collaring a married sub

collaring a married sub (Full Version)

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DomArtist4u -> collaring a married sub (5/14/2008 3:42:13 PM)
Firstly I will say I am new to this forum, but not new to the lifestyle. I wont presume to call my self a "Master" or an "experienced Dom" but lets say I have had a few D/s relationsips, putting me at about 5-6 years in the lifestyle. I now find myself in a new situation (as is every new relationship, D/s or not) this one may get me flamed on here for ethical reasons but, hey, I never claimed to be a sweetheart. Anyway, through the power of the internet I found myself in contact with a woman from my youth, over 20 years has past since I saw her last. Through emails and chats we come to find out we have both have an interest in D/s, bondage and a bit of pain. She is now married with kids and lives maybe 45 minutes away, she did come to see me and the energy between us was as incredible as ever, but we were both strong and nothing happened. However, she has now begged to be collared and owned. Aside from the moral issues of sexual deviance with not only a married woman but the wife of a childhood friend. Are there any others out there experienced in this? thoughts? ideas on how to keep the domination in effect, while apart... while with her husband... while maintaining discretion....etc.

kiwisub12 -> RE: collaring a married sub (5/14/2008 3:52:03 PM)
cup of hot tea, ginger cookies, and now, on with the show. (grins)

DesFIP -> RE: collaring a married sub (5/14/2008 4:47:52 PM)
Have her talk to her husband about how unhappy she is. Have her request he learn to top her and see if after six months/one year's time he feels dominant. At that point one year from now if there is still no interest, have her discuss opening up the marriage in the meantime. If he says yes, then he needs to decide what he is or is not comfortable with. Is this to be s & m only? Is sex permitted? If so what acts are out of bound? Does he need veto rights over her partners? Does he want to meet her partners? Does she want to meet his? How will they prevent std transmission? Have this discussion with her and then wish her well and don't see/talk to her for a year. But there's not much worse than screwing an old friend's wife behind his back except for screwing your wife's sister. Are you comfortable being a low life slimeball?

Quivver -> RE: collaring a married sub (5/14/2008 4:48:42 PM)
It's gonna be interesting to see if your flamed as badly as the married guy over on the ask the master forums.. ...................... [sm=popcorn.gif]

lusciouslips19 -> RE: collaring a married sub (5/14/2008 4:52:19 PM)
you really want to be in a relationship with someone who is married and to someone you know? I always appreciated the codes and ethics that are often lived up to here. meaning you dont lie. So by all means play with her after you get the approval of her husband or she seperates with plans for divorce.

RumpusParable -> RE: collaring a married sub (5/14/2008 4:56:10 PM)
Keeping away from the moral issue of the sneaking and keeping purely to the dominant and pragmatic: If she's hiding it from her spouse, she can't give you what you should get in my opinion. It's why I won't take on "discreet" subs personally: If I own someone, I want to be able to get them when needed, use them as desired within whatever limits we've discussed, rely on them to follow through on what they've been ordered or agreed to, etc. If a sub is open with their spouse then these things can be done. The sub can obey me, serve me, etc. with relative ease. If the sub is sneaking, then I can't contact them easily, they are severely limited on when and how they can serve and play, they often don't obey when away because they have to dodge their spouse, etc. It's signing up for headaches and you can't own any part of them.

mzbehavin -> RE: collaring a married sub (5/14/2008 4:57:59 PM)
It sounds as if you have strong feelings for her. Would you truly be ok with time share? If the answer is yes to that. Then yes, everything Des said. If your coming in hoping she will leave her family for you, well... an old Beatles tune comes to mind (ok, i get song messages) So heres yours~ ...The long and winding Road... I have no moral judgments to pass, because it wont matter what anyone says really, you'll probably have to learn on your own.

Madame4a -> RE: collaring a married sub (5/14/2008 5:28:55 PM)
Aside from the sneaking issue -- which sorry.. is really bad ok? Let her get a divorce first... or work on her marriage... but aside from that.. like RumpusParable, I don't believe someone can be married, sneaking and really submit.. as I've said to several married subs who've approached me.. you will let me down eventually, you're bound to because you're married and lying... I won't enter a relationship knowing full well that I will eventually be hurt or disappointed. If you don't care that you will not likely come first (and not second because she has kids too) and you should NOT come first.. then go for it.. but I think its bad to lie to your spouse... period.. and it doesn't bode well for another relationship that should also be based in honesty, integrity and trust...

