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Formal Domina or Apprentice Training? Who has had it? - 10/21/2005 6:19:40 PM   
MsHeart


Posts: 15
Joined: 10/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hi ALL,

When I started out in BDSM, I was formally trained in the art of BDSM. I was trained by an educated instructor/partner who had been trained by other instructors that had trained some out SF local BDSM educators. I was instructed to read books like SM 101, The Loving Dominant, Bottoming Book and Consensual BDSM, attend classes, attend play parties and watch, volunteer at events and watch educational videos.

How many Domina's or Subs have been trained by an informed Domina/Dom or BDSM Educator?

What type of training: BEST, Old Guard, High Protocol or just the basics?

If not, have you read the various introduction books and or attended classes put on by your local BDSM groups?


If you have not, what type of things would you wish to learn if you were to attended a week-long workshop or intensive training (Dominant/sub)?

Sincerely with Diversity in Pride,
Ms. Heart
San Francisco



_____________________________

Sincerely with Diversity in Pride,
Ms. Heart
Project Manager for the "Bay Area Women of Color BDSM Photo Project"
www.mistressheartsf.com/woc/html
www.mistressheartsf.com
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Formal Domina or Apprentice Training? Who has had it? - 10/21/2005 7:02:29 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		At first I just did things that came naturally to me.

Once we lived in Manhattan I could and did start attending clubs and organizations, including I helped found at Columbia.

In NYC I asked people I knew and respected to teach me skills and activities. So I loved how to flog from someone I knew and had seen do good flogging, she also made floggers so taught me a lot about the materials that make them. I knew a man who was into knife play and he taught me how to do that. That was pretty much how I learned -- find someone I could respect, ask them to teach me, then apprentice to them as a co-top to learn until they said "You got it TammyJo".

I've also gone to workshops and lectures -- local, state and national but usually again when I want to learn, I ask one person I know can do it well to take their time and teach me.

I've turned around and offered this mentoring to others and at one time even hosted an 8 person gathering for several months of new tops and wouldbe tops where I and another experience top used reading and physical practice to teach. It was fun but I find one-on-one mentoring better. And frankly it doesn't take that long.

The best tops and dominants, in my opinion, are those who feel inclined toward it from inside him/herself. They just need to find the technical skills and someone(s) they can talk to about things.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MsHeart)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Formal Domina or Apprentice Training? Who has had it? - 10/21/2005 7:15:14 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline 		I don't think I've ever seen myself as "being trained" in the scene. From the first time I ventured out there have been people that I've learned from. Sometimes passively, as when I visited leather bars in the 60's and watched the boys at play. Sometimes actively, like when Len Dworkin taught me how to do Japanese Bondage. With many, it was a single skill, technique or even way of standing; with others it was a long-term relationship I learned a kaleidoscope of new things.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to MsHeart)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Formal Domina or Apprentice Training? Who has had it? - 10/22/2005 5:44:37 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		When I started out (first baby steps into this happened around 1984-85 & my full blown investigation into this side of me started around 1987), those books you mentioned were not written. I was fortunate to meet with people who were willing to pass along their own working knowledge to others. I have had a chance to learn many styles from the various people I met over the years. It wasn't until the mid to late 90's I started to hear some of the names of modalities such as Old World or Victorian. I had heard of Old Guard & Gorean, but did not have a chance to interact with persons that identified as such until around 1992 or so.

I have found that my style is my own. Someone may say it resembles a style they have heard of or say they were trained in, but who I am & how I act is what is natural for me.

The benefit I have found from knowing these people is not the particular style each identified as, but rather the diverse applications from each of their diverse backgrounds. It was great to share with people from other countries & cultural backgrounds. I was able to learn from both men & women, both dominant & submissive, both private practicing & participants & title holders in leather competitions.



_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to MsHeart)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Formal Domina or Apprentice Training? Who has had it? - 10/22/2005 7:12:51 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		I was "trained" by my mother and other strong woman around me how to make sure I that I got my needs/desires met and how to respect those I was engaging with.

The rest either came naturally from my imagination or were little bits that I picked up here and there.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to MsHeart)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Formal Domina or Apprentice Training? Who has had it? - 10/22/2005 7:24:48 AM   
CrimsonBlush


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline 		I am very new to BDSM and would like to know where to get training or find a mentor.

(in reply to MsHeart)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Formal Domina or Apprentice Training? Who has had it? - 10/22/2005 7:28:43 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrimsonBlush

I am very new to BDSM and would like to know where to get training or find a mentor.


Local community.

