RE: Dominating a Domina by another Domina

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RE: Dominating a Domina by another Domina - 5/15/2008 6:08:22 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Not d/s but just people stuff. If you've volunteered to do something and someone else starts telling you how to do it, just smile at them and say how glad you are they're volunteering to take over the whole job. And dump it all in their lap. They'll back off so far you couldn't see them with a pair of binoculars.

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RE: Dominating a Domina by another Domina - 5/17/2008 12:57:16 AM

DelilahDeb

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Joined: 1/27/2008
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My only experience of this to date is a group local to me which determined I wasn't "DOMME" enough for them when I signed up for the e-mail list. Apparently instructing your sub exactly how to pleasure you isn't dominant enough because it occasionally involves being a dominant masochist.

I give that lot maybe another year...it's a pretty small pool and keeps shrinking every time the list-owner quizzes all the newly arrived dommes.

Lady Delilah Deb

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RE: Dominating a Domina by another Domina - 5/17/2008 1:09:22 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
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So you didn't walk the one twue D/s way Delilah, you undommely Domme, you?

I agree that there is a big difference between dominant and domineering. As long as giant ego's are kept out of it, most groups can work out very well. Women are especially adept at getting the job done and keeping the peace. We do it everyday as a normal part of life.

Personally, I've loved working with a groups of dominant women. I find that we are all working for the same outcome and are willling to share idea's. Anyone that tries to take over usually find themselves on the outer fairly quickly.

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RE: Dominating a Domina by another Domina - 5/17/2008 2:03:10 AM

Politesub53

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Personally, I've loved working with a groups of dominant women. I find that we are all working for the same outcome and are willling to share idea's. Anyone that tries to take over usually find themselves on the outer fairly quickly.

Waves to Miss Magnolia.
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RE: Dominating a Domina by another Domina - 5/17/2008 2:06:08 AM

MissMagnolia

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Oh you love it politesub!!!

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RE: Dominating a Domina by another Domina - 5/17/2008 2:11:40 AM

Politesub53

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i would never top from the bottom Ma`am. i would just ask You nicely

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RE: Dominating a Domina by another Domina - 5/17/2008 6:11:45 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

It wouldn't bother me unless she tried to tell me and my sub what to do, then we'd butt heads. I can handle suggestions or volunteering to do something, but someone telling me I have to do something...no...that wouldn't go over very well at all.

~Lashra

Same here. I also have learned over time to ask ALOT of questions before hopping aboard. Exactly what I am expected to do, who is in charge, what is the over all goal, etc....... If it looks like it's going to be a disaster and I am not going to have any control over averting the disaster, I am not signing on.

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RE: Dominating a Domina by another Domina - 5/20/2008 9:25:18 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear MladyHathor, Ladies and Gentlemen;

There are many ideas as to what the epitome of being a Female Dominant may/is to be. However, there is room for variety in styles of being a woman, a lady and or a Dominant.

That said, there is a difference between being Dominant and domineering, to which some have to suffer through this mis-conception until they learn that one does not need to be 'ugly' in order to get attention or be taken seriously.

In my association with a local 'FemDom' group; it has gone on for a few years now with no major upset between many ladies. I am by age one of the oldest and I do offer help to those female Dominants who are learning or want to learn; but--I am not chasing them around. They approach me. I personally enjoy seeing people develop into their own Domination style.

Perhaps it is the 'type' of ladies I do associate with. I have many interests and that leaks into the conversation and makes it interesting. But, I honestly feel that to be Dominant, you don't have to 'dominate' another Dominant. Strong personalities and those who have leadership qualities know how to influence by knowledge, information and or skills and to inspire others.
I do not make a contest out of joining a group of Female Dominants. I think if there are those who attempt to 'out do' the other Dominant and does not have knowledge, skill and or respect for the role as a Dominant; they will just shoot themselves in the foot per se.

The hardest part is getting the 'idea' through that being a Dominant, does not mean that you (in a general sense) are the epitome of the Dominant world; community; group and or social settings. It is just as hard to get it across that you may be a Dominant but, it requires consent to be dominated, e.g. slave, submissive, switch, bottoming, etc. Respect usually practiced will 'check' the need to go on strongly as to establish the perfered role--as 'a' Dominant. Usually people can observe and immediately come to the correct assessments.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Dominating a Domina by another Domina - 5/21/2008 5:10:07 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

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Yes some "Dommes" do have a tiresome need to dominate everyone, not just their own subs. The role of "Dominant" seems to attract people who like getting their own way....all the time.

But some women feel that deferring to the will of another Domme makes her somehow less Dominant? Are you willing to share power within the group with this other woman (and the others)?

Not every Domme in the group will get her own way. Someone has to defer to someone. Sometimes you lead: sometimes you follow (which does not make any of us less Domme-ly).

I find it easy to work with other Dommes I admire, but not so easy to work with bossy know-it-alls who try to control everyone else. Tricky part is knowing when I am the one being the bossy know-it-all!!!!

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 5/21/2008 5:20:23 AM >

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RE: Dominating a Domina by another Domina - 5/21/2008 9:26:44 AM

LadyHugs

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Dear MsCfromMelbourne, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I agree with you, that it is most difficult to associate with those who 'think they know it all.' I have to smile and laugh inside when a Dominant of two years and without a submissive, who cannot flog herself out of a wet paper bag is telling everybody 'how to do.' With 30+ years in the lifestyle with long term relationships, even I don't 'know it all.' There is always something new to learn and learn something in a different way proffers itself.

I felt a bit bad for one Dominant woman who had less than a year under her experience, trying to teach someone else new how to flog and--well, talking about wrapping and an out of control flogger. [Shudders] I had brought in my gear and helped someone nearby, to which the peak of the scene/mentoring I had three floggers in each hand and Florentine the lad who was kind enough to be the bottom as I mentored this other lady Dominant next to the "know it all." Sadly, the know it all threw down her flogger and stomped off in a huff. She hadn't been seen since. She reappeared briefly in the Fredericksburg, VA area but--her reputation has remained regardless how many aliases she takes on.

I would have gladly worked with the 'know it all'-- I've worked with several such people and they came to be very wonderful people when they understood it isn't about 'out dominating' other people or 'stealing someone's thunder.' We all have purpose and in the end--we really are fighting for recognition and respect, to which female Dominants in a male dominated world keep surpressing . I had to go to Gay Masters to learn my craft as the Heterosexuals closed the door rudely.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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