Letting it go !?! (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

missturbation -> Letting it go !?! (5/19/2008 6:07:02 AM)

A follow on from 'Is paranoia my friend?'. I'm beginning to feel a bit like a scriptwriter for eastenders now lol [:o]
 
So where we at? He was supposed to be coming to see me, had car trouble and couldnt make it. Fixed his car and then ended up in hospital with anaphylatic (spelling) shock. Spoke to a couple of his friends through cm mail and msn and thursday he was still in hospital, supposed to be out friday. I've not heard a word since.
 
So now is the time i shrug it off right? If he can't be bothered to let me know he is ok, not ok i should just forget it!
 
So why can't i?
 
Part of it is that i care and just want to know he's ok. From there what will be, will be. We meet up we don't, least i know he's ok or still ill or whatever.
 
The other part of me says this is just his way of brushing me off. That everything is just made up to avoid meeting me. His silence hopes i will just go away. Fair enough! But no it really isn't. If this is the case why can't he just say 'i changed my mind'. Why the elaborate web of deceit and lies?
 
I just plain and simple don't understand. I'm looking for an answer, have left a cmail to ask how hes doing. Have text him to let him know i'm thinking of him and even left an online msn message asking for news of how he is doing. Too much? Maybe but i care.
 
All i'm met with though is a wall of silence and whilst this could be because he is still in hospital, it also could be he is just being plain rude and ignoring me. I can't have done anything wrong, everything was fine last time we spoke. So why?
 
It really is driving me crazy. All i would like is a 'yes hes/i'm ok', an 'i'm fine but not gonna be planning on meeting up anymore', even a 'fuck off i want nothing to do with you would be better than this.'
 



breatheasone -> RE: Letting it go !?! (5/19/2008 6:11:00 AM)

I REALLY understand your torrment over this...and for what its worth I hope you can shake this off in short oder....if you want to vent....i'm on the other side with an empty cmail box![;)]



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Letting it go !?! (5/19/2008 6:22:03 AM)

Lack of closure sucks. I suggest contacting him and letting him know that you'd appreciate knowing if he's ok, but that from his actions, you're assuming that he no longer wants to meet and you're moving on.

Master Fire



Missokyst -> RE: Letting it go !?! (5/19/2008 6:22:52 AM)

I have found way too many men run from confrontation.  Try to think of him as a fearful little boy and hopefully you can move passed this.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation 
The other part of me says this is just his way of brushing me off. That everything is just made up to avoid meeting me. His silence hopes i will just go away. Fair enough! But no it really isn't. If this is the case why can't he just say 'i changed my mind'.



wet4youruse -> RE: Letting it go !?! (5/19/2008 6:24:16 AM)

Perhaps you can not let it go because you know down deep that he lied to you . 
quote:

Spoke to a couple of his friends through cm mail and msn and thursday he was still in hospital, supposed to be out friday
Please explain to me how he did that if he was still in the hospital.
Sounds to me like he is telling lies to you, maybe because chickened out or changed his mind and doesn't have the balls to tell you.
ON THE OTHER HAND:
Maybe you cant let it go because he disrespected you by not calling or c-mailing you directly.
 
Either way, I hope you get this man out of your system soon sweety, because you are worth the trouble of a call or email.
If he could contact others on this site then he could have contacted you.
You deserve better hon.



wandersalone -> RE: Letting it go !?! (5/19/2008 6:25:18 AM)

Can you ring the hospital and ask to speak to him (when I've been in hopsital in the past phone calls from people would be put through to my bed) to put your mind at rest in case he is still in hospital? 

You have done as much as you can so now it really is up to him.  You may hear from him and receive answers to your questions or you may not.  Now is the time to focus on yourself and your life.  He may be a really nice guy however given how much emotional limbo you have gone through in the last couple of weeks with him do you really want to continue being on this roller-coaster?



missturbation -> RE: Letting it go !?! (5/19/2008 6:36:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

I REALLY understand your torrment over this...and for what its worth I hope you can shake this off in short oder....if you want to vent....i'm on the other side with an empty cmail box![;)]


Thank you [:D]
 
quote:

Lack of closure sucks. I suggest contacting him and letting him know that you'd appreciate knowing if he's ok, but that from his actions, you're assuming that he no longer wants to meet and you're moving on.


