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ShaktiSama -> RE: What connected you with your submissive? (5/27/2008 6:34:44 PM)
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I signed up on Collarme in November of 2007, hoping to connect with models and friends. I had visited the site before, the previous year, but hadn't made a permanent profile. When I first signed up, I had an idle hope that I might meet someone special, and I was sincerely hoping that special someone would be a male submissive, but I had no great expectations.
I was surprised (and unduly flattered) at first by the flood of mail from male submissives that I got...until I realized that the vast majority of it was really spam that was being sent to every female dominant profile on the site, and that the men sending it had no real interest in me whatsoever. In the meantime, I started reading the forums and writing posts, which turned out to be much more fun than sending even the most cursory-but-polite response to Slave Spam.
Within a couple of weeks, I had noticed a few exceptional male submissive posters who occasionally contributed to the Ask a Mistress forum. There was one in particular that caught my eye; his posts were literate, humane, intelligent and funny. Additionally, his avatar was a nice clear picture of his face--always a plus--and it was a great face He looked young, but he had clear intelligent eyes and a sexy little crooked half-smile that immediately made me want to smile back. And as a kicker, his signature line was a quote from Firefly, which was a show I always liked.
I clicked on his profile and read it. Much more information there about who he was and what he was looking for. He was much younger than I would have thought or hoped. On the other hand, we also had much more in common than I would have thought or hoped. His chosen profession, his taste in entertainment and some of his favorite hobbies--these were all things that I could share with him. He had a ton of interests ticked off, and I was quite intrigued to see that his "Lives For" and "Hard Limit" lists were both devoid of sexual acts, a gesture I recognized as being simultaneously satiric and sincere.
His profile dscription was poetic, funny, chaotic, revealing. He stated his wants and needs without being petty and small about them. He did not make the mistake, as so many people do, of stating a preference as a moral judgment or a threat. He was looking for someone his own age, for example, but there was also a clear statement that age was not a deal-breaker for the right woman. Since I felt the same way about younger men, I just nodded and went on reading, whereas the same preference, stated baldly or rudely, would have stopped me right in my tracks and probably kept me from ever talking to him.
What was more important was that he actually seemed to be interested in being friends, especially with someone who might possibly understand a few of the literary, philosophical or pop culture references that he had made in the course of his self-description. Talking to him, in other words, was not some kind of bizarre all-or-nothing gambit where he would instantly want to be my Love Slave or find any conversation with me absolutely without merit. With that in mind, I sent him a quickie one-line email to say something positive about his web presence. He had a nice picture, I thought his posts were intriguing, and I was glad I had swung by to have a look at his profile--I thought he was a very interesting boy.
I said as much.
Looking back on it now...I can see that the spark was there fairly early on. I knew he would be a good person to know and to embrace in some way. I did not try to force the relationship in any particular direction, though; he was only nineteen, he lived very far away, and it seemed that his goals and ambitions would never really bring him into my orbit. So...I figured there was really no potential for the kind of one-on-one D/S intimacy I was hoping for, and I'm sure he thought the same about me. When we talked, via email or phone, I was straightforward about finding him attractive and worthwhile whenever the subject came up--but I made no effort to "Play Domme", establish a D/S dynamic, or assert control over him. No titles, no games, no rules or assignments, no discussion of play, fantasies or sex per se, unless it was part of a discussion of values that might relate. Instead we conversed as friends, argued over the phone about art and literature, and kept things deliberately light.
I treated him like a person and came to care for him as a person. When he told me his college dorm room was cheerless and ugly, for example, I sent him some of my artwork to liven the place up, along with a silly valentine's day card. He sometimes made small but very touching gestures to show that the caring was mutual, as well. A national news cast about deadly tornados that killed several people in my state: my cell phone rings that morning and it's the boykin, sounding very anxious and wondering if I am ok. Always there with a sympathetic cyber-shoulder if I was having a bad time, a bad day, or a bad meal--I had a perennial habit of putting dinner on the stove while working, getting distracted, and then scorching my food, sometimes to the point of being completely inedible. [:'(]
The current of mutual attraction and flirtation flowed beneath the surface of all this and would still show its dorsal fin occasionally. But since the romantic and sexual angle had been dismissed, I talked to other people in the meantime, still searching for a Boy to Call My Very Own. Eventually I even went on a date with an older submissive man from Atlanta, who drove up to meet me one weekend. Not a terrible experience, but ended poorly--it's amazing the number of men who want a woman to be All-Powerful and Supreme in the dungeon and the bedroom, but can't deal with feminism at a dinner table! The boykin was very sympathetic about it when I told him about the fiasco, but it retrospect I think he was probably glad that my little date struck out.
Anyhoo...eventually he asked if he could come and visit me over his spring break. I knew I would be just a few days returned from a tiring trip to Europe, that I would be scrambling daily to catch up with my work, and that I would not be able to give him my undivided attention--but I agreed to the visit anyway. I had come to trust and respect him enough that I believed him when he said that he would not be bored. He wanted to cook meals, kick around with me, and model for my photography; I thought all of those things sounded pretty good, especially having someone other than me cook--I was pretty tired of Blackened Everything on the menu. And besides, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to meet him face-to-face, when so many people on the Internet are never willing to pony up in meatspace.
All told, it was a little over four months between the first email I sent to him and the day I stood in the bus station waiting for him to step down from the Greyhound. Once we met in person...any and all denial of the facts crumbled in pretty short order. He has always felt very right, from the first, and the feeling has grown stronger any time we have touched. Even when we communicated by by email, forum or phone, this was true.
So to summarize, I guess...what attracted me was his ability to write well, his intelligent eyes and his wry smile. What made me want to spend more time with him was our shared interests and his character, which deeply impressed me: he is an extremely honorable and positive person with more strength, maturity and decency than most men twice or three times his age. What moves my heart to the furthest sounding is his profoundly emotional nature, which rocks him with storms of passion and need which most people simply cannot ever experience, much less master and control. It is a powerful and sometimes humbling experience to be the eye of those storms, from time to time.
He is an amazing man. The fact that he now wears my collar is both an honor and a joy.
I love you, Aidan. Being your Mistress makes me feel like this. [sm=yahoo.gif]
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