RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (Full Version)

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kittinSol -> RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (5/15/2008 7:40:24 AM)

To go back to the OP, nothing like a good fuck.




michaelOfGeorgia -> RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (5/15/2008 9:02:52 AM)

Sex is over-rated




KatyLied -> RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (5/15/2008 9:19:28 AM)

quote:

nothing like a good fuck.


And nothing like the release you get from a good orgasm.




Asherdelampyr -> RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (5/15/2008 9:22:02 AM)

I agree, sex is the best way to improve someones mood (I should be a therapist :P)




pagansub77 -> RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (5/15/2008 9:34:57 AM)

<FR>
I will admit I have not read the entire thread, so I may be repeating others input.

I have been diagnosed with depression. I take my meds, attend therapy regularly and generally do all I can to maintain myself in a healthy way. I have found that sometimes a good beating is helpful. It releases all the 'feel good' brain chemicals...serotonin, norepinephrine, dopamine etc...

It's also somewhat generally recognized that many substance abusers are suffering from mood/mental disorders. Self medication with alcohol or drugs is often the first sign that someone has problems. Untreated, this leads to substance abuse in many cases. That cycle can be broken, if the person is willing to admit they have a problem and take steps to recover, such as medication and 12 step programs...AA, NA etc...

Of course, this is basically my opinion, but it seems to be working for me.

ps77




BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (5/15/2008 10:01:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Make her run behind my car,  holding two signs; one with a frown face drawn on it, one with a smilie face. When she held up the smilie one, that would signify that I had fixed her.
 


Level!  Sweet 'ums, this is an excellent example of a assertive multi-tasking dominance!  Cure her depression and keep her from ending up in the fat sub/slave threads!   [sm=car.gif][sm=hyper.gif]

You're a genius!  Oh wait, that's the other dude.  Nevermind. [sm=doh.gif]




PanthersMom -> RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (5/15/2008 10:52:43 AM)

therapy with a kink friendly therapist, possibly medication if warranted, and changes in  a few routines.  boredom can lead to depression.  have the sub take a class in something that interests them and will lead to self improvement.  a cooking class, an art class, something positive.  regular exercise and a healthy diet can also help.
PM




Level -> RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (5/15/2008 3:36:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Make her run behind my car,  holding two signs; one with a frown face drawn on it, one with a smilie face. When she held up the smilie one, that would signify that I had fixed her.
 


Level!  Sweet 'ums, this is an excellent example of a assertive multi-tasking dominance!  Cure her depression and keep her from ending up in the fat sub/slave threads!   [sm=car.gif][sm=hyper.gif]

You're a genius!  Oh wait, that's the other dude.  Nevermind. [sm=doh.gif]


Maybe I can claim to be "genius-ish".....[X(]




NorthernGent -> RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (5/15/2008 4:07:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I guess that explains the e-mails from you asking if I have herpes. Trolling???



There's charm for you eh........"excuse me, I've noticed your posts....pretty impressive by anyone's standards....apologies for the forward nature of this mail, but you have a special something which demands a note from me to you......possibly herpes.....well? do you?....look forward to the reply......sincerely".




NorthernGent -> RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (5/15/2008 4:09:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

just thought i would toss this out there to see the varying ways people cope with a submissive that is depressed. i probably won't participate in this, as my participation only tends to spawn flaming.



In the event you've made a commitment, the only option is to honour it. Whether that be seeking professional help or researching other means of combatting depression.




BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (5/15/2008 5:20:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Make her run behind my car,  holding two signs; one with a frown face drawn on it, one with a smilie face. When she held up the smilie one, that would signify that I had fixed her.
 


Level!  Sweet 'ums, this is an excellent example of assertive multi-tasking dominance!  Cure her depression and keep her from ending up in the fat sub/slave threads!   [sm=car.gif][sm=hyper.gif]

You're a genius!  Oh wait, that's the other dude.  Nevermind. [sm=doh.gif]


Maybe I can claim to be "genius-ish".....[X(]



That will work, but don't try saying that word if you've had a couple of margaritas cuz it comes out "geniusshits".  It doesn't have quite the same feel to it, ya know? [sm=buddies.gif]




Level -> RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (5/15/2008 6:07:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Make her run behind my car,  holding two signs; one with a frown face drawn on it, one with a smilie face. When she held up the smilie one, that would signify that I had fixed her.
 


