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how to find a mistress in real life - 5/25/2008 11:24:11 AM

slavejaredmtl

Posts: 15
Joined: 3/28/2007
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Hi there i was wondering if anybody had any tips in finding a Mistress in real life. Is there some way that they act differently or something like that thanks

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RE: how to find a mistress in real life - 5/25/2008 12:19:32 PM

dragon2760

Posts: 114
Joined: 5/8/2008
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When you say real life are you talking about outside of sites like this?? i know for me it just took time, patience, persistence, and respectfulness in my communications, to finally meet my Mistress. Outside of these sites all you can really do is just be yourself. Don't try to push things too hard and sometimes things will happen when you least expect it. Also if you have not already done so you can check out another site i know at alt.com It is more of a pay per view type of site but it is where i meet my Mistress.

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RE: how to find a mistress in real life - 5/25/2008 2:12:34 PM

Monetslyric

Posts: 3
Joined: 3/9/2008
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agree it does take time, for me I had to be focused and consistent with commuicating honestly with Mistresses who had an interest in me. I think people can spread their selves too thin and not give enough attention to the one they really wish to serve. What worked for me was being friends with Mistresses and then emerged out of them. Good Luck

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RE: how to find a mistress in real life - 5/25/2008 3:04:27 PM

thetammyjo

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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Go beyond the Internet and find some munches or workshops to attend, then attend regularly. Be yourself, a nice, polite, self -- nice and polite to everyone regardless of their role or orientation unless they are assholes then just ignore them.

That's what has brought several submissives to my attention enough for us to become friends, to doing training, and a few to own as my slaves.

On the flip of this, don't allow you interest to override your common sense and self esteem. Only be willing to give your time, energy and self to those who also treat you politely, nicely and seem to be themselves.

There are a lot of players in the "scene" and some who frankly are only interested in sex or money. It will take time to weed through those to find the others whom you can connect with.

Nothing worth having comes either quickly or easily but it should also come to the real you, empowering the real you to become better than you could be alone. That's goes for everyone not just submissives in my very strong opinion.

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RE: how to find a mistress in real life - 5/25/2008 3:13:42 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
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go to a mcd's and ask for the manager. if the manager is female...there is your Mistress. since you have to be a slave to work at mcd's. therefore your boss must be dominant.

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RE: how to find a mistress in real life - 5/25/2008 4:56:25 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejaredmtl

Hi there i was wondering if anybody had any tips in finding a Mistress in real life. Is there some way that they act differently or something like that thanks

Nope, nothing that makes us stick out from non-dominant sorts in everyday life. Some submissives are very dominant in non-private behavior, some dominants have traits that can easily be misinterpreted as submissive, and both mix in with "vanilla" people because when it comes down to it they're just people.

The more you expand your social net in the "regular" world and the "BDSM" world (not that they're at all separate in reality), the better your chances of meeting anyone you match up with. So keep yourself open and social in all directions you can, plus hit BDSM-focused events and groups in your area. Even if you don't meet a mistress for you there, someone might know someone who might know someone who you meet and clique with... again, same as vanilla. Plus, you'll be learning and trying new things which is always good even when what you learn, and sometimes especially, isn't of interest/enjoyment to you.

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RE: how to find a mistress in real life - 5/25/2008 7:46:57 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
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Whenever you see two women greeting each other, watch for the Secret Mistress Handshake. If they do it, they're both Mistresses. Introduce yourself to one or both. But, whatever you do, do NOT let them know that you know about the Secret Mistress Handshake. If they find out you do, they'll have to kill you.

Ooops.... err, nevermind.

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RE: how to find a mistress in real life - 5/26/2008 6:04:34 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
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It really isn't as hard as all that, but it does take effort. I highly recommend the newest Elise Sutton book. Lots of great tips in there. I did a blog post about this a while ago. Check it out. Slave2catwoman.blogspot.com. I think you will find the info valuable. I am serving a wonderful woman, and this is not the first time. You have to work to find the right Mistress, but it is a labor of love.

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RE: how to find a mistress in real life - 5/26/2008 2:09:09 PM

tristate4talk

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/25/2008
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my experiences, for some reason, have been very good...

out of the girlfriends i have had, 3 long term (over 2 years) were dommes. how's that happen?!

1) be nice to them. treat them well and they will treat you well. that's how things work. if you go out looking for a domme, you will find nobody (unless very lucky)
2) be yourself but don't push things. as your relationship goes on for a few weeks, and trust is given and recieved, start slowly with you feelings-- and actions.
3) listen to her. actions and words are important. if she's not feeling it- lay off and do something she likes (probably cuddling- ha)
4) if all else fails, get her drunk. totally kidding.

There is no secret but it does take patients and an open mind. women that i find are more into the whole idea are into music or art (or maybe that's just my own prefernece of women) don't take too much interest in politics, are actually very kind and a little shy in the vanilla world- not usually the life of the party- and keep their toes nice.

Sooooo...good luck on your search; but i recommend you find someone to trust you before you find someone to collar you.

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RE: how to find a mistress in real life - 5/26/2008 3:14:53 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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LMAO!!!
Thank you, faery!

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RE: how to find a mistress in real life - 5/26/2008 4:28:33 PM

yesmaam1

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Joined: 4/16/2008
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are their Mistresses on collar me in NH/MA area..??

