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Termyn8or -> RE: When life hands you lemons... (5/16/2008 8:12:47 AM)
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If you think you are in any physical danger, get out, do whatever it takes. But if he doesn't have a history of violence you might be OK.
Screaming indicates that he is out of control. He should be easy to manipulate. If he makes you feel bad, show him. In spades. There is a key to getting to him, and you are the most likely person to find it at this point.
Methods vary widely of course. It could take the form of you parking your ass on the porch and refusing to go in the house. "I'm not worthy, you told me many times, I'll just sleep out here with the bugs and maybe a mountain lion will come along and eat me, and put me out of my miserable existence".
People who raise their voice do so because they think that otherwise people will not listen. Add to that the fact that people generally project their own personality on others, it is clear that he will not listen.
In some cases keeping your voice very quiet can work. Make him struggle to hear you. Of course this might not work if it is to the point where he is not interested in what you say. If it is to that point, option A might be better, get out no matter what.
I am such a traitor to my gender, but some of these children who try to pass themselves off as Men do not deserve my loyalty.
Don't get me wrong, I have and will raise my voice, but it is usually when there is a bunch of people and perhaps the beer is flowing and people are talking loud, to get someone's attention.
But I wasn't always this way. Now if I am displeased with another's actions or whatever I make it a point to remain calm. Years ago I was a screamer, and I just don't see any good in it anymore. Thing is I never got to the point of violence, at least in a domestic situation. Some people will and some people won't. Even as a child I didn't. So as I said if you think it will come to violence, get out now.
If he were to get violent, in most states he would be giving you the upper hand. If you have one single piece of mail addressed to you there and you wind up with a black eye or anything, usually if you play your cards just right, you can make it so he has to leave his own home. All it takes it one injury.
But don't play that game if you don't have to, violence is nothing to laugh at. Some might smack you around, but not hurt you really bad. But don't take that chance. And violence always escalates. The thing is, will he cross that line or not ?
If one raises their voice in anger, it is because they have lost. If they raise a hand in anger this applies a thousandfold. But it is not your job to be his Mother or therapist. If you were going to stay, it might be worth a shot, but if you are leaving anyway all you need is to be safe in the meantime.
Other than that, there are many variables. Why are you uncollared ? What happened ? If he's like some guys he just got tired of you and wants to move the next one in, and then in turn she will go through the same shit eventually.
I may have betrayed my gender, but I have not betrayed Men at all. You have many tools at your disposal, and if all you can do is just regain civility, that might be enough until you leave.
But one caveat, if you ever see a clenched fist, get out immediately. What you have expressed is that you are unhappy, etc., but not that you are in fear. Nobody should live in fear, period. If it gets to that point, and don't kid yourself, it could, get out even if it means a homeless shelter.
There is so much more, but I don't have all day. Just watch for that fine line between verbal and physical abuse, once crossed it opens the door to alot more.
You'll see alot of this in those type A personalities. And to some, other people are seen as property. It is a trait of some humans, and I don't mean it in a good way. Some think they are the most important person in the world, and some are even worse thinking they are the only person in the world. That others only exist for their benefit.
When people are like that they need drastic measures to straighten them out, measures that nobody living under their roof could ever deliver. Some need to actually cross the line, get violent, go to jail and have a few dances with Bubba. Let's hope you don't have one of those.
T
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