Level!  Sweet 'ums, this is an excellent example of assertive multi-tasking dominance!  Cure her depression and keep her from ending up in the fat sub/slave threads!   [sm=car.gif][sm=hyper.gif]

You're a genius!  Oh wait, that's the other dude.  Nevermind. [sm=doh.gif]


Maybe I can claim to be "genius-ish".....[X(]



That will work, but don't try saying that word if you've had a couple of margaritas cuz it comes out "geniusshits".  It doesn't have quite the same feel to it, ya know? [sm=buddies.gif]


Hmmmm........... geniusshits......... this could turn out to be a work of art.
 
Picture it: a Johnny on the Spot, set up in the middle of the Louvre. Emanating from it, my voice reading bits of Socrates and Nietzsche, punctuated occasionally by eardrum shattering flatulence.
 
Brilliant!




chickpea -> RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (5/15/2008 6:51:57 PM)

Think all the advice is good on here, plus maybe to start... getting the sub into more healthier activities, like more excercise to get more oxygen to the brain to help stabilize and uplift moods, eating right, different activities, meeting new people, doing things they enjoy will help increase energy so the sub doesn't sleep all day and get even more depressed.  That's a start, with all the non-medical professional stuff. 

Think the hardest part is getting them to admit they have a problem and get help.    Think it's easy to say about somebody else that the person is crazy and screwed up, but for the sub to admit about him/herself that help that their own judgement or own emotions may need professional help....well if a Dom tells a sub that in the wrong way it may not work and may make a situation worse.  Again doing it from a loving and support angle will help ease the sub towards getting help, as telling someone they need help typically is like a put down and carries a stigma which could lower their self-esteem/confidence and make their condition worse (and at the same time, they will still NOT get help).  Kinda like getting a drug addict to go get professional help...  Think since mental illness has no tangible cause, so not being able to label a concrete event outside of oneself, there's more of a risk of blaming oneself and harder to justify if it even exists to the sub or why they should get help--and then getting sucked into a blame, not seeking professional help, more depression cycle, like a black hole.  So definitely be like a life couch sort of Dom that tells them what to do that's good for them.  I'm not sure if you want to play counselor, as you are the dom.  But to be supportive of the situation and show that you care maybe better than trying to fix your sub yourself by playing counselor. 

The onset and cause of mental illness or depression may be due to a past experience or genetically inherited or both (where genetics causes a string of aweful experiences).  Both are chemically based and due to chemical alterations in the brain.  Non-medical therapy can break the cycle, and get the synapses to fire in a positive way and the chemicals in the brain to change to normal (with inner resolution of past issues, change of lifestyle activities/surroundings, and different thoughts/attitudes).  Medications may be needed and used temporarily to help ease symptoms during their recovery process.  If its genetically-based, medications will probably be needed (if there are ones to help their specific illness and the side effects are not worse than the illness itself) and use will probably have to be permanent. 

I agree with all the people on this thread where real relationships + depression don't mix.  I agree with most that think a Dom should not play with someone in the kinky sense with those that are depressed and who hasn't gotten help yet, because it's tough to deal with, they'll probably end up resenting the sub for putting such a burden on him, and then the relationship will go kaputz anyway.  Just do as much as you're willing for the sub.  If you care about the sub and see hope in a future full-on relationship, the sub will notice.  It will give you brownie points when and if the sub gets better and you two jump into BDSM.  Probably make it easier for the sub to fully give him or herself, and make the BDSM and the regular relationship more intense and more fulfilling.  The level of emotional health required to navigate successfully and thrive within a relationship with all the ups and downs and complications of a relationship (being evaluated by the dom and others, all the emotions, giving your emotions and time to someone else) is already demanding for someone who's not depressed, and just way too much for someone who's not all together yet.




littlespicyone -> RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (5/15/2008 8:19:20 PM)

You're kidding right? A depressed sub ... is a depressed person, it's not like being submissive means that person isn't still a person. You deal with a depressed sub with kindness, just like a depressed child or relative or friend. And it's horrible to say you're going to "cope" with a depressed person.




