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To Bind or Not to Bind - 5/16/2008 9:34:03 AM

Insatiable4Black

Posts: 35
Joined: 3/2/2008
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What do you think is the draw to being tied up in a scene?.. I mean specifically.. bondage that does NOT allow for sexual stimulation of genitalia. I enjoy being bound - but I don't really care for bondage that keeps me from being sexually pleasured. I've had experience with shibari, with cuffs and chains, too.

My take on D/s and BDSM - is that WHATEVER goes on ought to be pleasureable for both parties (or more than two! hehe) involved. So, please don't reply that it's the Dominant's decision how you are bound, how the scene goes etc.

I am asking what the draw is to being bound and caned, whipped, teased etc.. without the diversion of sexual release.

Just curious :) Looking forward to the posts that follow!

_____________________________

Ugi tu gaius, ego gaia.

Post #: 1

RE: To Bind or Not to Bind - 5/16/2008 9:36:01 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
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But for me it IS the dominants decision and I get huge pleasure simply knowing he is getting pleasure.It isn't just about how I feel, or even if I get sexually satisfied.

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RE: To Bind or Not to Bind - 5/16/2008 9:37:57 AM

Insatiable4Black

Posts: 35
Joined: 3/2/2008
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Ok! Cool :)
I'm not saying that's a BAD thing. I want to know, from others, what the draw is.. if it's all about the Dom's pleasure, that's cool.

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

But for me it IS the dominants decision and I get huge pleasure simply knowing he is getting pleasure.It isn't just about how I feel, or even if I get sexually satisfied.

_____________________________

Ugi tu gaius, ego gaia.

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Post #: 3

RE: To Bind or Not to Bind - 5/16/2008 9:40:29 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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I was told on a number of occasions by slaves I've had or played with, that being bound, gives them a sence of vulnerability and helplesness so mentally they feel a loss of control to what is happening or may happen to them. It apoparently arouses them. This I may add was the same for those collared as they saw the collar as a binding.. For me I enjoy having someone helpless at my mercy even though I don't enjoy giving pain generally. I allow no one to bind me in any way.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

(in reply to Insatiable4Black)

Post #: 4

RE: To Bind or Not to Bind - 5/16/2008 9:41:46 AM

Insatiable4Black

Posts: 35
Joined: 3/2/2008
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Maybe I'm too orgasm-goal oriented? lol

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Ugi tu gaius, ego gaia.

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Post #: 5

RE: To Bind or Not to Bind - 5/16/2008 9:45:12 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

Being bound so tightly that I cant even twitch, is enough of a turn on in itself.

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HBIC

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Post #: 6

RE: To Bind or Not to Bind - 5/16/2008 9:47:56 AM

pagansub77

Posts: 137
Joined: 3/5/2005
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I don't always associate sexual stimulation with enjoyment. If the 'binder' chooses to go there, well....it's all good. I love the feel of the rope though. The different textures, the ritual of being bound in various ways, it all helps to put me in a very relaxed and receptive mindset.

There are ways I can't be bound, circulation problems, but on the whole, I enjoy what I am capable of. For me, sex and sexual stimulation doesn't always come from physical manipulation of my 'bits', it's in my mind. I don't need direct contact to become aroused and I don't always expect to be allowed release either. Sometimes the denial can be quite fulfilling.

YMMV

_____________________________

ps77

In the end everything will be okay.
If everything is not okay, then it's not the end.
Madness takes its toll...exact change only

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Post #: 7

RE: To Bind or Not to Bind - 5/16/2008 9:49:33 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
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He enjoys what I look like tied up.

He enjoys the responses I give him when tied up. Being tied gives me a secure, small, "at-home" peacefulness that comes from being totally vulnerable to him. He may or may not turn it into something sexual, it's up to him, but as soon as he begins running that rope around my limbs, my whole demeanor changes.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

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Post #: 8

RE: To Bind or Not to Bind - 5/16/2008 9:50:59 AM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Insatiable4Black

Maybe I'm too orgasm-goal oriented? lol

There's nothing wrong with wanting an orgasm, but just like when you're going on vacation, don't forget to enjoy the scenery along the way. You might be so focused on your destination that you miss out on a lot of good stuff while getting there.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

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Post #: 9

RE: To Bind or Not to Bind - 5/16/2008 9:53:56 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

The lack of control. Knowing that Daddy has me completely and I am safe. The Freedom.

