RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (Full Version)

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BlackRobe -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/9/2005 2:43:18 PM)

I would have to agree with DallasDiva on this one. Although subs often use the excuse of overstepping would-be doms as an excuse for rude behavior, the simple fact is people are just ruder. Within the BDSM community there has been an almost total breakdown of protocol. People don't address each other by handles, they don't address each other by terms of address I would use with a stranger on the streets. And there are a lot of SAMI subs out there who use this as an excuse to be impolite and disrespectful to people they are not directly collared to. The "You Are Not My Dom Syndrome" is just a symptom of a larger societal problem though.



SirSix72 -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/9/2005 2:59:32 PM)

my hats off to ya my friend........I cant say enough that a handle or name such as Master/Mistress/Dom/Sir dosent equate ownership or social closeness.

Master Six



SirSix72 -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/9/2005 3:01:48 PM)

I woulndt say that you have authority just because you are giving a lecture you are sharing a wealth of information but remaining as such a slave...I dont see how this has anything to do with the topic

Master Six



darkinshadows -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/9/2005 3:04:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirSix72

my hats off to ya my friend........I cant say enough that a handle or name such as Master/Mistress/Dom/Sir dosent equate ownership or social closeness.

Master Six



Not to you Six, but to others it does. Some people take the direct meaning. Its like the word slave. Now, everything I am points - for some people to be a slave. I live a TPE, no limit, RACK relationship, I am Owned, I am His property... but I am not a slave. So it goes the same way around as you are saying. Check out slave in your dictionary... a slave as people view it in BDSM doesnt exist. Nor does dominant or submissive - but that doesnt stop people calling themselves it. But why is it a must have to be called it or insist on calling someone somthing they are not?

Peace and Love

*lol... missed some - my keys suck...



candystripper -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/9/2005 3:48:03 PM)

quote:

Its the commonality that all subs/slaves share is what I meant. I would think that most would draw strength and share experiencs with one another to reach the same common goal.....ie sertivitude.

SirSix72


Well, i appreciate that You have acknowledged that i may pursue my One and the D/s or M/s relationship that will bring me peace, happiness and joy...and that my sources of peace, happiness and joy are not the same as Yours.

Not to be nit-picky, but where did You get the idea that submissives and slaves -- who do not know one another -- have any sort of bond? i take people as they come; some become friends...others i shine on. It has nothing to do with their sex, orientation, etc. It has to do with their character, as revealed to me over time.

candystripper



candystripper -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/9/2005 3:55:23 PM)

quote:

respect those in athority and by commen since...Master/Dom/Top/Mistress etc are suppost to be the athority figures in this lifestyle.....Ya'll know the song R-E-S-P-E-C-T...WELL THATS WHAT IT MEANS TO ME!

belladonna82


Bella, we all have different opinions about protocol; i have said before -- only one kid must/may call me "Mom". i'd prefer to save "Master" and such for my One, though i do have some friends whom i address as such in private. One ONE Man will collar me (Gawd i hope so) and i want to reserve that title for Him, not for any and all Men with a collared submissive or slave. This doesn't hinder my ability to be polite...but no Man has any authority over me atm, and so none (apart from a few friends) are getting addressed as "Master" by me.

candystripper



candystripper -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/9/2005 4:01:17 PM)

quote:

i cannot believe this has gone on for 14 freakin! pages.
Good lord when is enough - enough

swtsparkling


i SAID i was through with this...but somehow i get drawn back in. I'd bet all my posts read somewhat identically...carry the same message. i cannot explain why such trivilaities and such get so many members' attention, including mine...i will stop posting here....i will stop posting here..i will stop posting here....

candystripper



SirSix72 -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/9/2005 4:39:19 PM)

I find it interesting that people insist that this name calling equates ownership even if expressed in a social format. Ownership is what it is, one person owning another. This person dosent have to be a Master/Mistress/Dom/Sir. It kinda seems as though it is like saying my girlfriend or boyfriend by using BDSM terminology. There are many books that were written by great doctors that have investigated this within the lifestyle and found a common terminology of names within BDSM I will give a web address so that I can inish making my point......

www.gloriabrame.com

I thought that there was a name for each of our positions and that our reflections of self coinsided with this. Guess I musta bumped my head along the way.[8D]
But on a serious note I have been around for a little longer than a couple of weeks and have done lots of reading and interacting with a home group of lifestylers and had two wonderful mentors from both sides of the relationship.If you doubt me I can happily provide you with an emial address for the both of them. I not jealous of who anyone that my slave calls Master/Mistress/Sir/Dom for I know that I trained her within the traditions I was taught. It would seem that over the years that the protocal has been lost or forgotten. I by no means am saying that everyone deserves the title Dominant or submissive. Everyone shows their true colors in time. I usually dont frequent chatrooms or role play in them. I tend to keep myself grounded in reality.

candystripper I hear where your coming from and bella has been trained according to old traditions I taught her. She always knows her place among the free and finds many sub/slaves she calls sis or bro depending upon their sexual orientation. All subs/slaves do share a common bond it is called servitude. I again understand how you feel and im not trying to be nit picky either. you like grammer right? look at the way you write "my one" the context of the sentance denotes ownership of this one to you. TPE cant be achieved untill the realization of that the only person that owns anything is your owner. I wish you well in your journey into this lifestyle and I have only tried to touch upon things that I have lived and practiced in the last decade with you and others on this board as have many of us. I will agree to dis-agree with anyone if they stand firm by how they percieve the lifestyle and practice it. To each his/her own. I state how I live and there are times im told im wrong for it or an unemotional Bas****. Im really not. I care for my property and take great pride in the emotional security it has. I am a listening board for its problems and feelings but ultimatley I am the decision maker in the relationship.