Thank you, i've taken your advice and done just that. My addled brain at present is just not capable of that kind of clear thinking to get to a course of action that makes sense.




OmegaG -> RE: Letting it go !?! (5/19/2008 6:38:00 AM)

Miss, I am speaking from my own personal paradigm.

There are times when I've been a runner.  Usually it's a gut feeling that I can't put my finger on, but something inside me suggests that persuing that relationship wouldn't be a good thing.  Sometimes it's an unsettled feeling where I don't feel a natural trust with the other person, sometimes it feels as if the other person is establishing a relationship far faster then I am.

So I want to back off from the relationship, and I have to say that I don't dig confrontation either and sometimes that gut instinct (or paranoia) wreaks havoc on me and the only way I can see getting out is to dissappear.  Sometimes my instinct is off and he fades away when I stop contacting him, but other times he shifts the communication into hyperdrive and it just reinforces my inclination to run.

the two things I picked up in your posts was 1.  you have communal friends, they'd contact you if something really happened.  2.  you sent out quite a few communications, if he was already paniced, you might have increased his fear.

I'm thinking that if I were in your shoes I'd take no communication as good communication with regards to his health.  After a couple of weeks, initial one communication asking for thoughts and closure.



missturbation -> RE: Letting it go !?! (5/19/2008 6:45:16 AM)

quote:

I have found way too many men run from confrontation.  Try to think of him as a fearful little boy and hopefully you can move passed this.


Fingers crossed lol
 
quote:

Perhaps you can not let it go because you know down deep that he lied to you . 

Perhaps.
 
quote:

Please explain to me how he did that if he was still in the hospital.

The cm mail i had was from a friend of his whom he had asked to sign in his account and send me it.
The msn was another friend of his and he had asked them to sign in and check his emails for his business.

quote:

Sounds to me like he is telling lies to you, maybe because chickened out or changed his mind and doesn't have the balls to tell you.

Maybe. Possibly. Probably.
However i have to think that it would be just so much simpler to send a message saying ive changed my mind than spend over a week on elaborate lies and deceit. Could be wrong though.

quote:

ON THE OTHER HAND:
Maybe you cant let it go because he disrespected you by not calling or c-mailing you directly.

There is that. However i know from experience that you cannot get in cm or msn from the hospital web as i tried when in myself. They were blocked sites then. Maybe diff now i dont know.
 

quote:

Can you ring the hospital and ask to speak to him (when I've been in hopsital in the past phone calls from people would be put through to my bed) to put your mind at rest in case he is still in hospital? 

You have done as much as you can so now it really is up to him.  You may hear from him and receive answers to your questions or you may not.  Now is the time to focus on yourself and your life.  He may be a really nice guy however given how much emotional limbo you have gone through in the last couple of weeks with him do you really want to continue being on this roller-coaster?

I don't know which hospital he was/is in.
No i really don't want to continue on this.






Maya2001 -> RE: Letting it go !?! (5/19/2008 6:58:31 AM)

Sometimes you just need to go with your guts feelings



gypsygrl -> RE: Letting it go !?! (5/19/2008 7:01:15 AM)

quote:

However i have to think that it would be just so much simpler to send a message saying ive changed my mind than spend over a week on elaborate lies and deceit. Could be wrong though.



Yes, it would be simpler, but people don't always do what's simple.  I don't want to assume anything about what's going on in this guy's life, because I really don't know, but I have seen people construct elaborate buildings of many lies rather than tell one simple truth.  Its like creative genious, miscarried. 

I'm not saying thats whats going on in this case.  But, just because the simplist thing makes the most sense to you, doesn't mean everybody's like that.  This is something I had to learn the hard way.

They should sell ockam's razor at the hardware store.



mistoferin -> RE: Letting it go !?! (5/19/2008 7:04:39 AM)

Anaphylactic shock does not take 5 days to treat.

