Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (Full Version)

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ElanSubdued -> Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (5/19/2008 9:41:56 PM)

Many people post threads asking what others think of their profiles and pictures.  I'm in a reflective, somewhat off-kilter mood tonight so I'm going to take this one step further.  Unfortunately, only those who have read my posts or who know me more personally will be able to answer this question.  Therefore, I apologize to those who are unable to contribute.  My question is as follows:

Do I come across as overly critical, overly picky, rude, switchy in a bad way (i.e. topping from the bottom), or nasty to others?

I'm asking this because I would like some honest feedback.  It has come to my attention that perhaps I've been mean-spirited with people here.  This wasn't intended on my part and thus I really would like people's honest feedback so that I can learn from this.  To those who I treated poorly, I sincerely apologize.

Please fire away and don't worry about political correctness or hurting my feelings.  Any feedback and/or suggestions about my approach in communicating is greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

Elan.



Shawn1066 -> RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (5/19/2008 9:51:17 PM)

I've always enjoyed your posts.  You seem like a pretty cool person.  I don't think I've ever thought anything negative at all.

DV's Fox



Reigna -> RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (5/19/2008 10:19:56 PM)

No, no, no, no, and no. It can be difficult to strike the right tone on a message board, but you do just fine. You don't always agree with people, but that's fine with me as I tend to have a fairly thick skin, especially when others are the target of disagreement and criticism. I always read your posts, and I enjoy them. How did you get the impression that you're coming across wrong?

My only complaint is that I can't read your profile. But then, I can't read mine, either. Something weird in the interface.



khem -> RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (5/19/2008 10:51:06 PM)

No.  There's a big difference between mean and nasty personal criticism and constructive criticism.  In the cases where people are asking for advice, it is perfectly acceptable to give it.  Your comments are usually explained well and don't come off as inconsiderate to me.  



BondageBarbieX -> RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (5/19/2008 10:53:58 PM)

my posts on here and ' that other site' are always to the point and i do not mince words.i actuallly could care less if people think i am a bitch,what they think does not effect me at all in the real world,this is the internet for gods sake.Some people take online very serious but i don't,it makes me wonder what people did before the internet.



RumpusParable -> RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (5/19/2008 11:06:46 PM)

I'd say that you have your days/moments, yes, but not at all that you seem some raging bitch or something.  I don't have any posts of yours that come to mind in specific, but my general impression of you when trying to think on this is that your posts tend to be a mix of styles in response.

There are some times that they come across harsher or more sarcastic than I feel is warranted for a thread, but that those are in with ones that are friendly or helpful, too. 

So no, I wouldn't say you are reliably negative or have a primary mode of being unpleasant with folks.  You respond in a mix of ways, as is pretty normal for a person!



Dnomyar -> RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (5/20/2008 5:13:31 AM)

Mmmmm don't know and don't care. Bitching sometimes makes this board interesting. If your going to worry about something then worry about pissing off the moderator.  



LadyPact -> RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (5/20/2008 6:26:29 AM)

As someone who *is* rather bitchy on certain posts from time to time, I happen to think you're rather mild.  In most cases, you are just fine.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (5/20/2008 7:59:15 AM)

Well you know that we have had convos off the board, so I can say yeah, you do seem judgemental from time to time, but by and large, I think you are a well thought out and reasonable man.  We all have our moments!



DominantJenny -> RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (5/20/2008 8:35:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

Many people post threads asking what others think of their profiles and pictures.  I'm in a reflective, somewhat off-kilter mood tonight so I'm going to take this one step further.  Unfortunately, only those who have read my posts or who know me more personally will be able to answer this question.  Therefore, I apologize to those who are unable to contribute.  My question is as follows:

Do I come across as overly critical, overly picky, rude, switchy in a bad way (i.e. topping from the bottom), or nasty to others?

I'm asking this because I would like some honest feedback.  It has come to my attention that perhaps I've been mean-spirited with people here.  This wasn't intended on my part and thus I really would like people's honest feedback so that I can learn from this.  To those who I treated poorly, I sincerely apologize.

Please fire away and don't worry about political correctness or hurting my feelings.  Any feedback and/or suggestions about my approach in communicating is greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

Elan.



