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About absence - 5/18/2008 12:31:31 PM   
MiaMaria


Posts: 14
Joined: 8/17/2007
Status: offline 		Hello everyone, the story goes; I had a Master, met and collared quickly, everything´s fine, started to have problems- never alowed others than text him at his mobile, ("hated talk in telephone"talk)  and he begun drift away, from regularly contact to less, he got sick later on, which did that we couldn´t meet, after that, our contact almost faded after a while. strange he suddenly appeared at msn, claimed me to be his forever and that he never ever would let me go. This confuses me. now I haven´t talked to him for two months. It doesn´t matter,how much I beg he doesn´t answer. doesn´t matter,what I say. I don´t know, whwn he is going to get back, but he did after a long time last time. but two months never went. (his "explanations",when talked to him?-well, "I´ve had so many things to do","I´ve so many stuf going on".a.s.o., "I haven´t forgot you") But does it get any better. No.worse. He never answers my texts anymore, not even when I tell him how I feel and that I feel he´s neglecting me,and that I can´t go on like that. No answer. But for long ago, I discovered him at one dating site, I had forgot I was on,didn´t use it, anyway stupid or not I wrote to him(just a joke,for me it was stupid or not ) and he said he was searching,he was single-all that. Later he said to me he discovered it was me. But, no clues at all.
And now when he´s litterally "gone", (even though I suspect him to do the same number again like before but that doesn´t count) my former Master, who lives in a neighbourcountry, wants me back and I´m in doubt about  him, all was fine but one time we should meet,I couldn´t,had to work,so I told him we had to change dates. I explained very well, apologized-all that. pof! never saw him again. Not a single word-nothing. No matter how much I explained,begged-nothing. Layed the phone on. After eight months I forgot it no hard feelings just wanted to say howdy. I never ever expect he would answer! But he did! Started to talk to me, wants me BACK. Do everything so I shall be his. Any way a Dom possible can. Keeps me up all night to asscociate with him over msn, when he´s at work far out in the atlantic sea. tries...  everything´s fine.. he havent mentioned last time,why, and I havent got the words yet to ask him.. but I will,just don´t know what to ...how to express myself..  I don´t want to say any wrong..  but he mentioned some, "you would´nt cancel it all again,would you". When we talked. (and he knows it wasn´t like that) so... I don´t know,what I´m going to do with this..
And if he´s going to do it again,i´ll never know.. but that´s the chance if it´s it.. I don´t know what I´m going to do and I curtainly don´t know,how i´m going to read all this.. do you?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: About absence - 5/18/2008 12:49:00 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Read it the way your heart is already telling you to - you are more committed to the relationship than he is.  He is just playing you.  Find someone who will nurture you, not abuse your trust.

_____________________________



(in reply to MiaMaria)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: About absence - 5/18/2008 12:58:08 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		You need to look beyond your circumstances and into his.  And although it's only subjection on your part of what and or why I'm sure a picture will appear to allow you to form the right questions.  And remember, questions need to be direct or you will get an indirect answer.  Only you can allow whats happening, and it's only you who can make changes.

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: About absence - 5/18/2008 2:27:56 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		If I hadn't talked to someone in 2 months I wouldn't consider us as having any sort of dynamic.  Actually it wouldn't take 2 months for that idea to sink in.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MiaMaria)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: About absence - 5/18/2008 2:35:58 PM   
MiaMaria


Posts: 14
Joined: 8/17/2007
Status: offline 		well, I have to realize, that the first one has-appparently-left me(and broken our agreements too in different ways), but what I´m going to do with my former one,that appears again, Im not sure.. I asked him, if he just wants occasional,single episode-his answer no curtainly not, but you can´t know, when you don´t know eachother,that it is an ongoing process, and he "waits and see", because you don´t know how it´s going to develop. Depends on that.  But his focus wasn´t on one-time-experience. but on development. Later he told me every sub he´s had, has been very long time. So..  I just don´t know.. maybe I´m just tired of the two episodes..  but I have much more positive "vibes" from my former,than the other one.

