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Mentoring/Apprenticeships - 5/26/2008 1:47:01 PM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline 		I was wondering today whether it is still common for young/new dom/dommes to take an "apprenticeship" of sorts, either to learn to tools of the trade or more of the psychological side of domination and being dominant.

This came up, for me, because whenever I indulge my sadistic side I wind up feeling uncomfortable that I enjoy hurting people, and horribly scared of losing control during the act and simply giving in to the thrill and rush.

Is this a common thing, or just me?
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RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships - 5/26/2008 2:08:16 PM   
Arrrchibald


Posts: 350
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline 		Never really had that concern. 

I just make sure I know the sub well before I do anything risky. 

Quite often that means tossing out the subs who think any kind of concern for their welfare is un-domly. 

(in reply to IvyMorgan)
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RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships - 5/26/2008 2:31:02 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Here are the connundrums with mentors...those who most need them seldom seek them, those who do seek them often don't need one, those who most seek to mentor often have the least to offer and those with the most to offer seldom mentor.

There of course exceptions to all of this but then again people fall out of airplanes and live sometimes too.  I was mentored by some interesting people out of the San Francisco scene but I have learned far more just reading the boards here.  Then again, I was new and knew it all back then, and am old and now less now so that could have something to do with it as well.

(in reply to IvyMorgan)
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RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships - 5/26/2008 2:32:39 PM   
Asherdelampyr


Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline 		check your local group and see if there are any people there you respect enough to mentor you, if you feel the need for a guiding, sometimes restraining hand at times, then by all means get one

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The nicest man you'll ever bleed for

Posting Help

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The Rainmaker

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships - 5/26/2008 3:17:09 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Or whether it ever was all that common- in some places yes, others no.

And of course, why limit yourself to only one mentor?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1577017/mpage_1/key_mentor/tm.htm#1577857
mentors (3)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_519882/mpage_1/key_mentoring/tm.htm#519990
What exactly is a mentor supposed to do for/with a submissive?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_95421/mpage_1/key_mentors/tm.htm#95421
Mentors/Protectors for newbies dom/domme?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_139851/mpage_1/key_mentors/tm.htm#139851
Out of my depth, patience and its virtues

http://www.collarchat.com/m_149477/mpage_1/key_mentors/tm.htm#149477
My advice for novice female submissives

http://www.collarchat.com/m_210166/mpage_1/key_mentors/tm.htm#210166
Mentors, what are they and how do they help?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_283883/mpage_1/key_mentors/tm.htm#283883
Mentors

http://www.collarchat.com/m_493886/mpage_1/key_mentors/tm.htm#493886
Mentors (2)


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(in reply to IvyMorgan)
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RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships - 5/26/2008 3:59:56 PM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Here are the connundrums with mentors...those who most need them seldom seek them, those who do seek them often don't need one, those who most seek to mentor often have the least to offer and those with the most to offer seldom mentor.

Interesting view point, which would apply to many things in life.  And sadly true of a degree of my teaching experience.

quote:

There of course exceptions to all of this but then again people fall out of airplanes and live sometimes too.  I was mentored by some interesting people out of the San Francisco scene but I have learned far more just reading the boards here.  Then again, I was new and knew it all back then, and am old and now less now so that could have something to do with it as well.

I have been reading the boards, but, it's not quite what I'm looking for, though perhaps, I'm just looking in the wrong places.

I'm new, and know very little, at least about control.  Though I freely admit there's more issues at work here than simply having too much fun to play safely.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships - 5/26/2008 4:15:29 PM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Or whether it ever was all that common- in some places yes, others no.

And of course, why limit yourself to only one mentor?

Thanks for the links, I'm looking through them *smiles* lots of reading.

I know the scene was different in different places, I guess, just, with the where and how I was introduced to it, it was very much a "you must know someone to find the way in" sort of environment, and the idea of tops/d types passing some sort of "proficiency" test (which is not the sort of mentoring I'm thinking about) was prevalent.

There's no real reason to limit myself to one mentor, there's got to be a balance though, between two heads are better than one, and too many cooks spoil the broth.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships - 5/26/2008 7:23:28 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Mentoring is interesting, I am learning from several people at the moment.

Rikka is teaching me how to top men, because I have trouble topping a male sometimes, unless they are young and almost a little femme.

Robert is teaching me fetish photography

PD is teaching me a bit of rope bondage stuff

I am teaching myself how to use a singletail. I'm my worst instructor, I've popped myself far to many times....

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HBIC



(in reply to IvyMorgan)
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RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships - 5/26/2008 7:30:08 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Not to go off topic, but if you think you're the only one who's ever felt the other end of the single tail you're swinging, you're wayyyyy off.

signed,

Lady P.

who's had more than one red mark in her time.


