Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (Full Version)

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bronxboy -> Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (10/21/2005 5:46:22 PM)

I have been faced with this dilemma for a while, as a dominant man I still hold the door, carry the packages (yes the toy bag also), and walk on the outside of the street.
I was raised to be a gentleman, I do not put that away because I am with a submissive partner. But it has raised some questions in certain circles. Does anyone have any thoughts on the subject?



topcat -> RE: Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (10/21/2005 5:49:12 PM)

M. BB-

I'd say it was actually redundant, not an Oxymoron...

Stay warm,
Lawrence



HentaiGamerKitty -> RE: Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (10/21/2005 5:51:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

M. BB-

I'd say it was actually redundant, not an Oxymoron...

Stay warm,
Lawrence


I agree. I've found most dominants to be quite "old fashioned". In my experience, they tend to hold to gender roles such as were common in the 1950's, which teach that a man holds the door, pulls out the chair, carries packages, makes the money, and the women cleans, cooks, sexually satisfies her man, and accepts him as the leader of the household.



felineone -> RE: Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (10/21/2005 5:52:12 PM)

I don't see why a Dominant can't also be a gentleman. I have known both, and i do prefer a gentleman, that just makes me feel feminine. It doesn't show weakness to open a door for a woman. I wonder why it would raise eyebrows?
I would think a Dominant could chose to handle his relationship with his partner any way He wishes..

~feline~



WickedKev -> RE: Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (10/21/2005 5:53:20 PM)

So your question is to prove our Dominance do we have to slam doors in subs/slaves faces, push them out into traffic, make then strain themselves carrying heavy packages and lets see allow them to carry my toy bag?!?!?! I wouldn't let the Pope touch my toy bag...............



domtimothy46176 -> RE: Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (10/21/2005 5:54:47 PM)

As with most things related to WIITWD, one must always follow the path that leads to the greatest sense of self-fulfillment. I, too, consider myself to be a gentleman and the decline in what I was taught to be common courtesy distresses me as I attempt to teach proper behavior to my children.
Those who will look down on you simply because you treat your partner as a lady are probably going to have different values on other ways, as well. My advice, for what it's worth, is to follow your own sense of correct behavior. You'll find that some are like you and others are different from you but most tend to mind their own business.
Timothy



bronxboy -> RE: Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (10/21/2005 5:58:20 PM)

A few weeks ago I had a "dominant" ask me why I was doing all the heavy lifting??????
I said he answered his own question. I am looking for the relationship that gamer kitty explains so why should I havce to explain myself to anyone?



Detmastered -> RE: Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (10/21/2005 6:08:41 PM)

It is a wonderful world we live in. Subs who want to be treated like a lady and a slut will find a gentleman dom. Those who want to be treated like dirt and a slut will find a rude dom. While those who wnat to be treated like a tomato will end up in the spaghetti sauce. It’s great how life works out.



LadiesBladewing -> RE: Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (10/21/2005 6:09:03 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: bronxboy

I have been faced with this dilemma for a while, as a dominant man I still hold the door, carry the packages (yes the toy bag also), and walk on the outside of the street.
I was raised to be a gentleman, I do not put that away because I am with a submissive partner. But it has raised some questions in certain circles. Does anyone have any thoughts on the subject?



I think that, in general, it depends on the individuals, but in our world, the dominant individual carries hirself, and behaves in general, like a gentleman or a lady. Being firm does not have to mean being cruel. Keeping one's servants occupied and assuring that they are diligent in their tasks does not require being crass, or rude... Honestly, both of our men were gentlemen, and that is part of what we are looking for, should we ever decide to grow our household with the addition of dominant members of the male persuasion, just like we would want dominant females who may be strong, but are also ladylike. And yes... it gets us wierd looks, too. *chuckles*

Lady Zephyr



grits -> RE: Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (10/21/2005 6:43:37 PM)

i don't see any reason why a Dom can't also be a gentleman -- even when in a scene it can be quite a turn on..(yummmm...lol). Just like a lady and a sub/slave can be one in the same. Different locations, people, etc., call for different reactions from us. i'm just not interested in being treated like a slut in front of my family, but i used to relish it when it was the right time, right place and what my Master wanted.

grit



DesertRat -> RE: Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (10/21/2005 6:53:11 PM)

I open doors, pull out chairs, carry the big stuff....all that. I don't see anything odd about that and neither have those I have been with.

