curiouser and curioser

curiouser and curioser (Full Version)

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bruisedballerina -> curiouser and curioser (5/25/2008 11:23:59 PM)
This sounded really whiney the first time I wrote it. LOL OK so when I was screwed up, there were lots of Doms who wanted to own me. I've noticed it among other submissives I know as well; the more screwed up they are, the more dominants are interested in them. I'm not so screwed up anymore and it often seems like the dominants who show interest almost WANT me to be broken in some way. When I assure them that I'm not, they lose interest quickly. So, I guess my question is this ... Are broken submissives more attractive than healthy ones?

BitaTruble -> RE: curiouser and curioser (5/25/2008 11:37:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bruisedballerina Are broken submissives more attractive than healthy ones? It's been my experience that healthy dominants are more attracted to healthy submissives although there are exceptions. If someone thinks you're too good for them, most likely .. you are. Celeste

BikerDom4 -> RE: curiouser and curioser (5/25/2008 11:44:37 PM)
This one is certainly not attracted to broken submissives...... the healthier the better....

bruisedballerina -> RE: curiouser and curioser (5/25/2008 11:44:57 PM)
That is a very true statement, Bita and thanks. It made me feel good about myself. In response to all the emails I'm getting on the other side in reply to this: this isn't really so much about me as its about me wondering if dominants really do find broken submissives more attractive. Or are there just A LOT of really messed up dominants wandering around collarme. Hmm. Now that could be.

celticlord2112 -> RE: curiouser and curioser (5/25/2008 11:46:29 PM)
quote: Are broken submissives more attractive than healthy ones? Only to broken dominants. Healthy dominants want their slaves to be healthy.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: curiouser and curioser (5/26/2008 1:33:16 AM)
Many people who are attracted to the Dominant position are attracted because of the "White Knight" archetype working in the shadow. This means that they NEED to "fix" and "rescue" someone in order to feel a sense of self worth. Many submissives who want this kind of relationship are working from the shadow of the "Damsel in Distress" archetype where they NEED to be "fixed" and "rescued" because they are victims and are convinced that they have no control over their own lives or because terrible things keep happening to them that aren't their fault. Put the two together and you have a nice co-dependent relationship. When they stop working from the shadow of these archetypes is when the relationship turns healthy. That rarely happens for one person, let alone both. Master Fire

Focus50 -> RE: curiouser and curioser (5/26/2008 2:43:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bruisedballerina This sounded really whiney the first time I wrote it. LOL OK so when I was screwed up, there were lots of Doms who wanted to own me. I've noticed it among other submissives I know as well; the more screwed up they are, the more dominants are interested in them. I'm not so screwed up anymore and it often seems like the dominants who show interest almost WANT me to be broken in some way. When I assure them that I'm not, they lose interest quickly. So, I guess my question is this ... Are broken submissives more attractive than healthy ones? Of course they're not...! But they are less likely to see these "doms' for the shallow and transparent arseholes they are. Focus. Focus.

SleepyDom -> RE: curiouser and curioser (5/26/2008 2:54:23 AM)
What do you mean by "broken"? Like someone with severe psychological problems? Addictions? No, I'd avoid such people like a plague.

dawntreader -> RE: curiouser and curioser (5/26/2008 5:02:11 AM)
Bruisedballerina, In the 2 years i have been haunting the halls of CM i have noticed this very dynamic you are talking about. But i have also seen it in the default world as well. Broken people are searching for their missing piece and so they look to other broken people hoping they will find their fit. Unfortunately, the world is full of broken people and alternative lifestyles just seem to bring them into the limelight a bit more because their brokeness can actually seem like an asset in this setting~

wandering4u -> RE: curiouser and curioser (5/26/2008 5:40:22 AM)
For me, a healthy submissive is what I am looking for. "Broken" subs need to get themselves together before they can truely live this lifestyle, and that goes for Doms too!

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: curiouser and curioser (5/26/2008 6:30:38 AM)
I think what you'll find is people seeking "compatible dysfunctions" in some of these cases.

antipode -> RE: curiouser and curioser (5/26/2008 7:47:06 AM)
No, I don't know that that is true. In your case, you "don't like to talk about the past", you "bruises are literal", but we can't ask about them, and you are looking for a husband. That makes you a non-submissive with significantly more question marks than answers. You also state that you have "something to offer a dominant", but you leave us guessing completely as to what that might be. Mentioning you are "mostly well" doesn't help, think about it, are you "mostly tall", or "mostly white", "mostly a woman", or "mostly here"? So that makes me "mostly not interested".

xxblushesxx -> RE: curiouser and curioser (5/26/2008 8:14:13 AM)
This is a good question. I haven't found it to be true, though. The 'good' dominants want someone they can be proud to own. The 'bad' dominants just want to control someone, and it's much easier with a 'broken' person than with a 'whole' person. (although I believe that none of get through life without some emotional scars and bruises) If you have respect for yourself, and rules that you follow, some 'doms' will be turned off by that, and that's ok...you didn't really want them anyway, did you? There will be many others who are attracted to that and appreciate it.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: curiouser and curioser (5/26/2008 8:54:34 AM)
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1255265/mpage_1/key_knight/tm.htm#1255277 how do dominants keep "white knight" syndrome in check? http://www.collarchat.com/m_673357/mpage_1/key_knight/tm.htm#673419 is this common? http://www.collarchat.com/m_118804/mpage_1/key_knight/tm.htm#118804 "White Knight Syndrome" http://www.collarchat.com/m_537169/mpage_1/key_knight/tm.htm#537169 Knight in shining armor

