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Sexual Frustration - 10/23/2005 1:15:26 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

Ho hum.

Here i go throwing abit of myself and life out there, but w/e. As i've been telling ppl lately, suck a penis.

Soooooooo....... anyone else in a relationship where their Dom, Master or Mistress enjoys keeping them sexually frustrated? Pretty much completely denies them sexual release? On top of that, not only denying but goes and turns you on so much you're crawling up the wall and then <gasp> tells you its time to go to sleep? See the denying is fine. i can go non sexual, but its the constantbeing brought up to the edge and then dropped. Over and over and over again.

Its making me CRANKY and irratable and i'd LOVE to go and kick him. LOL Lord help me, and thank god i havent. Especially like laying in bed with Master and he says "go to sleep" i'd like to reach my little leg out and kick him. i start throwing these stupid little tantrums when i get dropped. He leaves porn on the TV, its on his computer and well it makes me verra moody. i usually end up wanting to smack him or go do something to disobey.

Very bad isnt it?

Sooooo... as i'm sure there must be Some one else out there whose dealt with this. How do i combat how i feel? Cos its more then a trick and a half to change those feelings once they get flowing through me. i dont want to feel like that. i hate feeling so terrible when it comes to him. Verra unpleasant. i try and think happy thoughts. That he enjoys driving me up a wall. But it doesnt like um.. do the trick, ya know? It doesnt stop me from begging into the wee hours of the night to the point where it starts to frustrate him.

So then i've tried to not let it drive me up a wall. Which isnt acceptable either.

and i cant touch myself, though which gets even harder. Its becoming hard to keep obeying his wish. Even though he's locked up all my toys, i know i can find something that goes vvvvvvvvv. God help me, even the chair is starting to look attractive.

Any suggestions on

how to keep my attitude in check when i've been dropped?

Not to get generaly cranky/bitchy/unhappy when i see porn on the TV?

How to just generally cope better, obey better, and be happy for what i get?

Post #: 1

RE: Sexual Frustration - 10/23/2005 1:59:58 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl
Any suggestions on

how to keep my attitude in check when i've been dropped?

I don't know what to say to make it better. Sexual frustration has to be one of the top things that will send me into non-subbie mode. I'm with you on this...as a short term game orgasm denial can be fun, but on a long term basis I'd have to call red and re-negotiate the limit. LOL

I'm better at waiting for my releases than i used to be but...all in all...I'd be wanting to kick your dom too.

Good luck with this one. {{{{HUGS}}}}

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 2

RE: Sexual Frustration - 10/23/2005 2:02:27 PM

sanita

Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline

ouch.

ok, i can relate, although i have not experienced it to this extreme.

i understand the moodiness, etc. it can even progress to lethargy, for me.

Here's the thing, in my opinion, if you could understand what His intentions are, or why He is doing this, or even what He wants to see from you, then you might be able to endure.

It may be that He loves driving you up a wall. But ummmmmm, from your post, He has seen you plenty up a wall. There is something He is working on... if i knew, i could charge subs and slaves millions to share the trick to Dominant mind reading.

i would suggest requesting a question and answer session. Express that you want to understand, and if you do, it will be smoother, because you will be able to hang on to a little more patience... maybe.

If you haven't already, you might try asking Him if you have done anything to trigger this dry spell... If it is a punishment or a lesson you are missing.

Try asking what part of it pleases Him. What He is enjoying about it. Maybe, when you feel the "Pop-off" welling up, you can channel it into the reaction you know He wants. i am not suggesting you lie or anything. But if He wants you to squirm... SQUIRM, girl!

Try asking if watching porn, and if orgasms without actually touching yourself (or using something), will get you in trouble. i mean, if you wake up playing with yourself, or are set off in your sleep... it is not willful disobedience, is it?

And i would definitely ask if it is something that is indefinite, or if it will end.

my Master would either answer my questions and explain it to me, or instruct me to wait, and tell me He knows what He's doing. In that case, i would ask if i was getting myself in trouble with the reactions i was having, and if He had any suggestions on what to do. You may have to simply accept that He knows what He is doing, and what He wants, but it may help a bit to know He knows what it is doing to you.

From what i understand, your Dom knows you well enough to know you can get moody.

A respectful "OK, i am up a wall, and moody, now what would You like me to do, please?" might just jelp a bit.

Good luck, RiotGirl. And don't start rubbing against the copier at work, just yet!

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 3

RE: Sexual Frustration - 10/23/2005 2:45:12 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

Hiya, thanks for the level headed responses. i went into aol once with this similiar thing and the main response was "if i'm not getting off, then i'm out of there" Which is dorky if you ask me.

Sanita, i do know why he's doing and all that. i've sat down and spoke to him about it. Orgamsing with out a vibrator and just me is not something i'm good at it. Its hard, and well doesnt happen.