MissSCD -> RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (5/15/2008 8:35:50 PM)

I happen to know mikey very well.   I am amused at the comments that were made only to ridicule rather to to help him though this.  He actually needed emotional support.
Most of these rude comments were made by some who have never dealt with a person with depression,
Furthermore:  I take care of my mother who is clinically depressed.  It is challenging, but not impossible.   I am bipolar.   The lifestyle has been great place for my emotional support.
mikey is more than capable of being a sub if someone would give him that chance.

Regards, MissSCD




michaelOfGeorgia -> RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (5/15/2008 8:46:30 PM)

thank You for Your kind support, Ma'am. You've always been a good, dear friend.

[sm=hearts.gif]




cjan -> RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (5/16/2008 6:35:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

You seriously need help.


That's quite obvious, mistoferin. I hope he get's some, or, at least, doesn't inflict himself on some vulnerable/gullible sub.

quote:


I happen to know mikey very well.   I am amused at the comments that were made only to ridicule rather to to help him though this.  He actually needed emotional support.
Most of these rude comments were made by some who have never dealt with a person with depression,
Furthermore:  I take care of my mother who is clinically depressed.  It is challenging, but not impossible.   I am bipolar.   The lifestyle has been great place for my emotional support.
mikey is more than capable of being a sub if someone would give him that chance.

Regards, MissSCD


MissSCD, I've followed this thread and don't recall any comment that was directed at the OP in an unkind, ridiculing or insensitive way. In fact, I think many people have posted compassionate, understanding comments and have given some good advice for dealing with depression. There have been some lighthearted posts, but none of them, that I can see, were directed at the OP. In fact, I think that a sense of humor is a good defense against taking ourselves and life too seriously.

Michael, I hope that you haven't taken anything posted as personally dismissive of your OP or feelings. I wish you the best and hope that you see a medical professional to help you deal with your apparent depression.







VelvetMaam -> RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (5/16/2008 6:42:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

I happen to know mikey very well.   I am amused at the comments that were made only to ridicule rather to to help him though this.  He actually needed emotional support.
Most of these rude comments were made by some who have never dealt with a person with depression,
Furthermore:  I take care of my mother who is clinically depressed.  It is challenging, but not impossible.   I am bipolar.   The lifestyle has been great place for my emotional support.
mikey is more than capable of being a sub if someone would give him that chance.

Regards, MissSCD



I agree that those suffering from depression need emotional support - but I do think it's unreasonable to turn to anyone other than family, current friends, and therapists for that support.   Certainly not from strangers on the internet, and certainly don't go looking for a new relationship to provide that support - that's only setting oneself up for failure and further disappointment.

I do understand taking care of an elderly parent - my father is diabetic, and I make sure I monitor him regularly, make sure he's eating right, drop off food, make sure his meds are sorted out, that he is doing what he should be doing.  I gladly take care of my father - he's my dad.  He actually takes decent care of himself but he's 80 and he's forgetful. 

It IS challenging to be able to be a caretaker to someone, as well as maintain and pursue your own life.   But it's really comparing apples and oranges, when you're talking about a parent or relative or spouse VS. chosing to get involved with someone who needs that kind of care from the get-go.

Like I said before...if that individual is doing what they can to make sure their condition is under control - whether it be depression, diabetes, what have you - then that's one thing.   It really depends on whether the person is ruling the disease or the disease is ruling the person.  




angelikaJ -> RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (5/16/2008 7:09:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

I would not willingly get involved again with someone who had such issues as chronic depression, sub or not.


Would you willingly get involved with someone who had diabetes or allergies?

And what if the person develops high blood pressure after you became involved?

Depression is a medical illness.

It is not a weakness of character.

Everyone has baggage of one kind or another.

For me personally, it makes sense to decide I won't be in a relationship with someone who frequently engages in self destructive behaviors...ie not taking medication or not seeking help...for any illness.




ModeratorEleven -> RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive (5/16/2008 9:34:01 AM)

Ok folks, the thread tumors have been excised.  Back to the topic please.

XI





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