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Protocol when corresponding with your dominant or maste... - 10/21/2005 9:15:06 PM

MrPeterson

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/21/2005
From: Washington, D.C.
Status: offline

While being mentored as a dominant, I've learned the value of protocol in aiding the dominant and submissive to keep to their chosen roles. The problem I'm having is figuring out how to translate protocol into the written realm.

Of course I know all about The Great Capitalization Debate. But have any of you here found particular ways of wording letters to your dominant or master/mistress to be helpful in assisting you to stay within your role as a submissive or slave? And what sort of wording from your dominant or master/mistress do you find helpful?

_____________________________

Orare est laborare, laborare est orare.

Post #: 1

RE: Protocol when corresponding with your dominant or m... - 10/21/2005 9:20:00 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

I write exactly the way that I talk (much to the dismay of many people here on the baords, I'm sure

)

(in reply to MrPeterson)

Post #: 2

RE: Protocol when corresponding with your dominant or m... - 10/21/2005 11:15:33 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

"Prayer is work- work is prayer"

I have always attributed it to St Brendan- It's burned into my work benches, every place I have worked for the past fifteen years...

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to MrPeterson)

Post #: 3

RE: Protocol when corresponding with your dominant or m... - 10/21/2005 11:20:45 PM

harmony3709

Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

I am required to write a daily email to Master, which I do every night before going to bed. I open by calling him Master (as in Dear Master) and I sign with the slave name which he gave me, but not specifically as a reminder of my role.

As I am expected to ask permission to ask him a question when we are together (in person), I am also expected to do that in email as well. I simply ask permission first, then go ahead and ask the question. Master instructed me to do this and it basically reinforces that I am to ask permission. It is a reminder of my role, both by having to ask and by remembering to do so, but I think that our roles are clear in the way that we write and the tone that we use, as much as any specific formality.

Blessed be,
harmony

(in reply to MrPeterson)

Post #: 4

RE: Protocol when corresponding with your dominant or m... - 10/22/2005 1:38:23 AM

mossy

Posts: 189
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline

Dear Sir,

i am not sure this applies to Your topic. Yet it does have much to do with staying in my role. Whether it falls under protocol? i will leave for You to decide Sir.
my master had a lot of insightful methods to check my mindset with letter writing. Being i was trained online for 3 years before moving in, at least 3 letters a day? Many letters passed between us. Getting right to the point, these were the most helpful to me.

1. Always addressing Him properly.
2. He never used Dear--- or Sincerely, Master. just didn't
3. i always did, every single letter, every single time. It taught me respect.
This was never discussed, required, it occurred naturally. Trust me, there were times i felt if He didn't have to? etc. Seems like such a small thing. After 3 years? It made an impression on me. It was clear, He was the Master. Thing is i realized, i gave this freely.

Next: This One changed my mindset going deep into my personality. Even today no longer together, i measure myself with this still. How often did "i" use "i" in each letter.
No...He did not count. Yet when an issue would arise? He would i suppose begin to moniter my letters. Seeing the self-centered mindset appear. He would re-center me.

Sorry i was not more help with wording exactly. More about content. i had to be clear and concise. i was not allowed to write 10 letters to Him per day. i had a limit, not in stone.
What i wrote about mattered also. Going on and on about my laundry and groceries? Was not a subject for our letters. when He asked a question, in one letter, He expected the Full answer in my timely response letter.

But again this is not protocol. Perhaps it was for us. Best Wishes for You in Your quest.

(in reply to MrPeterson)

Post #: 5

RE: Protocol when corresponding with your dominant or m... - 10/22/2005 2:16:56 AM

MrPeterson

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/21/2005
From: Washington, D.C.
Status: offline

siamsa24 wrote:

"I write exactly the way that I talk"

I'm sure you make the transition between online and real-life contact all the more easy for people.

topcat wrote:

"'Prayer is work- work is prayer.' I have always attributed it to St Brendan- It's burned into my work benches, every place I have worked for the past fifteen years..."

