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bigbABygentleman -> RE: Changing someone ... (read inside) (8/9/2008 9:10:49 PM)
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Dear Madam,
As a male, I can tell you that change is something that can be done quite effectively. Women have been doing for many years and most men are oblivous to it, until they realize that it creates harmony and a peace in any relationship.
My ex used to say, "I'm training you."
This used to get me so pissed off I could have strangled her, however, I can say without a doubt, "she was training me." To be a better person, to dress for success, to be able to stand tall and throw my shoulders back and go out into the world and compete. Then to come home and treat her like a lady. I didn't see it then, but in retrospect, I do now.
Most men and women would get along better if the men and women realized that communication is more important than any other one thing in their relationships. Without it, the marriage or relationship begins a slow deterioration begins self-destruction and sometimes, usually, most of the times ends in divorce.
Men are powerful in public and women are supposed to be subordinates to their male counterparts in most of the corporate world. But before all you women jump on me, please allow me to explain. Most women know that their male counterparts in most of the same jobs, not all, are paid more money and are generally able to climb higher than their female counterparts, everywhere but in the home and family dynamics. The woman there is the Queen. The man is a visitor every evening and her guest. She usually furnishes the home, decorates, picks the dishes, furniture, appliances etc. The man just smiles and nods for the most part, until they enter the bedroom.
Where HE immediately thinks he has to perform. Has to have a huge penis and be able to maintain an errection, just short of 4 hours, so they don't have to call the local emergency room. When all she wants is a man, to tell her how pretty she is in the morning, with or without make-up. How nice breakfast was, call her at lunch and tell her he loves her and when he walks in the door, make sure she's the most important thing in his life, before he does anything else.
Then when he enters the bedroom, he would have a Queen waiting for him and if they communicated in the bedroom and he was able to listen to her want's and desires, there would no longer be a need for divorces at all IMHO.
Men are motivated and driven by their vocation and successes. Women are driven by their friendships and family. Most men think logical and women want them just to be emotional with them. Be vunerable sometimes, but strong when needed. Masculine to be the man, and soft and gentle and tuned into her needs. Listening honestly to how her day went will go a long ways to make her feel important.
Changing someone, requires the intelligence for that person to realize they're flawed as all men and women are. Women tend to recognize men's flaws sooner than men do their own. Done lovingly and careingly, I think any woman should be able to not change him, but mold him into a better man, father, husband, lover, friend.
just my .02 cents
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