Feeding the vulnerable places (Full Version)

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SimplyMichael -> Feeding the vulnerable places (5/15/2008 8:25:34 AM)

As a dominant, what makes you feel the most loved, that touches those most vulnerable place inside you?

For me, it is when a partner does something I crave and does so on their own.  Which is why I want to train someone to do things my way, that way they know exactly what I want and how.  That goes for almost anything in a relationship.

Now of course I get all hot and bothered by ordering and even forcing someone to do something but if I force someone to take care of my vulnerable places, like the little wounded boy, etc. if I force it out of them it is mostly meaningless emotionally even if it is hot sexually.

BSB melted my heart last night as she took care of something for me that I hadn't asked for but was something that made my life much better.  Today I am filled with joy because of it, it shows me that I am not just a "fetish delivery device" and that my happiness is really important to her outside of her own needs and wants.  It feeds me emotionally on a very very deep level.  Another example that was wonderful but didn't touch me in the same way was when she was here this month she threw out my crappy old keyboard and mouse and when and got me a really nice wireless one and every time I use it I am reminded that she loves me.

Yes, there is a bit of that bottomless black pit of neediness and insecurity, of "does she really love me" but it vastly different now than it used to be.  It used to be I needed it like a meal and without it I would be hungry and unsatisfied.  I think now I know my need/want is irrational and I ration how I allow myself to feel that need.  It works pretty well, sort of a fake it till you make it sort of things.  I want to get to a place where it is like the topping on desert, a welcome surprise, an enhancement which is a better place to be emotionally, perhaps I am even partially there but who knows.

So what feeds YOUR heart and if you care to respond about why that would be interesting as well.



Leatherist -> RE: Feeding the vulnerable places (5/15/2008 8:32:30 AM)

creation.



Mercnbeth -> RE: Feeding the vulnerable places (5/15/2008 8:46:10 AM)

~ Fast Reply ~

Michael,
If you decide on a new CM handle, may I suggest 'Mushy Dom', or (from beth) 'Simply Mushy'?

beth also says I should write something more so you won't take it the wrong way and still be our friend....

ummmm....can't think of anything.

How about some potential dialog for your love story...
"You had me at the keyboard. You had me at the keyboard!"
 
 
[sm=imsorry.gif]
 
quote:

So what feeds YOUR heart and if you care to respond about why that would be interesting as well.
You want seriousness? Truth? Okay - here goes...
 
Seeing the emotions and joy in your post and the difficulty of trying to express what you are feeling in words is how I feel every day since I met beth. 
Trust me - I feel similarly, and shout it to the world at every opportunity. Stories like yours and BSB feed my heart. Seeing the confidence you represent by not worrying about how your sentiment will be perceived by others, made us both smile this morning. Thanks for sharing!
 
Good for you my friend! We've very happy for you both. See you soon!



SimplyMichael -> RE: Feeding the vulnerable places (5/15/2008 9:01:07 AM)

Merc,

Just to spread the love, your's is a relationship I didn't believe existed (and a few other's here as well) and you two have proved me wrong.  In fact, it is looking at you two sometimes that give me the inner strength I need to continue down the path BSB and I are exploring.  I would have told her prior to hanging out with you two that "down yonder pathe there lie monsters"

As for being "mushy" it is my way of growing.  I used to lie to myself a LOT and still do about some things.  By being open, it is harder to lie to myself.   



SirDominic -> RE: Feeding the vulnerable places (5/15/2008 10:26:04 AM)

“Yes, there is a bit of that bottomless black pit of neediness and insecurity, of "does she really love me" but it vastly different now than it used to be.”

“I want to get to a place where it is like the topping on desert, a welcome surprise, an enhancement which is a better place to be emotionally, perhaps I am even partially there but who knows.”


Michael,
You are struggling with one of the most difficult things, your own inner demons. And as much as the kindesses of your slave brighten your day, driving out for a moment those monsters, they are still there.

No amount of loving from without is ever going to resolve your issue. Only you can conquer the demons that plague you. As long as you look outside of yourself for happiness, you will never really find it.

This is a difficulty for my slave as well. She knows how much she is loved, how much she means to me. But a lot of her happiness is coming from me, not from within herself. Her own demons make it very hard for her to believe. Slowly, she is working through it, making real progress in the year and a half we have been together. She has a way to go.

