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What am I? - 5/20/2008 12:44:23 PM

Anniel

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/6/2008
Status: offline

Edit: Maybe this should have gone in a different forum...?

One of my challenges, being so new to all of this, is figuring out what label to stick on myself. And, as I am so inexperienced, I don't have a good handle on what I would like, not like, etc.

So, it makes things a little challenging, to say the least.

I'm generally not a switch (except on rare occasions), but I'm also not really submissive, either. What connotation does "bottom" have?

I don't want to misrepresent myself, so am trying to get a better idea of what language to use to get across what I'm looking for, or wanting to explore.

At this point, my intent is casual. I'm not looking for a high-protocol situation, but looking to form friendships/relationships where kinky play is part of the dynamic. I think "play" is key, there. So, what tags should I apply to myself to assist people in knowing if we're compatible in what we are looking for?

< Message edited by Anniel -- 5/20/2008 12:45:56 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: What am I? - 5/20/2008 1:11:31 PM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

As you say " your new to all this" , your just starting to discover yourself, your likes , dislikes upon this journey ,your so called label will go through evolutions , shifts and changes .As your walking this path there really is only one lable .You are you and discovering learning and growing .In time you can and shall grasp what and who you are, then when you figure it out it may change yet again or perhaps not .
Best wishes upon your journey.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Anniel

Edit:

One of my challenges, being so new to all of this, is figuring out what label to stick on myself. And, as I am so inexperienced, I don't have a good handle on what I would like, not like, etc.

So, what tags should I apply to myself to assist people in knowing if we're compatible in what we are looking for?

(in reply to Anniel)

Post #: 2

RE: What am I? - 5/20/2008 1:18:59 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

mho, labels are for bottles and cans

simply be yourself in your journey of discovering who you are

welcome and good luck

< Message edited by sambamanslilgirl -- 5/20/2008 1:19:16 PM >

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 3

RE: What am I? - 5/20/2008 2:22:15 PM

TwoNYCDommes

Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline

While I dislike labels in general (as they can be misleading and never tell the full story), they can be useful short-cuts, particularly in an online forum where people use checkboxes to search for each other by type.
When I hear the term "bottom" I tend to think of someone who enjoys the physical aspects of BDSM but not the power exchange. But I know others have slightly (or even very) different definitions of the term.
Of course, saying what you said here, pointing out that you're new and exploring, and are looking for something casual (at least at this point), is all good.

(in reply to Anniel)

Post #: 4

RE: What am I? - 5/20/2008 2:36:44 PM

Anniel

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

mho, labels are for bottles and cans

simply be yourself in your journey of discovering who you are

welcome and good luck

Hm, well, yes and no. In general, I avoid labels, but in this context, where I have to check boxes saying "this is what I am"...it sort of requires me to pick one. I think they have too few options, personally.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 5

RE: What am I? - 5/20/2008 3:45:28 PM

MladyHathor

Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

you---nothing more, nothing less--simply you.

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to Anniel)

Post #: 6

RE: What am I? - 5/20/2008 4:31:07 PM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

This reminds me of a new person doing a bdsm check list and though they may think they like something or wish to try it they have little to no real world experiences with those activities .As time and activities gain through life limits are more defined .
In short how can one slap a this is me tag on themselves until they themselves know .

quote:

ORIGINAL: Anniel

quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

mho, labels are for bottles and cans

simply be yourself in your journey of discovering who you are

welcome and good luck

Hm, well, yes and no. In general, I avoid labels, but in this context, where I have to check boxes saying "this is what I am"...it sort of requires me to pick one. I think they have too few options, personally.

(in reply to Anniel)

Post #: 7

RE: What am I? - 5/20/2008 4:33:25 PM

KCherry

Posts: 2264
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: Send Help, Fla.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Anniel

I'm generally not a switch (except on rare occasions), but I'm also not really submissive, either. What connotation does "bottom" have?

I don't want to misrepresent myself, so am trying to get a better idea of what language to use to get across what I'm looking for, or wanting to explore.

At this point, my intent is casual. I'm not looking for a high-protocol situation, but looking to form friendships/relationships where kinky play is part of the dynamic. I think "play" is key, there. So, what tags should I apply to myself to assist people in knowing if we're compatible in what we are looking for?

Seems like this should be fine?

_____________________________

Reality and I had a fundamental differing of opinions. We're currently undergoing trial separation.

Rafters Resident ^_^v

(in reply to Anniel)

Post #: 8

RE: What am I? - 5/20/2008 4:51:12 PM

katie978

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

   As far as being a rare occasional switch, that's pretty much the norm in my experience. Lots of the doms I've talked to wanted a girl that would be occasionally domme.

     Trying to decide between submissive, slave, and bottom, well, there's only so much we can help you. Until you get into things, it's hard to really make the call as to how far you want to power exchange to go. The way I see it slaves are pretty much complete power exchange-they keep a few limits but everything else is up to the dom. Submissives have a bit less of a power exchange, they serve in the bedroom, and they also serve out of it, but to a lesser extent. Bottoms go strictly for the bedroom stuff-and most have no problem with that.

I think being a bottom might have a bit of a bad connotation to some, but most serious players wouldn't have a problem with it. Some puffed-up domly dom might take offense to having to do their own dishes, but puffed-up domly doms probably should be avoided anyways.

Remember, though, that whatever definition you choose for yourself isn't a set of unchangeable guidelines. Like anything in life, there's plenty of room for interpretation, and if you and a partner decide to change things mid-relationship, there won't be a big to-do. There's really nothing to hold you to your choice.

