Assignments (Full Version)

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LadyPact -> Assignments (5/16/2008 6:09:05 PM)

I have a few things running around My head regarding assignments.  Please feel free to take the term and define it as you will.  I have a few questions for those who give assignments to your s-types.

My sub and I do not live together.  When we are apart, I assign certain things.  I have him journal so I know his thoughts.  I will pick out threads here on CM to write responses to so I can hear what he thinks of certain topics.  I'll give him certain chores to do.  (That one is actually easiest for him.)  If there's an area that he needs work in, I'll give him extra assignments of various things, so he can focus on a specific area.  In fact, he's not with Me this evening because he is attending some protocol training a few hours from here.  (Great opportunity, really, as it's tied into a charity event.)

Anyway, I just came from another thread where the subject was rather similar.  The quick run down was that the OP was given the assignment to come up with three ideas for her own humiliation, so that person created a post to ask for ideas.  My reply to this was that if it were My sub that were given this task, I would not be happy with him not doing the work for himself.  I would want him to search himself for the answer, rather than the message board.    If he came to Me and asked to request ideas from others, that might be granted, but I would want him to come back with things that humiliated him, not just things he read somewhere, because he couldn't come up with the answer himself.

So, My questions are these.....  Do you give assignments?  What types?  Is your sub allowed to seek outside help in completing a task without getting your permission?  Does an assignment that your sub completes for themselves have more worth than one they were not able to accomplish without help?  How would you react if you gave an assignment that you expected your sub to complete a task, but they took the easy way out?

Edited for a spelling mistake.



RumpusParable -> RE: Assignments (5/16/2008 6:16:26 PM)

Mmmm.  My thoughts are similar to what you described:  If I assign it to them, I expect *them* to work it out unless they ask permission to engage help -permission I may or may not give based on the assignment and reasons for it.

I like assignments, whether they're constructive in some way or completely foolish and playful...  focus on learning X and show improvement at checks or find an apple the same color green as this swatch... whatever.  Sometimes I want them to learn something, other times it's just to play while we're apart.




MasterFireMaam -> RE: Assignments (5/16/2008 6:27:28 PM)

Do I give them? Yes and no. I would if any of the slaves in my life were assignment driven. I do, on occassion, tell anne to do something that's like an assignment, but since she REALLY isn't driven this way, I give her a lot of leeway as to how and when it gets done. It took her two years to write up what being a "Shield Maiden" means to her. If I'd just asked her to tell me, I'd been a lot better off. *chuckle*

Master Fire



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Assignments (5/16/2008 6:59:07 PM)

I dislike giving assignments in a formal manner, because it adds to My pressure to continually come up with new things for him to do.  With a former slave I kept getting the vibe that my assignments were evidence that I was thinking of him, and if I didn't constantly come up with X, Y, Z, wellllll wtf?    If I feel the activity is useful to Me, and will help our bond in some fashion, I will ask for it, but I don't do daily things, or anything that is potentially setting him up to fail.  It's too hard for real life to intervene. 



submale4u2spank -> RE: Assignments (5/16/2008 7:45:56 PM)

Reading this just makes me wish I had a domme.  I don't know how much long I can go on without one, looks like I'll have to take out the dart gun and go to a munch or something.



MissEnchanted -> RE: Assignments (5/16/2008 8:35:57 PM)

Lady Pact:
Thanks! This is one of my favorite subjects and I enjoy seeing anything related to training and assigments. I have used some of the good ideas from the CM message boards and added some of my own.

I want to answer this more fully later as I have a busy weekend coming up and still have plenty to do before I wallow in my big soft bed.  [:D]

I'll be back.

ME



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Assignments (5/16/2008 8:41:18 PM)

Very rarely, and when I do it's because it's an immediate need that needs to be taken care of like "hey, remember to get to the bank so we don't have to worry about it later" sort of things.  I'm much more free flowing.

I'm quite fine with him getting other people to do the work on some things- taking my car to get an oil change and the like.  But there are things where I want him to deal with it directly.

This is why I trained him to understand me and my intentions.



Madame4a -> RE: Assignments (5/16/2008 8:49:25 PM)

I don't give a lot of assignments, more likely physical tasks... usually, my approach is, I don't care how you get it done unless I'm prescriptive about it and say "you do it yourself, or do it whatever way" ... so, if I say, get the luggage up to the hotel room, that leaves it open for her to find someone to help, do it herself or even pay a bellman.

I was away last year just about this time.  I asked her to wash my car while I was gone.  I was fine if she took it somewhere but it definitely can't go through a car wash as it has a soft top.  When I got back, my car was amazingly beautiful.  It had been detailed, though I didn't realize that at the time.  I remarked about it for a long time (two weeks) she finally fessed up and said she'd taken it to get it detailed.  I didn't mind as I hadn't said, although she had me thinking what an amazing boi she'd been and all the hours she'd devoted to my car.  *grin* truth is, she dropped it off.

