably be adapted.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 20

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