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MadRabbit -> RE: Establishing Your Experience as a Dom (5/22/2008 5:51:13 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: summersprite
The following was posted in answer to someone else's thread about inadequacy as a Dom.... It got me thinking.... No doubt a few on here will say this has been discussed before.... but that is the nature of messageboards on any site.... all subjects will repeat as new people join... you can either redirect them back a few years... or you can accept that everything is an ongoing conversation and new ideas could possibly emerge each time this is discussed.... (no disrespect intended for those who've been here forever...)
"This isn't entirely in answer to the OP but he does raise something I find interesting. As a new sub, i met with a Dom, who is now my Sir, and i let Him guide me in how to be a good sub, i followed His lead, i submitted to His will, i made it my aim to please Him..... i'm not saying it was easy, but i only had to look up at Him, to listen to Him, to do what He asked.... my submission felt natural, i needed to obey Him....
But as a new Dom, how do you establish control and convey the feeling you have the experience to be dominant..... is it 90% bluffing, is it a personality thing - are you confident and sure of yourself anyway? Do you let a sub top from the bottom to tell you how to be a good Dom? I'd be interested to know what Doms thought of their first experience being dominant..... "
I can't really answer your questions, because the problem is that when your a new Dom you feel you need to establish control and convey the experience to be Dominant and that's where you fuck up.
It's when I stopped trying to establish control and convey that I had experience that things worked a lot better for me.
I don't consider to be something linked to personality. Having the personality type that allows for easy and good decision making helps a lot, but it's a matter of orientation. You have a desire and a drive to be in control of your intimate relationships in some way or another and then over time you learn to express that in a way that works best for you and who you are.
I don't consider it to be linked to confidence either, but confidence does help a lot in attracting women. To me, it's mostly willing to make decisions and then take responsibility for those decisions. The kind of genuine self confidence that isn't simply posturing, but where you know what to do in every kind of life experience or life situation takes an entire lifetime to build. Until that point, I think it's more important to just be confidant in the fact that your going to fuck it up somewhere along the road. I sure as hell as am not going to be confident in my ability to take the lead in salsa dancing, play the banjo, or whip someone with a single tail, but in ten years from now we'll see.
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