what to do now? (Full Version)

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MistressMissy02 -> what to do now? (10/22/2005 5:50:37 AM)

I have been meeting with this girl with since the end of August. We have talked on the phone and kept up with emails. She is 19 and lives at home with her mother. At first i felt her mother was quite over protective of her daughter, though once i got to know her, i changed my mind some. So things have been going quite well since then until recently. I know that the girl has told her mother that we met a different way, which is understandable. Her mother knew she liked bondage but didn't know to what extent, and i'm not going to force someone to out themselves, since well my family doesn't know. Her mother now has said she has had a "feeling" that something was going on between us. Then yesterday i received a pretty nasty email from her mother. Though this email was sent through the girls account. Her mother invaded her privacy and decided to read through all the emails i have sent her (though i have no clue if she read any that her daughter has sent me?), this is after she listened to several voice mails i left her (though i knew her mom would probably listen to those so i kept them pretty g rated). I don't know why this girl didn't delete any of her voice mail or emails. Though i don't and wouldn't assume anyone in my family would log into my accounts to read them (of course no one knows my passwords unless i gave it to them). Now i've received messages from her mother saying that she has heard the whole story...wait how can that be? since i know i have't been involved in any of the discussions, so i can only imagine what she knows and all that jazz. so right now i'm at a stand still since her mother has decided to ask me to not call her daughter's cell and what not. I hate feeling i can't do anything, i'm quite confused with all that is going on. i just don't know what i should be doing if anything. am i over-reacting? i know i would be pretty po'd if i found my mother reading my private emails.
i guess i'm just looking for other's opinions, advice and what not. if the post isn't clear enough i'll try to make more sense in another post.
thanks for everything in advance.
Missy



JohnWarren -> RE: what to do now? (10/22/2005 6:17:52 AM)

Have you met this woman face to face? Have you confirmed that she does live at home with her mother? This scenario has the possiblity that you may be dealing with someone who has been playing you and now wants and excuse to leave. Getting the message through the woman's email account makes me wonder a bit. It also puzzles me that the initial security break was with the woman's cell-phone voice mail. I could see it more likely that there was one computer in the house (maybe owned by the mother) and the daughter failed to log off at some point, letting the mother see have access to the email. Voice mail on a cell phone no less is a lot more secure since one would have to have the password and, usually, physical possession of the cell phone.

If this is all true, there's nothing to prevent you from calling or leaving email messages to ask. The woman is a legal adult. There's no liability there. If she choses not to respond, that's her option and her responsibility.



stormsfate -> RE: what to do now? (10/22/2005 6:29:13 AM)

If the cell phone is in her mother's name, she can have the password changed in order to access voicemail. Were I you, I would probably take a "wait and see" position. If this girl wants to contact you, she will in some way or another. I don't know a teenager alive who couldn't figure out a way if they had a strong enough desire to do so.


best regards,
fate



Sensualips -> RE: what to do now? (10/22/2005 9:10:19 AM)

And have you confirmed she is, in fact, 19 and a legal adult.



FLButtSlut -> RE: what to do now? (10/22/2005 9:46:13 AM)

I was thinking the same thing.



Kasia -> RE: what to do now? (10/22/2005 9:57:13 AM)

I may only say from my point of view (if all things are the way that was presented to you), being the mother of 19 yo myself - I can understand her feelings completely. She probably thinks that her daughter is not mature enough to get involved in anything kinky. Well, I would certainly try to protect my kids from "unusual" stuff at that age.

I am totally aware that many will say that 19 is legal age and how wonderfully mature girls of that age they have met, and how they have every right to lead their lifes as they choose...... but guess what? I doubt any of those actually have kids of that age.
I tend to be overprotective when there is only a slight chance my girls could get hurt and I would probably do all in my power to restrain them from such relationships as long as I can.
Not that I am saying you want to hurt her or are dangerous to her in any way, but it might look like that to her mother.



perfection20005 -> RE: what to do now? (10/22/2005 9:58:26 AM)

If she is in fact a legal adult, you should do what the girl wants. It is not her mother's word that you should go by. Verify that this girl is 19, and if she wants to continue, I would set up a way to do so that wouldn't cause much grief between her and her mother.



perfection20005 -> RE: what to do now? (10/22/2005 10:04:34 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasia

I am totally aware that many will say that 19 is legal age and how wonderfully mature girls of that age they have met, and how they have every right to lead their lifes as they choose...... but guess what? I doubt any of those actually have kids of that age.
I tend to be overprotective when there is only a slight chance my girls could get hurt and I would probably do all in my power to restrain them from such relationships as long as I can.
Not that I am saying you want to hurt her or are dangerous to her in any way, but it might look like that to her mother.