Bob



JohnWarren -> RE: Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (10/21/2005 7:10:00 PM)

I think the question would be clearer if it were asked if dominants are gratuitously rude. You see, part of the D/S dynamic often may have the dominant behaving in a role unlike that of a conventional gentleman: submissives holding doors, carrying toybags and such. However, that's part of the dynamic.

The way I see it is that gratuitously rudeness is a mark of insecurity and weakness and so shouldn't be part of a dominant's makup.




LadyShoshin -> RE: Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (10/21/2005 7:17:19 PM)

Whoever was questioning your actions was undoubtedly quoting from their BDSM rule book, I say their rulebook, because the only one that exists is the one you are writing for yourself, it applies to no one but you, as theirs applies to no one but them.

Be yourself, be true to who you are. I have coined a name for the people who create boxes with titles like Dom on them and expect everyone to fit in their box, they get "uncomfortable" when someone doesn't fit into their box. I call them, very simply "box people". Don't let the box people define you.

Continue being a gentleman, being with one is such a treat!


quote:

ORIGINAL: bronxboy

I have been faced with this dilemma for a while, as a dominant man I still hold the door, carry the packages (yes the toy bag also), and walk on the outside of the street.
I was raised to be a gentleman, I do not put that away because I am with a submissive partner. But it has raised some questions in certain circles. Does anyone have any thoughts on the subject?





Wolfie648 -> RE: Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (10/21/2005 7:32:10 PM)

quote:

I have been faced with this dilemma for a while, as a dominant man I still hold the door, carry the packages (yes the toy bag also), and walk on the outside of the street.
I was raised to be a gentleman, I do not put that away because I am with a submissive partner. But it has raised some questions in certain circles. Does anyone have any thoughts on the subject?


If you do what they want you would be being submisive to them. Do what you want (as long as you aren't hurting people against their will which hardly seems to be the case from what you have presented here.)

I'd tell them they are certainly welcome to live by their rules, and I'll live by mine.

D (owner of j)



Lordandmaster -> RE: Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (10/21/2005 8:08:58 PM)

Being a gentleman has nothing to do with holding the door, carrying packages, or walking on the outside of street.

In the old days--when they still HAD gentlemen--the definition of a gentleman was simple:

A gentleman is a man who says what he means and means what he says.

No more, no less.

Lam

quote:

ORIGINAL: bronxboy

I have been faced with this dilemma for a while, as a dominant man I still hold the door, carry the packages (yes the toy bag also), and walk on the outside of the street.




angelthighhighs -> RE: Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (10/21/2005 8:43:15 PM)

As John mentioned there are Dominants that have their subs open the doors for them and to carry things...there isn't anything wrong with that at all if its what He requires. It still can be done respectfully and without being rude. Which in my opinion is the definition of being a gentleman.

The choice is up to those involved in the relationship. Just because someone is a Dominant doesn't mean they leave their manners behind.



gypsyeyez -> RE: Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (10/21/2005 9:11:33 PM)

Ok being a submissive lady I have to I guess add my two cents here

Being Dominant entails Trust Honor and Respect all things taught to a gentleman so I guess with what Topcat said it is redundant for the gentleman/ladylike way is a very well known expectation of any Dominant Male or Female.

Just my thoughts




harmony3709 -> RE: Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (10/21/2005 10:56:43 PM)

Maybe the person who told you that you are not a dominant if you are a gentleman is the same one who told me that I could not possibly be a submissive because I am a lady. [:-]

Well, at least he was right about the part that I AM a lady. And my Master happens to be very much the gentleman, which just happens to be one of his most desirable qualities! [:)]

Blessed be,
harmony



JustaTop -> RE: Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (10/21/2005 11:00:22 PM)

In as much as Dominance begins with self-control a gentleman represents the ability to excercise self control.

I see no contradiction with it.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Is the term Dominant gentleman an oxymoron? (10/22/2005 12:06:37 AM)

quote:

I have been faced with this dilemma for a while, as a dominant man I still hold the door, carry the packages (yes the toy bag also), and walk on the outside of the street.
I think you will do very well as a gentleman who is a dominant, because if you are a gentleman, even some dominant women will think you're kool to be with.
When people tell you that what you do is not dominant, tell them not to try and dominate you, because as a dominant, you will do things as you know and enjoy them, and on your terms.
Welcome to the boards. M



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