Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (Full Version)

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bcsubgirl -> Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (5/19/2008 12:06:45 AM)

i discovered i was submissive last fall, and since then have had one D/s relationship which unfortunately didn't work into the 24/7 M/s relationship we wanted.

i started searching for a Master again, but this time seem to be having much more success as have learned to tell the 'players' from the genuine people in the lifestyle in the intervening months.

now i am faced with talking with a very interesting Dom, very experienced, and i have the definate feeling that there is substantially more compatability and a lot of sincerity.

however, he tells me he makes up his mind quickly, and he already wants to collar me even though we won't get a chance to meet in person for another 1 to 2 weeks.

i feel similiar to him and am willing to spend time with him.

i just want to hear from Masters and Mistresses who have felt this strongly about a sub before, made that quick a decision and had it has worked out.

just want a few positive 'love at first collar' stories.. that is all...



antipode -> RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (5/19/2008 12:53:43 AM)

Judging from this and your other post tonight, this is all online, or phone, none of it is real? You are asking advice about people you don't know, have never met, don't know anything about? This isn't criticism of cyberstuff, but I can't conceive of agreeing to anything with anybody without meeting them. "Love at first collar".. huh? "Love?" On the phone? Guy must be pretty desperate.



bcsubgirl -> RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (5/19/2008 1:30:32 AM)

antipod, i am not asking for advice in this post.. i am asking for romantic 'love at first contact' stories.

basically, the modern BDSM equivalent of the war bride stores after the 2nd world war, where couples fell in love at first sight without benefit of even speaking the same language.

cynics can check their keyboards at the door.



SephandElena -> RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (5/19/2008 2:02:31 AM)

I hate to tell you this one, I'm not a cynic, and I do agree that you CAN fall in love without ever having first met. I met my girl online, while I was working in Germany and she was in America. However, you have to take this kind of thing slowly.

I ran into a few people when I was on the sub side of things, who were only to eager to collar me and be all I had ever wanted, as long as all I had ever wanted was a quick lay and a "I'll call you later". They too came out as something really special online.

Of course, as I said, love without meeting is very possible, as long as you keep your eyes wide open, be prepared that things rarely seem the same in real life as they do online, and that being together more often may even change the way you see things at present.

Me and mine (as stated) met online, I recently went over to America, to meet her properly, and stayed there for just under three months to get a good idea of what was going on, she's now in the UK with me and things are going beautifully, although not without a lot of ups and downs in the meantime while we work things out for ourselves still. Ds is after all, a huge learning process for the rest of our lives.

My advice, would be to meet him, and go with your instincts, just don't let your desires destroy your gut feelings. If you feel he's rushing, you're perfectly within your rights to ask him to slow down a little, and if he refuses, it might be time to ask why not.

Other than that, best of luck to you, and I really do hope everything works out as well for you as it has for me and Elena.

Reb aka Seph.



NorthernGent -> RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (5/19/2008 2:09:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bcsubgirl

however, he tells me he makes up his mind quickly, and he already wants to collar me even though we won't get a chance to meet in person for another 1 to 2 weeks.



Only fools rush in.....



Tygra -> RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (5/19/2008 2:17:38 AM)

Dear Bcsubgirl,
I speak from a very fresh & painful experience:

Do NOT put immediate trust in anymore especially if He sounds perfect for you!
Make sure to meet him in safe circumstances.
It's preferable he comes to meet you but if you go to him make sure he either pays half or full plane ticket charges.
If you can't avoid playing please do so SAFELY, remember the use of condoms and safewords and don't take NO as an answer to them!
Do NOT agree on a quick collaring, there is no need for speedy collarings, take the time to actually KNOW the person before jumping into what could potentially be a dangerous situation both physical and emotional.
Do NOT let anyone cloud your better judment with perfect sounding dreams.

A person should always accept you for who you are.
Even a sub is a sub for who/how she is.

And do NOT let anyone undermine, belittle or refuse your needs, desires and dreams!

Please don't be as foolish as I've been and risk too much.
Usually it's not worth it and it is us sub AND women who suffer in the end.

Follow your instincts and if you have any doubt at all pull back!



KatyLied -> RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (5/19/2008 4:05:28 AM)

quote:

cynics can check their keyboards at the door.


If you are so desperate that you want to be collared by some guy you've never met, go for it!




ZapRobo -> RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (5/19/2008 4:13:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bcsubgirl

i just want to hear from Masters and Mistresses who have felt this strongly about a sub before, made that quick a decision and had it has worked out.

just want a few positive 'love at first collar' stories.. that is all...



I collared gentlestar before I had met her in person. We had, however, been talking for a number of months beforehand and were always realistic about things. Being an ocean apart does that sort of thing to your perspective.

I met her in person last year and gave her a physical collar as well. Our plans are now well advanced to moving to be with each other permanently.

It can work. I can't speak if it is common to work or not.



Saffleur -> RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (5/19/2008 4:14:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bcsubgirl

i just want to hear from Masters and Mistresses who have felt this strongly about a sub before, made that quick a decision and had it has worked out.

just want a few positive 'love at first collar' stories.. that is all...



That is clearly asking for advice not just a story. So try not to be so..cynical when you don't like a persons opinion. This is a public forum and being as you publicly put your query here it shall be answered...publicly.

Fools do indeed rush in and a man who cannot have patience will never reap the greatest of rewards when the seed in the thorns grows.