I do have children that age, a boy who is 19, and a girl who is 18. I trust their judgement about what they want to do with their lives. Now that isn't to say that I would let them get hurt physically, but if they do have a problem, they know they can come to me. We have always been pretty open in the sex area, and both of them now know that I'm in the lifestyle. Matter of fact, my daughter was my safe call when I first met my Master. They are going to make mistakes, but they know they can come to me about anything and I won't judge them. You have to let them grow up and make decisions for themselves at some point.



plantlady64 -> RE: what to do now? (10/22/2005 10:05:08 AM)

Hello There,
I'd say unless you want to deal with this girls mom (Mommy Dearest Mom) in your relationship I'd have to pass. For goodness sakes the girl's 19 and her Mom is controling what friends she can talk to? It sounds like the girl is way over dependant on her Mom, and the Mom likes controlling her Daughter. I think even if you two did get together and convince the Mom you are friends weather she likes it or not, you'll never find acceptance and this girl's mom will be overshadowing your relationship constantly.
What you need to decide is if you're willing to have a relationship with the mom as this girl's tied tightly to her mom's apron strings.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne



thetammyjo -> RE: what to do now? (10/22/2005 10:29:37 AM)

I'll echo the concern about her age and actually living with her mother but add the following:

As long as this young woman lives in her mother's house, she should live my her mother's rules. Until she is willing to move out on her own and become an independent person, I'd certainly question whether or not she was ready to make a committment to you as an equal fully recognizing what she is accepting and fully capable of making an adult committment.



TexasMaam -> RE: what to do now? (10/22/2005 10:36:32 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FLButtSlut

"Have you confirmed that in fact she is 19?" .......I was thinking the same thing.



Ditto. Run for the hills!

TexasMaam



Kasia -> RE: what to do now? (10/22/2005 10:44:20 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: perfection20005

You have to let them grow up and make decisions for themselves at some point.


Yes dear, I agree with you.
But as I said, I am overprotective when it comes to my kids. Not that I show it all the time and I am considered "great Mom" by them and their friends...... and they too can always come to me and confide. But still, I never know if I am going to react like hurricane if I find them threatened in any way.
There are some things hard to control.



MistressMissy02 -> RE: what to do now? (10/22/2005 12:35:00 PM)

thank you for all your advice. i started to talk with the girl on her home phone, and i did a search to see if it actually was a real phone number. she is nineteen, graduated high school and in college. seen her drivers id and everything. she lives at home for at least one reason because her mother isn't able to move around ver well, she has hip problems or what not. i've met with both her and her mother. I thought her mother was quite over protective when i first met her, because she was so concerned with her homework and what not. then i got to know some of the reasons behind why she is like this. The cell phone issue, i don'tk now whose name it's under, i didn't know her mother could get into it, though i had a feeling she could since they are under the same account. I was pretty careful with what i might leave, i don't think i've ever said too much, i had a feeling her mother might check. i understand fully that she is only 19, and that her mother probably will have some say. I don't mind going to this girl's house and "just hang out". it was never my intention to harm this girl. i don't think i could truely do that anyone i've ever met. I've sent emails after all this has happened, saying i would just like to know what is going on, since i've been left out of everything. If the girl wishes to stop contact for a short or permenant time, then i'll follow her wishes. I just want to hear it from the girl, since after all she is 19. I almost felt like offering her a place to stay if she did need to get away from her mother for a while. yes i know that probably isn't the best idea, next thing i'll know is that i have the police at my door and accusing me of kidnapping. I just felt that this situation could have been handled better. Her mother thought it was the best way since she figured it would be embarassing. Of course it probably would be a little odd to sit down with the girl and her mother and spill the beans, but i think it would have been much better then rude emails and random messenger messages. I feel like i can't call the girl, since i'd feel odd calling the house number, since well that's what the mother has asked me to do. i really do like this girl, i enjoy her company and heck if it can't be anything more then i'd just like to be her friend. I have tolerated her mother thus far but i'm about to lose it soon if i continue to hear things and can't defend myself. thank you all once again. i just hope everything is resolved soon.
Missy



