The local flavor

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The local flavor - 5/18/2008 2:07:47 PM

Morsigil

Posts: 67
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

I love Portland, but I feel like I'm stuck in a rut here. Locally I attend play parties and munches, and yes, I have two or three play partners, but I have yet to meet anyone who I have a connection with who I also see as a potential long-term, romantic interest. I have scoured the local dommes here on collarme and I have come to the conclusion that none of them are looking for what I am offering. There are very few women who attend the munches that I do (the Portland Munch, which is one of the largest local munches and certainly the most well-known) who are tops or dommes.

I feel like the title "switch" is hurting my prospects, but I also feel dishonest saying I'm submissive. I love to bottom, more than anything, but I won't submit to just anyone, and from time to time I like getting my hands on and tossing around a cute girl. I don't think I need that though! I don't think I need to have the freedom to grab a pretty girl and top her. I don't think need to retain the control a bottom does. I believe I can submit, but I need the right person to do it with... someone I genuinely respect and desire on that level that separates play partners who are friends, and lovers.

So what do I do, collarme? I feel like I'm running out of options here. For a city of 1.5 million, it feels a lot more like a city of 40. And while I'm at it, any profile tips? I think my initial profile scared some people off with how austere it was, and I've been working on it. If my deepest seated fantasies are rooted in bottoming/submission, should I simply change my title to submissive?

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RE: The local flavor - 5/18/2008 2:25:27 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

After reading your profile, I can't say I know much about you at all, let alone whether or not we'd be a good fit for each other. My suggestion is to write a profile that describes you in detail -- your interests, things you like, personality traits, etc., outside of BDSM. You should also gear your profile toward the type of relationship you're actively seeking rather than one that gives a percentage of top time to bottom time. As a Domme, I don't care whether or not you like to top or how much time you spend at it. I want to know whether or not you can give 100% of yourself in submission to me during our time together. If you can't, I'm going to find someone who can.

To me, it sounds like a large part of your problem is that you're not sufficiently focused. You're all over the place with what you want and it comes across as flakey. Since you're competing against literally hundreds of other guys, you need to polish your profile until it shines. If you want a Domme, gear it toward finding that. If you want a sub, focus on that. If you want both, then devote an equal amount of attention to both.

(in reply to Morsigil)

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RE: The local flavor - 5/18/2008 2:46:24 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

You've been on this site for 10 months and have what many of the males submissives around here would give their left nut for....not just one play partner, but 3!!!

You don't have a romantic interest yet. Well, that takes time. Not only do you need to be compatible in a vanilla sense, but also in a BDSM sense. It's gonna take some time to get the right combination. It might make you feel better that i know guys in their 30s and 40s who haven't found that perfect match of Mistress/girlfriend/lover....or it might make you feel worse to know that some who are much older than you are still looking.

Be patient..you are only 23. When your time permits you might try to expand the territory for your munches and events. Vancouver has a great munch. Leatherwoods will be happening in Oregon in August. In the Woods in Bellingham will be happening the last weekend of July. By the way...Jay Wiseman, author of SM101 and other books will be at ITW. You have a lot on your plate in that you are still in school and don't have a lot of time for a relationship at the moment. In a couple years that will change. Patience is a virtue.

(in reply to Morsigil)

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RE: The local flavor - 5/18/2008 3:18:46 PM

Morsigil

Posts: 67
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

Thanks for the feedback!

I tried to give an outline of myself (ambitious, open-minded, and new to the scene) without being too polarizing. I'll see what I can do to rework it. I also was of the opinion that if people found my physically attractive from my picture and were curious to know more about me then they would contact me, but after your suggestion and considering how few profile views or messages I get I will try to paint a better picture of myself.

< Message edited by Morsigil -- 5/18/2008 3:21:20 PM >

(in reply to peppermint)

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