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RE: how to find a mistress in real life - 5/26/2008 8:42:48 PM

bashfulhuck

Posts: 119
Joined: 5/26/2008
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i'm not a Dominant, but i thought i might chime in with my experience here. some of the ways you can find a Domina for yourself is to get out into the BDSM community, meet people, be respectful and friendly.
i'm in a similar situation in some ways to you and wish you luck. i've been uncollared now for 11 years after losing my Domina. i've spent many years in grief, and am only now going back out to clubs and BDSM groups. i just went to a club for the first time since her death last Saturday, and it was truly a healing experience.
People in the BDSM community are truly a friendly bunch so long as you have good manners.
i wish you luck in your search, being collared is truly an amazing experience.

Rick

(in reply to yesmaam1)

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RE: how to find a mistress in real life - 5/27/2008 11:41:44 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejaredmtl

Hi there i was wondering if anybody had any tips in finding a Mistress in real life. Is there some way that they act differently or something like that thanks

I have never met a submissive who did not instinctively know I was a Domme. I'm told it's in the eyes :)

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RE: how to find a mistress in real life - 5/27/2008 11:50:46 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

It really isn't as hard as all that, but it does take effort. I highly recommend the newest Elise Sutton book. Lots of great tips in there. I did a blog post about this a while ago. Check it out. Slave2catwoman.blogspot.com. I think you will find the info valuable. I am serving a wonderful woman, and this is not the first time. You have to work to find the right Mistress, but it is a labor of love.

Labor of love, all right... I can tell how horribly you're suffering, when I see you two together!

Is the new Elise like the others, with that leather fantasy archetype thing, or more wide ranging?

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RE: how to find a mistress in real life - 5/28/2008 2:15:21 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greetings

dear just look at the wonen and write it is so easy

good luck but be real on what you want

mons

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RE: how to find a mistress in real life - 5/28/2008 3:42:56 PM

MISTRESSKUMA

Posts: 226
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

It really isn't as hard as all that, but it does take effort. I highly recommend the newest Elise Sutton book. Lots of great tips in there. I did a blog post about this a while ago. Check it out. Slave2catwoman.blogspot.com. I think you will find the info valuable. I am serving a wonderful woman, and this is not the first time. You have to work to find the right Mistress, but it is a labor of love.

Great advice. And though I may add going to munches helps a whole great deal as well as the above advice.

(in reply to slavekal)

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RE: how to find a mistress in real life - 5/29/2008 8:11:10 AM

passub

Posts: 37
Joined: 9/18/2007
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This is a thread or topic, guaranted to get the attention of most if not all subs, how
to find a dommme or rather a lady who is dominant - the word domme sounds and looks rather cold,
as if she were some kinda trophy or object or prize - though reminds moi of trophy subs, which is
a totally different concept.
Anyway from some of the replies, one would be forgiven for thinking that being on this site
is in short a waste of time - as more likely to meet a lady at, munches, fet parties or else-where.
So that brings me back to discussion off-line about sites like this being more social ones for
debate, discussions but not for meeting partners...?????
Shock, horreur............
So..???????

(in reply to MISTRESSKUMA)

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Post #: 17

RE: how to find a mistress in real life - 5/29/2008 8:39:08 AM

submgreenbay

Posts: 69
Joined: 6/2/2006
Status: offline

Well first off, if you haven't tried the search box at the top of the page, I suggest you do. Past threads such as "What skills do you value in a sub," " Submissive Virtues," etc are all good advice. To me it's more a question of what can one do to be more desirable.

Aside from that, I think it helps if you live in a big city. I've found one really needs to okay with travel, and possibly relocatable, etc. None of the above really are my case. Nor do I feel comfortable with the munch idea. Each persons successful search will be different from the next.

(in reply to passub)

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RE: how to find a mistress in real life - 5/29/2008 11:39:44 AM

passub

Posts: 37
Joined: 9/18/2007
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To submgreenbay - listen, i have a full profile - fully completed, i even have a journal and
reply to all contacts now i be here in Ireland - de edge of de known world in terms of a scene.

Would say if ye be in a big city or even near one, ye have more parties, events, contacts
and all sorts going on, where ye are likely to meet a lady - also more people in de scene.
So it depends on location, but the gist of this discussion seemed to moi to be along de lines of
attend munches and events, which raised de burining question - what about this site or similar...???

For example here in Ireland, no real places to meet, some small munches - a few groups and
only now geting our second, fet party event - some years back there were no fet parties here
at all.

But shoulda say, do not put all yer eggs in one basket, attend events, munches, other
events as well as contact sites, and other sites - tis only way ye are going to meet folks.
I mean t`would be pretty stu-pid to join one contact site and do nothing else - ok ye might get lucky
but..... whay restrict yerself.
As for moi i am looking but i do not exxactly have a big choice here.

(in reply to submgreenbay)

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RE: how to find a mistress in real life - 5/30/2008 1:00:30 PM

subsdmn

Posts: 8
Joined: 5/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle

Whenever you see two women greeting each other, watch for the Secret Mistress Handshake. If they do it, they're both Mistresses. Introduce yourself to one or both. But, whatever you do, do NOT let them know that you know about the Secret Mistress Handshake. If they find out you do, they'll have to kill you.

Ooops.... err, nevermind.

LOL, what is the Mistress secret handshake?

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

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