If its important to me that she do something, I'm clear about it.    I don't give too many assignments though.

I would not be happy if someone came here though and solicited opinions if I hadn't said it was ok.  I'm fairly private.



firefey -> RE: Assignments (5/16/2008 8:52:45 PM)

i enjoy assignments, and lucky me my boy is assigment driven so it works out.  i'm not the, go get the oil changed type, though i know those are out there.  more, things i want him to learn or internalise... those become his assignments.  as an example, he has a tendancy to say "oh god" at certain, shall we say, stimulating moments.  we're working on him rephrasing that to "oh goddess" as it fits in much better with what i want to hear at those times.  so far, it's working well.  though he has the occational slip which is met with various action on my part.  usually cesation of the activity in question.  he did have a practice assignment on these lines at the onset of this change in vocabulary, which both worked well for us and was fun for him.



pixelslave -> RE: Assignments (5/16/2008 9:21:50 PM)

Hi Lady Pact!
As you know, I don't give assignments to s-types, but I'll toss my opinion in anyway. [;)]
 
It sounds to me as though the assignments you give which aren't chores, are for the personal growth and benefit of your sub.  As such, their not idle assignments just to keep him busy.  I view that as a very significant distinction between many of the assignments some Dommes are known to give that don't seem to have any reason or rhyme to them.  I agree with you, that the work should be done personally, especially if it is really so both of you can learn about him.  As you noted, what humliates him, is likely to be very different than what humilates me.  That requires introspection and not advice from others.
 
If you gave him an assignment to research a topic, then that would be a different story, where using the resources of sites such as this, Google, etc, would only be logical and assumed as a necessary part of the assignment.  Knowing both you and your sub, I think he clearly knows the difference.
 
There's also something to be said for someone who knows how to delegate, but I see that as primarily something a Mistress does when giving assignments to her sub.  I say that in part because I view a Mistress as a "manager" of sorts who hopefully manages the resources and talents she and her sub have for their maximum benefit.  That said, a smart sub will also use all the resources available to him within the expectations and guidelines he understands his Mistress has established for him.  There's a difference between working smart and being lazy.  IMO, the example you cited (what humiliates the sub?) was the latter and would seem to fail to serve the purpose the sub's Mistress (or Master) intended. [&:]
 
 - pixel
 
 
 
For my friends: The UM's let Wyatt escape & he's been gone for 4 weeks. [&o]  All thoughts for his safe return greatly appreciated.




ownedgirlie -> RE: Assignments (5/16/2008 10:35:16 PM)

Hi LadyPact,

I get a lot of assignments.  Many require writing, and then some do not.  In any case, he wants me to do the work, rather than to outsource it.  The idea is to exercise my brain, spur my thoughts, and elicit whatever feelings may come about from the assignment, if any.

I have, on occasion, asked if I could seek opinions of others regarding assignments.  He allowed it, provided my ideas and writing still came from within - I'm allowed to be influenced by another, or prompted to think of ideas by another, but whatever I turn into him must be of my own creation.

Sometimes my assignments are to tend to his work - writing up Syllabuses for his classes, typing dictated legal documents, planning his travel, researching items he wants to purchase, etc.  Not too long ago I had his desk fixed.  Obviously these are things I had to take care of myself.  Next week I'm picking up a laptop from him so I can archive his files. 

But as for writing assignments, they must come from me.  Story ideas can come from outside sources, but I still have to put my heart into the story.  Having been assigned punishment ideas in the past, I wouldn't think to ask others about it.  He used to ask me for this to gauge how I felt about myself and how badly I was berating myself.  You should have seen some of the things I used to come up with - worse than anything he would do to me.  But I didn't like myself so I figured he should just, you know, permanently maim me or something.  [8D]  He was pretty damn pleased the first time I said I had already recognized my error and written to my thoughts to him about it, and the error was pretty mild so I think we should call it a day and put it behind us!  This is why I don't get on people whose Owners tell them to come up with punishment ideas.  Sometimes the reason is deeper than it seems.

Anyway, my assignments are my assignments and no one is going to do them but me.  It would be like having someone else do my homework in school - I wouldn't really be learning anything, would I?



Reigna -> RE: Assignments (5/16/2008 11:13:15 PM)

I don't give many assignments, except of the type, "Repair the lawnmower, please," or "Make me some tea, please." In the former case I'm not likely to care who gets the damn thing running, as long as I don't have to. In the latter case, let's just say that tea isn't really good unless he makes and serves it.

I agree with Pixel; it all depends on your intent. This sounds like an assignment you'd have preferred your sub to complete from within himself. In the future, it might be wise to make your wishes explicit in this regard. Meanwhile, he's obviously made a mistake, so ...



