Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women

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LadyHibiscus -> Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women (10/20/2005 12:02:21 PM)
I'm not sure what category to put this question in, so here goes. FYI, this is not a rant, I am Just Curious. I've been an event organizer in one capacity or another for years, and have been out in the public scene for more than ten. I have seen more gorgeous women in fabulous fashions than you can imagine! Whether there's a dress code or not, 90% of the women who go out to fetish events dress up somehow, from basic slinky to all-out custom gear. The men fall into two categories: the biker or proto-biker guys, who at least go with the leather vest/boots look, or the leatherboy jeans and white t-shirt with boots, and the OTHER group, who look as if they just got off work, or in off the golf course. I was at Paddles in NYC last weekend (a fabulous space, which I totally recommend!) and it was so incredibly simple to spot the newbs, because they were seriously in work clothes, like suits sans jacket, or chinos. Even many of the tops were just cruising in polo shirts and jeans. I see the same thing here in Detroit. The open fetish parties here even instituted dress codes to try for some better atmosphere! So, guys, what's the story? Are you not dressing up/down/over because there are so few options available to you, because the idea of a leather jockstrap makes you uncomfortable, or because you just don't feel like it? Women, dom or sub---what would you think of a male dressed in a polo shirt and khakis approaching you, in your satin corset and heels? Would you think he was just a wanker? Again, NOT a rant, just wondering.......... :)Ms Francine

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women (10/20/2005 12:11:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Women, dom or sub---what would you think of a male dressed in a polo shirt and khakis approaching you, in your satin corset and heels? Would you think he was just a wanker? Uh no, I think it would be a refreshing change from the "black black and more black" or "leather vest and jeans" or "dirty tshirt and jeans" that I see most often. I think it would show someone who has either just come from work or knows how to dress for a relaxed evening social gathering. Where did you make the leap from "newbie/not wearing the standard uniform" to "wanker"? I adore clothes and costuming myself, and I greatly appreciate someone's personal sense of style, even if it's as bland as khakis and polo. In fact a 3-piece suit turns me on WAY faster black leather. I think it's partly the culture. I've said before that the het bdsm culture tends to over-exagerrate the female archetype- corsets, heels, hair, etc. The males tends to just be left to their own devices. Females in general tend to have more to choose from as well.

thetammyjo -> RE: Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women (10/20/2005 12:15:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Women, dom or sub---what would you think of a male dressed in a polo shirt and khakis approaching you, in your satin corset and heels? Would you think he was just a wanker? :)Ms Francine Me? Me in fetish anything? My mind is boggling. Frankly I'm more impressed by attitude and the work put into the clothes than the actual clothes. I also have odd ideas of what is sexy on men -- plain pants, plain button-down shirt not tucked in, no shoes or socks.

Evanesce -> RE: Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women (10/20/2005 12:18:26 PM)
quote: Women, dom or sub---what would you think of a male dressed in a polo shirt and khakis approaching you, in your satin corset and heels? Would you think he was just a wanker? Nope. I'd think he'd opted not to wear the standard uniform of the "look at me" crowd. But then, I'm not one of those satin corset-type girls, either. I love when Master gets decked out in His leathers (mostly because I bought them for Him and I think He looks hot in tight leather pants), but at major events, He looks like everyone else dressed in leather. So we usually leave the leather at home for those events and choose something out of the ordinary. Like the one time we went out with Him in a tux and me in a long, flowing formal gown.

Littlepita -> RE: Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women (10/20/2005 12:25:10 PM)
I only have knowledge of my Dom and I certainly can't see him in black leather. Think professor with a stern look that occasionally breaks out into this most wonderful smile. [:)] I actually had been wondering about this and when we get to real life. We want to meet people in the lifestyle, but we don't want to feel like we don't fit in. But, if it's cool that he can wear his dockers and sports coat and me in cute little corset then we are all set.

plantlady64 -> RE: Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women (10/20/2005 12:48:38 PM)
Hello There, I go to The Crucible in DC. Men are men in leather pants, suits, chinos, shorts, jeans etc. I think as long as a man pays attention to hygene and his clothes fit what difference does it make to you? Everyone has their own style & opinion of how to dress. I don't think the clothing makes the man or that there needs to be some Dom dress code enforced. Just like in the vanilla world, people who judge people based on their exterior are often very wrong in their opinion. Lots of me can wear leather, few can be a Master. Sincerely, sub suzanne