How lovely. :) I believe it's St. Benedict, actually - at least, the Benedictines claim it as their motto.

You have a nice bike and jacket, by the way, if you don't mind my saying so.

harmony3709 wrote:

"I think that our roles are clear in the way that we write and the tone that we use, as much as any specific formality."

Yes, I think that comes naturally to some people. The possibility I'm anticipating (based on the e-mails I've gotten in the past) is that I'll have to train someone new, who doesn't fall naturally into his role.

mossy wrote:

"But again this is not protocol. Perhaps it was for us."

This is all very helpful. Thank you for sharing that.

_____________________________

Orare est laborare, laborare est orare.

(in reply to mossy)

Post #: 6

RE: Protocol when corresponding with your dominant or m... - 10/22/2005 7:44:15 AM

ponygirlzira

Posts: 30
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Oregon
Status: offline

I think that the only protocol needed when corresponding with ones other half, is proper grammar, punctuation, and respectful tone. For my master and myself, (we live together so writing long notes and chatting isn't something we do) we prefer to write with correct punctuation and grammar, because we find using "i" and "Him" to look terrible on paper. We believe that using poor punctuation and or grammar shows a level of disrespect to the receiver as well as to oneself.
To each their own I suppose, but I can say that when I receive an email from someone who doesn't have the courtesy to write properly, I generally don't respond.

_____________________________

Ponygirl Zira {JB}

(in reply to MrPeterson)

Post #: 7

RE: Protocol when corresponding with your dominant or m... - 10/22/2005 8:35:32 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

When i wrote to my Master i ony caped the word master. But other than that nothing different. (Edited to add) i always had to sign it Your sub and tha name he gave me.

littleone

< Message edited by littleone35 -- 10/22/2005 8:38:50 AM >

(in reply to MrPeterson)

Post #: 8

RE: Protocol when corresponding with your dominant or m... - 10/22/2005 8:45:41 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Nope, we are like a No Protocol Zone actually. If a master gives me an order, it's obeyed. No question, no reminders needed. We're just who we are, not a role or unstable position.

(in reply to MrPeterson)

Post #: 9

RE: Protocol when corresponding with your dominant or m... - 10/22/2005 8:54:47 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello There,
If I'm writing to a Dom I start the opener with Sir in the title. I never use a capitol S in my own name. Some sub/slaves also do not use I, but i when they talk about theirselves. I've also noticed in Gorean practice you as a slave do not say I, but rather this girl, or say one as you never use first person speech.
So a format would look like this.
This girl thinks respect of her Master is required at all times, one trys to be pleasing to her Master at all times.
Hope this helps,
sub suzanne

(in reply to MrPeterson)

Post #: 10

RE: Protocol when corresponding with your dominant or m... - 10/22/2005 9:03:54 AM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

I don't much like the word 'role'. I am who I am with him. We have different names for each other and those are used depending on the topic. I will always start a mail by saying, Hi Daddy or Sir. We are fairly mushy right now since we're still in the throes of our new love and D/s discovery. The one requirement that I have from my Dom is to end every mail with, "I love you," I often put one of the names I call him at the end of that. I’m always respectful to him, but I do remain true to my normal self. So that is why I don’t see it as a role. He is always my Dom even in an e-mail and I treat him as such.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 11

RE: Protocol when corresponding with your dominant or m... - 10/22/2005 10:04:54 AM

stormsfate

Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

As far as protocols, I don't see the point in making something up for someone to live by unless it is something that is important to you. If you wish to be called Master or Sir, then I would add that to the list. If it were *my* list, I would hope they would pay attention to their spelling and grammer.

best regards,
fate

_____________________________

Vision? What do you know about MY vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions and the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you! Now ask yourself, are you really ready to see that vision? [/size

(in reply to MrPeterson)