Shawn1066 -> RE: Assignments (5/16/2008 11:30:29 PM)

My Owner and I do not do assignments while I'm away for any extended periods of time.  I have my chores and my duties around the house when I visit her, of course...  When I start living with her next semester, I'll take on quite a few more...which will be lovely.  I'll get to be a proper housewife. :-D

I don't guess she's really seen a reason to give me them to me.  I can't honestly think of one myself.  The closest thing I do as a comfort thing while I'm  away is sleep in her highschool T-shirt and I always go to sleep with my stuffed Fox.

DV's Fox



MaamJay -> RE: Assignments (5/17/2008 12:13:54 AM)

I like giving assignments. Must be the teacher in Me LOL! I don't make a routine out of them as it becomes a chore for both Myself and the sub. And generally I try to give useful things to do. Some ideas:
For newbie subs:
* researching key words such as safe call, safewords, subspace, sub drop, aftercare, sub frenzy etc (several assignments there)
* a bdsm checklist to see where they're at right now
* tell Me something that happened to you that you've never told anyone before
* come up with 3 questions for Me to answer
For ongoing subs:
* given that punishment for Me is NEVER something that's play related, what would be effective punishment for you? When do you believe you would deserve such punishment?
* what constitutes as humiliating for you? For eg, I don't see golden showers as humiliating whereas others do
* researching something for Me ... could be bdsm or vanilla topic, anything from figging to the best place to get the car exhaust fixed!
* making a rainy day envelope or box ... somewhere to put keepsakes, messages etc to cheer them up when W/we are apart and they are feeling down
* writing a reflective journal
* keeping a daily log
* doing something specific eg writing My name on their ass with marker pen every day ... which reminds them of Me
* performing a specific discreet public task and taking photographic evidence to send to Me

Hope this helps
Maam Jay aka violet[A]



LadyPact -> RE: Assignments (5/17/2008 2:58:06 AM)

Thanks for the responses.  I'm glad to see that those who do give assignments were inclined to think like I did about the example I gave.  There's a difference between an assignment for personal growth, and a task like getting the oil changed.  I look forward to reading more.

Btw, good to see you, pixel.  I'd been wondering about you.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Assignments (5/17/2008 7:38:06 AM)

~FR~
 
I do give assignments to my new play partner.  He lives an hour away, so we only get to see each other once a month or so.  Since he's very new to the lifestyle and I tend to approach WIITWD primarily from a psychological standpoint, most of his assignments are geared to help him achieve a certain mindset.  It teaches him about himself and I learn about him in the process.  Even how he goes about completing an assignment helps me get into his head and will get filed away for future reference. 
 
If I gave an assignment such as yours, LP, I wouldn't particularly care how he accomplished the task as long as it got done.  As a writer, I often will ask for input from others on a topic, just to see what sparks an idea for me.  I don't necessarily see it as "cheating" for a sub to do likewise unless s/he copies what others have said, verbatim.  The Muse can be a tricksy bitch and often it takes a few ideas getting tossed around before something ignites.



thetammyjo -> RE: Assignments (5/17/2008 8:36:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact



So, My questions are these..... Do you give assignments? What types? Is your sub allowed to seek outside help in completing a task without getting your permission? Does an assignment that your sub completes for themselves have more worth than one they were not able to accomplish without help? How would you react if you gave an assignment that you expected your sub to complete a task, but they took the easy way out?




Yes, but primarily during formal training. After ownership I see my "assignments" more as chores or tasks to be completed. Frankly I just want them done to the best of his ability and if that means he needs to do research or get some assistance, then that's his responsibility. I always have a time limit in terms of when the task needs to be done and I try to be realistic in that time frame.



BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Assignments (5/17/2008 9:09:24 AM)

I'm not sure if you'd call it assignments, but my Master will call me with tasks that help Him and make His life easier.  He needed a replacement part for His yard trimmer a couple of months ago and called me to take care of it because He was at work (fireman - works 24 hours).  I couldn't find it initially, so I had to go to His house and get the model number.  With that information, I tracked down the part, ordered 3 so He'd have them on hand, and had it shipped priority to His house. 

I've also done other similar tasks for Him.  [:)]

My former owner did have me do a written assignment for him once, which I have posted about before. [sm=writing.gif] That one was a report on crawfish. [&:]  The different species raised in Louisiana, how to raise them, reproductive cycle, etc....  I have no idea why he wanted it, but he got it.  [8|]



LadyPact -> RE: Assignments (5/17/2008 5:01:46 PM)

Just reading some of the replies.

I did want to mention again that the humiliation ideas that were given for an assingment weren't for My sub.  They happened to be a topic from another board.  This would have been an entirely different conversation had he posted a thread for humiliation ideas, rather than coming up with what humiliated him.



aidan -> RE: Assignments (5/17/2008 7:11:43 PM)

I've gotten my first assignment from Mistress recently and I'm very, very excited about it. It's something that will greatly entertain and benefit both of us, and plays right to my strengths. I think it's a good first step. ^__^



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