not enough (Full Version)

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MissFitToy -> not enough (10/21/2005 10:01:28 PM)

To an effort to protect the parties involved, both guilty and innocent, I’m posting under an assumed name. One chosen that reflects the confusion. Actually this might be more rant then question as we all seem to agree that this so called lifestyle is in the end result
“what works” within the relationship. Yet we all know work is involved in the effort to make it function and in some areas there may be some lack. That is where this stems from, a lack that is trivial in some ways, yet huge in another area. Bottom line of this rant is this Sub wants more sex. Not a huge drawn out scene more often at this point any little thing would do if this Sub was allowed to be on the receiving end. I don’t believe I’m ugly, or inept, I love to give pleasure. Yet mine is, for the most part alone, self serve.
Yes, I have made this need aware to Master, yet my frustration builds. Its to the point that giving a blow job is no longer exciting to me, there is no reason to have my entire self into it knowing the frustration that follows for me. Its turning into a task like dishes or doing the laundry. I’m finding my frustration is seeping into everything, it’s effecting
My attitude, and over all view of being Submissive. I need more to function as a human,
Yet feel pushing the issue over and over again is wrong. For the record this isn’t something new, it’s on going. Suggestions?

the Broken Toy



siamsa24 -> RE: not enough (10/21/2005 10:06:47 PM)

quote:

Suggestions?


Did you try talking to them? That's generally the best way to communicate with someone (and no, I am not trying to be a smart ass, I am being serious)



brightspot -> RE: not enough (10/21/2005 11:35:15 PM)

Maybe take a Deep look inside and decide if this relationship is "Good" for you and has the feeling of long term success?

I support communicating....But wonder if you feel comfortable in being honest?

Sounds to me like you need to re-evaluate your situation and if it is respectful of your happiness and fulfiullment....You can have both for you and your partner, you know?

Good Luck, I think the worst thing is to stay stuck!

*Brightspot



FLButtSlut -> RE: not enough (10/21/2005 11:44:27 PM)

The thing about problems in ANY relationship is that when something is going wrong, and not being resolved, it does tend to "seep" into other areas of the relationship. I remember when I was married and things started to go downhill, it got to a point that I would get annoyed at EVERY thing my ex husband did.

You said that you HAVE talked to master about this, but you didn't say what his response was. This leaves us "readers" not having enough information to necessarily give you accurate thoughts. I would say that if this is "ongoing" as you say, that he doesn't seem to be listening or taking what you say with much seriousness, which in itself, is a big problem.

It is no wonder that you are no longer enjoying servicing him. Some will say as a sub/slave your pleasure is irrelevant, or that you aren't a very good sub/slave for wanting/needing your own pleasure. I disagree and I'm sure many others agree with my viewpoint as well. If you aren't being fufilled in ways that you need, the pleasure YOU derive from servicing him will diminish.

Try sitting him down and telling him that you have a serious problem you need to discuss. Let him know in no uncertain terms that while you WANT to be the best that you can for him, but that if you aren't going to be receiving pleasure from anyone but yourself, you need to rethink the relationship.

Good luck



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: not enough (10/21/2005 11:58:26 PM)

quote:

Try sitting him down and telling him that you have a serious problem you need to discuss. Let him know in no uncertain terms that while you WANT to be the best that you can for him, but that if you aren't going to be receiving pleasure from anyone but yourself, you need to rethink the relationship.
I agree with this in its entirety.
I would ask your master if something is going on with him to render him so unfocused and uninterested in you and your desires.
I would also like to know if this is how the relationship began or is it a major change. If it began like this, and he was never interested in sex, than you probably were always sexually incompatible, and never had a chance given the importance of this to you/both of you; but if it was fine and has now changed, I would try and find the reason or reassess the potential for longetivity in this relationship (doesn't look good from here). Good luck, M



subversiveone -> RE: not enough (10/22/2005 12:05:17 AM)

Is the lack of sex due to diminished libido? Is age a factor or children?
Have you 2 had a lifestyle change since this behavior began? Activity level?
Is this radically different from the way it used to be, and if so, how long ago was that? Has he always been this way?
Do you have any clue what started this? An issue, a fight, series of fights, financial trouble, anything?
Is your Master physically ill? Is all the equipment functional?
Are there other sex partners for either of you? Does he masturbate a lot?
Does he still get aroused? Does he get aroused by actions or images?
What is his response to your sexual advances, if any?
If i knew this i could make a suggestion as im going through the same thing.



Wolfie648 -> RE: not enough (10/22/2005 12:08:22 AM)

quote:

quote:

Try sitting him down and telling him that you have a serious problem you need to discuss. Let him know in no uncertain terms that while you WANT to be the best that you can for him, but that if you aren't going to be receiving pleasure from anyone but yourself, you need to rethink the relationship.


A sub is not a slave (my opinion disclaimer etc.). A sub has rights, wants that a (caring?) dom should consider carefully. Perhaps (not likely but possible) he is testing you. He might be testing you for more than one thing.

In no way should this be taken as me defending or encouraging his position (as I have no idea what it is).

Communication is definitely recommended.

D (owner of j).




ModeratorThree -> RE: not enough (10/22/2005 12:34:11 AM)

quote:

Yet feel pushing the issue over and over again is wrong


I had a similar conversation with another submissive just recently. If your needs are not being met and you are not happy with the way the relationship is going you will have to make some serious decissions. While I can suggest several things, you actually following through is the hard part.

