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LadyPact -> By request (5/20/2008 8:50:11 AM)
Ok. In another thread, there was this: quote: ORIGINAL: MladyHathor Lady Pact, You are an inspiration as how it can work--could you start a thread perhaps in how it came about, the negotiations? Without intimacies but just how did/does it work? I think it has to go beyond just communication, there has to be some serious trust/faith---? I don't know how "inspirational" it is, but here's how this all happened. I've posted before on how I met My sub. He happened to come into a chat room where I and some others were talking about going to a club the following night. He asked if he might come along, too. I said, sure, public club and all. I did tell him that I wouldn't play with him. So, he drove two and a half hours, just to meet someone (Me) who lived ten minutes apart. (My sub is stationed here for military training for a year, which is almost up.) On the site we were chatting on, I looked at his profile and saw that he was married. I've always had a firm rule of not playing with anyone who is married where I don't have the spouse's consent. I told him this right up front. If he wanted to play at any point, I would have to speak with his wife. Normally, I would do this in person, but since we were in GA, and she in NV, I settled for a phone call. She had no objections to letting another woman beat her husband (he's a maso) so shortly there after, he became a casual play parter. As months went on, the dynamic evolved. With each step, out of respect, there were more calls. She's been asked to give her consent to all kinds of things. Sexual service, branding, strap-on play, just to name a few. She isn't a lifestyle person, so when collaring came up, it had to be explained to her. She's been content to say yes to all of these things. She doesn't care much for the speaker phone, but this was the best way for Me to hear her responses to questions at first. Due to the distance, I've only really gotten to spend time with her and the um's during My sub's Christmas break. (For Christmas Eve dinner, we had nine of us.) Occasionally, she'll talk to Me on the phone. From the very beginning, she was given My contact information, so she could use it if she would like. How did the trust/faith come in? Well, that was a process. When playing first began, there were a lot of calls, asking if she was opposed to this or that. She was consulted on different types of play. All kinds of things come up. Everything from did she mind if he scened naked to did it matter to her if I shoved a tail up his ass. (Literally, that was a question at one time.) Finally, the poor woman said, "Do whatever you want to him, just one exception." That 'one exception' is her rule, and was basically seen as My sub's hard limit. Now that the year is just about up, all four of us (Myself, My husband, My sub and his wife) have all grown closer together. Yes, we'll all be apart for a while, but there has been some talk of all of us being closer together (geographically) when the two males both finish their tours of duty. The spouses, both his and Mine, know that there is love in this D/s dynamic, and we have come to consider ourselves a poly household. My thanks to those who have taken the time to read this long winded story. So, any questions?

slavegirljoy -> RE: By request (5/20/2008 10:07:09 AM)
LadyPact, Thank you for posting this. It's a wonderful example of a how a successful (for all) poly relationship can develop. To me, it shows that, 1) a submissive can take the initiative to pursue something desired and, 2) that a good leader will take the initiative of another and direct it in a positive and constructive way for the benefit and well-being of both the submissive and the Dominant, as well as anyone else involved. Also, this shows that "trust" is a 2-way (or, in this case, 4-way) street. Often, trust is talked about as though it is only a concern for the submissive but, trust is also something that the Dominant must be concerned with. The submissive must earn the trust of the Dominant, just as much as the Dominant must earn the trust of the submissive. And, in this case, trust also has to be developed with the spouses of both. You showed how taking the lead and using sound judgment, respect for the spouse, and open/honest communication is a very good way to achieve a successful and positive experience for all. This shows great class on your part. Congratulations to you all. Oh, and my thanks to MladyHathor for making the request that prompted this post. joy Owned servant of Master David

MladyHathor -> RE: By request (5/20/2008 3:11:01 PM)
*My thank you Lady Pact, I hope others use this as a space to share how they made it work---I hope too as you work in the life and toward titles, you use this as a topic to address and teach.* *Are there others who can share as well??*

Skully7000 -> RE: By request (5/20/2008 4:27:09 PM)
Thank you for the story. from this it sounds almost too easy(or just that you both (you and your sub) were extremely lucky to have found such an understanding wife) Was their anything she vetoed at first? beyond her eventuall "blanket permission" ? (for example: my g/f is a collared slave and sex was considered a limit until the master said otherwise) and also anything you wouldn't mind sharing would be appreciated: What was his/her prior experience? was she aware of other play partners before you or where you the first to adress that he wanted to play outside of his marrige? Did he try to have her be involved? or was this more of a "hi I'm a random women your husband meet off the internet and I want to ask your permission to enjoy some BDSM play with him?" again as much or as little as you feel like adding is greatly appreciated. I will add my story below. Cheers Skully

