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Sacrificing for your Sub/Slave? - 5/16/2008 12:47:47 PM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		I think I may have brought up a question similar to this before, but please bear with me...

A lot has been written by Dominants on these forums about what they have expected from their pets in the form personal sacrifices.  Perhaps it's as something  as understandable as demanding that they quite a bad habit, like smoking...  Or it could be something as elaborate as expecting them to get an outlandish tattoo or to drastically modify their behavior or diet.

I don't imagine it's uncommon for Dominants to make certain sacrifices for their slaves either.  I just think it probably gets talked about a little less.

Have you made a change in your life for the comfort of your submissive?  If so, then please give examples.  It could be anything.  For example, my Owner doesn't drink alcohol around me because she knows it would make me terribly uncomfortable.

Or perhaps you believe that a Dominant should NEVER make a sacrifice for a submissive.  If so, then you're more than welcome to state your beliefs as well in a civil manner.

So yes, I'm looking forward to seeing responses to this topic.

DV's Fox
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RE: Sacrificing for your Sub/Slave? - 5/16/2008 1:09:17 PM   
submale4u2spank


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline 		In a relationship, if both don't make sacrafices, the relationship will fail.

(in reply to Shawn1066)
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RE: Sacrificing for your Sub/Slave? - 5/16/2008 1:45:44 PM   
hopelesslyInvo


Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline 		time/schedule is the only sacrifice i ever see, that kind of goes without saying in a relationship though.

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RE: Sacrificing for your Sub/Slave? - 5/16/2008 1:58:29 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Actually, the time/schedule/sleep thing is the only thought that crosses My mind.  To Me, these aren't sacrifices.  I'm more than willing to barter off a few winks in exchange for a little extra time with My boy.

Or, it could be looked at as what have I given up when certain things cross My sub's hard limit list.  There's only three that he has that don't mesh with Mine, so that's not a huge struggle.  With all of the things a person could possibly do to another, taking three out of the enormous pool isn't a big deal.

If I really had to name a sacrifice, it would probably be that I knew his personal situation when I took him.  For My own selfish reasons, there are a couple of things that I would alter (like the loss I'm going to feel when he goes to Iraq) but I knew those things going in.  Sure, I could have chosen someone else, but then I wouldn't have had this past year now, would I?

I don't see any of this as sacrifice.  Maybe, when some other folks have contributed, I'll have a better handle on the question.


PS.....   I saw a really old post from the OP (different subject) back in January.  To answer a question that I might have missed from several months ago, it's "pact", dear.  Pronounced the same as the definition of an agreement (a pact) between two parties.


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RE: Sacrificing for your Sub/Slave? - 5/16/2008 2:44:20 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		He's not a mistress, but He likes them...*lol*
But He has bought a beautiful new house so my um's could be with us.
He works every day and lets me drive His car so I can get a better education.
He puts up with me, and with my little ones.

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

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RE: Sacrificing for your Sub/Slave? - 5/16/2008 4:23:40 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I don't make sacrifices. Frankly I think making sacrifices implies that you are giving up someone very valuable to you. I don't think that's healthy in any relationship.

I have made adjusts and I have added things to our lives because I know that they increase Fox's happiness but no, I'd never do anything to decrease my own happiness. I got a lot of stuff trying to do that as is, I don't need to add to that.

Does Fox make sacrifices for me? I'd say "yes" and I'd say that is one of the downsides of being a slave even in a consensual relationship. Therefore when he makes such changes (such as giving up opportunities for a better career or more space to live in or being uncomfortable around his family) I make sure I thank him and let him know all of his work and flexibilities is greatly valued by me.

Is it fair? No, but then again while we went into this dynamic as equals we are not equals any more. We have equal value as human beings (in fact, I'd say as a white male he has more still in a decaying patriarchy) and we can have equal power. But since I have the bulk of authority we became unequal in this dynamic.

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(in reply to Shawn1066)
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RE: Sacrificing for your Sub/Slave? - 5/16/2008 4:40:33 PM   
Asherdelampyr


Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline 		Very well put tammy

I am making adjustments to make things go better for everyone involved... but I havent sacrificed anything...


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RE: Sacrificing for your Sub/Slave? - 5/16/2008 5:28:38 PM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline 		I've sacrificed quite a bit for my boy.  Echoing what was said earlier that if the sacrifices are made all on one side, D/s or not, resentment will begin to rear its ugly head and it's likely that the relationship will fail.  At the very core of ourselves, Dominant or submissive, we are all still human, with very human needs and desires.

My boy goes to school in New Hampshire.  Currently he's living there, his family is there, and the circumstances are just right to the point where he can't really leave.  I had plans of either staying down here in Florida, or moving back out to California so I could be with all of the friends I've got back out in Sacramento... but either of those would mean not being able to be with him.  So I'm sucking it up and in a month I'll be joining him in New England.  Whether or not I'll ever get home to California remains to be seen... sigh.

It sucks, and I did cry a lot when I realized what I was going to have to give up, but I cried harder at the idea of not being with him.  So it's a fair trade-off, in my opinion.


