A couple of quick questions (Full Version)

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Ozzfan1317 -> A couple of quick questions (5/27/2008 5:24:37 PM)

I have a genuine curiosity in possibly becoming a Dom but I am still learning about the lifestyle. I was wondering what makes a dom /Sub relationship appealing to the sub?  Are thierany guidelines to healthy interaction between a dom and Sub? Sorry if these questions sound stupid but I have always been really interested I just never acted on it till now.



DarkSteven -> RE: A couple of quick questions (5/27/2008 6:22:17 PM)

First off, there aren't textbook definitions.  So I'll give you my answer, which could be different from someone else's take.

1. What makes a dom /Sub relationship appealing to the sub?
Lots of things.  Some like being the center of attention and being cared for.  Some genuinely like to please.  Some are tired of being in control at work and want to cede that at home.  Some want someone else to make their decisions for them.  And some just like a good spanking.  Edited to add:  Some like the idea of trust, to be able to give that kind of power to a Dom and have it used wisely and caringly.

2. Are there any guidelines to healthy interaction between a dom and Sub?
Both getting their needs met, and both feeling that the Dom is in charge.  I'd also add that the Dom wants to develop His or Her sub.



xxblushesxx -> RE: A couple of quick questions (5/27/2008 6:23:47 PM)

Everything Steven said.
Oh yeah, and it's hot too!



kinkypuppy2 -> RE: A couple of quick questions (5/27/2008 6:56:43 PM)

Find your local BDSM Community, go to a munch ask about a new persons group. learn first hand for yourself before you seek another.



Canadensis -> RE: A couple of quick questions (5/27/2008 8:52:01 PM)

I am mentoring/training a newbie.  Do you think it would be wise to have her attend a munch?  Should I attend with her?



Alumbrado -> RE: A couple of quick questions (5/27/2008 8:58:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ozzfan1317

I have a genuine curiosity in possibly becoming a Dom but I am still learning about the lifestyle. I was wondering what makes a dom /Sub relationship appealing to the sub?  Are thierany guidelines to healthy interaction between a dom and Sub? Sorry if these questions sound stupid but I have always been really interested I just never acted on it till now.


Same general guidelines that would make any other relationship healthy... treat people at least as well as you would want to be treated, earn trust, give real encouragement, don't be an enabler.

Now doing that while tying them up, beating them, and making them face their innermost fears takes a little more finesse....[;)]



DiurnalVampire -> RE: A couple of quick questions (5/27/2008 8:58:47 PM)

The D/s relationship is apealing to the people involved becasue of one another. You would not be together if you were not interested in the same activities, so activities should be the simple part The rest of the relationship builds between 2 people titles nonwithstanding.
There are no guidlines for a healthy interaction, and there isnt evn a real definition of a healthy interaction. What is perfectly healthy and acceptable between Angel and I would be detrimental to Fox, and vice versa in some areas. The only necessary component is communication, so you can be sure that things are being well recieved and going along smoothly.

AS for the second question about mentoring and munches, a munch is an excellent place for her to meet people in the community. With or without you, that depends on your comfort level and hers when meeting new people.

DV





bamabbwsub -> RE: A couple of quick questions (5/27/2008 9:00:02 PM)

Canadensis, by asking a question that doesn't relate to the original posting (OP), you're doing what is called "hijacking" a thread.

I'd recommend that you start a new thread of your own so that the responses will relate only to your topic, and won't deviate from the OP. I'm sure that you will get some great advice to your question. [:)]




dodedo -> RE: A couple of quick questions (5/27/2008 11:34:35 PM)

You know, as a submissive I'm often asking myself what the Dom gets out of it!  I mean, masochism I can buy.  Being the bottom, I totally understand.  I adore the guy, I get pleasure out of giving him everything he can desire... But I really can't put myself into the head space to get any enjoyment out of his side of it.

Anyways, what I mean is, I think that we have a hard time comprehending what our partners 'get' out of these relationships, but it's okay because we both end up horny and eventually get our rocks off.  (Yes, yes, it's not all about sex to some people, but please let me generalize for the sake of this post)



Focus50 -> RE: A couple of quick questions (5/28/2008 4:44:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ozzfan1317

I have a genuine curiosity in possibly becoming a Dom but I am still learning about the lifestyle. I was wondering what makes a dom /Sub relationship appealing to the sub?  Are thierany guidelines to healthy interaction between a dom and Sub? Sorry if these questions sound stupid but I have always been really interested I just never acted on it till now.

While it's true a lot of subs post in 'Ask a Master', perhaps you should ask this one in 'Ask a Sub/Slave'?
 
As for your other questions, I'm one who believes water always finds its own level naturally and just as the average teenager can muddle their way through hormones, booze, sex and unplanned pregnancy, I'm sure if you're the dom you believe, you'll find your way, too!  Need = motivation....
 
Focus.



Focus50 -> RE: A couple of quick questions (5/28/2008 4:50:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Canadensis

I am mentoring/training a newbie.  Do you think it would be wise to have her attend a munch?  Should I attend with her?

Further to bamabbwsub's sage advice, do you think you're the one to be mentoring this newbie, or anyone?
 
Focus.



Ozzfan1317 -> RE: A couple of quick questions (5/29/2008 12:08:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkypuppy2

Find your local BDSM Community, go to a munch ask about a new persons group. learn first hand for yourself before you seek another.



Lol..so are you..:)



Ozzfan1317 -> RE: A couple of quick questions (5/29/2008 12:13:35 AM)

That was directed at Deranged ..lol..I screwed up the quote part..Sorry about flrting I just checked your pro.



Skully7000 -> RE: A couple of quick questions (5/29/2008 2:19:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Canadensis

I am mentoring/training a newbie.  Do you think it would be wise to have her attend a munch?  Should I attend with her?


Speaking from my own personal experience... I didn't understand Jack shit about the mental aspects of BDSM until I started attending classes and lectures and hearing other peoples inputs.

being able to see things from the 3rd person perspective is what allowed me to comprehend it.

when I first experienced a scene I was caned...and all I knew was it hurt... I thought I was being playful and flirty by mis counting each stroke... after the scene i found out that I was directy insulting my play partner by being a "S.A.M" (smart ass Massochist) even though that wasn't my intention.

and all the explaining that she did..didn't help me get what the pleasure of Domming or Submitting could truly feel like. but for some reason the munches/classes helped me understand it enough that I could later experience it myself.

Cheers
Skully 



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