So he's building me up. He enjoys watching me squirm. As far as my responses go, i'm pretty much okay. Cos i worry about that too. i couldnt imagine it pleasing him. Usually though when it continues he starts ignoring me. (LOL i usually end up begging and squirming long past him being asleep) The temper tantrums he ignores.

Oh and he likes it when i watch porn. He even goes so far as to masterbate infront of me, with out allowing me to participate one whit. Can i say, i've even gone so far as to try and "rape" him in his sleep. LOL He's STILL on GUARD even while he's sleeping, drat that man.

When i get really frustrated and moody, i ask him for help. "What do i do Master?" He says "think of a brick wall" It doesnt stop that pulsing that beat that is driving me UP THE WALL.

quote:

A respectful "OK, i am up a wall, and moody, now what would You like me to do, please?" might just jelp a bit.

His response would be "Now go to sleep"

thanks for the advice and i've done it. It actually has helped alot.. but in the moment.. it doesnt.

thanks all

(in reply to sanita)

Post #: 4

RE: Sexual Frustration - 10/23/2005 2:57:26 PM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

My only advise Riot, is that I hope He is aware that, mentally, it can be 'dangerous'. You havent mentioned exact timescales or amounts, but physically there is a build up of hormones at sexual 'build up' and that work on your body in various ways. So , just communicate with Him that He is aware of that.

Peace and Love

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 5

RE: Sexual Frustration - 10/23/2005 3:10:59 PM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

The situation you describe is almost the same thing my hubby used to do to his ex (until she run away

). That kind of manipulating can, in my experience, come from trying to make one do what you want, or just from plain old sadistic enjoyment. I can understand that, I too love to see them with their balls dragging on the floor from deprivation.

Well, my dealing with the matter was total control and coolnes - I never with one wink let him know I care about sex. I even started quoting his own words like "I dont feel like having sex when I am angry" and such. And I acted like that however hard it was. I would turn away from him in "sleep" when he tried to touch me and so on.
Now, after 4 years, tables are turned completely. He is not "not having sex when he is angry" anymore, he is always willing and he takes those rare ocassions I initiate sex like a gift from heaven.

He is still very much wondering how someone so hot like me when I get aroused can be so cold and "asexual" - and I am not letting him know its just me manipulating him this time. I have strong will and good control over myself to make it so.
However I love the man I am not letting him twist me around his little finger like he used to do with others *shrugs*

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 6

RE: Sexual Frustration - 10/23/2005 5:55:55 PM

Wolfie648

Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Soooooooo....... anyone else in a relationship where their Dom, Master or Mistress enjoys keeping them sexually frustrated? Pretty much completely denies them sexual release? On top of that, not only denying but goes and turns you on so much you're crawling up the wall and then <gasp> tells you its time to go to sleep? See the denying is fine. i can go non sexual, but its the constantbeing brought up to the edge and then dropped. Over and over and over again.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post, it put a BIG smile on my face. :-) I think I like your owner :-) Unfortunately I can't give you any advice on how to deal with this situation you have (meditation/ice?). I bet that it makes your dom/owner/etc. happy to know you obey.

Good luck and I do hope for your sake they let you release at some point.

D (owner of j)

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 7

RE: Sexual Frustration - 10/23/2005 6:27:37 PM

sanita

Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

His response would be "Now go to sleep"

thanks for the advice and i've done it. It actually has helped alot.. but in the moment.. it doesnt.

yoiks.

*sigh* i kind of figured you had expressed yourself already. i just wish my advice were more helpful.

hang in there, Riot. i wish i had some other suggestions.

"sani"

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 8

RE: Sexual Frustration - 10/23/2005 6:36:24 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

THe only thing I can think of is "Did you negotiate that he had the right to control your sexual release?"

If so, I guess you just have to cope (no clue how you'd do this other than cold showers or think of England) or you can ask to renegotiate.

I, personally, do not understand why some dominants enjoy denying orgasm or turning someone on but then not letting them come. It's not my thing so I don't get it.

I much perfer the turn on, turn on, turn on, and small denials along the way to one big O! That makes me feel powerful and sexy both.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 9

RE: Sexual Frustration - 10/23/2005 7:07:04 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Riotgrrl, I think you've handled this situation fantastically well! I am not into orgasm denial personally----at least not for women!----so I have no insight into what your dom is after.

But, you mention that orgasming without "assistance" from a device is not something that is easy for you. Right there with ya! I used to be able to rocket off the bed, but these days my meds hold me back. Do you have some kind of physiological/medical reason for your slow orgasms? It could be as simple a thing as where the nerve bundles lie. If that is the case for you, never having an orgasm for a year won't make you come any faster----sure, it will be more intense, but big deal? Not all these situations are mind over matter!

