RE: The Dance (Full Version)

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cantilena -> RE: The Dance (5/25/2008 8:46:17 AM)

quote:

And a side note- alpha males don't have to announce their status.  The ones who literally feel the need to announce it are generally the least likely candidates when things go down.


Excellent.



lronitulstahp -> RE: The Dance (5/25/2008 9:18:46 AM)

           i see this as wanting to be helpful, but i can see how as a Dominant partner it would cross a line at times.  For instance, i have a tendency to offer help to a partner when they are sick...even long distance...Typical scenario as follows:

Him: " I have a cold"
me:  " How do you know it's not just allergies...what are your symptoms?
(yaddayadda...list of symptoms)
me:" is the mucous yellowish green or clear in color?"
...and so on until they get frustrated at me trying to "nurse" them without being asked...or agree that i am god's gift to nursing...(least likely to happen, admittedly)
         
    i think we submissives want to be helpers extraordinaire, and particularly if a problem falls along our own areas of expertise.  That "good girl", (or boy) the feeling of doing something well is  the drug of choice for many of us...and sometimes we get a bit desperate for the next fix....



LadyHibiscus -> RE: The Dance (5/25/2008 10:58:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

          i see this as wanting to be helpful, but i can see how as a Dominant partner it would cross a line at times.  For instance, i have a tendency to offer help to a partner when they are sick...even long distance...Typical scenario as follows:

Him: " I have a cold"
me:  " How do you know it's not just allergies...what are your symptoms?
(yaddayadda...list of symptoms)
me:" is the mucous yellowish green or clear in color?"
...and so on until they get frustrated at me trying to "nurse" them without being asked...or agree that i am god's gift to nursing...(least likely to happen, admittedly)
        
   i think we submissives want to be helpers extraordinaire, and particularly if a problem falls along our own areas of expertise.  That "good girl", (or boy) the feeling of doing something well is  the drug of choice for many of us...and sometimes we get a bit desperate for the next fix....


Dang, girlie, I do this all the time!  Of course, I DO live in the House O'Gimp, so dealing with sick folks comes with the territory.....



celticlord2112 -> RE: The Dance (5/25/2008 6:56:06 PM)

quote:

I even chatted with a sub once who had to ride to the rescue of his distressed Mistress, he was making all the plans, telling Her what to do, where She will go etc etc etc. I asked him, where is the slave in this? where are Her decisions, "oh isn't service doing all one can?"

Depending on the particulars of the "distress".....where is the harm?

An explanation by way of example.  Some years back there was a TV sitcom "Anything But Love" (Jamie Lee Curtis and Richard Lewis, with Anne Magnuson in a supporting role).  There was one episode where the Anne Magnuson character had an abortion....and was dealing with the emotional ramifications of that choice.

At the end of that episode, Anne's character was having a private crying moment when her assistant....a VERY submissive person who was devoted to her...discovered her, and, realizing her distress, immediately set about retooling her work schedule for the next few days to give her the needed personal time that she would not take for herself.

The point of this is simple:  Every person needs the space to be vulnerable, to let the defenses down, to be nurtured instead of nurturing.  When a D-type has those moments, would not good service be providing the nurturing and emotional balm to soothe whatever hurts are at issue?

Is every situation like this?  Of course not, and yes the good slave learns that Master's decisions necessarily reign supreme.  But the good slave also learns that even Masters are only human, and occasionally could stand a bit of rescuing.[;)]





Aiden -> RE: The Dance (5/27/2008 10:37:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor
*snippage
"I am having the hall floor replaced"..."oh well you need to do this this and this"
 
never once did I ask for advice, unsolicited advice to Me makes My blood turn blue---
 
I even chatted with a sub once who had to ride to the rescue of his distressed Mistress, he was making all the plans, telling Her what to do, where She will go etc etc etc. I asked him, where is the slave in this? where are Her decisions, "oh isn't service doing all one can?"
 
So here is a chance to get some things on the table----IMHO only--submission does not mean doormat, it also does not mean you need to ride to My rescue in all things unless I ask---and don't offer Me advice if I don't ask--what the hell makes you think I CAN'T do it better?? This is not a rant but I hope an attempt to help the ahem "alpha males" realize where that starts and stops. Granted all D/s relationships are different, however, maybe we can give the guys some sort if starter roadmap that doesn't see then crash and burn out of the gate?


Compulsively advising and trying to play the rescuer, is more often a male thing but its also just a human thing.  And not only alphas indulge.  Its a horrible social tick that some people have, to automatically respond to almost anything with unsolicited advice and opinions that speak little of genuine sympathy and much of ego and insensitivity.  The casual assumption that they know better than you is disrespectful.  I'm a submissive and it annoys me.  I can just imagine how well it would go over when its a submissive doing it to his or her dom/me. 

I don't feel dom/mes are always right nor that I must pretend that they are.  Sometimes you're doing a disservice if you don't speak up when you do know better.  However I'd  try to make it plain my opinion was respectfully offered and it was for them to decide what to do with the information. 

aiden





SltlyBrokenAngel -> RE: The Dance (5/27/2008 1:36:44 PM)

[
I am a professional with a well respected Fortune 25 company--I am a senior in my position--I sure as hell didnt get here by sleeping my way---hence:
 
"yes I am working on a presentation this evening"..." oh let me look at it and maybe I can help make it better"
 
" I am putting in flag stones in the back yard"..." oh you should use xxxx as it works better, send me the design and i will help you do it better"
 
"I am having the hall floor replaced"..."oh well you need to do this this and this"
 
never once did I ask for advice, unsolicited advice to Me makes My blood turn blue---
 

---and don't offer Me advice if I don't ask--what the hell makes you think I CAN'T do it better??  
 
[/quote]

IMHO, and I think this was touched on by someone else, there are things that each of us are particularly good at.  That you are with a well respected Fortune 25 company speaks to what you excel at - but it doesn't say to me that you are also a landscape engineer.  If a sub was a landscape engineer, or experienced in this type of work (male or female) I would expect that he/she would offer advice when you were working on your back yard - if for no other reason than to be helpful. 
 
How one approaches offering the advice would make all the difference in the world but in the same token it is very possible that he/she could, in fact, do it better - if that is what he/she excels at.  And to offer one's assistance does not always equal "running to the rescue." 
 
Its not about who is Dominant and who is submissive (or who is male and who is female for that matter) its simply about the skills that each of us have and what each of us are good at.  I would expect my Dominant to respect those things that I am good at and well-educated in and if he was working on something that I was knowledgeable about I would offer my assistance - it would be up to him if he wanted it or not but I would expect him to respect that it is something that I excel at and not necessarily presume that being Dominant somehow makes him smarter, more educated, or more able than me - which is how it sounds when you ask "what the hell makes you think I CAN'T do it better?"  - Maybe you can do all of those things you mentioned better - perhaps those are all areas that you excel in and if so thats wonderful.  But, again IMHO, I would use caution in assuming that you can do EVERYTHING better.
 
Besides - "two heads are better than one"  it never hurts to have someone to confer with - even on subjects you are well versed in.



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