Master Six



KittenWithaTwist -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/9/2005 4:59:50 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SirSix72

It is interesting though La and I do appericiate your posts from your point of view and your right there is a vast difference in submissives...........I find it intreguing how that some can shy away from social closeness...I suppose thats what I like about my job that i can walk up to total strangers and make freinds with them in a short amount of time here unlike attending other social functions where everyone is stand offish.....I think we have all been there on that one.......when I attend a munch alot of them are stand-offish but yet when im here at work for the most part the friendly attutude is a great thing to experience.............I suppose the social luberciant is different in certian situations...I issue others respect untill they have shown me that they dont deserve it......I would still like to think that most submissive share a bond of sorts but to each their own huh?

Master Six


I disagree that not enjoying being called "sis" by complete strangers who happen to also be submissive is standoffish in any way. I'm more than socialable in public, and I'm a pretty shy person. I'm submissive (some of the time) and LA is submissive. She and I are in the same social scene and have even played together. We say hi at social functions and talk. We don't call each other "sis" or anything remotely similar. I have several friends in my local scene, and I don't refer to any of them in the "sis" fashion. I think it's silly and not-at-all my thing. That certainly doesn't make me anti social.

Do submissives share a similar bond? Who knows. I know that my way of being submissive is somewhat different from every one of my close friends who happen to be submissive. Should I also be bonded with people who are as passionate about animals as I am? I'm not. I'm bonded to people I care for, regardless of their interests or sexualities.



ImpGrrl -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/9/2005 5:59:27 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SirSix72

I woulndt say that you have authority just because you are giving a lecture you are sharing a wealth of information but remaining as such a slave...I dont see how this has anything to do with the topic

Master Six


A teacher is an authority figure, if only for the amount of time that they are in the classroom/lecture hall. Thus - a slave who gives classes "has authority".



SirSix72 -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/9/2005 6:01:36 PM)

but even though she has authority like an alpha in a hareum she dosent rise above her owner or the free or anyother Master/Sir/Mistress/Dom either. This still dosent change her place


Master Six



starshineowned -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/9/2005 6:38:46 PM)

quote:

I am Owned, I am His property... but I am not a slave.



In understanding of where your coming from on the: "a slave as people view it in BDSM doesnt exist."..and "Nor does dominant or submissive - but that doesnt stop people calling themselves it"...How can it be okay and acceptable for you to say you are owned by another person, and property of that said person, when in the context of anything period, let alone BDSM, this is non-existent as well?

I think although terms/labels can be vastly interpreted, acceptable to some and not to others..it is just a simple communications tool to try and hone in closer to those that are similiar to our own selves. It is not fool proof but over the years seems to serve it's function well enough.

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin



MasterEsqMDsgirl -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/9/2005 7:01:48 PM)

i believe this to be an excellent observation and at the risk of offending folks with adding my spin to this, i will let subject of SAMs rest.



swtnsparkling -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/9/2005 7:02:30 PM)

i find it interesting that you will not give up. i have gone to many social fuctions / events My friends Masters i call Sir, i do not go around calling them Master Tom or Master Doug.

im not changing my mind, A Master is one who owns - that is the definition whether anyone wants to accept it or not. Define it as You wish.

Sir is a term I will use when some one impress's me with their Character my way of showing them i respect them for who they are and what they stand for.
So i don't really give a Hoot who is master to who, who puts Dom, Lord, Sir, or Master in their nickname. Only time this girl will call any one Master it will be to her owner.
And sir to a person who in my mind deserves it.

and i will always continue to be polite.

A True Dominant is never Demanding or Ever Concerned with Respect, because they Naturally Inspire it without Thought or Question.



ImpGrrl -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/9/2005 7:04:11 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SirSix72

I find it interesting that people insist that this name calling equates ownership even if expressed in a social format.


Actually, the only person I see saying anything close to that is you and yours, when you keep referring to people of "station" or "authority figures". Other than that, I haven't seen people in this thread saying "if I call him master that makes him my master" - they have said things like "I'll only call my master, master".

It may *seem* the same, but it really isn't. They are saying that honorifics are reserved for their respected ones - and that the only authority figures, the only "stations", that they acknowledge are those they choose to put in place - not those others have decided "should be so".