Good luck----

:)Francine

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 10

RE: Sexual Frustration - 10/23/2005 10:55:55 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

quote:

Do you have some kind of physiological/medical reason for your slow orgasms?

nope i'm sure its all mental

quote:

"Did you negotiate that he had the right to control your sexual release?"

there was no negotiations, there wont be any negotiations, and there never is a negotiation. There is his will.
He is Master and i am slave. His will rules.

quote:

*sigh* i kind of figured you had expressed yourself already. i just wish my advice were more helpful.

LMAO, i couldnt help not to express myself - )

quote:

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post, it put a BIG smile on my face. :-) I think I like your owner :-)

i'm glad you enjoyed it

Soooooooooo LOL any suggestions? i hate the attitude i get and it really gets in the way of my cuddling time as i LOVE to touch Master and when i get like i do well.. kicking him isnt the same thing, ya know?

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 11

RE: Sexual Frustration - 10/23/2005 11:08:23 PM

gypsyeyez

Posts: 28
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline

Riot Girl...

OMG I can so relate... I have been in that situation before and now my current situation is that I am a lesbian sub living in a House with Two Very Beautiful Dominants.... Sometime just the stuff they wear... the things that occur as fantasies in my mind lead me to great sexual frustration. lol... I am not collared to either of them though.So that makes things a bit different this time around... I gain permission to go out looking for someone to play with but then I end up comparing the ones outside of the home to the ones in the home. See the greater frustration is that being that I am not collared but have a not so secret desire to be... I dream of scenes with One and well you get the picture. lol Bottom line is Sexual Denial is a big Power for a Dominant it seems when one is collared. Just another part of the power exchange. No matter how frustration builds. To get angry and demand or act out doesnt get what you want any sooner. As a matter of fact it usually like gains one a fight a punishment and not getting at all what they want ... make sense?

gypsy

_____________________________

~*~gypsy~*~

The delve into the depths of the soul of another one must first have the guts to search their eyes for hours...
for the eyes truly are the windows of the soul.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 12

RE: Sexual Frustration - 10/23/2005 11:38:09 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post, it put a BIG smile on my face. :-) I think I like your owner :-) Unfortunately I can't give you any advice on how to deal with this situation you have (meditation/ice?). I bet that it makes your dom/owner/etc. happy to know you obey.

Good luck and I do hope for your sake they let you release at some point.

I was actually thinking the same thing. My Master does this to me regularly, and it can be months between times He allows (actually, it's more like He makes me) release. At first, it made me bitchy and angry, too, and I found myself biting back tantrums more times than I can count. But now, it puts me in a really wonderful head space, and I find I'm constantly on a "low simmer" as a result of His incessant teasing.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to Wolfie648)

Post #: 13

RE: Sexual Frustration - 10/24/2005 6:02:20 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I would just remind you of the thread we had months ago where I discussed training- how it takes a long time, how it's not a fun experience, how no one FEELS submissive all the time and yet we learn to BE submissive.

I'd say keep communicating how you feel in a respectful way. Work off your aggression through exercise. Ask him to explain why he's doing it, if there is an end in sight to hold onto, if there is a goal you should be focused on. He is there to help you through training.

I don't envy your position, but honestly the best way I've learned to deal with it is just...obey.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 14

RE: Sexual Frustration - 10/24/2005 6:58:35 AM

ppaddleman

Posts: 26
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline

It's not true frusration till he pops a chastity belt on you before bedtime.

You get round it by not witing till the early hours before begging. Cause thats when he wants to sleep anyway. You get round it by throwing yoursllf, tits first, at him in the early evening and just being all over him the entire evening. By bedtime he will be so frustrated himself that he will remove your chastity belt and find some oter method of restraining you while he relieves both your frustration and his own.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 15

RE: Sexual Frustration - 10/24/2005 7:07:58 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ppaddleman

It's not true frusration till he pops a chastity belt on you before bedtime.

You get round it by not witing till the early hours before begging. Cause thats when he wants to sleep anyway. You get round it by throwing yoursllf, tits first, at him in the early evening and just being all over him the entire evening. By bedtime he will be so frustrated himself that he will remove your chastity belt and find some oter method of restraining you while he relieves both your frustration and his own.

So essentially she should make herself a nuisance and make him upset as payback and then using her sexual wiles to manipulate him into getting what she wants?

What happens if she does all this and he still amazingly enough resists her temptations? I know many a dom who would be laughing all over themselves watching a slave going through all those tricks.