Go to munches and join organizations, go to play parties or clubs when you are invited. Volunteer. Get known. Then you can get to know others and when you see someone with a skill you'd like to learn ask them -- if you've been attending and volunteering, they'll know you too and be more likely to help you learn.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to CrimsonBlush)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Formal Domina or Apprentice Training? Who has had it? - 10/22/2005 12:19:24 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		I trained as an apprentice to a renowned European Domme for quite a few years. I'm fortunate to have been taught as I was.

It seems as though apprenticeship is almost frowned upon here. Merely a cultural difference, but it saddens Me to see the lack of formality vis a vis BDSM here in the U.S.

TexasMaam

(in reply to MsHeart)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Formal Domina or Apprentice Training? Who has had it? - 10/22/2005 2:47:15 PM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		My training has always been in the form of learning from experience. I have attended one submissive retreat and found that informational but most of what I know has been through thoughtful reflection and self-study. This may sound corny but on my first day of school as a child, I stood at the entrance and looked up at six words that have stayed with me ever since..."Learn to live, live to learn." I've taken that and changed it to "Learn to serve, serve to learn."

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Formal Domina or Apprentice Training? Who has had it? - 10/22/2005 3:58:58 PM   
MsHeart


Posts: 15
Joined: 10/19/2005
Status: offline 		Dear The Tammyjo,

Cool, your really allowed yourself to experience things from those who showed they had proper skills and connection to the BDSM Arts. WOW that is wonderful.

Thanks for responding,
Sincerely with Diversity in Pride,
Ms. Heart
San Francisco

_____________________________

Sincerely with Diversity in Pride,
Ms. Heart
Project Manager for the "Bay Area Women of Color BDSM Photo Project"
www.mistressheartsf.com/woc/html
www.mistressheartsf.com

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Formal Domina or Apprentice Training? Who has had it? - 10/22/2005 4:01:04 PM   
MsHeart


Posts: 15
Joined: 10/19/2005
Status: offline 		Dear Mr. John Warren,
As part of my training, I was required by my Mentor to read your book. I love it and referr new Domina's to it when they ask what book to read.

Thanks for offering such a delicious book to the community.

Sincerely with Diversity in Pride,
Ms. Heaert

_____________________________

Sincerely with Diversity in Pride,
Ms. Heart
Project Manager for the "Bay Area Women of Color BDSM Photo Project"
www.mistressheartsf.com/woc/html
www.mistressheartsf.com

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Formal Domina or Apprentice Training? Who has had it? - 10/22/2005 4:08:42 PM   
MsHeart


Posts: 15
Joined: 10/19/2005
Status: offline 		Dear Mstrss Passion,
Cool, I love how you express your journey into BDSM.

I have yet to meet someone who has been trained in the Gorean style. Most of those that I encounter in our small community in SF are women such as Ms. Cleo Dubois, Madame Grant, Ms. Sybil Holiday, Domina Selina Raven etc. who offer a style of BDSM that is about Ritual and Spirituality in BDSM. This style as I have experienced it is an quiet and deep awareness.

It is wonderful that You became active and offered others opportunities to learn.

Sincerely with Diversity in Pride,
Ms. Heart

_____________________________

Sincerely with Diversity in Pride,
Ms. Heart
Project Manager for the "Bay Area Women of Color BDSM Photo Project"
www.mistressheartsf.com/woc/html
www.mistressheartsf.com

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Formal Domina or Apprentice Training? Who has had it? - 10/22/2005 4:14:49 PM   
MsHeart


Posts: 15
Joined: 10/19/2005
Status: offline 		Dear Texas Maam,
Yes, formal training is lacking in the US as well as S.F. I get a lot of responses from Europeans who have extensive formal training.

Some here (Bay Area) are concerned that the lack of training is due to the Mass Media/Internect approach to BDSM. It has now become Fashionable and viewed by most as only sexual. After seeing many references to BDSM in recent movies like Charlie's Angeles, Desperate Housewives, Cat Woman, TV commercials and Print Ads etc. well some are saying it is very deluted now.

Sincerely with Diversity in Pride,
Ms. Heart

_____________________________

Sincerely with Diversity in Pride,
Ms. Heart
Project Manager for the "Bay Area Women of Color BDSM Photo Project"
www.mistressheartsf.com/woc/html
www.mistressheartsf.com

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Formal Domina or Apprentice Training? Who has had it? - 10/22/2005 4:18:34 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		Dangit ... I did try to reply to this earlier, but of course, somehow it got lost.

Anyway - neither of us have had any formal training or anything. Partially because we haven't run across very many who could teach us anything we wanted to learn, and partially because when we tried to find people, we were looked down upon by those who feel that as younger females, we can't possibly be dominant *snort* whatever ...