Usako -> RE: collaring a married sub (5/14/2008 5:57:23 PM)
There are too many people in this situtions. There's you, the cheater (aka her), her husband AND their kids. There's too much potentional for everyone to get hurt. Plus, if she can lie to her hubby she can just as easily lie to you. Honestly, I say back off and let her figure it out with him. Encourage her to do what she needs to do for herself and the welfare of her home (ie, the kids.) Life is more than sex and BDSM. The WHOLE issue is ethical. The wife of your FRIEND? I mean c'mon...

SmokingGun82 -> RE: collaring a married sub (5/14/2008 6:18:30 PM)
I had a motto at one point, which cost me a friend when I flirted with his brother's wife (unknown to me at the time): I didn't make a vow. I don't think it's really your problem if she's married, or anything else. That's between her and whoever she's with.

Leatherist -> RE: collaring a married sub (5/14/2008 6:22:12 PM)
Keep it in your pants dude.

SailingBum -> RE: collaring a married sub (5/14/2008 9:01:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82 I had a motto at one point, which cost me a friend when I flirted with his brother's wife (unknown to me at the time): I didn't make a vow. I don't think it's really your problem if she's married, or anything else. That's between her and whoever she's with. yea silly me the OP is just a innocent bystander... what the hell was I thinking. and the kids are chopped liver. And this guy is a friend of yours. and you expect me/someone to give you advice on the best way to cheat... I think not... 300 million ppl in the US and I was unlucky enuff to cross your path. well dude your on my very short ignore list. BadOne

christine1 -> RE: collaring a married sub (5/14/2008 9:20:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82 I had a motto at one point, which cost me a friend when I flirted with his brother's wife (unknown to me at the time): I didn't make a vow. I don't think it's really your problem if she's married, or anything else. That's between her and whoever she's with. dude, i'd like to help you out here and share my gravy IV with you, but i'm too self involved. [8\|]

MasterFireMaam -> RE: collaring a married sub (5/14/2008 9:46:26 PM)
My girl is married. Granted, we are not sexual partners...even if we were, her and her husband are in an open relationship. From observed experience...it never ends well when the married partner of either the Master or slave doesn't know and approve of the relationship. Master Fire

scifi1133 -> RE: collaring a married sub (5/14/2008 9:55:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: christine1 quote: ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82 I had a motto at one point, which cost me a friend when I flirted with his brother's wife (unknown to me at the time): I didn't make a vow. I don't think it's really your problem if she's married, or anything else. That's between her and whoever she's with. dude, i'd like to help you out here and share my gravy IV with you, but i'm too self involved. [8\|] rotflmao

Leatherist -> RE: collaring a married sub (5/14/2008 9:56:00 PM)
Did I ever mention that you have an amazing gift for understatement?

MasterFireMaam -> RE: collaring a married sub (5/14/2008 9:59:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Did I ever mention that you have an amazing gift for understatement? Well, I try to keep my own personal ethics out of it...as well as the drama...especially when the simple truth/data says it all. The other stuff has a tendency to put people on the defensive and from that stance, they usually won't listen. Master Fire

Leatherist -> RE: collaring a married sub (5/14/2008 10:01:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Did I ever mention that you have an amazing gift for understatement? Well, I try to keep my own personal ethics out of it...as well as the drama...especially when the simple truth/data says it all. The other stuff has a tendency to put people on the defensive and from that stance, they usually won't listen. Master Fire But they don't want truth when they ask these questions.. They want validation of thier inane rationalizations from sychophants.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: collaring a married sub (5/14/2008 11:21:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist But they don't want truth when they ask these questions.. They want validation of thier inane rationalizations from sychophants. Yes, but I can only control my actions and reactions. I prefer to give the truth without drama or, in a lot of cases, condemnation. What they do with it is their business. Master Fire

RavenMuse -> RE: collaring a married sub (5/15/2008 3:44:09 AM)
If she is prepaired to lie to her supposed primary partner... she WILL lie to you... if you are willing to be party to such lying and cheating then how can anyone trust you given trust is such a big foundationstone in what We do? I have had subs who where married, with the full knowledge and agreement of the husband. Just understand that You can't be the primary relationship, You can't fully Own someone in that situation BUT that Your relationship can benifit that primary relationship as well as being positive for You... But only if You take up the responcibility and work for ensuring it goes that way.

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