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Confidence - 5/18/2008 6:02:38 PM

DerangedPleasure

Posts: 8
Joined: 5/15/2008
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This question came to me while I was getting others answered in another thread.

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: BondageBarbieX

quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedPleasure

I think this is a very interesting topic, because I feel like theres alot of people on here with the same profile issues. In fact, it makes me curious... I'm very new around here and I'd love to hear some opinions on my profile as well. I know I dont have a pic, but thats because... well its a long story, but i plan to have one shortly. In my description I did my best to sound creative and interesting, but maybe I'm just going about it the wrong way. who knows... I'd love some feed back as well. Thanks! :)

i personally only talk to people with photos of themseves so its good that you will be adding one soon,yiu will get more response with one.
To me,(i guess i am the only one)your profile at the end sounded like you are doing a research paper or are looking to gather stats.i also thought it was a tad disrespectful to demand (even in a very low key way)that Dominants make contact with you and spill their life story.Below is the part i did not like:
**********

...hehe Well I wasnt really demanding it was more of a casual suggestion. :p But I get what your saying. I dunno, I guess im just trying my best not to sound likea whiney bitch you know? Instead of begging incessantly like some do here I thought I'd show a little confidence and ask the Doms to approach me.

My question is, as a Dom does confidence play a major role in approaching and befriending a possible sub? Do you find confidence in a sub attractive? Or could you do without it?

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RE: Confidence - 5/18/2008 6:13:46 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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I find general confidence in themselves to be absolutely necessary. They do not need to be confident in world peace.

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RE: Confidence - 5/18/2008 6:49:52 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
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I think everyone is a mixture of both. Even the most confident of people have areas of life in which they are unsure. Someone who can't seem to muster up any confidence in themselves at all is just WAY too much work. But someone who has some weaknesses and is willing to admit it is human and a lot of fun.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Confidence - 5/18/2008 10:44:20 PM

Morsigil

Posts: 67
Joined: 7/26/2007
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Confidence is an indication of one of two things: Ignorance or high self-esteem. The two are pretty easy to distinguish from one another. You make the call... If you were the domme you wanted, with drive and desires and direction, would you want a self-pitying fuck? Would you want someone who spends more time worrying about how worthless they are than serving you? Or would you want someone independent, strong, attractive, and completely, one-hundred-percent devoted to you?

You knew that answer before you asked the question.

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RE: Confidence - 5/18/2008 11:09:49 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
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In my opinion, social confidence and self-esteem are separate entities.

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: Confidence - 5/18/2008 11:27:22 PM

Morsigil

Posts: 67
Joined: 7/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

In my opinion, social confidence and self-esteem are separate entities.

Cheers,

Sea

Were you going to say why you felt that way or...?

(in reply to undergroundsea)

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RE: Confidence - 5/18/2008 11:27:51 PM

submgreenbay

Posts: 69
Joined: 6/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

In my opinion, social confidence and self-esteem are separate entities.

Cheers,

Sea

Glad you pointed that out, as I also view them as separate. To me self-esteem is how you view yourself.

Then there is also non-social confidence too. As in say confidence in ones skills & abilities.

Social confidence is your comfort level when interacting with people.

They are all inner-related. If people respect, admire, and reward you for your abilities that can build social confidence. If you
have pride in yourself then you'll likely be fell more confident around other people.

< Message edited by submgreenbay -- 5/18/2008 11:38:09 PM >

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RE: Confidence - 5/18/2008 11:31:22 PM

BondageBarbieX

Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
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You may find an empty mailbox if you wait for Dommes to approach you, Deranged. i think it best you show confidance in yourself and message them.

< Message edited by BondageBarbieX -- 5/18/2008 11:32:00 PM >

(in reply to Morsigil)

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RE: Confidence - 5/18/2008 11:31:37 PM

Morsigil

Posts: 67
Joined: 7/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: submgreenbay

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

In my opinion, social confidence and self-esteem are separate entities.

Cheers,

Sea

Glad you pointed that out, as I also view them as separate. Then there is also non-social confidence too. As in say confidence in ones skills & abilities.

Because self-esteem and social confidence are completely disconnected, right?

< Message edited by Morsigil -- 5/18/2008 11:32:11 PM >

(in reply to submgreenbay)

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RE: Confidence - 5/18/2008 11:35:17 PM

Alixandria

Posts: 101
Joined: 2/27/2005
From: Edmonton, Alberta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morsigil

quote:

ORIGINAL: submgreenbay

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

In my opinion, social confidence and self-esteem are separate entities.

Cheers,

Sea

Glad you pointed that out, as I also view them as separate. Then there is also non-social confidence too. As in say confidence in ones skills & abilities.

Because self-esteem and social confidence are completely disconnected, right?