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Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
Ти синтетична до болю

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RE: Sacrificing for your Sub/Slave? - 5/16/2008 5:32:28 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		My thoughts are along the line of TammyJo's...

I don't sacrifice for anyone.  Ever.  If it's something important enough to me to be a sacrifice to any extent, it's not something I'll budge on.

However, on anything less than that I do take others into consideration and have been known to compromise. 

I do, though, enjoy others sacrificing for me... it trips my power-trigger.

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(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)
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RE: Sacrificing for your Sub/Slave? - 5/16/2008 8:35:12 PM   
submale4u2spank


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyrrsefanie

I've sacrificed quite a bit for my boy.  Echoing what was said earlier that if the sacrifices are made all on one side, D/s or not, resentment will begin to rear its ugly head and it's likely that the relationship will fail.  At the very core of ourselves, Dominant or submissive, we are all still human, with very human needs and desires.

My boy goes to school in New Hampshire.  Currently he's living there, his family is there, and the circumstances are just right to the point where he can't really leave.  I had plans of either staying down here in Florida, or moving back out to California so I could be with all of the friends I've got back out in Sacramento... but either of those would mean not being able to be with him.  So I'm sucking it up and in a month I'll be joining him in New England.  Whether or not I'll ever get home to California remains to be seen... sigh.

It sucks, and I did cry a lot when I realized what I was going to have to give up, but I cried harder at the idea of not being with him.  So it's a fair trade-off, in my opinion.



Does he go to UNH?

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Sacrificing for your Sub/Slave? - 5/16/2008 8:46:51 PM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submale4u2spank

Does he go to UNH?



Negative.  For privacy's sake I'll avoid giving out the name of his college. 


_____________________________

Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
Ти синтетична до болю

Read my series, Taking Jessica, on http://www.akashaweb.com !

(in reply to submale4u2spank)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Sacrificing for your Sub/Slave? - 5/17/2008 6:56:59 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I'm surprised by the views on sacrifice, because to me the truest gift is one that takes sacrifice - whether it is baring your soul beyond what you felt you could or giving up anything else of value to you.  This could mean going physically further than you expected, or in some cases something monetary.  Anyone can pass the salt - it takes almost no effort.  To give when it becomes a bit uncomfortable is when it really shows what kind of person you are.  For example, if someone asks to borrow five dollars and you have $100 on you it doesn't seem like a big deal.  If all you have is $5, and you choose to give it anyway, that changes it from a simple gift to a sacrifice.

It can be hard to judge what is a sacrifice to someone else and what it is only in their nature to give freely.  I am appreciative of every sacrifice I see on my Master's part.  He has certain longstanding rules that He has bent for me - not because I was a brat but because He knows that it makes us closer.  When I travel internationally on business (typically one week a month) He normally chats with me every single day - even with the time difference and Him working overtime - so that I feel that He is with me.  (When I am at home we typically only chat once or twice a week.)  Especially in the past two weeks He has shown me great acts of kindness beyond anything that I would ever have expected from a Dominant.  The closer we get, the more we do for each other.  I am careful not to expect special treatment, but He sees that when I receive it that it makes me want to serve Him even more fully.  For us it is a wonderful balance.



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RE: Sacrificing for your Sub/Slave? - 5/17/2008 7:13:45 AM   
MissMorrigan


Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with this. In our relationship we make compromises, not sacrifices. While I am poly, my boy is strictly mono and so it was an easy decision for me to make as I do not have to act on it, same with our diet as he has a problem with hypertension, so changes in our eating/exercise habits were needed. Provided it's for the greater good of the relationship and not to the detriment of either one of us, then adjustments are necessary.
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
I don't make sacrifices. Frankly I think making sacrifices implies that you are giving up someone very valuable to you. I don't think that's healthy in any relationship.


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RE: Sacrificing for your Sub/Slave? - 5/17/2008 7:13:56 AM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline 		Well, i do require that my Mistress sacrifice a chicken to me each full moon, but i think that falls into the whole you-have-to-have-power-to-give-power-to-your-partner thing...

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RE: Sacrificing for your Sub/Slave? - 5/17/2008 10:29:38 AM   
Boondoggle


Posts: 123
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline 		Am I the only one who (in my very own special ADD way) missed the 'for' in the title of the thread at first read? Damn I was curious to know what was being said about "Sacrificing your Sub/Slave?"

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You see I'm not the kind of fella'
who can get off on vanilla.
No I need a little color in my sex.
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RE: Sacrificing for your Sub/Slave? - 5/17/2008 10:36:29 AM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Boondoggle

Am I the only one who (in my very own special ADD way) missed the 'for' in the title of the thread at first read? Damn I was curious to know what was being said about "Sacrificing your Sub/Slave?"


I'm sure there's a kink for that.

DV's Fox

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RE: Sacrificing for your Sub/Slave? - 5/17/2008 11:27:15 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I forgot a BIG one! He sold his most favoritest car ever...(she was like a mistress to Him) and got a different less-loved car, in order to afford our beautiful home.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


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Profile   Post #: 17
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