darkinshadows -> RE: Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women (10/20/2005 12:59:49 PM)
quote: I was at Paddles in NYC last weekend (a fabulous space, which I totally recommend!) and it was so incredibly simple to spot the newbs, because they were seriously in work clothes, like suits sans jacket, or chinos. Even many of the tops were just cruising in polo shirts and jeans. I see the same thing here in Detroit. The open fetish parties here even instituted dress codes to try for some better atmosphere! So because someone is not wearing a corset or gimp outfit or matrix style coat, that makes them a noob? Ok, I shall have to add that to the list of 'what to look out for if I want to be segregated from any minority or majority that would have absolutely nothing in commen with me'. Just because someone isnt dressed to how a certain 'stereotype' is perceived, doesn't make them noob... doesn't make them any less 'weal or twroo', Personally, I would rather converse with someone who was themself and dressed to their own 'code' and comfortable as they are, than someone who tries to dress to 'be' something... Peace and Love

KittenWithaTwist -> RE: Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women (10/20/2005 1:00:27 PM)
Honestly, my Master looks downright sexy in a black polo and his black work jeans, which is usually what he'll wear to a play party. Sometimes it'll dress up a bit with a button down shirt (usually green, blue, or black), or slacks (black) or both together. I really don't have a problem with him dressing any way he likes (well, if he went in leather chaps I might raise a brow), because he has a moderately good fashion sense and I'll let him know if he doesn't match. I usually wear slacks and a padded bra and a revealing top to parties, but eventually get naked or mostly naked, so what does it matter anyway? I'm more concerned with how someone approaches me, how they speak to me, the way they carry themselves...rather than how they dress (unless its really downright trashy or they look like a homeless person or sumthin).

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women (10/20/2005 1:03:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: plantlady64 Just like in the vanilla world, people who judge people based on their exterior are often very wrong in their opinion. Unless it's me you're judging. Cuz then you'd be saying I'm a quirky, avant-garde, sensual, eye-catching, twist on the cutting-edge type of person. For me clothes serve two purposes- to decorate my body and protect me from yucky weather.

xanderzzz -> RE: Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women (10/20/2005 1:11:30 PM)
So anytime a newbie wants to be taken seriously all he has to do is dress up in leather. javascript:void(AddText('[:D]')) javascript:void(AddText('[:D]')) You are what you are. The clothes do not make the person. If men or women want to dress up to express themselves, for fun and/or clothes and outfits are just something they enjoy, then more power to them. If you need certain type of outfit to help change your personality and become a dom or sub regardless of gender then that would worry me more.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women (10/20/2005 1:12:46 PM)
Thanks for your replies, everyone---and as I said, I am NOT ranting or being judgemental here!! I am just interested in other views, and wondering what perceptions are. Personally, while I have a very extensive wardrobe, I am just as happy to be hanging around in vanilla attire. Francine

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women (10/20/2005 1:19:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Personally, while I have a very extensive wardrobe, I am just as happy to be hanging around in vanilla attire. I had a cold last weekend that I was just about over with last Sunday when my NOVA Partner took me to a Rob Thomas concert. When I got to his place I said I hadn't felt like going through my clothes to pick out a cool outfit so I just did my hair in a funky way. At that point he said I must still be sick and asked if I was sure I felt ok to go out that night. Fashion is truly a passion for me. I read up on designers, I track trends (though I'm not a trend follower if that makes sense), I evaluate and create outfits and get teased by my friends if I wear black to a bdsm club. I wear bland stuff if I am at my job, because I'm here just to do my job and could care less about making impressions beyond "neat and professional" or I'm sick and don't care. I actually enjoy being naked, clothing IS costuming for me. Part of the reason I rarely wear corsets is because they take too darn long to get into and out of to make it practical for someone who tends to get naked quickly... Anyway, I could go on about fashion for a very long time. I love it.

sub4hire -> RE: Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women (10/20/2005 1:47:11 PM)
quote: Uh no, I think it would be a refreshing change from the "black black and more black" or "leather vest and jeans" or "dirty tshirt and jeans" that I see most often. I think it would show someone who has either just come from work or knows how to dress for a relaxed evening social gathering. Emerald makes a point those who haven't travelled do not know about. Different parts of the country dress differently. Dramatically differently. Here on the west coast you hardly ever see anyone dressed all in black. While usually in the east that is the standard. Though you are talking about Paddles.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women (10/20/2005 1:50:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sub4hire Emerald makes a point those who haven't travelled do not know about. Different parts of the country dress differently. Dramatically differently. Here on the west coast you hardly ever see anyone dressed all in black. While usually in the east that is the standard. Though you are talking about Paddles. I've heard that. I'm talking about NC/NJ/NY/MA/MD- mostly Paddles, Crucible, Playhouse and Danny's, since I've regularly attended events in all of those states/places. I'll have more exposure to the west when I move to TX.