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: About absence - 5/18/2008 2:49:46 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		It's back then to that old saying "know yourself" ...  figure out what YOU want and see who fits!


_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to MiaMaria)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: About absence - 5/18/2008 3:00:01 PM   
MiaMaria


Posts: 14
Joined: 8/17/2007
Status: offline 		I know what I want, I had not forseen the future with none of them and certainly not,that my former would get back..  I don´t know,it it´s wise to take him back?

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: About absence - 5/18/2008 3:00:55 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		Move on to a fresh start. Moving backwards isn't the best thing.

Disappearing on people with no word is very rude, and avoidable. I'd say eff em both and find someone who is reliable.

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: About absence - 5/18/2008 3:05:46 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MiaMaria

well, I have to realize, that the first one has-appparently-left me(and broken our agreements too in different ways), but what I´m going to do with my former one,that appears again, Im not sure.. I asked him, if he just wants occasional,single episode-his answer no curtainly not, but you can´t know, when you don´t know eachother,that it is an ongoing process, and he "waits and see", because you don´t know how it´s going to develop. Depends on that.  But his focus wasn´t on one-time-experience. but on development. Later he told me every sub he´s had, has been very long time. So..  I just don´t know.. maybe I´m just tired of the two episodes..  but I have much more positive "vibes" from my former,than the other one.


It sounds as if you have a series of "Booty-call Doms"  using D/s as just a venue to get their itch scratched.  I've no doubt they are of the mind that submissives are easy because if you say they are a dom a submissive has to put up with their sh*t.  I say- if they are not in contact with you or break promises repeatedly- kick them to the curb  Don't let them waste your time.
 
I think you know your own answer from your heart.

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 5/18/2008 3:06:22 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to MiaMaria)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: About absence - 5/18/2008 4:06:01 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		 You know the answers.  Run away as fast as you can and make sure you get to know someone before you become involved with them. Don't repeat the same mistakes over and over. Neither one of these is a healthy, fulfilling relationship so why consider either one?

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to MiaMaria)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: About absence - 5/18/2008 4:21:02 PM   
MiaMaria


Posts: 14
Joined: 8/17/2007
Status: offline 		No, it´s the last one-my former,who wants to come back,that I´m in doubt with, his motives, etc. He has always had contact with me regularly before, but not and canceled all and not to contact again,when I had to cancel and work. But it´s serious enough, that´s true.. 
That´s why I´m in doubt.. it was good,when it was, but t h a t...
He also said to me " well now you´re not going to seek other Dominants, are you!?!? you don´t do that,do you?!?" I haven´t promised him anything.
I have even not agreed to consider or not.
As long as there´s no promises I am not feeling obligated.
I am just confused, and i ask myself all the time, will this be the right to do. Ultimately, I have to stay friends, until we both know for sure, or I know I can trust him.
Well that´s my thoughts. Under no circumstances, I will let him drag me into anything.
But I am confused. Where do you see he´s a  booty-call?

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: About absence - 5/18/2008 4:55:27 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		If it ended once before ...trying a second time usually won;t work

Ask yourself a question.. Are you so desperate that you have to accept losers or any  critter that calls  himself a Dom???  Do you view yourself as a sub of worth  or just trash?   If you feel you have worth  and value to the right Dom .. then act like it... don't allow Dom's to treat you like trash , that is how you find ones that will treat you with respect  and of value, if you act like a lowly worm  that is how you are going to get treated


_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to MiaMaria)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: About absence - 5/18/2008 5:35:22 PM   
MiaMaria


Posts: 14
Joined: 8/17/2007
Status: offline 		Well where do you know that from? That trying another second time doesn´t work?
And what exactly do you see like trashy acts from my former?
I have to figure out talk to him about the earlier episode,clear. But I don´t know,the reasons, he acted like he did yet.
But one thing you have right,.. he acts like he can come back and dominate me again, asking old and new questions
about what I like,what I´ve developed, what´s allowed, clearly express he likes to meet me again. Doesn´t like to
talk at much about anything else.. just a bit. That´s wonders me.. if you´re right