Post #: 12

RE: Protocol when corresponding with your dominant or m... - 10/22/2005 6:14:56 PM

kisshou

Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

In all my communications (verbal or written) with the Owner I am to be open and honest.
I would look more for that in her communications than any kind of typographical domination. Conversely when the Owner communicates with me in written form he reinforces his ownership by statements such as "I know my girl will do her best at work today" or "I trust my girl has completed the task I set forth for her the other day."

my best wishes to you and yours

kiss

(in reply to MrPeterson)

Post #: 13

RE: Protocol when corresponding with your dominant or m... - 10/22/2005 7:42:01 PM

MrPeterson

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/21/2005
From: Washington, D.C.
Status: offline

Thank you to all of you who have added responses; it's helpful being able to hear so many different perspectives.

EmeraldSlave2 wrote:

"We're just who we are, not a role or unstable position."

Littlepita wrote:

"I don't much like the word 'role'."

I have the feeling I've walked into the middle of a long conversation here. :)

I guess I used the word role because I have different roles in life, depending on who I'm with. With my teachers over the years, I've been submissive (when I was behaving properly, which I don't always do). With my friends, I'm egalitarian. When I've taken on leadership in my work, I've been dominant (again, when I was behaving properly). I'm the same person in all three cases; I'm simply taking on different duties, depending on the situation. (What the personality is of the person I'm interacting with can make a difference too.)

On the other recurring topic in this thread, I'm afraid the Great Capitalization Dispute makes me acutely uncomfortable, because it reminds me of the sort of disputes that used to occur in the church I grew up in, where the plain-and-simple people were convinced that the symbolic-and-fancy folks were all going to hell, and vice versa.

I'm a plain-and-simple person in my own writing (i.e., I use standard spelling and grammar), but I can still be emotionally moved by those who have chosen a different manner than I have to express their dominance or submission.

sub suzanne wrote:

"I've also noticed in Gorean practice you as a slave do not say I, but rather this girl, or say one as you never use first person speech."

I found this interesting the first time I ran across it, because there's a parallel practice in an older gay leather tradition. I talked with a slave this summer who abides by that practice, and he was saying, "The slave does this, the slave does that," and we were well into the conversation before I figured out he was talking about himself.

I asked his brother slave whether he had difficulty learning this protocol. He said, with a straight face, "My master is a very patient man, sir."

_____________________________

Orare est laborare, laborare est orare.

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 14

RE: Protocol when corresponding with your dominant or m... - 10/23/2005 6:21:23 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

oh my, methinks i'm guilty of that as well.

which sux cause i'm in grad school,lol, i just have to write professionally so much i hate to do it here

to the op=i would be more concerned with the feelings that i wished to express coming thro

quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

I write exactly the way that I talk (much to the dismay of many people here on the baords, I'm sure )

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to siamsa24)

Post #: 15

RE: Protocol when corresponding with your dominant or m... - 10/24/2005 7:22:18 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrPeterson
I guess I used the word role because I have different roles in life, depending on who I'm with. With my teachers over the years, I've been submissive (when I was behaving properly, which I don't always do). With my friends, I'm egalitarian. When I've taken on leadership in my work, I've been dominant (again, when I was behaving properly). I'm the same person in all three cases; I'm simply taking on different duties, depending on the situation. (What the personality is of the person I'm interacting with can make a difference too.)

Those are aspects of your personality. Being a slave to me is my innate orientation, same as being bisexual.

I'm bisexual no matter where I go, who I am with, what the circumstance is.

We all have aspects of our personality, and strengths of character which are expressed or not depending on the situation. But that's not the same as innate orientation.

(in reply to MrPeterson)

Post #: 16

RE: Protocol when corresponding with your dominant or m... - 10/25/2005 8:15:42 PM

Aeroil

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/24/2005
Status: offline

Protocol....

Decide that between the two of you, there are no rules set in stone, or even on paper for everybody. Everyone will differ, and any one who tries to tell you how to interact with your Dom/me or sub is a control freak. Unless they're talking about basic safety, but that's very different. Primarily because safety advice has a "Because" after it.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 17

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