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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Post #: 10

RE: To Bind or Not to Bind - 5/16/2008 10:11:10 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
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moves away from the wankers reading this. I like any bondage type of post.

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Post #: 11

RE: To Bind or Not to Bind - 5/16/2008 10:41:59 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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I find bondage just for the sake of bondage to be somewhat boring. However, tie me up and then cause intense pain and I love it. It forces me to process the pain differently. My usual method for processing pain is to fight back. Removing that option takes me to a different place mentally. Handling the pain becomes more of a mental game for me than a physical one. It is fun.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Insatiable4Black)

Post #: 12

RE: To Bind or Not to Bind - 5/16/2008 12:30:58 PM

Insatiable4Black

Posts: 35
Joined: 3/2/2008
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There are wankers everywhere... moving away from one set will put you closer to another. Get used to it... or don't read the posts.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

moves away from the wankers reading this. I like any bondage type of post.

_____________________________

Ugi tu gaius, ego gaia.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 13

RE: To Bind or Not to Bind - 5/16/2008 12:32:44 PM

Insatiable4Black

Posts: 35
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

That's an AMAZING way of perceiving the whole experience of binding.
Overcoming and transitioning through pain is difficult. It's very interesting (to me) to know that you can do precisely that with the aid of rope, chains and restraints.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

Be safe.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

I find bondage just for the sake of bondage to be somewhat boring. However, tie me up and then cause intense pain and I love it. It forces me to process the pain differently. My usual method for processing pain is to fight back. Removing that option takes me to a different place mentally. Handling the pain becomes more of a mental game for me than a physical one. It is fun.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

Ugi tu gaius, ego gaia.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 14

RE: To Bind or Not to Bind - 5/16/2008 12:38:09 PM

Insatiable4Black

Posts: 35
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

Understood and I agree. I am very self-aware and just aware of things around me in general. Though.. in subspace... I cannot even speak, let alone comprehend most of what is going on around me.

As for there being "nothing wrong with wanting an orgasm"... I have had (and can always have) upwards of 50 orgasms in an evening/session/scene. Without them, I don't see the point of engaging in intimate sexual contact. It is those mind-blowing releases that have me a gooey, emotional, lustful, obedient mess of a submissive. As I said, I don't see the draw in being tied and stared at. Or being tied and caned... UNLESS of course, he's going to untie me and fuck the hell out of my holes afterwards!

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Insatiable4Black

Maybe I'm too orgasm-goal oriented? lol

There's nothing wrong with wanting an orgasm, but just like when you're going on vacation, don't forget to enjoy the scenery along the way. You might be so focused on your destination that you miss out on a lot of good stuff while getting there.

_____________________________

Ugi tu gaius, ego gaia.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 15

RE: To Bind or Not to Bind - 5/16/2008 1:05:20 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Insatiable4Black

Understood and I agree. I am very self-aware and just aware of things around me in general. Though.. in subspace... I cannot even speak, let alone comprehend most of what is going on around me.

As for there being "nothing wrong with wanting an orgasm"... I have had (and can always have) upwards of 50 orgasms in an evening/session/scene. Without them, I don't see the point of engaging in intimate sexual contact. It is those mind-blowing releases that have me a gooey, emotional, lustful, obedient mess of a submissive. As I said, I don't see the draw in being tied and stared at. Or being tied and caned... UNLESS of course, he's going to untie me and fuck the hell out of my holes afterwards!

I understand the mindset. Subspace and orgasms have the same effect on me. My overall pleasure comes from his enjoyment and what he wants to have happen, so for me, whether I cum or not is secondary, unless that's what he wants. For me, that look on his face and the sounds he makes trumps an orgasm every time.

The last time I was tied I wasn't stared at. He tied me up tightly in a corner and left me that way while sitting at his desk, working. It was satisfying for him to know that I was there, immobile. And I loved feeling his power over me in that way. Everyone has different things that feed them so I understand where you're coming from. His power has a major effect on feeding me.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to Insatiable4Black)

Post #: 16

RE: To Bind or Not to Bind - 5/16/2008 1:06:37 PM

MladyHathor

Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

The inescapable freedom of no freedom to escape.