windchymes -> RE: Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women (10/20/2005 2:22:39 PM)
I had the pleasure of playing at Paddles this past spring. Since it was my first time for public play, I felt kind of shy and dressed in vanilla-looking black dress pants, low cut top, & heels. My date, who had been there before wore black pants, black shirt and tie (a la Regis!). I brought a bag with a corset and CFM heels to change into if and when I felt comfortable enough to do so. It wasn't a very busy night that particular night, but several other couples did the same...come in 'vanilla' clothes and change into lingerie, or just drop trou and go naked. Part of our 'scene' was for him to take off his necktie and use it to blindfold me, rather than use a conventional blindfold. For him, it was part of the D/s bonding for the evening. Since there was a gay men's paddling workshop earlier that evening, there were a lot of men there in leather vests, harnesses, chaps, etc., also. My impression was "anything goes", and everyone was very friendly and unjudgemental. I was really impressed with the place. We haven't had the chance to return yet this year, but hopefully will one of these days. For me, it's just a comfort level, to wear street clothes, get a feel for the place and the people there for an hour or so, and then change into something more racy for the scening later. windchymes

JohnWarren -> RE: Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women (10/20/2005 2:33:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus So, guys, what's the story? Are you not dressing up/down/over because there are so few options available to you, because the idea of a leather jockstrap makes you uncomfortable, or because you just don't feel like it? I don't wear leather; I hit people with leather.

HentaiGamerKitty -> RE: Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women (10/20/2005 2:50:53 PM)
laughing my butt off trying to picture my somewhat chubby Master in tight leather pants I'm a newbie...he isn't..(he's been in the scene some 10 yrs or more) and honestly, i can't imagine either one of us looking good in leather!!!! Seriously, to me leather is something I associate with gay men. I think it looks great on them. However, I don't think its appropriate for a heterosexual man. Just doesn't look right to me. Now , I'm new to the scene and haven't been to a public play party before, but I do have to say that its very rare to see any male in texas wearing black leather unless hes A) a biker B) gay or C) a goth. My Master doesn't fit any of those descriptions! Personally, I prefer the khakis and polo look. Its clean cut and professional to me. If I was approached by a supposedly heterosexual male in black leather, I'd be hard pressed to contain my laughter. I mean, geez, who's he trying to impress???

frenchpet -> RE: Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women (10/20/2005 3:14:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus The men fall into two categories: the biker or proto-biker guys, who at least go with the leather vest/boots look, or the leatherboy jeans and white t-shirt with boots, and the OTHER group, who look as if they just got off work, or in off the golf course. Geez, I just admitted that I don't really exist (on the thread "who are you?"), now I realize I'm not a man at all, as I don't fall in your categories. You know, there are three kinds of people : those who can count, and those who can't. I guess I'm in the third category : an etheral alien. Edit : OK, now I've written something really silly and read your post, I can answer : I haven't been to a public BDSM event so far, but anytime I go out I make efforts having style. I don't wear fashionable clothes, I'm not out of fashion, I'm ahead of fashion :p. But I'm sure it takes more efforts for men to find clothes that have at least some style. Start with the shoes. It seems that only Italian people are aware that all men don't want to wear the same shoes. compare with women's shoes. There's no comparison possible. Now with trousers (US : pants) : men can only wear one kind of trousers. Not only women have the choice of zillions of different skirts and dresses, but you also have very different trousers. Which is why I sometimes buy women's trousers. And I can guarantee you I'm not the only straight guy to do so. Buying guy's pants is sickening, they are just all the same ! Etc... So my answer is: yes there are very few options available if one doesn't make a lot of efforts to find new options.

WickedKev -> RE: Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women (10/20/2005 4:21:02 PM)
quote: The men fall into two categories: the biker or proto-biker guys, who at least go with the leather vest/boots look, or the leatherboy jeans and white t-shirt with boots, and the OTHER group, who look as if they just got off work, or in off the golf course. When I go to clubs I wear a suit, the jacket is long and comes to just above the knee, a black silk chinese shirt with with silver buttons and a high coller, trousers and dress boots. I niether look like a biker nor that I just got off work.

JustaTop -> RE: Dressing fetish---the difference between men and women (10/20/2005 4:41:25 PM)
Superficial. You can wrap a turd in gold foil,and it's still only good for fertilizer.

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