Sometimes in our life the hardest things we have to do are to let go of what we love the most. You have to determine what the exact issues seem to be for you, and then find a way to present them in a non threating manner. One that will not put anyone on the spot and make them feel cornered. If you are not happy with the way your life is going you will have to find a way to either accept it and deal with it, or find a way to make change. You cannot bring happiness to another if you are unhappy and unaccepting of what your life has become. At this time, your owner may be happy with you. However, if you continue on a path where you are so unhappy and frustrated it will spill over into the relationship, causing issue at a later time.

The choices you have to make are not easy, and will take some serious soul searching to determine exactly what will help the relationship. If you would like someone to listen and offer what little advice I can feel free to email me. I will offer whatever I can, but understand I will not baby the issue.

Mod3



fyreredsub -> RE: not enough (10/22/2005 6:19:44 AM)

well if all else fails be glad you are a sub and not a slave, you dont have to beg release.

however no matter the term used,

if communicating your frustations does no good, please do yourself a favor and do not bury your feelings inside yourself for resentments will soon follow and then neither of you will be happy.

you must do some thinking and decide is this something you can live w/ in the long term or is going to become a deal breaker for you?

Good Luck
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissFitToy

To an effort to protect the parties involved, both guilty and innocent, I’m posting under an assumed name. One chosen that reflects the confusion. Actually this might be more rant then question as we all seem to agree that this so called lifestyle is in the end result
“what works” within the relationship. Yet we all know work is involved in the effort to make it function and in some areas there may be some lack. That is where this stems from, a lack that is trivial in some ways, yet huge in another area. Bottom line of this rant is this Sub wants more sex. Not a huge drawn out scene more often at this point any little thing would do if this Sub was allowed to be on the receiving end. I don’t believe I’m ugly, or inept, I love to give pleasure. Yet mine is, for the most part alone, self serve.
Yes, I have made this need aware to Master, yet my frustration builds. Its to the point that giving a blow job is no longer exciting to me, there is no reason to have my entire self into it knowing the frustration that follows for me. Its turning into a task like dishes or doing the laundry. I’m finding my frustration is seeping into everything, it’s effecting
My attitude, and over all view of being Submissive. I need more to function as a human,
Yet feel pushing the issue over and over again is wrong. For the record this isn’t something new, it’s on going. Suggestions?

the Broken Toy



Mercnbeth -> RE: not enough (10/22/2005 8:21:37 AM)

quote:

this Sub wants more sex. For the record this isn’t something new, it’s on going. Suggestions?


I think your Master/Dom knows this already. The question is, does he care? You’ll have to ask him the answer to that. I know a Master has the right not to care, but I feel he has the responsibility to. Our contract calls for me being responsible for beth's well being. As much as we both also feel that emotional and mental fulfillment are a high priority, the physical comforts and needs are also important. That includes sex. If I wasn't capable of providing it for some reason, I'd make accommodations; whether that would mean a surrogate, an appliance, or some other method, I'd provide it.

I hesitate to give you the reason I suspect, because you say "this isn't something new". Not having the ages of each of you, or the length of time you have been together also makes speaking in specifics difficult. I don't think your situation is unique. It's a recurring theme here, although it's not always expressed the same way. "We don't play as much as we used to." "My Master/Mistress, ignores me." "My Master/Mistress wants to bring a third into our relationship." "I don't hear from my Master/Mistress as much as I used to." All these are indicators that the foundation of the relationship wasn't honest.

As much as we stress communication as the key it needs a modifier - Honesty. Without honesty after a short time, honesty shows up anyway and you have to deal with it usually with bad results. Sure you talked, you got to know each other, you had things in common, and you wanted to be together. The "wanting to be together" is dangerous. It can be taken advantage of by an opportunist. There are a LOT of people with profiles only posting for the opportunity to take such an advantage. They will represent themselves as Master/Dom/slave/sub/or bisexual switch if it provides the opportunity. Sure they'll talk and communicate, but you won't see any honesty until you've invested more of yourself than you'd like.

After this long story the answer is you may be just seeing your Master for whom/what he really is. He likes having a woman around taking care of all the creature comforts and providing blow jobs on demand. Now for some, that could be their ideal submission; obviously for you it isn't. I don't know what good communication can help. With your questions I'm sure he may revert back and answer in the fashion that attracted you to him. You are seeing the truth.

The compromise may be including in your relationship, provisions for adding a surrogate. Perhaps he would enjoy watching you pleasuring yourself. That communication may result in some positive results.

Good Luck!!



plantlady64 -> RE: not enough (10/22/2005 8:47:30 AM)

Hello There,
To me it sounds like you have one of those self serving selfish sadist Doms that feel to give a sub anything they like or enjoy must be cut out of the relationship all together as it takes the focus off his need to have you hate everything you do. That's what a true sadist is about. If they find you are liking it they stop.
Maybe you are not oriented to being a pet of a sadist, but rather crave a sensual Dom who does want you to enjoy the time spent together too.
If you don't think he's a sadist, maybe he's just lazy and selfish.
Either way if your needs are not being met ever than you need to move on to find someone who wants you to be complete too.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne



SirSix72 -> RE: not enough (10/22/2005 11:01:47 AM)

Tal,

Ok here I go again with the point that I have tried to express with lots of others and I usually get flamed for it but who cares anyways...........did you build the foundation of this relationship upon the precept of kinky sex? I have seen many relationships fizzle out because of what you are speaking about.....maybe your Master wants more than merely kinky sex from you....there are real life factors to achieve before the kinky sex.....you cant stay chained to the bed 24/7 naked and wet...........I would think that you being a sub that you have rights but beware of the concequences of your actions if you bring this matter to His attention in a negative way..........I agree with the open lines of communication that many others have already stated..........

Master Six



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