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

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Post #: 17

RE: To Bind or Not to Bind - 5/16/2008 1:09:04 PM

ViceVersa

Posts: 137
Joined: 11/29/2005
Status: offline

My bondage needs to be tight, well-done, and inescapable - and some of the motivations I see as top or bottom:

Bondage for Sex
'Nuff Said. Well...almost enough...for me the sexual aspects are heightened considerably by tight, well-done, inescapable bondage that really reinforces helplessness especially when combined with violent struggling.

Bondage for Its Own Sake
A couple of the regulars at my cordials drop deep into sub space as soon as they're bound (sometimes even before the binding is finished). One woman starts giggling and babbling incoherently. Another, I tied into a really tight hogtie and torture/teased with a wartenburg wheel for 3 hours last weekend. If she'd had her own way, she'd probably still be tied up. We did mummification last month and the three mummies couldn't have been more content at being wrapped and left alone (but not left by themselves). They were back in the womb.

Bondage for Pain
Obviously you have to be cautious about nerve damage and circulation, but tight ropes that really dig in and cause marks or bondage that becomes increasingly uncomfortable and even painful over time can be way cool. Jay Wiseman had a lovely essay on that on the RopeArt yahoo group which I posted with permission here: It's Not Bondage Until You Want To Get Out. This essay has to do with - among other things - bondage for it's own sake and bondage for dominance and control as well.

Bondage for Fun
One of my favorite things to do is to tie a woman up and have her try to do chores around the house (although one woman did a lousy job of mopping the floor because, with her hair tied to her elbows, she could only see the ceiling). A friend of mine was hogtied outside by her husband yesterday morning and had to slither across the yard to get to the deck to get the knife to cut herself loose. No sex was involved but she thought it was a pretty hot way to spend 30-40 minutes. I also like to play bondage poker and sometimes use a heads up version with a friend of mine to determine who tops and who bottoms (poker winner's choice).

Bondage As a Challenge
I really enjoy trying to escape from bondage and feel a sense of triumph and disappointment when I do. Triumph because I was able to get out and disappointment that the bondage wasn't inescapable (which is a big motivator for me) and it's now over. Also...the challenge of new and difficult positions is a major reason I love bondage.

Predicament Bondage
Predicament bondage can be it's own category or might involve several of the other categories - dominance and control, pain, sex, challenge, etc. It's something I'd like to do more of.

Bondage For Its Aesthetics
Sloppy rope-work is such a let down, but shibari and other forms of intricate rope bondage are such a rush. I'm not into clothing, leather and lingerie per se but when it's combined with straitjackets, corsets, armbinders, hobble skirts, etc. then I can appreciate it both for the aesthetics and the restraint.

Oh...and...

Bondage for Objectification
Tying people up as chairs, tables, lamps (see House of Gord or Decorative Girls for examples), etc. is also endlessly fascinating for me and something I'd like to try in the future. I admire the creativity involved in this aspect.

Just some reasons off the top of my head to do bondage.

Vice

< Message edited by ViceVersa -- 5/16/2008 1:19:24 PM >

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Post #: 18

RE: To Bind or Not to Bind - 5/16/2008 1:38:39 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

The bondage for me adds an extra dimension to pain play.
If i am on the medical exam table, and Sir has tied my feet to the stirrups so i can't kick up, my legs and butt feel extra vulnerable - and usually there is a good reason -lol.
When i am hurting i prefer to hide my face behind my hands, and to not be able to reach my face is very "out there" emotionally for me.
And for me, most of the time when we are sceneing, and i hit subspace, i would rather not have an orgasm. Its not better than an orgasm, but to be made to come lessens the subspace experience for me.
I'm not as flexable as i used to be, so bondage makes me uncomfortable after a short time (1 hour), but i do enjoy that hour or so.

(in reply to ViceVersa)

Post #: 19

RE: To Bind or Not to Bind - 5/16/2008 1:53:33 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

The draw for that is the same as the draw for you, usually. They like it. But, there's also the draw of doing what you're told, even if you don't like it. Obedience and submission IS important for many. It's not always about sex and sexual pleasure for everyone.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Post #: 20

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