The neediness and insecurity within yourself has to be conquered by you. Wish I could tell you how to do it, but that is a personal journey unique to each individual.



LadyPact -> RE: Feeding the vulnerable places (5/15/2008 1:01:11 PM)

As far as the everyday stuff, Michael, I wouldn't know where to begin.  Probably My favorite is the flower bed that My sub surprised Me with earlier this spring.  No matter what kind of day I've had, I come home and smile just looking at it.  I hadn't mentioned I wanted it.  I just came home and there it was.  I could bore you with how it relates to the name I gave him, but that would take a while.

I've told this story on the boards before, but I can't help thinking about the first thing that showed Me that I wasn't 'life support for kink'.  It was last year, before My sub was *My* sub.  Long story short, I had a car wreck, literally on the way to pick him up for a munch.  He asked as many people as it took to say yes to find someone to borrow a car (his was in the shop at the time) and drove all over half the town trying to find Me.  I was too shaken up to give decent directions, and he had no clue of how to find where I was.  (He did, before the whole mess was cleaned up.)  The following day when I went to get checked out at the hospital, I woke up, and there he was, stroking My hair.  It was actually My husband who made sure I knew how devoted he was, and how important I was to this boy.



robertolapiedra -> RE: Feeding the vulnerable places (5/15/2008 2:39:59 PM)

quote:

if I force it out of them it is mostly meaningless emotionally even if it is hot sexually.
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael


So what feeds YOUR heart and if you care to respond about why that would be interesting as well.


Hello SimplyMichael. Nope, you are not ''mushy Mike''. ''Mush'' is a most important ingredient in a relationship as it helps the meshing of egos. It is a kind of ''lube'' that permits close and intense affectionate ''contact''. When you permit yourself to be ''mushy'', you permit yourself to bond with your partner in all aspects of life, no just the hot stuff. Some bad asses see this as some sort of weakness... it is the opposite, it is a strenghth. I think you are just starting to understand LTR and that it has nothing to do with the lifestyle. Changing a keyboard is not on the kink list, right?

If you have to force it out of them it is meaningless...Damn right! What the human heart needs is kindness, any kindness. RL.



Padriag -> RE: Feeding the vulnerable places (5/15/2008 4:27:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

As a dominant, what makes you feel the most loved, that touches those most vulnerable place inside you?

In all honesty... I'm not sure anymore.  Its been so long since there was someone who could or did.  For those who have that kind of connection in their life... don't take it for granted. 



SimplyMichael -> RE: Feeding the vulnerable places (5/15/2008 6:30:01 PM)

quote:

For those who have that kind of connection in their life... don't take it for granted. 


I don't, thus this post...



BossyShoeBitch -> RE: Feeding the vulnerable places (5/15/2008 6:36:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

As a dominant, what makes you feel the most loved, that touches those most vulnerable place inside you?

In all honesty... I'm not sure anymore.  Its been so long since there was someone who could or did.  For those who have that kind of connection in their life... don't take it for granted. 

I can assure you that He works extremely hard at not taking our connection for granted .. He is in fact much better at it than I..


edited to say:
Hi Daddy!  I didn't even realize you were posting about the same time as me!  [:)]



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Feeding the vulnerable places (5/15/2008 6:37:35 PM)

I've said this often- when they do what is right for them, even when they know it isn't what I want, trusting that I will remain with them.

That is the ultimate for me.



BossyShoeBitch -> RE: Feeding the vulnerable places (5/15/2008 6:39:24 PM)

LA,
But you are talking about your major past life decisions aren't you?  What about small every day "I love you just because" surprises?



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Feeding the vulnerable places (5/15/2008 6:43:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch
LA,
But you are talking about your major past life decisions aren't you?  What about small every day "I love you just because" surprises?

Oh no I'm talking about everyday.  You have no idea how difficult it is for my partner to stand up for himself, knowing it could very well cause a conflict, KNOWING it's not what I want and what I like.  The fact that he's gotten to the point that he does do it, does know it's the right thing to do, and knows that I'll still love him and be there afterwards.