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Lynnxz)
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RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships - 5/26/2008 7:49:59 PM   
Asherdelampyr


Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline 		I would love to have someone mentor me in fetish photography, I really want to learn and I have the feeling that a lot of it has nothing to do with practice and a lot to do with actual knowledge

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The nicest man you'll ever bleed for

Posting Help

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The Rainmaker

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships - 5/26/2008 9:04:30 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IvyMorgan
whenever I indulge my sadistic side I wind up feeling uncomfortable that I enjoy hurting people, and horribly scared of losing control during the act

I've had this.  I think it happens to a lot of guys.  Probably female tops too.

The difference between bravado and confidence is experience.  Once you've done something 100 times, and you didn't ever lose control, then you will be confident that you won't.  (I hope....)  Confidence is based on a history of material success.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to IvyMorgan)
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RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships - 5/27/2008 1:40:46 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		It's fairly common. Mentors can be good things...just take your time choosing one. Also, look into Training Academies like Master Taino's (of which I am an Alumni).
Taino Training Academy

Master Fire


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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to IvyMorgan)
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RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships - 5/27/2008 9:02:01 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr

I would love to have someone mentor me in fetish photography, I really want to learn and I have the feeling that a lot of it has nothing to do with practice and a lot to do with actual knowledge


Take some bad pictures of some beautiful young goth women and send it to a few older male photographers...trust me the response will be nearly instantaneous and without it, the silence will be deafening.

(in reply to Asherdelampyr)
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RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships - 5/27/2008 9:05:40 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

It's fairly common. Mentors can be good things...just take your time choosing one. Also, look into Training Academies like Master Taino's (of which I am an Alumni).
Taino Training Academy

Master Fire


A GOOD mentor and especially good mentorS, as in plural, are wonderful things to have, the difficulty is in finding them and spotting the difference between a good one and a bad one.   Bad ones often tell you what you want to hear and thus sucker in newbies and good ones often tell you the things you don't want to hear like "slow down" or "not yet"...

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships - 5/27/2008 9:08:50 AM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

The difference between bravado and confidence is experience.  Once you've done something 100 times, and you didn't ever lose control, then you will be confident that you won't.  (I hope....)  Confidence is based on a history of material success.


So, this insecure feeling is just a result of being "new"?

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships - 5/27/2008 9:10:08 AM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

It's fairly common. Mentors can be good things...just take your time choosing one. Also, look into Training Academies like Master Taino's (of which I am an Alumni).
Taino Training Academy

Master Fire

Now all I need to do is find things in the UK.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships - 5/27/2008 10:10:09 AM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz
I am teaching myself how to use a singletail. I'm my worst instructor, I've popped myself far to many times....



Easiest way to learn the art of the singletail whip if you don't have someone who is actively mentoring/teaching you is to watch others use them in real life or on videos/DVD's and then practice until you pick up your own style of play. Becoming proficient in whip play takes a lot of time and practice  practice practice. :)

CD

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Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
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(in reply to Lynnxz)
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RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships - 5/27/2008 11:42:18 AM   
cjan


Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline 		I have a mentor and consider myself very fortunate to have found an excellent one. She has many years of experience as both a submissive and a Domme and is very clear in herself and in her communication. She also has a deep appreciation of the people who have mentored her in her journey. She also encourages me to meet people in "the lifestyle" in "RL" and has introduced me to a number of them.

She has my respect, devotion and gratitude for her teaching and guidance.

As Bobby Dylan said once in a song... "I can't help it if I'm lucky".


_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti



(in reply to CruelDesires)
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RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships - 5/27/2008 12:53:04 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Here are the connundrums with mentors...those who most need them seldom seek them, those who do seek them often don't need one, those who most seek to mentor often have the least to offer and those with the most to offer seldom mentor.

There of course exceptions to all of this but then again people fall out of airplanes and live sometimes too.  I was mentored by some interesting people out of the San Francisco scene but I have learned far more just reading the boards here.  Then again, I was new and knew it all back then, and am old and now less now so that could have something to do with it as well.


[Emphasis added] And so do you mentor Michael?

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Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships - 5/27/2008 1:04:40 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

[Emphasis added] And so do you mentor Michael?


You bolded the part with "most to offer" and I wouldn't apply that to me but yes, I mentor all the time, haven't you read my posts?  What do you think I give advice for?

I mentor BSB as a budding Domme, I co-top men with her, provide guidance, and in general help her out.  When I see a genuinely heartfelt budding dominant who seems to be on a path similar to mine, I have emailed them offering my inbox.  Last one didn't like my advice and I haven't heard from him since.  I have mentored male submissives locally, there is an ex-partner  here in town that I offer advice to.  I tend to offer my advice in larger public forums like MaST, a meeting about M/s relationships.  

(in reply to subtee)
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