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RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken - 5/22/2008 10:03:12 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

I can't speak as to what Shakti was trying to say Elan, but I will say that each situation involving more than one person or a traditional pairing of sorts is unique. Those situations are likely to require a longer search to find someone who fits with what the dominant desires to create.

There are many wonderful women I'd be interested in serving, but the unique situations they're each in which include their commitments to others, are all such that they don't fit with what I'd be comfortable with; nor would they ever be able to provide the kind of situation that I ultimately want for myself. For those reasons, I don't see them as appropriate partners for me to consider.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

Post #: 61

RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken - 5/22/2008 10:22:54 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

That, My dear elan, is entirely another subject, which relates to compatibility. I am not saying for one second that someone who is looking for all of the things that are involved in a monogamous relationship should deny themselves that to be in a poly situation, or settle for anything less than what they want. This goes back to a very simple theory of Mine that says not everyone is for everybody else. As a poly Dominant, or half of a Dom/Domme couple, or a person in a vanilla marriage who also happens to have a D/s relationship, or whatever, I'm more than aware of this. I wouldn't ask anyone to forsake what they want, in order for Me to have what I want.

That being said, it is totally callous to imply, or to allow anyone to believe, that there is zero commitment in anything that might not be a primary, monogamous relationship. Perhaps it is a matter of semantics, but it certainly read that way to Me.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

Post #: 62

RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken - 5/22/2008 2:50:13 PM

Bella1965

Posts: 285
Joined: 12/12/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

G'afternoon all:

(Fast Reply)

My views on the morality of married individuals seeking fulfillment outside of their marriage aside, there's a screw for every nut. (Tongue firmly in cheek on choice of wording.) Whatever needs you come to CM to satisfy, there's bound to be someone, somewhere out there, that shares it. They may not be a member here, but rest assured, there's always a match. How you find that elusive catch is varied and this medium may not yield what you desire. It's quite possible neither will other conventional alternative lifestyle avenues of approach; munches, clubs, events, private parties, etc. The point is to never give up. Vent your frustrations, rail at the injustices of the world and then share your triumphs when you finally are successful. I won't bore everyone with my own success story, interested party(ies) can contact me on the other side if they like. Suffice it to say, everything will smooth out and go right when you least expect it.

If this was a rant? I've shared it in the past. Keep the faith, your special someone is out there.

Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...

Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 63

RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken - 5/22/2008 3:02:05 PM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

To the OP: Yeah, I see that happen a lot, only from the other side. Although I'm not really into online relationships, the RT version of it is just as bad, if not worse. I find someone, talk to them for weeks, meet up, maybe even play a few times, and then the whole thing falls apart.

Yeah, I'm married, but I make sure those I'm talking to know about my primary relationship... and my wife knows full well of my seeking others to play with. (I try to make sure they at least have a phone conversation before the inital meeting.) But let's face it, being married is a non-starter for about 90% of the folks who come onto CM. As much as BDSM likes to think that it's somehow more open to variation, it really isn't. (In some ways, the teritoriality becomes far worse.)

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 64

RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken - 5/22/2008 9:17:27 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

But you're perfectly willing to make snide comments about married people with profiles STATING OPENLY that they're married. What did the OP do to earn your supercilious lesson about "irony"? You can't play the great feminist watchdog of American values AND ALSO throw stones at people who don't lead their lives the way you choose.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

Nor do I consider monogamy to be "non-progressive" per se. *shrug* Whatever.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 65

RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken - 5/22/2008 9:39:24 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
But you're perfectly willing to make snide comments about married people with profiles STATING OPENLY that they're married.

I don't think the original comment I made was "snide", really, especially when prefaced by the highly informative words "no offense intended". But please, DO feel free to throw a spastic conniption fit when the person I was speaking to failed to project your "Everyone Is Judging Me!" issues onto a simple statement of fact.

Not every submissive is looking to play second fiddle in a D/S relationship--much less fourth or fifth.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 66

RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken - 5/22/2008 10:27:55 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama
Not every submissive is looking to play second fiddle in a D/S relationship--much less fourth or fifth.

Very true, but if you're very lucky second best doesn't feel like settling. i never would have sought a relationship with a poly woman, much less a married one. But, since very early in the relationship; i have never felt less than loved by anyone in the family. Maybe not always liked for some dipship move or other, but always loved. That includes my sister submissive and Ma'ams Husband.

