|
MizSuz -> RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/25/2004 8:33:36 AM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: topcat
In the case of my Madame, in private, we indulged each other, and gave freely of ourselves, and who was on top was never an issue between us.
Lawrence - I can't recall a time when it was an issue publicly, either.
I have only been in one poly situation that really didn't 'gel' and that dynamic was -
He was her dominant and she was married to someone else (the husband knew). She did not live with him, but spent one night a week and some weekends with him. I came into the picture as his dominant and we decided to be 'significant others' with each other. I moved in with him and she freaked out. Shortly after I moved in with him she left her husband and began staying quite often, significantly more than was originally agreed. Obviously this is not the same thing as all people cohabiting.
In my mind it failed for two reasons - 1. There was never a clear statement of "this is my significant other, if you make me choose between you you will lose;" and, 2. Their notion of truth and mine were dramatically different. I see sinful omission as a lie, they did not.
I left. But this is not the same dynamic you (Jules) speak of. If it was understood that you may at some time make a choice to bring a Bull in then it was clear and if they (your boys) choose to leave then it wasn't meant to be.
I have never assumed a dominant role with another's submissive (at least not without an invitation from the dominant), nor have I required an existing submissive to defer to another dominant in my life (although respectful interactions are a general requirement). I will never again be in a relationship with another individual who can't clearly say "Suz is my FIRST choice and it would be wise of you not to test that." As you say, united front.
Any time you bring a person into an existing dynamic it's going to change said dynamic. I suppose it comes down to being very clear about the sort of relationship you want and then settling for nothing short of people who also want the same. I hear you say you are not quite clear on how you would like it to manifest (hence, the question). So draft a few ideas and take it for a test run for a while (assuming you've found a dom you are interested in). I think an ability to be a bit liquid until things settle out is a good trait for all involved. Good luck to you with it! Building a household is a demanding job that can have a lot of rewards.
|
|
|
|