Of course not. But they can be two entirely different things. There is a strong correlation between the two, but I've known many socially confident people who have very very low self-esteem (I work with one in fact). It is also possible to have high self-esteem perhaps based on qualities that don't include "party animal" who don't perform confidently in public at all.

Alix

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RE: Confidence - 5/18/2008 11:41:50 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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Confidence is dead sexy...I have done my UTMOST to convey this to my kids(now grown).....its absolutely key for anyone (imho)

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RE: Confidence - 5/18/2008 11:46:18 PM

submgreenbay

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Joined: 6/2/2006
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Very well explained... I couldn't figure out how to say it like that.

(in reply to Alixandria)

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RE: Confidence - 5/19/2008 12:03:29 AM

Morsigil

Posts: 67
Joined: 7/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Alixandria

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morsigil

quote:

ORIGINAL: submgreenbay

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

In my opinion, social confidence and self-esteem are separate entities.

Cheers,

Sea

Glad you pointed that out, as I also view them as separate. Then there is also non-social confidence too. As in say confidence in ones skills & abilities.

Because self-esteem and social confidence are completely disconnected, right?

Of course not. But they can be two entirely different things. There is a strong correlation between the two, but I've known many socially confident people who have very very low self-esteem (I work with one in fact). It is also possible to have high self-esteem perhaps based on qualities that don't include "party animal" who don't perform confidently in public at all.

Alix

People you perceive to be socially confident, yet have low self-esteem, are not confident but simply manipulative. You need to learn the difference. I imagine you've been hurt many times before by this miscalculation. "Party animal" is never a positive quality outside of the college scene, but I was never suggesting that trying to be everyone's friend at a party was the epitome of confidence. No. Confidence is being able to hold a conversation, withstand the questioning of your beliefs, and then being able to question and modify or leave them alone as appropriate without feeling bad about yourself.

(in reply to Alixandria)

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RE: Confidence - 5/19/2008 12:46:58 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Morsigil
You need to learn the difference. I imagine you've been hurt many times before by this miscalculation.

I give you here an example of what makes you come across as condescending.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to Morsigil)

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RE: Confidence - 5/19/2008 1:17:41 AM

SephandElena

Posts: 52
Joined: 4/7/2008
Status: offline

Does confidence play a role in how I see people? Absolutely.

One of the most attractive things in a person is their confidence in themselves for me. My theory has always been. If I don't like me... why should anyone else?

My girl has somewhat of a confidence issue on occasion, but we are working on that. Could I do without it? Not for too long.

In my experience, people without confidence in themselves need hand holding all the way for just about everything and constant reassurance for everything. I have my own life to live. Not that I'm secure about Everything, but the less confidence one has in themselves, the less secure they are about other things.

Of course, there is a difference between natural confidence and faked confidence. Natural confidence will let others see that "Hey, I'm worth noticing, and worth being around." Faked confidence will lead only in more failure by the end, leading to even less confidence the next time around. Best way of describing this is the big party.

The confident one will be the one standing around, doing their own thing. The faker will usually be the one either making an idiot of themselves or shouting across the room at people who barely even know them.

I know which one I'd rather be around. Don't be afraid to contact others, but don't assume that giving them commands will necessarily work if your heart is not in it.

Reading through your profile, which would seem to be the reason for this question? You dont' sound overly sure of yourself at the start, and then towards the end you suddenly start giving off instructions. That would be what I would call faked confidence. You're not being yourself at all. Some people write "cheeky" profiles and get away with it beautifully, because they are still being themselves, others prefer to go with the serious approach and that works for them. Find your own style, and stop questioning your choices in your profile. You don't come across as confident at all like that and reading through the journal part I see a lot of confidence coming through in the final entry. See if you can get your profile itself to say something like that *grins*

Seph aka Reb.

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RE: Confidence - 5/19/2008 5:40:55 AM

Dnomyar

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Good post so far. The thing about confidence is that it varies from one situation to another. If your well familiar with a subject then you can claim some form of confidence. Confidence is learned. Self asteem is garned from confidence.

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RE: Confidence - 5/19/2008 6:06:08 AM

LadyLynx

Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
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if a Dom didn't have confidence in him/herself, what are they doing trying to approach me?? As for subs, basically the same thing.

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Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

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RE: Confidence - 5/19/2008 6:16:41 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

I think everyone is a mixture of both. Even the most confident of people have areas of life in which they are unsure. Someone who can't seem to muster up any confidence in themselves at all is just WAY too much work. But someone who has some weaknesses and is willing to admit it is human and a lot of fun.

This was exceptionally good. I also happen to think it goes for both sides of the kneel. A confident person who allows someone to see their vulnerable side speaks of the connection shared. A vulnerable person, who strives for confidence for the right reason, or person, shows a fantastic strength. The key is to identify when both exist.

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