Seriously missturbation, I have had several men use the "car trouble" excuse. I've even had three guys from CM who "got into a car accident" on their way to our date. When asked why they didn't call they said the car accident broke their cell phone....or they were hospitalized (hospitals don't have a phone in every room?). Seems to be a common problem among "doms" here. I can only conclude that either a lot of "doms" here own crappy cars, are prone to "accidents"....or that they are chickenshits who are full of crap....I think I lean much heavier toward the latter.

You don't really think that the e-mails you received were from "friends" signed into his account do you? If he wanted friends to contact you, he would simply give them your e-mail address or phone number. Nope, I aint buying it. I'll bet dollars to doughnuts he was sitting at that computer and just didn't feel like dealing with the "why's".

I'm sorry that you are hurting...I know how it sucks. I'd forget about him and move forward.



domahpet -> RE: Letting it go !?! (5/19/2008 7:19:00 AM)

didnt know what it was so i looked it up:
Anaphylactic shock: A widespread and very serious allergic reaction. Symptoms include dizziness, loss of consciousness, labored breathing, swelling of the tongue and breathing tubes, blueness of the skin, low blood pressure, heart failure, and death. Immediate emergency treatment is required for this type of shock, including administration of antivenom in the case of bee or wasp stings.

ya no chance he's tired or wore out, must be avoiding you because he's a looser. dump him without talking to him first. [:'(]



wet4youruse -> RE: Letting it go !?! (5/19/2008 7:19:16 AM)

You deserve better hon....... HUGS[sm=yourock.gif]



missturbation -> RE: Letting it go !?! (5/19/2008 7:30:09 AM)

quote:

the two things I picked up in your posts was 1.  you have communal friends, they'd contact you if something really happened.  2.  you sent out quite a few communications, if he was already paniced, you might have increased his fear.


We don't hve communl friends. They were his friends not mine letting me know what was going on.
I did send out three communications yes. I was worried.
 
quote:

Sometimes you just need to go with your guts feelings

My gut is split between he's lieing and hes not. [:o]
 
quote:

You don't really think that the e-mails you received were from "friends" signed into his account do you?

I really don't know.
 
quote:

ya no chance he's tired or wore out, must be avoiding you because he's a looser. dump him without talking to him first. [:'(]

I'd like to think this is the truth but i just don't know.





seeksfemslave -> RE: Letting it go !?! (5/19/2008 7:39:51 AM)

Are you pressurising him too much.? Coming across as a bit desparate? Only arskin.
It sounds to me tho' that without any doubt he's lying to you.
Thats what Aunty seeks thinks anyway.



missturbation -> RE: Letting it go !?! (5/19/2008 7:43:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: seeksfemslave

Are you pressurising him too much.? Coming across as a bit desparate? Only arskin.
It sounds to me tho' that without any doubt he's lying to you.
Thats what Aunty seeks thinks anyway.


If sending an enquiry to ask how he is is pressuring him, then yes i guess i am.
Desperate? Again see above.



cjan -> RE: Letting it go !?! (5/19/2008 7:44:07 AM)

Silence can speak volumes.

Not too long ago, I was very ill and was having some heart attack-like symptoms...chest pain, profuse sweating, numbness, etc.. I called for an ambulance. On the way to the ER, with EMTs stabilizing my condition, I used my cell phone to call work, cancel pending appointments and notify a few friends. Where there is a will, there is a way.

If it sounds like bullshit, looks like bullshit, smells like bullshit, be careful no to step in it.





Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Letting it go !?! (5/19/2008 7:44:39 AM)

Drama and Silence can become the motherload of avoidence.  Lack of closure sucks, personally, I'd rather somebody be brutally honest with me to the point of hearing "Fuck off" as well.

I don't deal well with avoidence, silence and being kept in the dark.  I don't own a crystal ball, I'm not a mind reader, and I suck at guessing correctly at things.  I'd rather know the truth instead of just assume things.  Because what I might assume might not be correct.

I totally understand what you are going through.  



Dnomyar -> RE: Letting it go !?! (5/19/2008 7:45:33 AM)

Mmmmm ok, not really. I think so. I don't know, listening, not listening. ect, ect.



Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
2.734375E-02