You are (or seem to be) very, very careful about your choice of words, to a degree that SOME people might find passive-aggressive at times, particularly people who are very good at reading between the lines.
That said, you have always come across as genuinely trying to help, even when (I suspect) you don't seriously think it's going to do any good. (And that's where the passive-aggressive bit comes in.)
You are also very good at deflecting/deflating hositility that comes your way, which is VERY frustrating and irritating for the people with the hostility. That doesn't mean you shouldn't keep doing it, but it does mean that some people are going to find you "inherently" irritating.
As I've told you before, you are so sweet you almost make my teeth ache, and I mean that in a good way. You do my heart good.



faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (5/20/2008 9:09:47 AM)

a bitchin we will go
cause we're an attention ho
woohoo there it is
another thread for my ego
god i feel so macho



SephandElena -> RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (5/20/2008 12:15:33 PM)

Elena speaking.
Granted i don't know you personally, but...speaking as not only my Mistress' sub but also as an Aspie...
You could smile, bake me cookies, and if i'm in a mood...i'd think You were being unduly harsh and bitchy.
It doesn't =just= depend on you.  It depends on who you're speaking to.  So sometimes you have to separate whether the opinions of the mass are -actually- important.
Respectfully,
Laney.



LaMistressa -> RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (5/21/2008 3:41:21 AM)

I always like your posts, but I'm bitchy so take that for what its worth. 



ocilla -> RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (5/21/2008 5:06:39 AM)

You ae just fine.  You put a whole lotta effort into your posts and often come back and adjust them later.  It is clear that your intentions are positive on the whole.  I think you have been given good feedback here.  Don't worry to much about it - your energy is better used elsewhere imo.



ElanSubdued -> RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (5/21/2008 5:20:25 PM)

Thank you to everyone who has replied.  I've been reading the replies and will comment in due course, but first I want to let my emotions settle.  Suffice it to say I've been reflecting on my submissive demeanor (which isn't always entirely submissive) and this caused me to wonder if I've been treating people here with appropriate courtesy, kindness, and respect.  Thanks again to everyone who has responded.

Elan.



cloudboy -> RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (5/21/2008 9:48:53 PM)


If you came across as bitchy, it would sure contravene your screen-name.



undergroundsea -> RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (5/22/2008 8:25:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubduedDo I come across as overly critical, overly picky, rude, switchy in a bad way (i.e. topping from the bottom), or nasty to others?


Hi Elan,

I have seen many of your posts and do not consider you to be any of the above. At times the advice you give might exceed what one expected, which some might appreciate and some might not. In any case, I see you to be genuine, and have appreciated on multiple occasions the time you have put forth to create thoughtful responses when people have asked for advice.

Cheers,

Sea



steffie -> RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (5/22/2008 9:37:26 PM)

I'm a relative noob here, and have only seen a couple of your posts - but based on what i have seen you seem an intelligent, sensitive, well mannered gentleman.



AtlantaMistress -> RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (5/23/2008 4:32:45 AM)

Elan,

I have read many of your posts over time - some in fact to my own threads. I have never thought you were disrespectful or "bitchy" lol. Rather, you seem geniune and sincere. Often, when giving an opinion, it is not always objective, but rather subjective based on experience, but that is what these forums are for - to get others input. There are MANY that post just to put in a "one liner" either to be funny or sometimes rude, but your posts are typically well thought out and share insight. I doubt you spend time posting just to "hear yourself talk" or "see yourself type" as the case may be. Instead, it is to really try to add to whatever the topic is. We all have bad days, and sometimes the truth itself can seem crass. Keep posting and don't censor what you want to say thinking your "submissive side" means that you must sugar coat or hold back your point!



Michael3001 -> RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. (5/23/2008 8:17:22 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubduedDo I come across as overly critical, overly picky, rude, switchy in a bad way (i.e. topping from the bottom), or nasty to others?


Hi Elan,

I have seen many of your posts and do not consider you to be any of the above. At times the advice you give might exceed what one expected, which some might appreciate and some might not. In any case, I see you to be genuine, and have appreciated on multiple occasions the time you have put forth to create thoughtful responses when people have asked for advice.

Cheers,

Sea


Here's my 2 cents. I have to agree with some of the other posters such as LadyHibiscus and Dominant Jenny. You come across as insecure and argumentative, needing to be right and not accepting of others opinion. Your way is the right way or better way over other people's differing opinions and definitely passive-aggressive and at times condenscending in addition. Guess this reeks harshness but we all have our moments.

mike fna biscuit2




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