It works out very well for me, knowing i am fulfilling some things that Ma'am needs that Her Husband and Dominant could (or would) never personally provide for; and instead of finding only a Dominant, i found the family that i had myself convinced that i no longer needed.

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 5/22/2008 10:28:28 PM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 67

RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken - 5/23/2008 12:01:51 AM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

Why is it ok for a Dom/me to bitch and whine, and when a sub/slave does the same then their heads get chopped off?

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 68

RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken - 5/23/2008 4:50:31 AM

AtlantaMistress

Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

You get what you can give...or at least that is the way it should be. If you are giving too much and not getting in return, it is frustrating. If you are getting more than you can give, it can be overwhelming. An equal balance is the best. That is what is hard to find! Being honest with yourself first, and then others, will help along the way however. The 'Good Ones' are often taken - because of just that - they are GOOD...but if you are GOOD as well, you will most certainly find your match.

_____________________________

Mistress Sandy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd rather be hated for something I am than loved for something I am not.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 69

RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken - 5/23/2008 4:57:43 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama
Not every submissive is looking to play second fiddle in a D/S relationship--much less fourth or fifth.

Very true, but if you're very lucky second best doesn't feel like settling. i never would have sought a relationship with a poly woman, much less a married one. But, since very early in the relationship; i have never felt less than loved by anyone in the family. Maybe not always liked for some dipship move or other, but always loved. That includes my sister submissive and Ma'ams Husband.

It works out very well for me, knowing i am fulfilling some things that Ma'am needs that Her Husband and Dominant could (or would) never personally provide for; and instead of finding only a Dominant, i found the family that i had myself convinced that i no longer needed.

Although your situation would not work for many here. Iam very happy that you have found a situation that fulfills you and gives you the family you need.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 70

RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken - 5/23/2008 7:11:22 AM

WalterRego

Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline

I want to echo what darchChylde said. I'd never have believed before a few months ago that a Mistress who was married and poly would be something I could ever be remotely interested in, much less fulfilled by.

But I was wrong and the overall relationship has been a revelation to me whch I would never have been able to comprehend before this. While I don't live with them and my relationship is, so far, less involved with Mistress' husband than darchChylde's, that has been my decision more than Mistress husband.

BTW, i never feel like "second best" just second in time. It really depends on the people involved.

ShakiSama, a "second fiddle" almost always plays harmony or a lesser supporting motif in a string trio or quartet. When I'm with Mistress alone I'm always playing first fiddle and melody. (Well, actually Mistress always plays first fiddle, melody and conductor, but you know what I mean).

The times when I've been with Mistress and her husband together it was virtually impossible to tell which of the two of us subs were playing first or second fiddle (or cello or bass) or if there were such parts in the music.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 71

RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken - 5/23/2008 7:23:30 AM

WalterRego

Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline

Maybe it 's not so much a matter of the "good ones" being taken, as much as that the "Good Ones" get to do all the taking.

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 72

RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken - 5/23/2008 7:30:26 AM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

It makes me quite happy to hear from Walter and Darch, actually. As we can see--there is virtually nothing you can say about D/S relationships that applies to everyone. And the fact that some people are unable to cope with a certain arrangement does not mean it works for no one at all.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 73

RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken - 5/23/2008 9:22:49 AM

blackpearl81

Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

Ever get that feeling that all the 'good ones' are taken? Or to far away? Or just to busy with their real lives?

*sigh* I just get a little frustrated sometimes. I have found four Excellent subs on CM. Each one seemed so devoted and perfectly matched for me when we first started communicating. Then, each one seems to have drifted away. They still write, just not as often. They don't even log onto the site.

I guess it's my own darned fault that I'm only interested in the ones who HAVE real lives. They are the more fully rounded personalities. I always said I liked a "spirited" sub who knew his own mind. Then they get caught up in those 'interesting real lives' and just don't have time to sit at a computer and type anymore.

Oh well. There's always the next one. And the one after that. And then another. Like city busses. However, subs aren't really interchangeable. Nor easily replaced when I actually grow fond of one... or two... or four.

(Not ranting. Just whining a bit. I miss my favorites.)

/gropes

Gone? Who said anything about bein gone?