He was trained from birth to avoid conflict, to be the peacemaker, to be understanding, to give, to fear losing approval.  And he's amazing at all of those things.  To know that he can balance all of that with going completely against it when it needs to be done-

Words really can't describe it.



Padriag -> RE: Feeding the vulnerable places (5/15/2008 6:53:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

For those who have that kind of connection in their life... don't take it for granted. 


I don't, thus this post...

Didn't mean to imply you did.  I'm feeling kind of tired and a lil annoyed today.  Lately I've been reminded of the loss and absence of someone I still miss very much.  I have an employee who I think has a bit of a crush on me.  She has a fiance who takes her for granted, is often too busy flirting with others to give her the attention she craves.  If I pay her any attention at all, even just being the least bit friendly, she gets all gooey eyed at me.  I spent part of today trying to keep myself out of the middle of something I'd rather not even know about.  It just chaffe's me a bit right now to see someone virtually throwing away a connection and relationship so casually while I'm being reminded of the one that was ripped so cruely from me.  An he'll never know what he had til its gone.

Anyway... in an attempt to stop hijacking your thread... one of the things I remember were the little things she did, the little bits of creativity and thoughtfulness.  She once made a stained glass panel for me to give my father for father's day.  I'd had a falling out with him and things were strained.  She used glass from places he'd been in Europe while in the military... every color and every piece bore some special significance.  I never asked or suggested it, she did it entirely on her own.  It helped mend some wounds between myself and my father and that father's day is probably the one he and I both remember the most.  She did that.  How could either of us not be touched by it?  How can I ever forget?



BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Feeding the vulnerable places (5/15/2008 6:58:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

Michael,
You are struggling with one of the most difficult things, your own inner demons. And as much as the kindesses of your slave brighten your day, driving out for a moment those monsters, they are still there.

No amount of loving from without is ever going to resolve your issue. Only you can conquer the demons that plague you. As long as you look outside of yourself for happiness, you will never really find it.

This is a difficulty for my slave as well. She knows how much she is loved, how much she means to me. But a lot of her happiness is coming from me, not from within herself. Her own demons make it very hard for her to believe. Slowly, she is working through it, making real progress in the year and a half we have been together. She has a way to go.

The neediness and insecurity within yourself has to be conquered by you. Wish I could tell you how to do it, but that is a personal journey unique to each individual.



Wow.  Not sure what to say except that it's a really weird feeling to see your inner, vulnerable self in someone elses words.

I think I need a hug. [&o]



SirMIkeSD -> RE: Feeding the vulnerable places (5/15/2008 8:32:48 PM)

When my boy does things that exceed him limits with me on his own because he wants to.  There are a few things that I enjoy that are limits for him, and those rare times that we goes for it on his own are increadable. It makes me feel so proud of him along with a nice warm feeling.

Mike




MasterFireMaam -> RE: Feeding the vulnerable places (5/15/2008 10:50:10 PM)

For whatever reasons, asking for what I really NEED in a relationship is HARD. This is especially hard when I feel I need something that I think others will/would scoff at, be that from thinking the need is stupid or totally unnecessarily. I think it's because by rejecting what I need, the person essentially rejects me on a very intimate level. One of the things that's helped is figuring out that I'm poly...and so I don't have to rely on ONE person to meet every need. So, while it's still hard to ask for what I need, it's not quite as devastating when someone says no. I've found that I can adapt, even to the point of no real kink, if I'm able to have that need met elsewhere.

Master Fire



antipode -> RE: Feeding the vulnerable places (5/15/2008 11:42:21 PM)

What does not float my boat is people who obfuscate URLs into their profile. Childish. Bottomless black pit indeed.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Feeding the vulnerable places (5/16/2008 1:37:28 AM)

Please, everyone just ignore it and lets stay positive!



BitaTruble -> RE: Feeding the vulnerable places (5/16/2008 11:44:30 AM)

Thank you for this thread, Michael. It sparked a wonderful dialogue between Himself and I. He doesn't participate in the forums and I'm not going to share what he had to say, but I will say that I've got some warm fuzzies going on today because of it. Damn .. after 12 years together, that man still has the ability to make my heart beat faster and completely surprise me.
[sm=couple.gif]

Celeste



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