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Gorgias -> My first experience (5/27/2008 10:36:19 AM)
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If the passionate life is the good life, I've been blessed beyond belief. Never did I imagine that I'd reach the height of such ecstasy, not even in my wildest and most optimistic dreams about this. Maybe it was the position, a sure way to destroy my pride and turn my into a submissive puddle of mush. Maybe it was his willingness to push me just a bit further than I had gone last time. Maybe I was just finally trusting him. Whatever it was, I finally and truly felt his. It was probably not true, but in those moments, slick with the sweat of exertion trying to accomodate that buttplug, I felt that there was no limit I couldn't cross for him.
"torrid" doesn't even begin to describe it.
Even now, five hours after we parted and 20 miles between us, he has the power to torment. Undoubtedlty his potency will reach me in Santa Fe and Corpus also. Not that I'm complaining; this is the sweetest agony. As it turns out, I am actually a masochist. Still, it's probably a good thing we can only do this for a week. I'd probably die of sleep deprivation if we kept this up any longer.
Pathology? Absurd; I refuse to believe that something so wonderful is fundamentally sick. If it is the result of abuse, then surely this is the requital of the gods for the injustice done to us; nay, if that be the case, surely we abused ought to pity the normal. If a person can't get to these heights of ecstasy, surely it is they who are living the unfull life, and I will not allow the pious bleating of the mediocre to deny me my happiness.
Everything just worked once that blindfold went on. Unable to even see what was happening, I truly and finally surrendered. And, ah! The depth of emotion! The oh-my-god-is-he-actually going-to-is-that-smell-what-I-think-it-is-christ-please-no-but-please-yes-I'm-his-whatever-he-wants fear mixed with adortion mixed with the sweet high of submission mixed with the most intense pleasure.
Madness? Indeed it is, but a divine one. Whatever god found it fit to afflict me with this most ecstatic of agonies, I truly cannot thank enough.
I have never been so happy to be alive.
I'm operating on an average of 4 hours a sleep a night the last few days, but it's been oh so worth it. In my insomina, the gentle and sweet numbness of the immediate what-the-hell just happened gradually gave way to a torrent of desire, tossing and turning in my bed replaying the night's events in my head and adding more, which gradually gave way to the most profound sense of tranquility and contentment I have ever experienced. As I took a constitutional in a nearby park, its usually muted beauty becoming vibrant in the afterglow of the night's experience, every tree, chirping bird, and whirring insect adding inexorably to the beauty of the scene, as rosy-fingered dawn rose to greet me, dispelling the twilight of 5 AM for the beauty of the sunrise, I contemplated my life, and I think rightly considered myself one of the most fortunate people on the planet.
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