<<<It kinda seems as though it is like saying my girlfriend or boyfriend by using BDSM terminology.>>>

Well, yeah! The terms denote relationship.

<<<There are many books that were written by great doctors that have investigated this within the lifestyle and found a common terminology of names within BDSM I will give a web address so that I can inish making my point......

www.gloriabrame.com>>>

Gloria's a great lady.

<<<I thought that there was a name for each of our positions and that our reflections of self coinsided with this.>>>

They're still relational roles. She'd agree with me, I"m pretty sure - we've had similar conversations.

<<<It would seem that over the years that the protocal has been lost or forgotten.>>>

No - it's that different people have different protocol that trips their trigger. That's all.

<<<I by no means am saying that everyone deserves the title Dominant or submissive.>>>

Actually, I firmly disagree with this. Everyone who desires the particular relational role and can maintain a relationship with at least one person in that relational role *absolutely* *deserves* to be called d-type or s-type, as they identify. You don't have to be a good person, or display any particular characteristics, to be "a dominant" or "a submissive". You need only desire that relational role, and have at least one other person who is willing to share that with you.

<<<All subs/slaves do share a common bond it is called servitude.>>>

Again - no, we don't.

<<<look at the way you write "my one" the context of the sentance denotes ownership of this one to you. TPE cant be achieved untill the realization of that the only person that owns anything is your owner.>>>

"My one," "my owner," "my master" are no more possessive than "my mother" - I don't own Mom, but it's a hell of a lot quicker and easier than saying "the woman who is mother to me".

I call Sir, "Sir" - not "my Sir". *Unless* other "Sirs" are also subjects of the discussion - then saying "My Sir" is a hell of a lot easier than saying "The Sir who is in relationship with me."



ImpGrrl -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/9/2005 7:05:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SirSix72

but even though she has authority like an alpha in a hareum she dosent rise above her owner or the free or anyother Master/Sir/Mistress/Dom either.


In that room, in that situation - yes, she does.

quote:

This still dosent change her place


What place? Teacher?



MasterEsqMDsgirl -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/9/2005 7:07:03 PM)

opps forgot to quote
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackRobe

I would have to agree with DallasDiva on this one. Although subs often use the excuse of overstepping would-be doms as an excuse for rude behavior, the simple fact is people are just ruder. Within the BDSM community there has been an almost total breakdown of protocol. People don't address each other by handles, they don't address each other by terms of address I would use with a stranger on the streets. And there are a lot of SAMI subs out there who use this as an excuse to be impolite and disrespectful to people they are not directly collared to. The "You Are Not My Dom Syndrome" is just a symptom of a larger societal problem though.




SirSix72 -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/9/2005 7:23:50 PM)

Then we can agree to disagree then... I left the vanilla world a long time ago...if it trips your trigger to denote a relationship by not calling anyone else Sir or anything of the like then this again is the way you live this not I. I can understand how you may feel about it but I dont agree with it. I do not have a girlfreind. I own property. she will always be property nothing more nothing less.


Master Six



MasterEsqMDsgirl -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/9/2005 7:38:46 PM)

At the risk of showing my age and time in this way of life/lifestyle (a term btw i HATE), i remember the days when there were only bottoms and slaves, tops and owner/masters... there was nothing in between. Being owned meant you were not only property but a slave and the one who owned you earned his postion from viable experience and respect from his peers. Ah yes, to have the days back when everything was very black and white.

p.s. i am sorry if this post offends as it was not my intent :-)
quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

quote:

I am Owned, I am His property... but I am not a slave.



In understanding of where your coming from on the: "a slave as people view it in BDSM doesnt exist."..and "Nor does dominant or submissive - but that doesnt stop people calling themselves it"...How can it be okay and acceptable for you to say you are owned by another person, and property of that said person, when in the context of anything period, let alone BDSM, this is non-existent as well?

I think although terms/labels can be vastly interpreted, acceptable to some and not to others..it is just a simple communications tool to try and hone in closer to those that are similiar to our own selves. It is not fool proof but over the years seems to serve it's function well enough.

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin




sudja -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/9/2005 7:44:52 PM)

I know I'm coming late to this thread, but what the heck...

quote:

ORIGINAL: shaohua

i kind of understand the "you're not my Dom" ..but for me the way i was trained i was taught that if you say you are submissive or a slave then you are not equal with Dominants. Self-proclaimed or otherwise.. you show them respect, you call them "Sir" or "Ma'am", because you are not on equal footing. Does this give all Doms full rights over another sub or slave? No. but it does mean you show respect...and there are times when you should be polite and other times when you need to put your foot down.



Pertinent part - the way YOU were trained. Your standards are not dispositive on this or any issue. I'm not rude or disrespectful for not doing it your way any more than you're rude or disrespectful for not doing it my way.

quote:



If you are Owned and it gets to a point where you can't respectfullyhandle it anymore, let your Owner take it up..that's what they are there for..



No, my Mistress has better things to do than deal with people who think they have the right to demand I call them by some or another word. She knows better.

sudja



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