_____________________________

"That's the plan. Rule the world. You and me. Anyday ::wink::"

(in reply to KCherry)

Post #: 9

RE: What am I? - 5/20/2008 5:49:53 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Just be youseld lable are just words they cn't really describe a person.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to katie978)

Post #: 10

RE: What am I? - 5/20/2008 6:37:29 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

"Casual" usually means, in my observation, "bottom", "fetish-oriented" and "play partner". These can have a negative connotation; it's not at all uncommon to hear phrases like, "They're just a bottom." I'd argue, however, that that statement is made usually as a result of finding someone has represented themselves as something (a sub or slave) when they are not (according to our personal definitions).

To me, someone such as yourself who would be willing to simply say who and what they think they really are is MUCH better off than someone who labels themselves a certain way because they think they're supposed to be that. Remember, though, you can label (or not) yourself in any way you please. In the end, just be yourself.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Anniel)

Post #: 11

RE: What am I? - 5/21/2008 4:31:40 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Wear a lable that says" fill in the blank" That way you could have a lot of different fun experiences. Beware of a man with a lable on his chest with a lot of numbers on it.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 12

RE: What am I? - 5/21/2008 5:01:08 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

This is a valid question Anniel and "what am i" may change many times as you are experiencing new things. Just remember what you do check does not mean that is what you really are, just a close enough.

For example, no matter what you chose, there will be people you meet that will tell you that you ARE NOT what you say you are, so be prepared for that. Just realize they are determining you based on THEIR experiences. Only you know what you are and you will find others to enhance this journey for you~

When i read the title of this thread, it reminded me of an obscure little book i listened to on audio long before i even knew of the existence of BDSM. i recently just listened to it again. "Belladonna" by Karen Moline. Interesting book.

In there, is a very powerful line that the slave is asked daily during her "breaking in" so to speak..."Who are you?"

In the book, the answer to this question changes many times as her life changes, however, i find this to be a very powerful question. Enjoy every minute of answering the question

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Anniel)

Post #: 13

RE: What am I? - 5/21/2008 6:02:24 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Sounds like you already know what label fits right now. You aren't interested in long term power exchange, not giving over control of your daily life. If you enjoy being dominated in the bedroom, then try bedroom submissive. If you prefer your play activities to be negotiated in detail ahead of time to suit you as well as your play partner, then use bottom.

I find a bedroom sub will lay out their limits and boundaries, but otherwise allow their partner to decide. Whereas a bottom is more actively negotiating details to ensure the scene will please them as well.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 14

RE: What am I? - 5/21/2008 12:36:34 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Anniel

Hm, well, yes and no. In general, I avoid labels, but in this context, where I have to check boxes saying "this is what I am"...it sort of requires me to pick one. I think they have too few options, personally.

There are a lot of people that agree with you but it probably won't be changed anytime soon. When I started out I IDed as a sub and now it's all over the place and we don't bother to come up with a specific defination beyond that I am his girl. My two cents, for whatever they are worth, is to pick whatever title you like and provide more specifics in your profile. No matter what you choose, there will always be those who tell you that you are wrong.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Anniel)

Post #: 15

RE: What am I? - 5/21/2008 1:57:46 PM

lizcgirl

Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline

If you can't decide what label you ARE, try deciding what you are NOT. Do a process of elimination: go down the list and discard the ones you know are not for you. At least then it will narrow it down for you. And if you're just learning and not sure, I recommend going with the least commited one you narrow it down to. IE- if you think you are either a bottom or a sub, go with bottom, that way if you determine you want more of a commitment you can 'upgrade' so to speak, instead of trying to go backwards if you develop any kind of relationship. And whatever you decide, make sure it's right for you, you can always switch the box you check here but it's much harder to switch your role if you get involved and decide it isn't for you.

Welcome by the way!!

_____________________________

Never make some one a priority when all you are to them is an option.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 16

RE: What am I? - 5/21/2008 2:39:02 PM

Lumus

Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Wear a lable that says" fill in the blank" That way you could have a lot of different fun experiences. Beware of a man with a lable on his chest with a lot of numbers on it.

I read, "Fill in the hole." That would invite quite a few experiences, I'm sure...

_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 17

RE: What am I? - 5/23/2008 11:18:04 AM

TermsConditions

Posts: 446
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline

Top 10 signs you might be submissive.

10. You're tired of answering to “bitch”, “little girl”, or “slave.” Pick one dammit!
9. It looks like you’re in Slytherin, but at last moment Sorting Hat pops in a butt plug and sends you to Sissies House.
8. Checkmark on driver’s license next to “Bottom.” Top and Switch left blank.
7. You’re meeting with kinky friends and you notice everyone else is sitting in a chair, not on the floor.
6. Later at same gathering you notice everyone else has taken a turn sitting on you.
5. “This *is* your turn” much less satisfying answer than you imagined it might be.
4. Looking in the mirror, you’re thinking TULS NIAP must be the Norwegian Guy that designed that cute collar round your neck.
3. Your new CM mailbox is full of heartfelt words of welcome from nice dominant folk just wanting to make you feel at home. Also, get on your knees now b****!
2. You have no idea what you’re going to do with all those clothespins…

And the number one sign you might be submissive…

Master gave you permission to post your question on the CM message board!

_____________________________

TnC
Married, Novice Subbish-Type Person
and rider of the Drama Llama.

(in reply to Lumus)

Post #: 18

RE: What am I? - 5/24/2008 6:26:58 AM

Lasciviouslady1

Posts: 28
Joined: 3/22/2008
Status: offline

"what am I"
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/4021
<giggling> sorry, I just had to....

(in reply to TermsConditions)

Post #: 19

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