However, I don't agree with statement that formal apprenticeships are "frowned upon" in the US - I know many who have done them, and have no problems with people who have done them ... as long as they don't look down on us because we haven't (which is something that has happened multiple times). Perhaps in some areas, people who have had the formal training are looked down on, but around here, it's the other way around (in our experience).

(in reply to MsHeart)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Formal Domina or Apprentice Training? Who has had it? - 10/22/2005 4:29:19 PM   
MsHeart


Posts: 15
Joined: 10/19/2005
Status: offline 		Dear Crimson Blush,

Start getting out to a private Munch or private or local event. Better yet, if your area has an educational group on BDSM then go to an orientation. They are usually free.

http://www.twistedjourney.com/Pririp/sub.html

FREE On Line Training and educational articles for Subs
http://castlerealm.com/subspace/subspace.htm

FREE on Line Training and Educational articles for subs.
http://www.twistedjourney.com/Pririp/sub.html

A place to conenct as a sub (sub discussions) and connect with Lifestyle/Professional Domina
http://www.femmedomme.com

Here is an National Group that has National Listings
http://www.domsubfriends.com/1home.shtml

San Francisco's Local BDSM Educational Group
htttp://www.soj.org
Events Calendar
http://www.soj.org/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/janus/Calcium39.pl?Op=ShowIt&CalendarName=Janus

Other National Groups with links and information
http://www.soj.org/groups.html


Sincerely with Diversity in Pride,
Ms. Heart

_____________________________

Sincerely with Diversity in Pride,
Ms. Heart
Project Manager for the "Bay Area Women of Color BDSM Photo Project"
www.mistressheartsf.com/woc/html
www.mistressheartsf.com

(in reply to CrimsonBlush)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Formal Domina or Apprentice Training? Who has had it? - 10/22/2005 4:32:22 PM   
MsHeart


Posts: 15
Joined: 10/19/2005
Status: offline 		Dear Anthrosub,
Cool, self study is way cool. There are so many good books our there now. Retreat...I would like to know what course ourline was. What it covered etc. Would you be willing to share the outline with us please?

Sincerely with Diversity in Pride,
Ms. heart

_____________________________

Sincerely with Diversity in Pride,
Ms. Heart
Project Manager for the "Bay Area Women of Color BDSM Photo Project"
www.mistressheartsf.com/woc/html
www.mistressheartsf.com

(in reply to anthrosub)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Formal Domina or Apprentice Training? Who has had it? - 10/22/2005 5:02:15 PM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		Hello MsHeart,
The retreat was held at the Playhouse in Baltimore, MD over three days. Unfortunately it was freezing as it was January and there was a problem with the heat. Fortunately for us we were all dressed!

I suppose for me it was a bit different as I was the only male along with 9 females including the Domme giving the lectures. Each day was divided by several lectures followed by group discussion. The topics included self identity and discovery, the meaning of submission, relationship dynamics, basics about manners and protocols, and safety issues amongst others. The retreat was almost two years ago so I can't remember specific details but it was very insightful.

I do remember it being quite emotional for several attendees. There were a couple who had just started and one who was involved in a family which gave an interesting perspective of how a household of subs interact with each other. Most had come from New York City and Virginia to attend. I think participating in a group where you can share experiences is very healthy.

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to MsHeart)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Formal Domina or Apprentice Training? Who has had it? - 10/22/2005 6:22:18 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsHeart

Dear Texas Maam,
Yes, formal training is lacking in the US as well as S.F. I get a lot of responses from Europeans who have extensive formal training.

Some here (Bay Area) are concerned that the lack of training is due to the Mass Media/Internect approach to BDSM. It has now become Fashionable and viewed by most as only sexual. After seeing many references to BDSM in recent movies like Charlie's Angeles, Desperate Housewives, Cat Woman, TV commercials and Print Ads etc. well some are saying it is very deluted now.

Sincerely with Diversity in Pride,
Ms. Heart


And your point in replying to My post is?

(in reply to MsHeart)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Formal Domina or Apprentice Training? Who has had it? - 10/23/2005 12:14:41 AM   
CrimsonBlush


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you Msheart and TammyJo for your advice and assistance.

(in reply to MsHeart)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Formal Domina or Apprentice Training? Who has had it? - 10/24/2005 4:47:54 AM   
godessdeb1963


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline 		iam seeking a mentor in helping me become a better dom in the control disaplan department

(in reply to MsHeart)
Profile   Post #: 20
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