Oh wait. I'm assuming I'm one of the aforementioned "faves"

=oP

Seriously though, I've been crazy busy lately... I bought a bike last weekend, and I bike ~15 miles to/from work (round trip ~30 miles)

Thats doin kick ass though, my best time for a one way trip, is one hour, 12 minutes.

May not seem like much, but when you consider I've been a pack a day smoker since I was 18, and haven't ridden a bike in about 9-10 years, I'm actually proud of that time. =o)

_____________________________

~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 74

RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken - 5/23/2008 9:39:50 AM

throbbin

Posts: 10
Joined: 3/13/2005
Status: offline

Mistress, your phrase "to far away" applies to me.
i am a true sub to the Dominant Professional Female.

i live in an area that is a Pro-Domme desert ( the Sahara ).
i have to travel = 4 hours Orlando / 3 hours Ft. Lauderdale / each way.

It is difficult to start communication - with the FemDomme usually thinking i may only be a 10% show-up.

As we all know the 1st session is always a little awkward - until we get to know one another.

i would love to take a Mistress out to dinner / wine - that ALWAYS gets shot-down.

Any advice ?

throbbin - SW Florida
'fit to be tied'

< Message edited by throbbin -- 5/23/2008 9:40:51 AM >

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 75

RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken - 5/23/2008 5:21:51 PM

Monetslyric

Posts: 3
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline

I use to feel that way, I really don't know what changed but one day I started meeting "good ones" I believe it was a change I made in myself that eventually attracted available good ones who where on the same page as me. I can say that yes life comes into play but if a sub really wants to maintain communication they can even if it is an email that simple says, "Hi I am still alive"

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 76

RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken - 5/23/2008 6:52:29 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessTeaze

Why is it ok for a Dom/me to bitch and whine, and when a sub/slave does the same then their heads get chopped off?

GoddezzT`

Both heads? (squeezes legs tightly together)

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

Post #: 77

RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken - 5/23/2008 8:52:26 PM

AcademyForSlaves

Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline

We call it the 'revolving door' syndrome. Some guys aren't into being a slave or owned or 24-7 and they just want to play slave for a while to get his fetish. Some are real slaves and want to be 24-7 but get cold feet or can't handle it or leave if he feels he can't please her. All this can be fixed with the proper training. That's why all our slaves who leave after a while always always come back and many have stayed for years. Own more than one slave so when one leaves you still have the other. I own one but I'm thinking about owning a second slave.

_____________________________

Academy Mistresses
http://www.academyforslaves.com/home.html

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 78

RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken - 5/23/2008 9:11:03 PM

MzJoelenaanne

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/23/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLascivious

quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor

Firts of all subtreat--how brave of you to post, don't be such a stranger and welcome back to the light---

As for the communication/lack of/ penpal status then fizzle----( and may I say I an proud that no one shoved the---get out into your community issue at this)

If I am going to find Mine, I am going to have to look outside My area--as My area are marrieds, Doms or well just won't fit---I am not going to relocate---so that narrows the field allot---what I seek is like MsStarlett--those with a real life---ok now the field gets narrower--and the commitment to communication gets harder ( and this "where there is a will there is a way"---it works LATER, it doesn't work that way in the beginning)---I don't want someone who hangs on the computer all day--ping ping ping ping---that says to Me--needy--I also don't want someone who does because maybe they don't work---I want someone interesting, fun, with interests that we can share---well people with busy lives are busy people---and that early new communication ends up going by the wayside---so its frustrating---at both ends--I have a busy life-homeschool a graduating senior, demanding job, horses so I'm not here all the time---add to that most of the boys that may have potential are in a different time zone---WHY ARE THEY ALL ON THE WEST COAST?? ok sorry, whiney moment there---I haven't found the solution---the mix of communication, the blend of getting past the interference of life--and no Dominas in the early stages cannot simply command someone to be on line or be there at a certain time---it just doesn't happen that way.

I've given up on a few occasions, I'm close again because I can't seem to find the mix to get through that first log jam.

I find it hilarious that all of the ones you find are on the West Coast and all the ones I find are on the East Coast. Damn them!!!! Just thought I would mention that.

In too many of My experiences, I think I have found the perfect compatible sub. Then when it comes down to the serious business, he turns out to be married or already in a relationship. Far too many are just looking for play. I have about had it lately!

(in reply to MsLascivious)

Post #: 79

RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken - 5/24/2008 12:38:10 AM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

Have they been raptured?

Just a thought.

Have fun.

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 80

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