(in reply to ppaddleman)

Post #: 16

RE: Sexual Frustration - 10/24/2005 7:37:55 AM

hawk58

Posts: 51
Joined: 9/23/2005
Status: offline

It is nice to know I am still "needed" and "desired" in some areas. Watching dove get all quivery, and warm and tingly, makes me smile. Seeing her frustrations and her struggle to obey is really something to watch. When she does fight the inner struggle, and succeeds in her obedience, I am very prooud of her. When she fails, its not that I am not still proud of her- but it does disapoint me. I view this skind of scenereo one of two ways.
1.) an opportunity to test obedience and whose will really comes first
2.) shear amusement

Often times I bring dove just to the brink of no return. Then tell her "no". Watching her mentally trying to stop the sometimes inevitable is interesting. I've seen her try everything from doing allgebra (which she is lousy at) to trying to memorize the recipie to a cake, or making shopping lists, adn doingb reatnhing exercises/meditations in her head- as she struggles to control herself, when I am playing with her, or teasing her. I do a very good job of distracting her though! <WEG>

Like Denise's Master, keeping my girl on a constant simmer, and sometimes a low boil, can be quite pleasureable, and make for a really HOT expereicne, when I do allow that release.

It is also a lesson in will and control, and who has it, and who yeilds it over. Power Exchange- its a wonderful thing.

_____________________________

-Sir Hawk

Master of dove's Haven

"True Power/Control is knowing that You have the ability to use it, but choose not to."

Hearts in Service:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HeartsInService/

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 17

RE: Sexual Frustration - 10/24/2005 7:48:17 AM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline

Seems pretty simple to me. You have three options:

1.) Change it. Find a way to communicate with your Master and get him to satisfy your desires.

2.) Live with it. If it's not so bad that you can't just live with then shrug it off and go on.

3.) Get out. If it IS so bad you can't live with it and you can't find a way to fix it, then move on, find another Master who does satisfy you and start over. (If you want to move to New Mexico I can tell you there are SEVERAL Doms here who would love to help with your problem!)

The choices are yours and only you know the true situation you're in and can make a good decision for your life.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 18

RE: Sexual Frustration - 10/24/2005 8:33:56 AM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

Okay thanks folks, i think i got some useful info here!

quote:

get angry and demand or act out doesnt get what you want any sooner. As a matter of fact it usually like gains one a fight a punishment and not getting at all what they want ... make sense?

LOL nothing will get me what i want! But yes it does make sense. Honestly, i really dislike the attitude i get. i wish i could control it better. LOL which is why i'm asking for help!

quote:

At first, it made me bitchy and angry, too, and I found myself biting back tantrums more times than I can count. But now, it puts me in a really wonderful head space, and I find I'm constantly on a "low simmer" as a result of His incessant teasing.

So it gets better? wooo hoooo! (Thanks i needed that)

Em, i know. i'm just looking for ways to deal better. You know? i'm not complaining, just looking for any other info on how to combat my neg feelings.

quote:

It's not true frusration till he pops a chastity belt on you before bedtime.

You get round it by not witing till the early hours before begging. Cause thats when he wants to sleep anyway. You get round it by throwing yoursllf, tits first, at him in the early evening and just being all over him the entire evening. By bedtime he will be so frustrated himself that he will remove your chastity belt and find some oter method of restraining you while he relieves both your frustration and his own. .

LOL that made me chuckle. Actually i think you're wrong, "its not frustration until i pop a chastity belt on you for 6 months at a time" Which is what's instore. Its not frustration until the full chastity piercing is done as well. Oh boy, and Master actually has that control that if i "tried" to throw myself at him, he'd look at me and say "Stop" Or God know's he'd just laugh. Most likely he'd just say "Stop" And, just to clear up, i end up begging till the wee hours of the morning, cos Master starts playing with me, gets me crawling up a wall and then rolls over and says "Go to sleep"

quote:

What happens if she does all this and he still amazingly enough resists her temptations? I know many a dom who would be laughing all over themselves watching a slave going through all those tricks.

LOL He'd end up laughing if he permitted it.

quote:

Hawk, i'm sure you've hit the nail on the head. It is a wonderful thing.
Often times I bring dove just to the brink of no return. Then tell her "no". Watching her mentally trying to stop the sometimes inevitable is interesting. I've seen her try everything from doing allgebra (which she is lousy at) to trying to memorize the recipie to a cake, or making shopping lists, adn doingb reatnhing exercises/meditations in her head- as she struggles to control herself, when I am playing with her, or teasing her. I do a very good job of distracting her though! <WEG>

thanks, i'll try a fwe of those.

quote:

Seems pretty simple to me. You have three options:

i've one option. Deal with it.

Thanks all. You've helped put things back into perspective for me and given me a few ideas to try the next time my other head tries to rule me.

(in reply to OscarHargraves)

Post #: 19

RE: Sexual Frustration - 10/24/2005 10:11:26 AM

Synocense

Posts: 255
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline

EmeraldSlave,

Unless, of course, that is the intention.

Syn

_____________________________

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence?

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 20

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