Madame4a -> RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (5/19/2008 4:19:42 AM)

I take a long time to collar anyone.. and I would never do it without meeting someone... relationships of this type are not real to me unless they are offline...

knowing that someone is likely to be compatible is one thing, but in the end, I really can't tell much until I look into someone's eyes

by the way... you asked for opinions.. not stories.. reread the title of your post...



sirguym -> RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (5/19/2008 4:58:23 AM)

Seconded all those who say, "Meet first."

Don't even think about any kind of real-world commitment untilo you've checked each out in person.

Then gone your seperate ways again ansd still want to get back together.

Several times ...



Dnomyar -> RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (5/19/2008 5:16:45 AM)

Im going with antipode on this one. If thats being cynical then so be it. I don't think the guy is the only one being desperate.



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (5/19/2008 5:18:38 AM)

love at first collar?!

dearie, please ...slam on the brakes - you're moving way over the speed limit here! after reading your previous post, i thought you would have spotted warning signs in this guy.  he has already made up his mind about you? what does he really know about you?  i'm not talking about kinkwise ...i'm talking about the little tiny things that you tick. and how about you - do you trust him? is there chemistry that you burst into pieces whenever you're chatting/phoning with him? is there a connection - meeting of the minds?

when i met Daddy, we connected instantly however i had trust issues with Him. and just like your guy, He made up His mind even before i did however unlike your guy, Daddy understood why it me 4 months to trust and accept Him as my dominant. He was very patient and respected that i need time to grow and learn about Him as well as myself. He wasn't looking for a quick collar - He wanted someone who was worthy in His eyes (though she thought she didn't at the time) to wear it for a lifetime. we met in Aug of  06 and i was collared in Jan 07.  yes, there's love that comes with this collar but also our commitment, trust, and friendship.

i won't advise you on how you should decide - that's up to you whether you should oaccept it or not. if this truly what you're seeking and feel comfortable in doing, i wish you luck.





Floggings4You -> RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (5/19/2008 6:20:37 AM)

While I believe you could meet this Dom in person, and find out that the two of Y/you are perfect for each O/other, I also believe that its not terribly likely.  If Y/you've exchanged pictures, there's a better chance--but it's still only a chance.  There is a great deal that must go into a real-life relationship (let alone a 24/7, M/s one!) besides just being able to communicate well over the 'Net, and liking how the O/other looks.  Does He smoke, do you?  Are pets (or children) going to be involved?  Do you enjoy the same kinds of food, music, non-BDSM social activities? Even little things like how spotless He (or you) prefer to keep Y/your homes. 
 
I can understand Him not wanting you to 'get away', to meet someOne else, before the two of Y/you have the chance to meet.
 
But, I'd suggest waiting 'til you've met in person at least twice, and hopefully played together--and spent a significant amount of quality 'vanilla' time together too: see a movie, go out to eat--before accepting this collar.






DarkSteven -> RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (5/19/2008 6:36:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bcsubgirl

just want a few positive 'love at first collar' stories.. that is all...



Translation - you are about to break one of the cardinal rules of common sense and know full well it's wrong.  you want to hear happy stories and ignore the 99+% of stories that tell you NOT to do this.

Keep digging.  If there are only 0.1% of situations like this that turned out well, you will have to go through 999 disasters before you get your first happy story.



LadyPact -> RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (5/19/2008 6:41:21 AM)

F4Y, that was probably one of the best responses that I've seen you write.





mistoferin -> RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (5/19/2008 7:14:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bcsubgirl
i started searching for a Master again, but this time seem to be having much more success as have learned to tell the 'players' from the genuine people in the lifestyle in the intervening months.


I think that you might want to work on this a little longer because I don't think you have it down quite as well as you think.



happypervert -> RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (5/19/2008 7:22:00 AM)

quote:

i am asking for romantic 'love at first contact' stories.

Ahh, the "tell me the fairy tales I want to hear" approach. Doesn't look like you've ever considered the possibility that there may be twists on it like "He never told me he was married" or "He only wanted to play on-line".

quote:

cynics can check their keyboards at the door.


Right next to where you checked your common sense.

Well, it's obvious you'll only listen to those who support your decision, so have fun and come on back after you've met him a few times to either cry on everyone's shoulders or rub your bliss in our faces!




OmegaG -> RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (5/19/2008 7:22:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bcsubgirl

antipod, i am not asking for advice in this post.. i am asking for romantic 'love at first contact' stories.

basically, the modern BDSM equivalent of the war bride stores after the 2nd world war, where couples fell in love at first sight without benefit of even speaking the same language.

cynics can check their keyboards at the door.


The big difference I see between the WWII stories and yours is that marriage is a recognized binding contract.  Divorce was far less common back then and many people "fell in love" out of a strong sense of survival.

Our love paradigm in this generation is far different from these by-gone eras.  Due to modern appliences and a fairly equal pay for women, it is no longer neccessary to be married to function.  Up until the 50s it was a full time job to run a house which meant that a person needed to be in a partnership in order to have money and cleanclothes and food.  Love was far more practical then it is now.



OldBastardly1 -> RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions (5/19/2008 7:31:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bcsubgirl

antipod, i am not asking for advice in this post.. i am asking for romantic 'love at first contact' stories.


basically, the modern BDSM equivalent of the war bride stores after the 2nd world war, where couples fell in love at first sight without benefit of even speaking the same language.

cynics can check their keyboards at the door.


first of all, your thread topic stated that you wanted opinions...that is advice.

secondly, you only want positive "stories" to reinforce what you want to do, but not input from people who think it is completely a bad choice?

My "opinion" is for you to jump as fast as you can. Grab that collar and run with it. I think that would be very fitting for you. 



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