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lronitulstahp -> RE: Fidelity (5/20/2008 3:44:49 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
quote:
ORIGINAL: KMsAngel
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ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
I don't know how to answer this poll. I never cheated in my marriage when I considered us married. But we are not legally divorced. But we do not consider ourselves still married and have been estranged for 3 and 1/2 years. So I guess it depends on what you define as being married.
hmmm interesting. i was separated for 3 years. the first two and a half years he was adamant that he did not want a divorce, but didn't seem to be interested in working on the marriage. when the divorce papers came through, he put our separation date as the date he felt the marriage was over (contrary to what he led me to believe) - which is probably why he never felt he cheated on me. i feel/felt that he was exceedingly dishonest with me.
i'm assuming that in your case the official separation officially ended the marriage for the two of you? if not, does HE feel the marriage is over as well?
yes he does. We live in the same building in separate apartments to co-parent an um. We still work in partnership in raising our son and we are both fair. he is very helpful when i want to leave for vacations and when i see Sir. He says that Sir sounds like a nice guy. My son considers us divorced too. he isnt lied to. We tell him we will always be friends because we love him. I am going to be introducing my son to my Sir soon. I checked with my ex to see how he felt about he. There is no problem. We arent enemies. We are two people that share a kid and had a life and will always want the best for each other.
i have a similiar relationship with my ex...although he was a philanderer(omg, i LOVE that word!) he is an awesome parent. The two(hubby, daddy) i treat as seperate. It makes for well rounded UMs. i try to put aside the hurt feelings all the cheating brought about and focus on the good....
i think internalizing and staying stuck in "wounded" mode is why some people can't move on after infidelity. Many peoople opt to stay in these relationships...but are constantly playing the victim. That's a self-injurious behavior, in my opinion. Some people have a need to be emotonally beaten in order to feel as if they are in a relationship. i know some who say at all costs...the relationship must stay intact. i can't judge, if it works for them, fine. If a couple can get over infidelity without splitting up, and function well...great for them. i wish i were that lucky.
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