Skully7000 -> RE: By request (5/20/2008 4:51:19 PM)
So I meet my g/f on myspace. I was handling club promotions for an goth/fetish event she was runs a sub group of TES. we both pulled out our promoting and networking cards. then in person we started flirting a little bit. She was thinking that I was a Sub, wanting to make me cry. Me oblivious to someone liking me until pointed out by a third party later...thought we were just being friendly. then i forget who asked first but I found out she lived about a mile away and worked at the nearby mall. so we decided to meet for coffee(she asked her master's permission) -it was that way for quite awhile between us... while I meet him a bunch of times she was always the one asking dealing with him directly when it came to her rules and allowances. eventually the moment it changed: I showed up at her work to pick her up. and waited by the merry-go-round. and when she came out of work to see me leaning against the wall flipping this big shiny coin...she swooned... then swooned again when I handed her the coin I was flipping. it was a token for the merry-go-round. well I didn't know but she had a rough day at work and went quite little...and going on the ride was just spot on what she needed. after that she told me that she wanted us to be more serious boyfriend/girlfriend/Go-Steady.... and that she would talk to her daddy/master and that it would be a good Idea if I talk to him as well. well I did. and he simply said: "well She knows what she can and can not do! the only thing I will mention is that she can't have sex with you right now...She is not ready for that yet. I'm not saying it will always be off the table but for now its off limits" and we began dating and over the course of 6 months our feelings grew and eventually I was given permission. (which did feel extra good to not just earn the trust/respect of her but him as well) its been almost a year and a half now and we have been doing great. I now work for him full time for a fetish company. and I've never been happier with the direction my life has been going. I forgot to add: during the first 8 months I had another relationship. My primary(until we broke up) My primary was a Pro-Domme and as such our schedule In-compatibilites made it much easier to balance between my two girlfriends. My ex and I broke up for issues that did not involve my current(though it did become a point of contention Once we were broken up...but that was just post-breakup mudslinging) Cheers Skully

MasterFireMaam -> RE: By request (5/20/2008 6:20:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MladyHathor *Are there others who can share as well??* In my early years in this lifestyle I was married to a vanilla man. I'd been looking into things when we started dating. I fell in love and he wasn't much interested, so I put everything away, thinking, "Hey, it's just kinky sex." Well, I never stopped thinking about it, reading about it, exploring it. I found that what I was really attracted to was the SM and service. So, eventually, I brought the topic up. He still wasn't interested and so he asked about exactly what it was that I wanted to do. I told him and he said, "Ok. Just no sex. That's mine." We clarified that sex meant no penis-vagina penetration. Everything else was open. We existed, happily, like this for years. We did end up divorced, but for non-lifestyle reasons. So, being married CAN work. Master Fire

Lordskitten -> RE: By request (5/20/2008 8:21:07 PM)
Mmmm I would be interested in some points of views from the masters and mistress's out there on how the no sex (vaginal, anal, or oral) with your sub would make you feel in this type of situtation. Is it possible to still have a fulfilling encounter?

LadyPact -> RE: By request (5/20/2008 11:10:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Skully7000 Thank you for the story. from this it sounds almost too easy(or just that you both (you and your sub) were extremely lucky to have found such an understanding wife) Was their anything she vetoed at first? beyond her eventuall "blanket permission" ? (for example: my g/f is a collared slave and sex was considered a limit until the master said otherwise) and also anything you wouldn't mind sharing would be appreciated: What was his/her prior experience? was she aware of other play partners before you or where you the first to adress that he wanted to play outside of his marrige? Did he try to have her be involved? or was this more of a "hi I'm a random women your husband meet off the internet and I want to ask your permission to enjoy some BDSM play with him?" again as much or as little as you feel like adding is greatly appreciated. I will add my story below. Cheers Skully It does almost sound that way, doesn't it? No, there hasn't really been anything that she vetoed at first and then changed her mind. There's still the no vaginal sex rule, but that's always been in place. He didn't have a lot of prior experience before I got him. He'd done some bottoming before he met Me, but that was also with her permission. I have to add this part, because it shocks a lot of people. They were married for 15 years before he ever got involved in any type of BDSM play. Typical case of he had interests and she didn't. He would love to have her involved, but she isn't top material.

Skully7000 -> RE: By request (5/21/2008 1:36:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Skully7000 Thank you for the story. from this it sounds almost too easy(or just that you both (you and your sub) were extremely lucky to have found such an understanding wife) Was their anything she vetoed at first? beyond her eventuall "blanket permission" ? (for example: my g/f is a collared slave and sex was considered a limit until the master said otherwise) and also anything you wouldn't mind sharing would be appreciated: What was his/her prior experience? was she aware of other play partners before you or where you the first to adress that he wanted to play outside of his marrige? Did he try to have her be involved? or was this more of a "hi I'm a random women your husband meet off the internet and I want to ask your permission to enjoy some BDSM play with him?" again as much or as little as you feel like adding is greatly appreciated. I will add my story below. Cheers Skully It does almost sound that way, doesn't it? No, there hasn't really been anything that she vetoed at first and then changed her mind. There's still the no vaginal sex rule, but that's always been in place. He didn't have a lot of prior experience before I got him. He'd done some bottoming before he met Me, but that was also with her permission. I have to add this part, because it shocks a lot of people. They were married for 15 years before he ever got involved in any type of BDSM play. Typical case of he had interests and she didn't. He would love to have her involved, but she isn't top material. ahh see that does make a bit more sence... by the time he got to you, he had already gotten past alot of the rocky "i want to explore outside our relationship" stuff. and the "I want to try this stuff that many people consider completly and utterly insane...perhaps I am but I want to try it anyway" well again thank you very much for sharing. Cheers and good night Skully

slavegirljoy -> RE: By request (5/21/2008 2:33:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact They were married for 15 years before he ever got involved in any type of BDSM play. Typical case of he had interests and she didn't. He would love to have her involved, but she isn't top material. It sounds to me like he has a very healthy marriage to a very loving wife who doesn't feel threatened by his outside interest in being submissive to another woman. She sounds very much like the kind of wife i have only encountered in swinging couples, whether solo or together. i am going to bet that they have a very strong and happy marriage. Am i wrong? joy Owned servant of Master David

LadyPact -> RE: By request (5/21/2008 3:08:35 PM)
I don't think you're wrong at all. I see her as a very loving spouse. If I were to ever put money on a couple (besides My husband and I) who were going to stand the test of time, they would be it.

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