GreedyTop -> RE: curiouser and curioser (5/26/2008 9:50:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SleepyDom What do you mean by "broken"? Like someone with severe psychological problems? Addictions? No, I'd avoid such people like a plague. Thank you, Sleepy.. thats what I was wondering. I consider myself broken because sometimes I need extra reassurance for no apparent reason. I think it's not unreasonable for me to expect a 'healthy' partner.. But there are some things, as others have noted, that draw either broken doms, or wanna-be doms that are drawn to certain broken-ness as an excuse to use/abuse a submissive. Ok, I'm under the influence of tylenol PM.. sorry if that didnt make sense

MladyHathor -> RE: curiouser and curioser (5/26/2008 9:54:29 AM)
*Nope, I think good level headed, healthy subs scare off the nevagonnabes because they will see through the bullshit.*

bruisedballerina -> RE: curiouser and curioser (5/26/2008 9:58:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: antipode No, I don't know that that is true. In your case, you "don't like to talk about the past", you "bruises are literal", but we can't ask about them, and you are looking for a husband. That makes you a non-submissive with significantly more question marks than answers. You also state that you have "something to offer a dominant", but you leave us guessing completely as to what that might be. Mentioning you are "mostly well" doesn't help, think about it, are you "mostly tall", or "mostly white", "mostly a woman", or "mostly here"? So that makes me "mostly not interested". This question was so not about me ... But thanks for labeling me and pointing out all the flaws in my profile. edited to add ... What does looking for a husband have to do with any of it? Some people want marriage; some don't. I do and I feel its only fair for me to be upfront about that. I don't like to talk about the past with strangers. I mean, when its pertinent I'll be happy to discuss things but I'm not going to run around advertising my past and I don't feel like its really anyone's business until they get to know the me that I am right now. As for my bruises, I thought I explained them. They're literal ... As in, my skin is bruised from dancing. Most people who dance a lot will get bruises. Which is why I'm a "bruised ballerina" ... I'd been getting a lot of emails from people who thought I was emotionally bruised or something. I wanted to clear that up. As for what I have to offer; I would imagine I have as much to offer as any reasonably healthy 27 yr old submissive on this site. Before when I was screwed up, I had nothing to offer. I would have been a burden to any dominant or anyone else who tried to have a relationship with me. And yes, I'm mostly well. I'm not perfect. I don't think anyone ever can be. But I've worked hard and dealt with the biggest issues. So I'm "mostly" well. I'm not sure why you felt the need to label me as non-submissive though. I'm really scratching my head over that one. edited again to add I just read your profile. Nevermind. :)

HieroV -> RE: curiouser and curioser (5/26/2008 10:11:58 AM)
Just to add…if it hasn’t been covered already…it also happens on the other side of the fence. I’ve encountered dominant women who wanted their sub to be their knight in shinning armor. Basic things like filling their taxes on time, making sure their house wasn’t in a mess, maneuvering their way in the politics of the business world…it was beyond them. They were very good at D/S…but lacked some basic life skills. Being in someone’s corner, being of help and looking out for each other is lovely and healthy. Rescue (which I’ve attempted in the past) doesn’t really work out. HieroV

AMaster -> RE: curiouser and curioser (5/26/2008 10:22:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bruisedballerina This sounded really whiney the first time I wrote it. LOL OK so when I was screwed up, there were lots of Doms who wanted to own me. I've noticed it among other submissives I know as well; the more screwed up they are, the more dominants are interested in them. I'm not so screwed up anymore and it often seems like the dominants who show interest almost WANT me to be broken in some way. When I assure them that I'm not, they lose interest quickly. So, I guess my question is this ... Are broken submissives more attractive than healthy ones? Not to me.

Racquelle -> RE: curiouser and curioser (5/26/2008 10:31:38 AM)
I have come across some incredibly needy m and fsubs in my day, so needy that it was exhausing to be with them. To me, brokenness isn't about having problems. Everyone has problems. Brokenness is about lacking the self awareness to see your problems clearly and honestly, and lacking the sense of personal power required for an adult to seek and work solutions to their problems. No one of us lacks the power to create positive change in our lives. But let's face it - in our realm, we are often speaking of people who want to engage in power exchange - one person wants to claim total powerlessness and cede the right to decision making to the other partner. This is part of the thrill - so it seems little wonder that we will encounter dominants who expect to manipulate every breath of a sub, and what better a sub to choose than one who has no other notion about having life-change occur? Me - I don't have the time to do all the thinking for two or three or four people, which is why I tend to enjoy subs of strength and capability. I am going to steer clear of "good" and "bad" labels - if people feel personally weak and are found by someone who feels strong - and they compliment one another and are happy, good for them. I myself am strong, and weak, and entirely human, and mostly well.

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