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BlackPhx -> Wannabe's Vs Nevagonnabes (5/15/2008 11:42:32 AM)
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OK, nothing worse than a Master who crawls out of bed at 4:30 AM..and has time to wake up before you do at 7 am, thereby being far more alert and ready for an intellectual conversation while you are still trying to find the coffee. What started the discussion this morning was a profile on CM of a Submissive (self identified) that was basically a diatribe against what she did not consider dominants and proper behavior or contact from them and Wannabes. Well everyone is entitled to their opinion and to make clear what they are or are not seeking and trust me neither he nor I have a problems with that. Where the biggest problem came in (besides a mixed message she was giving) was the term Wannabe. So...you guessed it I am off and running.
Wannabe a term that is often used on the net to denote someone who has never been, is probably never going to be a slave or Master/Mistress etc. It is a term that I feel for the most part is over used and extremely inaccurate. It is also used with scorn that is far from deserved. Every single one of us at some point in our lives has been a wannabe when it comes to this life choice. We may have dreamed of it, read books on it, identified with it, but until we have picked up an instrument and used it on someone's flesh, been owned, dominated another person or owned one, we were Wannabe's. Potentiating but not yet realized.
Now here is the kicker, even if we have never done one blessed thing to actuate our desires into reality with another person, we can STILL be self identified as Submissive, Dominant, Masochist or Sadist, these are personality traits not just words denoting our positions in our life choice. There are no Wannabe's among that latter grouping. You are what you are. But there is no way to delineate the difference between Submissive (trait) and Submissive or Dominant (trait) and Dominant. (Scraping Twue off the bottom of my shoe)
Nevagonnabes is the term I perfer to use for those who are unlikely in my opinion to ever step beyond the mental exercise alone in their rooms. You will occasionally meet one on the net, hiding from Mom in the basement or wife or boss, but they are a rare avis indeed. Eventually they may transform into a Wannabe, but often they will go to their graves unfulfilled save by a porn site or magazines, never daring to step outside the privacy in their own minds.
So why NOT use Wannabe's? Simple. If you are seeking someone with experience in an area, say that you are looking for experience. You may require a certain amount of experience, that is your perogative, though frankly until you meet a person you don't know just how much experience they actually have. It is not like you can check with a former employer. References are only as good as the people they give you to check with afterall and with the proliferation of free email sites on the web, that reference check...could be them. But don't dismiss someone as a Wannabe, because they don't have the experience you want or are just getting started with this life choice.
So many Dominants are more than willing to welcome the submissive just taking her first steps in this world, but we don't often see the reverse. Experienced Submissives and slaves saying they will entertain and work with the new Dominant seeking to gain experience. These seeking dominants are often the ones tagged Wannabe's as they make blunders and mistakes trying to find a partner in exploration.
Now don't get me wrong, there are a lot of trolls out there, looking only for wanking material and I have little save contempt for them. But they are not the Wannabe's in my opinions. They are just Wankers and trolls.
The wannabe's are just that..people who "Want To Be" but have not yet gained experience in real time, experience they are seeking. Don't dismiss them out of hand, remember at one point you to 'Wanted to Be" and weren't.
poenkitten (no we weren't rejected by someone it really was NOT a pretty profile, and would have turned off many people even with coffee)
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