MistressSassy66 -> RE: what to do now? (10/22/2005 12:59:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: perfection20005


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasia

I am totally aware that many will say that 19 is legal age and how wonderfully mature girls of that age they have met, and how they have every right to lead their lifes as they choose...... but guess what? I doubt any of those actually have kids of that age.
I tend to be overprotective when there is only a slight chance my girls could get hurt and I would probably do all in my power to restrain them from such relationships as long as I can.
Not that I am saying you want to hurt her or are dangerous to her in any way, but it might look like that to her mother.


I do have children that age, a boy who is 19, and a girl who is 18. I trust their judgement about what they want to do with their lives. Now that isn't to say that I would let them get hurt physically, but if they do have a problem, they know they can come to me. We have always been pretty open in the sex area, and both of them now know that I'm in the lifestyle. Matter of fact, my daughter was my safe call when I first met my Master. They are going to make mistakes, but they know they can come to me about anything and I won't judge them. You have to let them grow up and make decisions for themselves at some point.





I also have a 17 y/o,While I dont condone certain activities at his age,I know hes a smart kid,and has learned to be safe.He knows he can come to to Me with anything...and wow Mom actually has a clue about stuff,lol



Now back to the OP....make sure she really is 18/19.
Personally....the meetings I have had with subs under 25,well lets just say they act like kids,like My Own kid and thats just creepy.



OscarHargraves -> RE: what to do now? (10/22/2005 6:25:04 PM)

Well you know she is of legal age and you know why she still lives at home. Now the question is, have you discussed this with the young lady? I think you need to sit down and talk to her in a safe and neutral environment and find out what she has to say. If she can't give you good safe and reasonable options to continue then the best thing to do is walk away. Maybe the 'wait and see' approach might work but I wouldn't put any real money on that. Walk away but leave the door open for this young lady to contact YOU when she feels she has handled the problem at home.



bronxboy -> RE: what to do now? (10/22/2005 7:48:09 PM)

If you like this person and want to talk to her more, then nothing and no one should stand in your way. There is a respectful way of dealing with her mother and I am sure you understand it. The girl is of age and has a mind of her own and can make her own decisions. So let her decide if she does not want to speak to you. Just get the answers from the horses mouth, so to speak.



FLButtSlut -> RE: what to do now? (10/22/2005 9:03:06 PM)

If this girl isn't contacting you directly anymore, you have your answer. Whether she is of "legal age" really has no bearing. She is not ready obviously to break away from her mother, and if YOU were to encourage that or cause any stress between them, YOU will suffer in the long run. Send her one more email telling her that you would like to be at least friends, you are leaving the door open for her to contact you, but you are respecting her mother's wishes and moving on. Coming between a parent and a child is NEVER a good idea, especially in a situation like this.



pandoravampire -> RE: what to do now? (10/22/2005 9:29:18 PM)

I kinda feel very motherly of the 19yr old when i read your post.

I too, would not feel 19 is old enough to go kinky. Learn some ropes first. This is pretty intense stuff. 19 is time for being effervescant and learning socialisation lessons for life. How to start, maintain and exit relationships, how to communicate with a male. Learning to make new friends in different environs. I think, some sorta apprenticeship in the vanilla world, would be a good way for a submissive to learn a few lessons in life.

With my other head on, she's a adult, and old enough to make her own choices. Id be there for her, keep neutral, then if she needs me, she wont find it difficult to come to me and recieve help if it goes wrong. If it goes well, she can share her successes with me.

And thirdly, i was sexually active at 19, so im talking out of my arse.



lonewolf05 -> RE: what to do now? (10/23/2005 9:04:13 PM)

19? i may be out of line here on THIS one..but in MY eyes..........at 19 she isn't even dry behind the ears yet.....

i myself wouldn't bother..........


but hey

ya asked ---------

woofie



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