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KnightofMists -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (11/27/2005 5:23:27 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SirSix72
This is something else im trying to gather and understanding on........the your not my Dom syndrome.......I often wonder where this came from and why........I can understand that this is something that has becomed earned to be called in time with anyone...but what I dont see is the harm in calling someone Sir or Master......can you not be polite and get your point across without being rude by saying your not my Dom therefore I owe you no respect..I can see where there are many men and women are trtying to convey something they arent by the on your knees bitch thing.........I can see being polite to anyone would get you much further than immedialty responding with the phrase that you arent my Dom..............I would beat bella black and blue if she wasnt cordial to those that arent free and address them properly......I already see those saying there is another high protocol droid bantering about that everyone should refer to him as some authority figure.........I have also seen lots of other threads get smashed into the ground with this approach to a sub/slave having manners.......just wanted everyone else's take on this situation I see alot in the chatrooms and out of them........
Master Six
I can only relate from my personal experience on this issue. I personally have never had such attitude/manner or reaction directed to me in my years in the lifestyle. I have however witnessed such a reaction from submissives and/or slaves directed at others. These situations have always been occasions when the “apparent” dominant person grossly overstepped the norms of proper behavior. I suggest that if one has ever encountered this apparent “Syndrome” they first and foremost consider their own specific behaviors and beliefs that they are projecting upon others.
I have spent the past hour reading the posts in this thread… and right now… I am not sure why I did it. I have avoided this thread mainly since I personally found the whole concept of the “Syndrome” issue to be ridiculous and even simple. I equate this whole “Syndrome” concept to be no better or worse than “apparent” Dominants shouting foul “Your Topping from the Bottom”!
However, after reading the post of 21 pages, there are a lot of comments that came out that have importance and validity. I suspect most what I will contribute will have been stated by some of the more thoughtful and considered posts, but I choose to state it in my own manner and possibly present it from a different perspective than what has been shared thus far.
Manners, Etiquette, Protocol, Polite, Courtesy and Respectful. When we consider words such is as these; they are a reflection of our efforts to establish appropriate behaviors betweens individuals to have effective and even enjoyable interactions of various types. In effect the beliefs, values that such words bring are the guidelines to our behaviors in interacting with others and how we expect them to interact with ourselves.
A few posts have indicated a perceived opinion that manners of our young have changed. It was stated that they no longer address others as Sir or Ma’am. And a norm of society’s behavior has gone. Everyone will have different opinion on if this was a good thing or not. But, let’s not forget, in the Victorian age… Everyone addressed others as Sir or Ma’am, Mr. or Mrs.… even Master or Mistress was used. These titles were common norms of behavior in its day. I am not here to state that this is good or bad, but to point out that norms of behavior in how we interact in society will change over time.
A second point is that this norm of behavior was reflective in the Western society and not necessarily a universal behavior through out the world. In other words, appropriate context leads too much of the expected norms of behavior that is generated. Within the Gorean context, many expected behaviors of interaction are universally expected in that context, but not expected outside that context. In fact the narrower you move the context… from Human Race down to your individual family… the interaction behaviors expected become more and more refined and specific.
In ages past and even today, it is a challenge and struggle for individuals to understand and learn the appropriate behaviors in the particular context they find themselves in. We in this lifestyle often hear the term training… much of it involves the Dom teaching a sub the expect behaviors, the context being their specific relationship. I chuckled when JW shared is example of the well trained slave. But, it is a lifestyle example of a person unable to understand they are in a different context and different behaviors are required.
The important thing to note is much of the expected behaviors can be vastly different within various relationships and none are particular better just different! I would also note that there is an array of articles, magazines, books, etc that state the appropriate norms and behaviors in various contexts. These written works can at times be similar and often times they can be equally conflicting.
Our choices of lifestyle are a reflection of our beliefs and value systems. These beliefs and value system are often the very things that bind us into the various specific norms of behavior. My slaves bind themselves to me because we share or are compatible to the greatest degree in our values and beliefs. As I venture out from my individual family… the similarity of values and beliefs will become less and less… and so will the expect norms of behavior as I broaden the context of my relationships.
It is also important to consider that the labels that we apply to specific definitions will vary from person to person. And again expected behavior will various labels and definitions will be different from person to person. Some use the term to Show Respect… while I use the term Polite Behavior. For me Respect goes hand in hand with trust… Trust is earned… if you haven’t earned trust you will not earn respect and gain the respect that comes with it. My girls will not address anyone as Sir or Ma’am unless they have earned trust and thus my respect! This is a low level behavior that is associated with someone earning a certain degree of trust and respect from myself. As trust and respect is gained… the behavior required and/or demonstrated by myself and my slaves will become more intense… IE… Hugs given and received for the closer friends.
Now polite behavior is another thing all together from Respectful behavior. However, what I consider to be the Respectful behavior or polite behavior will be different than another, But similar when I share the same context with another. It is also important to note that the different contexts can share similar behaviors, but not share the intent of giving respect or even being polite. An example would be when I enjoy a fine dining experience and will often if not always hear the waiter address me as Sir. The behavior in the given context is actually a polite behavior and not a behavior that confers any specific amount of Respect or Trust upon me. A significant difference when such behavior is demonstrated a submissive, different context but same behavior inferring different intent.
Within the broadest context of this BDSM lifestyle, Sir/Ma’am Master/Mistress etc is usually reserved to denote a Respectful behavior and is not uncommonly reserved for a sub/slaves particular owner and thus does confer and/or recognition of Ownership in that context. However, this does not automatically reflect ownership in all cases… more often than not it is a reflection of Trust and Respect Earned Direct or indirectly that subs/slave confers! Therefore it is not surprising that many become highly insulted when individual attempt to dictate that they behave manner that confers more than they deem the person worthy of.
Within my house.. my slaves address me in a manner that they address no one else as... it reflects , polite behavior, respectful behavior as well as Ownership "My Lord". They will address those that have earned respect/trust with behavior that is polite and respectful IE SIR/Ma'am. And they will demonstrated Polite behavior by acknowledge you by your name.
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