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: About absence - 5/18/2008 6:04:53 PM   
cantilena


Posts: 224
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

(snip) ... Doesn´t like to
talk at much about anything else.. just a bit... (snip)


As others have mentioned, it may be the wisest thing to make a break from both and start fresh.  Being alone may be the best thing for a while.  Just remember that "none of the above" is always a perfectly valid choice.

Everyone deserves someone genuinely interested in them... to me it sounds as if neither of these men fit that bill for you. 

Good luck.  I understand it must be hard. 

(in reply to MiaMaria)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: About absence - 5/18/2008 6:09:03 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		What do you want?  Do you want to be in a relationship where this is the sort of thing you experience on a daily ongoing basis?  If not, why are you accepting and encouraging it by staying?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to cantilena)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: About absence - 5/18/2008 6:14:17 PM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline 		He's playing a net game.  Been there, done that, have a closet full of t-shirts.

block him, ignore him, mourn him, and move on.  You might be missing your real match putting up with this idiot.

just my opinion from my experiences...the more chances you give the more they play you.

Someone is supposed to love you, or have feelings for you or whatever, there is NO excuse, except death or coma, for them not to contact you.  Even if they went to jail or in the hospital they can have someone leave you word....lol

good luck to you....hope you can find someone sincere and deserving of you

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....



(in reply to MiaMaria)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: About absence - 5/18/2008 6:19:38 PM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MiaMaria

Well where do you know that from? That trying another second time doesn´t work?
And what exactly do you see like trashy acts from my former?
I have to figure out talk to him about the earlier episode,clear. But I don´t know,the reasons, he acted like he did yet.
But one thing you have right,.. he acts like he can come back and dominate me again, asking old and new questions
about what I like,what I´ve developed, what´s allowed, clearly express he likes to meet me again. Doesn´t like to
talk at much about anything else.. just a bit. That´s wonders me.. if you´re right


I don't know about Maya, but for me I know from experience....lots of them.  I'm one of those bleeding hearts that would give chance after chance and it all turned out the same.  They figure they can do what they want because you will keep taking them back.   you are a sideline.  The first line on my profile is one I read on another's profile long ago:   Don't make someone a priority who makes you an option.

When I first got on the net, met a guy in yahoo chat...he jerked me around for four years....yeah, I know....you live you learn....don't waste any more time

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....



(in reply to MiaMaria)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: About absence - 5/18/2008 6:38:19 PM   
MiaMaria


Posts: 14
Joined: 8/17/2007
Status: offline 		Okay, I agree with the first one, that doesn´t let hear from him, but where do you see, that my former is a liar and a cheat?
Just wondering..  I had no complaints about him, only his last acts..  and now this. It was fine when it went on..
Is there anyway I can test him? His motives?
No, I haven´t agreed to anything with him,don´t misunderstand that, and I won´t,either,until I know more/figured out.
Is it a good idea to force him to be direct,say things like "I want a serious bdsm relationship,what do you want?" kinda like that?
sort of scare him of or..?

(in reply to DrkJourney)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: About absence - 5/18/2008 6:46:22 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		My mother's advice:

Ask yourself two questions. 1) Is being in the relationship healthy for you? 2) Would you miss him if he were gone? If the answer to either of both is no, you need to get out.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to MiaMaria)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: About absence - 5/18/2008 7:14:01 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		For no reason he left without a note..then comes back almost a year later wanting to pick up where you left off,right?  If you can't be sure why he left the last time..How can you be sure he will not leave a second time? Nevermind how he has hurt you, and seems able to hurt you again? Loyality is one thing you seem to have: lets not misplace that loyality for the wrong man.
 

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 20
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